| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:21:45 PM | | I'm 26 and yes, I still live at home with my parents but I do NOT live off of them! I have a job, pay my own bills, and go out and do things every now and then with friends and can come back at home at anytime. It's just I haven't been able to find a full time job to where I can make enough money to move out on my own yet and I DO want to move out on my own in the future just when I feel and know I'm ready. My friend however, thinks that maybe I should move out as soon as I possibly can because that will help increase my chances of finding someone to be in a relationship with. My question is, is that really such a deterent to dating? If someone truly loves you and likes being with you can they overlook the fact that you still live at home with your parents, but that you at least have GOALS to move out at some point in the future? | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:35:21 PM | I'm sure you will here from someone that has moved out at a much earlier age than you. Regardless, to your point.
This is only my perspective as I don't tend to run into people my age that are living at home (and that's a good thing!). So, I would say that at your age some people might consider it a little late to be achieving the goals that maybe should have been set 5 yrs ago. I realize it depends on where you live, how expensive housing is and such, but people want to meet acheivers and not just goal setters. Stable and not in between jobs.
If someone takes the time to know you well, they will find out what kind of person you are. For those that take a quick peak...they might not look further becuase of it...especially if they are on there own already.
Whatever the case, hope you acheive your goals and show that you are paiving a road - for yourself and not for others.
All the best! | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:14:55 PM | Unfortunatly...a 26 year old living at home....is not as attractive as one who is able to fully support himself outside of his home.
OP I would instead of concentrating hard on the relationship concentrate harder on the full time employment and career. Also another seemingly more acceptable option is to move in with friends..if you have a group of 2 or 3 guy friends in similar situations...who are employed and find a place with cheep rent. YOu will be out from mom and dad..and you know what you will realize that taking on and handling more responsibilties will give you more confidence. But the key is really supporting yourself. I know you say you are helping out at home. But do you..buy groceries, do your laundry, pay you cable/phone, rent...all those things yep it sucks lol but its also real life and finding out you can hack it at real life with out mom and dad is an awesome feeling. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:23:30 PM | | kerrymh, yes I actually do buy my own groceries, do my own laundry, pay for my own car etc...the only thing I don't pay for is rent. I do want to find me a full time job to where I can afford to live on my own, but I also want someone to date/be in a relationship with. I've had mixed reactions to people I've talked to about this. On the one had, my friend said I should concentrate on moving out first before trying to find someone that way it'll be much easier since they are attracted to people living out on their own, and then on the other hand a fellow coworker of mine said it really shouldn't matter because if they truly like/love you, they can overlook that though the odds are usually not that favorable. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:36:06 PM | | someone should prove to themselves that yes they can make it on their own. It's been a real struggle but I wouldn't turn back for anything. I want to be with someone who can take care of themselves financially, emotionally, etc. How can someone take care of someone else if they can't even take care of themself? | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:59:17 PM |
How can someone take care of someone else if they can't even take care of themself?
There can be a lot of reasons a person can still be living at home; not all of them revolve around it being that person's fault, or anything like that. I'm 23 and I still live at home. I have my reasons for still being here and they are very vaild reasons. If a woman would refuse a date with me because of that, well, her loss. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:05:35 PM | Don't listen to all the haters. You are smart to stay at home if your job doesn't support a good lifestyle yet. I wish I had done so. What I would think about working on if I were you was make sure I am working at least one full time job, or two part time if you have to, and take advantage of your parents generosity by saving up some cash.
You don't need to be a complete miser, but money saved can always be spent later, is the old saying I try to drill into my own head. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:22:32 PM | surprise07, it's not necessairly a matter of not being able to take care of themselves. I have moved out once briefly to attend college and I know I'm more than capable of making it on my own, it's just I don't have the financial resources to do it yet but I am working towards that and am looking for something better to where I have the financial resources to move out on my own. It's one thing to live at home with your parents, not having a job, completely depending on them, and not doing anything to try and make it out on your own, and another thing to live at home with parents, but not having to depend on them for everything, having your own job, paying your own bills, and working towards making it out on your own, but making sure that you have the resources and right time to move out so that you don't crash and burn like so many people do when they feel they have to move out on their own as soon as possible like directly out of highschool. Why does there have to be a set age limit where people should be out living on their own? Everyone is different and everyone does things early or later in life, but as long as you have goals and are working towards them however LONG it may take you, that should not be a detriment to dating someone!
