| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/19/2006 9:50:22 PM | | I'm afraid that I may have screwed up my chances getting my ex back. I have tried so hard to follow the 'no contact'..but after 2 months of no talking I started to let myself believe that he has forgotten about me. I crumbled and ended up emailing him 3-4 days ago. I made it fairly short and just spoke about what I was up to and asked how he was doing. I didn't imply anything whatsoever that I missed him or ask if he would be back to visit. I am now so worried that I have done what I shouldn't have, by not following jarbarian's advice. I know 3-4 days isn't a long time, but I'm afraid he won't reply, which would crush me. I hope I didn't push him away even further!! | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/19/2006 9:56:10 PM | What "no contact" are you referring to? A legal one or advice someone gave you?
edit: I just found it in another thread! Perhaps you should go back on that thread and ask the question where everyone is familiar with your story! : ) | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:13:41 AM | trust me...you don't want him back.
I was in a similar situation where my ex told me he didn't want me to contact him again. I respected that even though I was crushed. 3 months later he emailed me asking if he could call me. I broke down & cried. told him that he could call but that I didn't think we had anything to talk about.
well...we talked. got back together. long story short...1 yr later...we aren't together anymore. the same issues he had before are still there. Save yourself the year I wasted. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:03:42 AM | have tried so hard to follow the 'no contact'
what"no contact"?? was that something imposed by the court??
& what the hell's a "jarbarian"??????
I've never heard of it, I gotta get out more. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:12:18 AM | | EX'S ARE CALLED THAT FOR A REASON ,,,YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO X THEM OUT OF YOUR MIND | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:23:26 AM | | If you want your ex back.....TELL HIM....WTF? When did communication ever hurt anything...? | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:46:02 AM | You have to give yourself time for if its ment to be it will be...love yourself you need it. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:58:33 AM |
I'm afraid that I may have screwed up my chances getting my ex back. I have tried so hard to follow the 'no contact'..but after 2 months of no talking I started to let myself believe that he has forgotten about me. I crumbled and ended up emailing him 3-4 days ago. I made it fairly short and just spoke about what I was up to and asked how he was doing. I didn't imply anything whatsoever that I missed him or ask if he would be back to visit. I am now so worried that I have done what I shouldn't have, by not following jarbarian's advice. I know 3-4 days isn't a long time, but I'm afraid he won't reply, which would crush me. I hope I didn't push him away even further!!
Unfortunately if you implemented no contact and broke it, you basically handed your personal power back over to him. He now knows you are still hurting and missing him. Not a good thing.
I wouldn't have recommended you "updating" him on your life. If you break NC you really need to do it for a good reason (ie: A bill they didn't pay, stuff they still need to pick up, etc). Always keep it short and impersonal.
When you blurb on about your life you are saying "Look at me! Pay attention to me. I miss you and need you in my life..." When men do this is essentially the same as taking your family jewels, boxing them up and handing them to your ex on a silver platter. Not good.
Did you read my thread entitled "So you want a second chance?" You really need HIS heart to change and there's nothing you can do to change it. It has to change on it's own.
NC is really not a tool to win an ex back. It's really for your own benefit, to help you move on and let go. If you are using it to try and win him back and have your hopes pinned on it, unfortunately I think you will be disappointed.
If you sent him the message not expecting a reply then you might be on the way to recovery. If you are eagerly anticipating a reply then you have not really used your time in NC to heal.
Get out with friends, invest your time in hobbies, hit the gym and work on areas of self-improvement.
I hate to bring up the old adage but it applies here: "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they are yours. If not, it was never meant to be."
Best of luck. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 1:10:57 PM | | Thanks for the advice! I'm beating myself up pretty bad about the fact that I e-mailed him. I know I shouldn't have, and it won't help him to look at me any differently/better. I suppose I will have to wait and see what he says, if he writes back. I have joined the gym and and doing fine, it's only when I think about him I start to miss him...thus, emailing him! Ah well, learn from your mistakes right? | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 1:19:06 PM | | when a man doesn't bother to contact you for 2 months....it's over, he doesn't want you!!!! Move on with your life, get a boytoy, have some good sex and then start looking for someone new who wants to talk to you on a regular basis and will treat you with respect!!!! | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 1:22:03 PM | Thanks jaya4cd...yes, unfortunately it took me a while to realize that! But at least now I know how he really feels. My feelings for him are changing everyday which is good..It's hard to believe you can possibly fall in love more than once..which is what i'm having a hard time believing.
