| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:53:32 AM | | why does it seem that women are always running back to the guy that treats them like crap time and time again, but the guy that does everything right, that tells her she's beautiful, that opens doors, who satisfies her with great sex, and buys her flowers/gifts never gets a second chance? Makes me feel like women will like me more if I threw out a backhand once in a while (I wouldn't ever, but that's the impression that I get). What's the deal?? | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 5:57:04 AM | It's an age old mystery. I was that guy that USED to treat my girlfriends like crap. I dont do that anymore but my theory is this: A guy who treats a woman right with everything you've said, courtesy, gifts etc. is seen as.......boring? Not excited, expected. The way I used to act was atrocious but my bed was hardly ever empty...I clean up my act and I watched the mavs by myself last night....hmmm....
Church. | |
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| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:06:43 AM | seems this is another nice guy thread.
I didnt run back to anyone and have a guy who treats me nice...
tells me I'm beautiful... opens doors... gives me great sex... buys me all kinds
of little sweet things
and I'm dating him and nobody else.
so... your theory has no merit.... and your just whining
making up stuff...
like nice guy threads....
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:09:52 AM | OP.. it isn't because they are nice.. it might be because they are predictable or that they have some other horrible personility flaw.
all girls want a great guy .. but he has to have other great qualities other than just.. being nice.
there are SOOO many other threads on this.. go look some up .. *they* might get an idea of what is truly in play.. *they* the nice guy's always hide behind the ' they go for the bad boys and leave the good guys to rott" attitude.. it is the cheap way of feeling sorry for oneself..
nevertheless.. go take a look at the OODLES of other posts related to this and the responses.. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:10:30 AM | that's not very nice now Rainbow. I am a nice guy, but by your definition that make me a liar? (your theory has no merit.... and your just whining
making up stuff.) Just because I treat women with respect doesn't make me a sissy with no backbone | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:11:36 AM | OK, here's my two cents worth as a woman....
A woman wants a man to have that "happy medium"....not that we ever want to be treated badly but a guy can't give the impression that he's a complete pushover, either. A guy has to find the middle ground and be sensitive but not too sensitive, treat her with kindess, respect and love but not let her feel as if his entire world revolves around her. Feeling like a man is "too" into you is a lot of pressure, in my opinion.
By the way.....it's not just women~ men do the same thing!!  | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:12:05 AM | You realize this is a very serious issue. It's a control thing. There is a method to his madness. She is victom.
HE HIDES THE BAD THINGS UNTIL HE CAPTURES HER HEART.
Then she is confused. How can he do this to me?
He is like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide. You love one and hate the other.
It's a cycle.
Once your spinning in those wheels it is very hard to get out, fear, alienation, loss of self confidence are all reasons.
I lived this for three years, but I got out. Barely alive.
If you really want to know, do some research. There is information everywhere about this topic.
This kind of trauma can take years for a person to get over, some never do.
Do you really think a woman looks for this in a man or loves him for this reason?
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:15:07 AM | Treat a lady like a slut and a slut like a lady ... and everybody will get along just fine.
heard that once ... just can't remember where.
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:18:41 AM | | it's got nothing to do with whether you are a nice guy (or girl), you just aren't "the one" for them. No need trying to reason why you aren't when you do all these wonderful things, they just aren't feeling it. No one's fault. | |
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-P-
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Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:24:15 AM | Ok, I have a theory regarding this, which involves more base animal behaviour, but bare with me.
Yes, women want a nice guy. But they also want someone who's able to offer security. An overly nice guy might give the impression that he is not able to defend her should the need arise. Animals are naturally drawn towards the alpha's for that reason- greater chance of genetic preservation.
Like all extremes, too much in either direction is no good. What you need is a happy medium. I've been called a sweetheart, a suck, a hopeless romantic - yet at the same time I apparently give off the impression that messing with me and mine is a very bad idea. So far no complaints of being too nice, or a jerk. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:37:17 AM | | whoa, so many different answers...I'm still as lost as ever. It just seems that women never leave the guy that beats them up. They all want a 'nice guy' and are all asking where 'all the nice guys are at' but in the next breath they're calling all those 'nice guys' losers for treating women with respect and just assume that because he's a nice guy that he MUST be a pushover. I like to avoid confrontation when possible, but I'm far from a pushover. It's one thing to say anything to me, I won't be goaded into a meaningless fight, but if anyone was giving my woman a hard time he'd have half of whatever was in front of me sticking out of his neck in about 2 seconds. A guy shouldn't have to be a muscle bound meathead to show that he can offer the security that some women need. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:43:29 AM | depends what you mean by security...
I do appriciate a guy with a good job
who is responsible... does not mean he has
to be a body builder.
you seem to have some issues...
and using one person to form your whole
opinion on women.
its a sad thing for you....
so much your missing out on.
good luck | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:44:19 AM | How many generalizations will this topic generate this time?