I've got 2 examples of what I'm talking about. There are 2 cousins of mine both of whom are in their late 30s/early 40s. One of them, moved out of his mom's house right after he graduated high school and tried to make it on his own at first when was attending college, but ended up moving in with my grandma when he had trouble trying to be out on his own. Now he did live at my grandma's house for a good number of years, but he wasn't complacent and wasn't always depending on her for everything. He had goals he was working towards. It took him awhile, but he had himself a few degrees from college, finished his military service, and was looking for the right job. It did take awhile to find the right one he was looking for and he was still living with my grandma, but he was also DATING too and found the right woman to be with. They got engaged and just before they got married, he found the type of job he was wanting AND found himself a house to move into as well. He moved out of my grandma's house at 35.
Now as for my other cousin, he graduated high school in the mid 80s and then went to college briefly in Georgia. I don't know exactly what happened there, but it didn't work out and he moved back home with his parents. He did go back to college however and did get a master's degree in physics and I believe even taught physics for a little bit, but somwhere along the way he just seemed to lose his will of trying to make it on his own. He's one of 6 children in his family, but of the 6 he is the only who has not moved out on his own or has a family. He doesn't even have a job, completely relies on his parents for everything, has little to no social life and does not even make any attempt to try and change his situation and he is now in his early 40s!!! His parents are in their mid to late 60s.
Now tell me, which would you rather date? Someone who although hasn't left the nest yet even at a certain age, but has goals and is working towards that, however long it may be, or someone who hasn't left the nest and makes NO EFFORT to do it with no job or to better themselves and completely depend on someone else? | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:23:33 PM | | ^^^^ very well said. it's more than very fine to be living at home...if you do everything else it's sort of just the same as living with any family..(bar the lack of rent money) but that's it..it's ont like you're relying on them for everything and can't do it on your own..the only thing that is stoppping you is a bit of money not your inability to handle life on your own. and the girl should realise and accept that too. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:32:29 PM | HUGE turn-off! If I have a job and an apartment, I expect the same in a guy I date and I appologise if this makes me sound shallow and mean.
I agree with the lady in a previous post: concentrate on getting yourself a job and a place to live rather than a girlfriend. Independence and confidence is sexy. No girl gets hot and bothered when a guy says "Wanna go back to my parent's house and make out?" | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:37:28 PM | | The only real problem with living at home is the privacy issue. You can't bring a date back for an evening. Basically, not having your own place means that "alone time" is very little, and your prospective partner will know that... Other than that, I don't think living at home should be a source of embarassment. Independence is nice, though. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:55:10 PM |
HUGE turn-off! If I have a job and an apartment, I expect the same in a guy I date and I appologise if this makes me sound shallow and mean.
I agree with the lady in a previous post: concentrate on getting yourself a job and a place to live rather than a girlfriend. Independence and confidence is sexy. No girl gets hot and bothered when a guy says "Wanna go back to my parent's house and make out?"
You've got a job and an apartment, good for you. Unfortuantely, not everyone can have the same fortune as you by their early 20s. And no offense, but if you like someone and can't put aside the fact that even though they may still live with their parents, but are at least MAKING some type of effort to move out on their own later on down the road and NOT depend on them for everything, then you are not someone worth dating in my opinion. The fact that my cousin could STILL find someone to date and later on marry while living with my grandma does give me a little bit of hope. It does at least let me know that there are people out there who will like/love you no matter what the living situation is that you might be in. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:55:52 PM | Dear Sweetguy6,
Many of the replies posted all have valid points. No doubt about it, it will all depend on the girl you hook up with. From the female perspective, a fellow your age living at home is pushing the envelope before becoming a total dependent and no one wants that. There is a lot to be said about making it on your own steam. At 26, most people will have graduated from college already and entering the career world. I don't think its necessarily your reasons for staying home that is in question. You can validate your reasons all you want but for every day, week, year you stay home, it emphasizes a lack of ambition on your part. Sometimes we have to do things in life we don't want to - like work at jobs that aren't our dream jobs. It sounds like you are waiting for the ideal job to come to you. In the meantime, because you have the safety net of your parents, your hand is not forced.