All the best to everyone! | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 1:41:16 PM | | Let go.... There is no magic way to make someone want you... no rules which can smash the fortress of the wounded heart. If someone is wanting you or not, no NC game would make or break it for you. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 1:45:18 PM |
when a man doesn't bother to contact you for 2 months....it's over, he doesn't want you!!!! Move on with your life, get a boytoy, have some good sex and then start looking for someone new who wants to talk to you on a regular basis and will treat you with respect!!!!
It's not uncommon for a man to come back after 2,3,6,12 or 36 months. I've seen it happen.
What is MORE uncommon is a woman coming back after 3 months. Women have a greater support group than men (they talk to each other about relationships and take a long time to make the decision to break it off.) When a woman does call it off it's usually not a "spur of the moment" decision and it's quite hard to get her to change her mind.
Men, on the other hand, tend to make rash decisions they later regret. Not all men, but it's more prevalent with men than women.
I'm not saying he will change his mind. Everyone is different. I will say that attempting to contact him is probably not a good idea. Don't hand over your personal power.
"The best revenge is a life well lived."
Live your life, continue going to the gym, invest in hobbies, hang out with friends, etc. Time will start to pass by faster, you'll get over him one day (you do need to go through the normal grieving stages) and eventually you'll meet someone much, much better for you. | |
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acer78
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Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:23:36 PM | HI,
THERE is one thing ive learned about relationships is that people do not want to settle with just one person.That is the problem right there in a nutshell so to speak people say they are ready to commit but when the time comes they are not reay to commit and they are too picky and they set standards too high. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:35:03 PM | I wouldn't worry. If he didn;t contact you for 2 months it probably just means he moved on
so it will not make any difference if you wrote him or not. If he wanted you back and missed you, he would already write to you or call you. Not all exes will come back to us just because
we make no contact unless you are very sure he still has feelings for you and is just trying to work some loose ends out. Otherwise, move on. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:54:37 PM | So, are you saying that a woman won't usually change her mind? I'm hoping my ex will. I miss her alot, we broke up in april and i wasnt expecting it. I never thought I would lose her. She seemed so attached to me. She acually seemed obsessed with me to the point that I started to neglect her. We had known eachother for 4 years and dated for 2.. I always had a crush on her but she was taken. In my heart I always thought she was the one for me, but I couldent have her. Then after 2 years she told me she had feelings for me, and didnt love the guy she was with (he was a total jerk). she broke up with him a few months later and we took it slow. I didn't trust her at first but she assured me "I was the one." after a little time I believed her and gave her my heart completely. She told me she didn't know what true love was until she met me.
Now were broke up and she's with someone else. She met him at college. He's in the same field as her. I'm so crushed. after all we went through to get together( I didnt tell you the details of that) I thought she was the one. after we broke up I decided to tell her that I still loved her and was having trouble moving on. She told me not to move on "for now" and she wanted me to call her 2 times a week. she hugged me and we went out seperate ways, I have never called her. She hasnt contacted me at all. Oh I saw her once at a store, she was pretty cold.
whats up!? I thought she would miss me a little. we had a deep relationship. I long for her and the great times we shared. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:16:13 PM | "It's hard to believe you can possibly fall in love more than once..which is what i'm having a hard time believing."
You are very young, you will fall in love again...and again...and again! You gotta grieve this relationship, but at the same time, get back out there and start having fun with some new guys, the worst thing to do is sit around moping and wishing he'd come back. If he does he does, if he doesn't you are probably better off...definately get back out there and start having fun again! And whatever you do, don't talk about this guy to the new guys you date, men don't want to hear about how great your ex was and how hung up on him you are.....best wishes! | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:26:04 PM | | Forgotten about you? He hasn't forgotten about you. He just doesn't want you back. Move on. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:56:30 PM | scozomflop.i hear your story its almost like a dream something we all wish it was like back in the old days when a women stood by her man no matter what happen just like on the vows of marriage hey some still do.but in todays times.well just read the forum every day and you will learn from it.best advice in todays times if it dont work out move on if you dont like it move on... if you dont agree move on....if you dont like the way they are ..move on.thank god the only thing we have left is our kids.will we. some day also tell them to move on.and op just do what your hearts tells you to do if it good or bad who cares follow your heart.in the end you will get your answer. no matter what happens. and if you hurt in the end who cares at lease you did what your heart desire. and at lease you will show him how much you care,if he says no then you will know that it is for good.and prepare your heart for someone who will love you for it.and dont ever look back again is a good rule not worth it.i always thought people who need space means they need to be by there selfs.cause they confuse and need time to think what a joke.ever wonder what they thinking aaaahhhhhh yea.they forgot about me | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:23:10 PM | I feel your pain, and suffer your failure to ‘make no contact’. I have posted here about a woman I met in March just after moving out here (Vegas). We had a very good month together, she was so into me (she made the first move) until one night, after a fantastic night, she left a phone message saying not to call her, that she would call me in a few days.