_____
No two pairs of people are the same and no two situations are the same, yet no two ridiculous opinions about this are that far apart. Hmmm... | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:52:47 AM | Can i get some flowers and gifts too Every lady does not go back to a guy who trated them like crap where did you get that one from ? | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:53:10 AM | | I thought forums were supposed to be a good place for advice. Apparently if you are a decent guy having realtionship problems you're labelled with this 'nice guy' stigma that means you're a lying, whining, loser who's a pushover and can't get a date....pretty far off the mark, I wonder how many people think they're actually giving good advice (few are, most aren't)...or maybe I'm just looking at it from the wrong perspective, in which case, could someone please help me figure out how to change that perspective (I'm a firm believer that perspective and/or perception drives your actions and influences how you think....just a matter of how you see it I guess) | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:54:50 AM | ^^^^^^^I agree with David.
I believe you just need to look for someone who is compatible with you.
And there’s no need to generalize, not everybody is the same. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:55:14 AM | Most self-professed nice guys are also wimpy. Women would rather be with a fearless jerk than a nice wimp. If you are nice but also wimpy it is likely this is your problem....common thread on here.
What really makes them drool is a fearless nice guy.
Regarding you comment about the poor advice on here. I agree. The reason for this is simple. Many disgruntled single people looking for people to lash out at. Many narrow minded people who think your problem can be solved with the advice they would give themselves. Since you aren't the same person it is unlikely that their advice suits you. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 6:55:33 AM |
Like all extremes, too much in either direction is no good
Bingo! Men call women who have the same problem as "nice guys"...."clingy women."
Both of whom, exude insecurity and make themselves targets for the predators and users of the world in either gender. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 7:06:13 AM | ok fishy prespective is key, good for you for not giving the sail wind and
redirecting however.........ya.........back up the darn train here.
I know plenty of examples of great guys getting treated like crap too however
the wording is deceptive isn't it. The problem is use human instead of a gender and then you will get further.
When a human is a doormat they are not attractive, and some fishy's choose to be doormat because that is all they have ever known. Kinda like oral sex.....if you have never tried it you don't discover. And once you find it all ears are handlebars......lol
You fishy's be nice to one another and fight nice........i love every fishy
well just cuzzzzzzzzzzzzz. ha ha smile, have a great day people. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 7:06:19 AM |
the guy that does everything right, that tells her she's beautiful, that opens doors, who satisfies her with great sex, and buys her flowers/gifts
Sounds like the perfect man the only problem I see with that is most "nice guys" suck in bed | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 7:14:54 AM | You ever watch a movie and it flows like any other movie you've seen? I mean, there are hot chicks/dudes, there's action, and there might be the typical elements you look for in a movie. But, there's one problem. You've seen it all before. Furthermore, you own the movie and can watch it anytime. It's right there at your fingertips. How incredibly boring is that!!
The problem is, there's an element missing... suspense. When you know what's going to happen, no matter how great it might seem... it's still pretty boring. But when you don't know what's coming next, and it's just kind of dangled out there, and you don't actually know if you're even going to find out what comes next... you tend to be intrigued and it captures you're attention.
That's just the nature of people. We're no different with respect to dating. If I know you'll give me everything and you continue to give me everything day after day, moment after moment... I get bored. Give me adventure, give me suspense, make me work for what I want!!!
I'm a guy, but male or female, it doesn't matter much. That's just the way we are. Throw in some self esteem issues paired with a controlling, manipulative person and you've got the scenario you're talking about. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 7:18:03 AM | Its been my experience that the 'good guys' will remind me constantly how good they are to me. 'Oh honey, I washed the dishes for you, wasnt that nice of me??' (Um.. you dirtied half those dishes, right? Why are you washing them for ME? but that is for another thread).
The 'good guys' tend to be more clingy and needy. I agree with another postperson, Women tend to like the alpha male type, the take-charge ones (and no that doesnt mean dragging her around the cave by her hair). Contrary to opinion, I dont think many women want a man whose world revolves around her. Thats just way too much responsibility. The good guys seem not to have other interests, so maybe thats part of it.
I've begun talking to a fantastically sexy man who seems to meld both good man and bad boy characteristics. He's definitely not a pushover, but he's tender and very caring and loves being in love, and has a laugh that just makes my knees go weak. I think its an art that some men just seem to overlook, how to be caring and tender and still maintain their protectiveness and bad boy charm. I can ask him if he wants to give lessons | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 7:20:14 AM | | cus they have a low self esteem and they can't realize when a good guy comes along..... they have been treated like crap for so long they think in there mind that is a proper way to be treated and have excuses when other make points like " omg he is rude " or " u put up with that ? " with what ?...........they can't realize its wrong they way they r being treated | |
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Posted: 6/16/2006 7:57:36 AM | I run AWAY from guys who treat me like crap. Total turn off. I'm incredulous that you even suggests that any human being would be grateful to be treated with total disrespect...that's ironic, since I've heard plenty of stories that supports your complaint.
Beats me.
Decent, humorous guys are more my type now. Mysterious and those silent types I've long since grown out of. As for psychos...I can't recall a time when I've been attracted to them
Keep looking. No need to get all hung up on a few bad encounters with a few girls. | |
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