| Dilemma
Posted: 6/19/2006 6:54:26 PM | I find myself in a dilemma an not sure how to handle it.On the weekend our family is to be having our annual family get together. My youngest daughter an her boyfriend are planning on attending the dilemma is just recently he was convicted of a crime against minors an is on a yr's probation.My daughter is also expecting anytime now and I don't want to upset her by telling her she shouldn't go or do I tell my whole family the situation and hope things don't get out of control at the gathering?
I would really appreciate any input as I am at a loss what to do. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:32:47 PM | | This would depend on what he was convicted of. If it is of a sexual nature, then tell your daughter he shouldn't go, if it is a minor offence that isn't a big deal, leave it alone all together. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:37:36 PM | | Please elaborate on said conviction. Personally, I'd be on edge just with the 'against minors' bit...wouldn't want someone like that dating my hypothetical daughter. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:38:01 PM | | exactly malcolm! | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:40:03 PM | | Yes sad to say it is of a sexual nature the problem is like I said in my original posting is my daughter is due to have her baby anytime now an I don't want to upset her that might cause a problem with her an the baby. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:41:13 PM | And you haven't killed this guy, why?  | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:42:38 PM |
convicted of a crime against minors
AND
My daughter is also expecting anytime now
Please re-read what you wrote. In my mind, I think you have your answer in your post, at least I would. I'd be very, very worried. I would think the family get-together would be the least of my concerns.
Not knowing the full background I'm only voicing on what you've given me. To be honest, I think you know what you need to do, you just want people to tell you it's alright to do it.
Just my thoughts | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:48:38 PM | OMG I just posted a long post and deleted it because it wasn't nice.
but I have to say ...a crime against minors...in a sexual manor.....and the courts are still allowing him access to his unborn child??? Sorry but the legal system SUCKS!
ETA
hope things don't get out of control at the gathering
sorry..but that, in itself, is an extremely frightening statement. Right now I feel sorry for your daughter and for her unborn child, not to mention any minor children at this gathering | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:51:55 PM | | I doubt asking her to not bring him along would upset her so much as to cause complications with her baby. If she is still with him, I would consider having a really long talk with her as it is! | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:52:46 PM | | Right now all I am doing is trying to hold it all together least till after the baby is born I don't want anything to cause any complications with my daugher having her baby..And you are right I don't want him in my daughters life and believe me if I had my way he wouldn't be around anymore at all. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:52:58 PM |
Yes sad to say it is of a sexual nature the problem is like I said in my original posting is my daughter is due to have her baby anytime now an I don't want to upset her that might cause a problem with her an the baby.
If it is of a sexual nature, you need to get yoru daughter and grandchild away from this guy, never mind the party! They will have worse problems is it isn't stopped now. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:53:30 PM | If this was MY daughter, something would've been done about, even if it had resulted in a lengthy prison term pour moi.
That is a quite unusual situation, that much is unndeniable. It certainly does demonstrate the failings of our 'justice' sytem (it can't be typed plainly, it need parathenses), this guy shouldn't be allowed near the baby, OR the mother. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:56:17 PM | | He does not allow her to go any where without him,talk to others including myself..So how do I tell her not to go without telling her the reason why..One thing she knows about me for sure is I don't lie about anything so making up a story wouldn't work. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:58:51 PM | Wow! I'm with pInK on this..........
I think I would sit my daughter down and have a big chat with her & maybe some council present of some sort to comfort her.
what the hEll is she thinking.
I wouldn't be welcoming him into the family, rather be giving him a direct ticket into a volcano!
Your daughter needs some help, this is very concerning that he has been charged and she is having a child with him & she is still with him. He needs to go.She needs support and not His.
The things that are running in my mind.......How on earth could there be any trust given to this guy with any child even his own?
Well he needs help for his sickness tooo , but that's his problem.
Here's a big BOOT in his A$$ | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:59:28 PM | Be honest. You and your family don't want him there. Period. After that, it's her choice to go or not.
If she comes, I would then seize the opportunity and steer her to a woman's shelter. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 7:59:44 PM | I agree the justice system has failed miserably an have written to the courts myself telling them so..I am currently looking into trying to find away to have it changed an I am in contact with the families that were involved.
One of the problems is he has her so brain washed even after the conviction she still does not believe he did anything. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:01:56 PM | you know what....we dont know the whole sitution....i dont want to know either, but if the charge was made against the man and the 'victim' is the daughter, charges may have been laid by an 'outside' source....this is just a scenerio that came to mind....i dont know...with him stepping up to the plate and supporting the daughter who is pregnant, this is 'their' issue...obviously the daughter loves the bf and is willing to forgive and whatever else...
its a tough call, but i wouldnt go and start blabbing to the family about his 'accusations' cause it WILL cause problems, unless of coarse there is a chance that he is a reoffender and that people at the party are going to be threatened....JMO
for the record, i wouldnt date or be with someone who had that kind of charge, but really we dont know ages and we dont know circumstances.....18 and 15 is not a big deal....30 and 12 is...
edit...after reading your last post, i think i have changed my mind....i dunno | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:01:57 PM | ok...now I"m wishing that this thread had been deleted. I don't know whether to cry or to be very angry right now...I suppose I am both. He doesn't allow her?!?! How old is your daughter?!?! Does she not realize how very wrong, going by the little you are telling us, this relationship is???