Never happened, and a few e-mails were sent that made her even more ‘disturbed’ about our relationship. But she did indicated that she would be open to drinks to see if we could heal our friendship. I responded that that would be fine, just let me know when.
No response. A couple weeks later I send her another e-mail: (sorry long but informative)
" Lxxxx, I would like to meet you somewhere downtown for a quick drink or maybe lunch @ xxx. We haven't talked since May 2nd but there have been some e-mails from me, and some online comments, that were less than nice and some have been a bit bitter. I know we have been saying we would get together again, but now is the time to do it.
Things have changed greatly in my life attitude wise the last 6 weeks, and I want to take the opportunity to explain some things to you, apologize where apologies are due, to (and I hate this term) get 'closure'. I feel I owe that much to you, and that you owe it to me to listen.
Please understand this is NOT an attempt to get back or rekindle the friendship we had - fantastic (for me anyway) and short lived that it was - I have come to grips with the fact that what ever that was, it's gone.
All I ask is 30 minutes of your time. I treasured you as a friend, as someone to enjoy Vegas with, as someone who I connected with so much that we spent dusk to dawn talking during our first meeting.
I never had intentions of dating or having a relationship with you; if things had gone that way it would have been great too, but it's the friendship and fun we had together that I treasured the most, and that is what I will miss the most. It seems silly to me that we are both out and about doing the same things each day alone, when we could be enjoying, on occasion, each other's company, but that's your decision and I respect it.
Please let me know if you can do this for me (us). I think a quick get together would benefit us both. “
*****
Well, we got together twice in 2 days, and as usual spent hours and hours talking like nothing ever happened. Except the romantic part (we were physical up to but not including sex).
Should have LET HER GO! The friendship is back, but without the romance, and it hurts like Hell all over again. When we were ‘romantic’ we saw each other every opportunity we had; now I MAY see her once a week or so.
LET THEM GO !!
Edit: I THOUGHT just a 'friendship' would work, but after seeing her again, I now know I really want the romance back; this is the most compatable woman I've ever met....and this isn't easy on me. | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:37:43 AM | what you got a restraining order if so you are screwed baby no contact means no contact better watch out he might have the law on your door...........lol | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/21/2006 8:54:31 AM |
So, are you saying that a woman won't usually change her mind? I'm hoping my ex will. I miss her alot, we broke up in april and i wasnt expecting it. I never thought I would lose her. She seemed so attached to me. She acually seemed obsessed with me to the point that I started to neglect her. We had known eachother for 4 years and dated for 2.. I always had a crush on her but she was taken. In my heart I always thought she was the one for me, but I couldent have her. Then after 2 years she told me she had feelings for me, and didnt love the guy she was with (he was a total jerk). she broke up with him a few months later and we took it slow. I didn't trust her at first but she assured me "I was the one." after a little time I believed her and gave her my heart completely. She told me she didn't know what true love was until she met me.
Now were broke up and she's with someone else. She met him at college. He's in the same field as her. I'm so crushed. after all we went through to get together( I didnt tell you the details of that) I thought she was the one. after we broke up I decided to tell her that I still loved her and was having trouble moving on. She told me not to move on "for now" and she wanted me to call her 2 times a week. she hugged me and we went out seperate ways, I have never called her. She hasnt contacted me at all. Oh I saw her once at a store, she was pretty cold.
whats up!? I thought she would miss me a little. we had a deep relationship. I long for her and the great times we shared.
You both are in college, correct? I hate to sound cold but you're both young. She was able to move on quickly because her feelings for you started to change well before you broke up.
Yes, there is a chance she'll come back but given what you wrote about her not contacting you and being cold I would say the odds are pretty low.
The best think you can do is follow my "So you want a second chance?" guide. If you do so that will set you up better if a second chance does occur but more importantly help you heal as quickly as possible so when Ms. Right does come along, you'll be ready! | |
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| Did I screw up my chances?
Posted: 6/21/2006 9:37:52 AM | [what you got a restraining order if so you are screwed baby no contact means no contact better watch out he might have the law on your door...........lol]
ha..no I'm not a 'crazy stalking ex-girlfriend'...I'm just talking in reference to the NC as a sort of tool to get him back which is silly..but it gives him space/time to think I suppose, and I broke that. That's all I mean. | |
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