Your date is not going to want to come over and be around your parents all the time. Privacy at your age is very important. Do you turn and say to your date, "sorry, you can't sleep over tonight, my parents don't allow overnight guests." If you want to host a romantic dinner, do you ask your parents to go to the movies that night and don't come home till midnight? Do you need to ask their permission to entertain? If you said "yes" or "sometimes" to these scenarios, there's your answer.
If you are dating an independent girl, she has the right to expect no less from her partner. And I will likely get booed for what I am about to say next, but here goes....women also enjoy knowing that should they choose to start a family with a man, that he can provide for his family (even if its just for a brief period) I am not saying that we need a man to "take care" of us but its the comfort and security of knowing that he CAN when/if the need arises.
Take my comments with a grain of salt or take them to heart if you wish. Boy, it's time to take flight and leave the nest to develop into a man. The school of hard knocks will help shape your character. Stop leaning on mummy and daddy and stand on your own two feet. When you do leave, you will grow interpersonally and appreciate the experience. Good luck to you. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:29:34 PM | one guy I met was in his late 30's or in his 40's and he was living at home because he said he was going to buy a house......which is fine, but he was way too old to be living at home.
I think its fine for certain reasons and up to a certain age. Times are hard out there. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:31:40 PM | 
Well said, Area.
And Sweet? You don't need a fortune to have an apartment. I was living in a small one-bedroom place when I first moved to Ontario and I was making less than $10/hr so don't give me that sob story. Most factories pay at least that these days so unless you're in debt up to your eyeballs, your wife cleaned you out in a divorce, you have child support payments, ect, there really is no excuse. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:39:08 PM | | Then ask me this area204, would you rather date a guy at 26 who doesn't move out until 30, but is FULLY capable of supporting themselves by then and even capable of supporting a family versus someone who moves out on their own, but has serious problems supporting themselves, gets way over their heads and has no choice BUT to move back in with mommy and daddy? And who says I lack ambition? Just because I haven't moved out yet means I have no ambition, goals and dreams for myself? Sorry, but that just simply isn't true. I'm a cautious person and I'm not one to get in over my head. I'm an observant person as well and I've seen the consequences of people moving out when they are simply not ready and who's supposed to be the judge of when someone should be out on their own? I'm not saying a woman doesn't have the right to have an independent partner, but they should also realize that there are some late bloomers in life and that they are WORKING towards being independent. I'm not trying to make this as an excuse to stay under my parent's umbrella, I do want to move out and have plans to do it just before I turn 30, but I'm making sure I am capabale and have the means of doing it instead of doing it because I HAVE to as people say in order to fully date someone. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:44:22 PM | There are a lot of cultures (mostly Asian) where it is the norm for "kids" to stay at home until they get married. This is the case in India and Pakistan (1.2 billion people).
It's like the old saying about eating rice: 1.3 billion Chinese can't be wrong. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:47:02 PM | sweet.. thats y god gave u 2 legs 2 stand on.. if u want 2 move out that badly, i`m sure u could do it.. if that means getting 2 jobs 2 keep ur bills at bay..
if i was dating a guy that would still be living at home w/ma & pa.. that would turn me off big time!.. where would the privacy be when either ma or pa is calling down the stairs 2 come & do this or that??.. and i surely wouldn`t wanna be entertained all nite in ur bdrm w/ma & pa just down the hallway listening.. and what if there`s the slight chance that his parents didn`t like me or the fact that i have 2 kids??.. i would feel majorily uncomfortable going over there.. i really like my down time w/the man i`m seeing.. can`t have that w/ma & pa around 24/7.. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:52:08 PM | Don't sweat it man, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep a good attitude about your situation and strive for that dream job. In the mean time if you run into the right woman, she'll care for you for who you are and not where you live.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER, I don't care what anyone else says. Love does NOT pay the bills, so concentrate on finding that job. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:54:56 PM | Just a thought here but a person is considered legally an adult at age 18, right? So if someone is 26, that would have given them 8 years to get on their feet and move out. You could do a lot of preparing and save a whole lot of cash in 8 years.
Just my opinion.... | |
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