I swear to god..any man convicted of anything sexual in nature against minors would NOT be anywhere near me or my children. I know, first hand, how very damaging it can be. Do something to get her the hell out of the situation.
Sorry..I'm ranting...and having a difficult night....but this makes me so angry..and so very afraid for any children around him...and for your daughter. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:04:18 PM | So he's abusive to boot? Buddy, your daughter is obviously in danger IMO, the buzz around a family gathering is the least of the things you should be worried about right now.
Get her out of there, while you still can. Do you think he's going to get better over time? Something has to be done, get the police involved. I think his being anywhere near your daughter is a violation of his parole. Baby or no, it should be. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:07:32 PM | Well I will say if you tell all the family members there sure will be some type of nasty response from them !
And what the H -E double hockey sticks would any one feel it is cool to be around a freak who has been charged with sexual encounters with minors ???????
For one thing if he did it once he could do it again!
Would I trust this guy around any minor is a sure NO ! !!!!!!!
And I do not think he should be allowed to attend the family gathering either.
Nope I don't have any kids but I can say I surely would not allow any member of my family to be near or in the company of this type of guy !!
And who cares if he is the father of her unborn baby kick him to the curb and run him over with a couple of heavy trucks please.
Well no polite way to say it but get rid of this sick freak ! | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:12:02 PM | | My daughter is 17 but that isn't the issue as I have seen an heard of women alot older being brain washed by their spouses...I have tried an will keep trying to get her away from him..but right now I am worried sick about the safe birth of the baby an the safety of both of them. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:12:30 PM | I would be more concerned with having a criminal around my daughter who has apparently committed a sexual crime against minors, than a potential awkward social situation!
Common sense says... Your daughter should be looking out for the best interest of her baby and shouldn't want to be around the twit anyway!
Common sense says... You should be able to talk to your daughter calmly without thinking it's going to cause some sort of trauma to her pregnancy, unless of course she's had major complications already to this point.
Common sense says... Being in an unhealthy relationship with a TWIT like that, is much more straining and unhealthy than a mother and daughter talk!!!
I'd like to say more, but I think I'll leave it at that... | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:13:58 PM | I feel your concern, but she is displaying inability of good judgement and NEEDS professional help. If she don't get it soon????????????????/// well hate to say it but...............
Tell her to explain that to C.A.S ( childrens aid society) Cuz they will be there for the birth or her child, in her home, and have her taking classes. Possibly even remove the child since the risk is there and she is displaying bad judgement. Maybe giving them a call yourself now would help? I suggest somebody get her checked in with some mental help ( best intentions implied) ASAP before the birth of innocent child, cuz since it's been proven in court he was guilty chances are pretty good his own child will fall victim to his sickness.
Yes it's a sickness and the ppl that have it aren't picky about it, family not family, neighbour etc are all at risk.
Ask her how she is going to feel when her own child one day says........Mommie ????? I have to talk to you about Daddy???????? will she still deny it than? Tough love it is. She needs some education on the situation. I'm sure a doctor , C.A.S , Councillior could help with this.
Single parenting is scary I admit that, Tell her no worries everyone will help her out. If she needs a sitter I'll even help her out if THAT'S what it takes. A stranger can't be any worse than a charged sicko, & she can have a CPIC on me!
& I have 6 brothers I'm sure would be willing to assist you to get her somewhere away from him! | |
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LL3
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 24 | |
| Dilemma
Posted: 6/19/2006 8:16:14 PM | Devil's advocate from lack of info..... Are we talking sexual offence against a minor? Or are we talking giving a minor a thrashing? How old is he? How old was she, if it's the sexual thing? Is this a 5-10 year old charge that just got put to rest with no other incidents since?
Now, I ask this as I got the bejesus scared out of me at 17 when I was sleeping with my 15 year old g/f and her father was hell bent on putting me in jail.....
There are grey areas folks.... Without all the knowledge and "evidence" so to speak, we aren't sure what we are speaking of here...That was a pretty broad statement by the OP, and we shouldn't be too harsh unless she's willing to spell it all out. As for letting other family members know what's going on.....Not for a second... Get it dealt with internally first.
Now, the whole domineering, possessive jealous thing, doesn't necesarily have me worried either....but it's not the best of signs for him as a person. Sounds like he's just a kid not quite yet grown up and doesn't know how to deal with things.
Now, if I"m wrong, I'm not going to eat crow....I'm just looking at this a little bit differently with the lack of info available....
0.02 | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:16:32 PM | | All he got was a yr's probation an not to have fire arms.No mention of him not being allowed near other minors other then the 2 that he was involved with.I don't know where the judges head was that day and believe me if there was a way for me to make him disappear I would. | |
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