| What's your favorite insult?
Posted: 6/15/2006 7:51:17 AM | Like a death at a birthday party, you ruin all the fun... Like a sucked and spat out smartie, you're no use to anyone.
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| What's your favorite insult?
Posted: 6/15/2006 7:58:42 AM | Perhaps not a direct insult.....but very near one!
For someone who constantly interrupts you:
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak while you were interrupting."
For big egos that constantly toot their own horn:
"I'd pat you on the back but your hand is in the way!"
For someone who has farted:
"I see your voice has changed but your breath smells the same!" | |
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| What's your favorite insult?
Posted: 6/15/2006 8:07:35 AM | | I like to see things from your prospective but I can get my head that far up my ass! | |
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| What's your favorite insult?
Posted: 6/15/2006 8:47:34 AM | I am sory that i have to simplify everything for you
due to the fact that you act like a child | |
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| What's your favorite insult?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:09:00 AM | | ****** is just like a slinky....not really good for anything, but you just can't help but smile when you see him/her tumbling downstairs! | |
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| What's your favorite insult?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:46:36 AM | This is for you subatai. After reading your profile I thought you might like it.
Forget artificial intelligence,
Find a cure for real stupidity! | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/15/2006 5:10:11 PM | Insults are very useful in a world full of Buttholes its essential to have a library U can quote from. Heres my list I hope I have cleaned it up sufficiently.
INSULTS
Awkward
· Like a dog making love to a brick
· As useful as a fart up a curtain rod.
· As useful as a sore a*** on a toy poodle.
· I’d hate to see you making love. (Yes I edited that one)
Baby
· When He was born, the doctor said to his father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
· His mother had morning sickness after he was born.
· Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
· His parents hated him, his bath toys were a hair dryer and a radio.
· Circumcised at birth, his parents discovered too late that they had thrown the best bit away
· You're the first case where the baby died and the afterbirth lived
Cat lovers
· I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
Conceited
· So conceited he screams his own name when he cums.
· He a glass belly button implant coz his head is so far up his own a*** he can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
Consultant
· It takes two things to be a consultant: gray hair and hemorrhoids. The gray hair makes you look distinguished, and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned
· He doesn’t work here he’s a consultant
Contradiction
· A man who is not particularly for animal rights but still can’t bring himself to go past a sheep with its head stuck in a fence
· Jesus loves you everyone else thinks you’re a #%$@!!!
· No one can have a higher opinion of you than me; and I think your a $#@%
Fat
· You probably have the only car in town with stretch marks
· Has stretch marks on her ankles
Gay
· He’s still mourning the death of Freddie Mercury
· Good to see you back in men's clothing again.
· He thinks used condoms are shot glasses
Insignificant
· When I think of all the people I respect , you're right in there serving them drinks.
· You've made your mark. However I can tie a coffee bean to my butt and swim across the Mississippee on an outgoing tide and make a darker stain than that.
· I hear what you're saying, I just don't care.
Personal
· He’s got something in common with Kermit the frog. They both %$#% pigs.
· What am I? flypaper for #&$#wits
· How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
· If I wanted to hear from an a***hole, I'd fart.
· Do you still love nature after what its done to you?
· Can I trade you for whats behind door 1?
· If I throw a stick will you leave?
· How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
· I'll buy you a beer if you'll go drink it somewhere else?
· Ahhh...I see the %$#@-up fairy has visited us again...
· Do they ever shut up on your planet?
· Call Mulder and Sculy I just found an alien!
· He's the first in his family born without a tail
· 80 million sperm and yours had to be the one that made it.
· I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much.
· If I wanted shit from you I'd squeeze your head
· Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
· When you feel happy, please notify your face.
· It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere
· Practice safe sex, go $#@$ yourself
· He has a soft heart and a head to match
· He's just visiting this planet
· I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?
· Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself
· I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.
· I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying
· They call him alligator small brain all mouth
· They call her lobster plenty of meat in the a*** but a head full of shit
· They call him mudguard shiny on top but shit underneath
· He’s an argument for premature ejaculation
· A by-product of medical experiments
· He’s not a victim of terrorism he contacted anthrax by ****ing cows
· Gets buried in a sand boxes by stray cats
· I'm not really good with hecklers, but a friend who is good with hecklers wrote something down for me. Oh, yeah, "%$#% off!"
· If I said anything to offend you, please believe me.
· Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool?
· Amazing that such a big head can hold such a small mind?
· Save your breath, you'll need it to inflate your date later
· Do I come into McDonalds' and give you a hard time when you're at work
· The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.
· A good example of why some animals eat their young
· He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
· We have strange and wonderful relationship. He’s strange and I'm wonderful
· You don't suffer from insanity - you enjoy ever minute of it
· She has a slight speech impediment. Every now and then she stops to breathe
· I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed Person.
· Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
· Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
· I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
· You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
· Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
· I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
· I'm not rude. You're just insignificant.
· I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
· I can see your point, but I still think you’re a &$#@
· I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
· I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a #@$%.
· Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
· Sorry but genetic engineering is just too late in your case
· If Moses had seen you, there'd be another Commandment
· Short
· How tall are you? , I didn't know you could stack shit that high!
· It's not my fault you can't go on the good rides at Disneyneyworld
· He'd have to stand on a brick to kick a duck in the ass
· And which dwarf are you?
· Tight
· So tight a***d, when he farts only dogs can hear it.
· So tight a***d he could swallow a piece of coal and shit diamonds
· Stupid
· It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen
· His gene pool is badly in need of chlorine
· Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live
· Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
· I'll try being nicer if you will try being smarter.
· He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
· Your brainwaves break a little short of the beach.
· Proof that evolution can go in reverse
· Your train of thought doesn't have any carriages does it?
· Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
· He's been working with glue too much.
· He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry.
· Are your parents siblings?
· Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
· Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
· A photographic memory but with no film
· Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
· Have you conversed with any plankton lately?
· He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly
· A man that God would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
· I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
· Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, you just gargled
· The closest she/he'll ever get to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle.
· He's nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt him.
· Proof that there is no vaccine against stupidity
· He suffers from rectal cranial inversion (Hes got his head stuck up his a***)
· You’re depriving a village somewhere of an idiot?
· If she was any dumber we would have to water her twice a week
· Bells are ringing, lights are flashing, boom gates are down but the train ain't coming
· The wheel is still spinning but the hamster has gone
· What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity
· The cheese has slid off his cracker
· Has an IQ of 2, and it takes 3 to grunt.
· When they were giving out stupidity, did you offer to pay for it?.
· He thinks reading in the dunny is multi tasking!
· He thinks Polynesia is memory loss in parrots
· In the pinball game of life, his flippers are a little further apart than most.
· He looks like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot
Ugly
· Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
· Can I borrow your face for a few days while my a*** is on vacation?
· Looks like his face caught fire and someone put it out with a shovel.
· Nice complexion, you look like the goalie for a dart team
· She's got a face like a boiled Octopus
· When she went to the Plastic Surgeon, he wanted to add a tail.
· When you walk into a bank they turn the cameras off.
· He was such an ugly baby, his mother threw him away and kept the stork
· The psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
· She has to creep up on her makeup.
· A face that makes a strap-on'****go soft.
· Does your face ever hurt? It's %$#@’n killing me.
· She has so many wrinkles, she has to screw her hat on.
· Shes a cure for Peeping Toms?
· Yes I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.
· Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
· He's so ugly his mother had to feed him with a sling shot
· A winner of a Pee-Wee Hermann look-alike contest
· I've seen a nose like yours before, but it looked better on the baboon
· So ugly, when flies land on her they throw up
· So ugly when the dog humps her leg its got its eyes closed
· So ugly as a kid Dad had to tie a chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him
· So ugly When she goes to bed, it's her pillow that cries itself to sleep
Work
· We need a person like you. Do you have a twin who's identical in every way except your personality
· Love the suit! Hate the contents.
· We don't want you to achieve this target. We want you to stand in front of it.
· We're looking for new blood. Can we open your wrists.
· Sorry to interrupt but there's a Fat-Lady-Singing-Gram outside for you.
· We really appreciate your input. How about some output?'
· You didn’t mention on your resume that you speak fluent Idiot
· Sets low objectives and consistently fails to achieve them
· I only serve one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
· I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in
· His staff would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity
· He has delusions of adequacy
· Chaos, panic, & disorder - your work here is done
Whinge
· The 11th commandment: Thou Shalt NOT Whinge!
· Would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?
· Wanker
· Has to fake orgasms when he wanks
· Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner. | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/15/2006 6:05:34 PM | OMG Tommy......I'm cryin' over here.......some of those are just waaaay tooo funny!!! THANKS!!!!  | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/15/2006 6:57:46 PM | | welcome read your profile Happy to meet a real person dismayed at men behaving badly. Takes all types to make the world go round but jeez I wonder how much slower we would spin without all the twisted ones. Just put and atricle under the creative writing forum if you are interested | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/15/2006 7:37:51 PM | Goodness you are thorough but thats good coz i will be asking questions later.
Sorry Whinge an Australian term. Whinge = whine, sook, complain. Often used here to describe whinging Poms or English who migrate here then whingee about the heat, flies, heat, beer, heat etc. | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/15/2006 7:42:44 PM | t'anks.
I live in the desert, nothing is nearby except Mexico. Whinge is good, I can use that all the time for the woosies who complain about the heat. WTH did they think they were moving to? I'm hoping to hit our 123 record this year.
I like the heat.
No whining here.
Gini | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/16/2006 4:26:11 PM | You were so ugly when you were born the Doctor slapped your mother.
When you were born your mother asked the Doc if it was a boy or a girl and the Doc said no.
your the poster child for abortion.
This world would have been a better place if your mother swallowed or your dog beat your dad up the stairs.
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/16/2006 4:44:36 PM | Your mother is so fat she dosnt have corn rows...she has crop circles
Your mom is so hairy, she has to get the beards on her ankles trimed
your mothers neck is so long when she drinks milk, by the time it hits her stomac its spoiled. | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:08:00 PM | I like this one most : You look about as confused as a blind gay man at a weiner roasting convention
Looks to me like you fell off the ugly forrest and hit every tree on the way down and landed face first in a pile of sh*t
Shut your filthy suck
You look like a bag of squashed ass
Shut up and comb your face | |
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:26:49 PM | So did your mother ever have any kids that lived?
and one similar to this one above
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak while you were interrupting."
My version:
"Excuse me for talking while your interrupting"
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| Favourite? Got 100's of them
Posted: 6/16/2006 11:31:13 PM | | He may look like an idiot. He may talk like and idiot. But don't let that fool you, he really IS an idiot. | |
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