| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:47:32 PM | I met this woman and we really fell for each other, but she was going thru a divorce still and decided she needed time. Which I agreed with.
What I dont understand is that we have tried to remain friends because of the bond we have, I support her when the sh*t is hitting the fan with what she's going thru. But insists on teling me about her escapades with other guys or so called friends she has even though I have told her how much it hurts to hear about that stuff.
what is she trying to prove? | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:53:29 PM | | She's already proven it love,you're an easy walkover.She has no respect for you or your friendship.if you are indeed to be a couple ,her telling you of her escapades with others is a sign she's not ready to play nice.Move on dear and find sopmeone that respects herself and you. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:56:23 PM | | Welcome to the world of being used my friend. Its not a great place to be at all. She is telling you that stuff to prove that you aint going anywheres while she goes off and whooores around. Find something better, you definitely deserve it now. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:58:31 PM | | What are you trying to prove by allowing yourself to be a doormat? | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:01:16 PM | | I figured as much, she would call me crying about whats going on...get another call, have to call me back. Then tell me about what a great weekend she had..all happy like nothing happened in the first call. But when I need to talk about something I cant because she still lives under the same roof as her ex. I would email her about something and not get a reply back. But yet she still wants me in her life...I guess cuz Im so easy to talk too, and yes...I am starting to feel like Im being walk over. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:02:54 PM | | youre right, and I dont know | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:08:39 PM | Forget the people saying you're a doormat. You're not. And, likely, she's not the whore it appears to them she might be.
Her divorce sucks. It's turmoil, she feels like crap, he might have ****ed around, or whatever and she needs to sow some wild oats as she trips her way though this crap. Millions of people have done it. She's not where you're at. Doesn't mean anything about you or about her. Just not the same place. She's been clear about that. Just got out of a commited relationship and in no hurry to jump back in. I don't see the confusion. She's been clear. You're just choosing not to hear her.
She can't be your partner. It's okay to move on. If this will ever turn into anything...it's going to be a while and you don't need to be miserable and a victim wondering when she'll slow down. You're going to end up resenting her because you're so self-sacrificing but reality is she didn't ask that of you. She said no.
I hope you find someone as ready as you are right now. But, if you look at your profile, it doesn't seem like that's what you're really after. Maybe you give off mixed signals too. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:15:03 PM | | HAVE YOU TRIED TO HELP HER MOVE OUT FROM HER XS HOUSE MAYBE SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE MONEY TO DO IT.I HAVE BEEN IN THAT SITUATION BEFORE AND WOULD HAVE LOVED WHO EVER COULD HAVE HELPED ME.ITS NOT HEALTHY TO STILL LIVE WITH YOUR X.THINGS CAN BECOME REAL BAD | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:15:39 PM | no youre right about both of us, and she has also mentioned after I said I cant do this that she does need me in her life. And that she really cant say goodbye because she doesnt know for sure yet if she really doesnt want me later. So yeah, she has me hanging on in ways. I was absolutely ready and we both admitted it wasnt the right time for her. I have looked high and low and have met alot of women over the years and not one really fit until her. And she has told me this also, we have a very strong and deep bond.
I just dont understand why she needs to tell me these things. To find out how jealous I will get or is it some sort of test or game?
All Iknow, is that when you meet someone and you both feel something that neither of you had before with anyone....its hard to take a step back, and give that person the time they need. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:17:21 PM | | I would do anything I could to help her out, she hates it there and hes an absolute d**k head. It breaks my heart when she calls me crying because of how he treats her. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:26:52 PM | Mr. good friend, you are being used like a cheap item that is accessible at anytime, anywhere, under any circumstance. First of all, I would say it is not a good idea to hope to start a firm relationship with someone living under the same roof as a partner unless of course your aim was just to play shit stuff and run away once you have played enough. Secondly, I would say it was wrong to go backwards from what you called falling to each other to what you termed friendship.
Take this: If at any moment, for any reason in life, your partner ends up telling you "Let's be friends" then take it at face value. It means "You are a wussy, better to befriend and use your emotions than be attached with you, There are guys the partner is hotly involved compared to you..." so the only solution undr such circumstance is... I GUESS YOU KNOW!!! | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:29:13 PM | | break free completely..I know | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:29:27 PM | You're her best friend, not her b/f or lover or partner......
I'm sorry to say, she may love you as the best friend you are - the strong support you are for her, but to do the things she's doing to you..... she's obviously not IN LOVE with you.
.....You're allowing her to use you when she wants..... You're at her disposal, in the picture when she wants you to be.
Continue the friendship and continue supporting her if you feel you can, but do start seeing other women. Even if you're not serious about it, just get out and have a little fun on a social level at least.
I can tell this is eating you up and tearing you apart from the inside..... So, as much as you're trying to be supportive to her..... take care of yourself too.
There's a saying: You never know what you have until you lose it.
Good luck! | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:33:04 PM | | She needs to get through this rough time, and you can't do it for her. I don't think it's right for you to put your life on hold for her, and wait to see what happens. Do you really think you can do that? You only live once. It's admirable that you want to be there for her. But I wouldn't go overboard with that and lose yourself in the process. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:38:50 PM | | its so freaking hard to know what to do, posting this...a person tends to wish the answers are easy to find but they never are. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:40:57 PM | Her loss bro and some other woman's gain...
Walk away and don't look back...
If she has her lil' escapades now what will hap if you ever were to hookup?
Bells and whistles are ringing  | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:42:15 PM | | shes a loyal woman, I know that...but yes, i think for the time being it will be better on both of us to part ways completely. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:48:14 PM | | Maybe you should just let her be for now and make a deal with yourself that you'll check back with her in 6 months or a year? But part of that deal is that you can't close yourself off to meeting other women, in fact quite the opposite. You should get out there and meet as many as possible. When the 6 months or year is up, check in with her if you so desire. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 3:09:05 PM | | you got to read the second chance thread has amazing advice....basically give you all your answers and then some! | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 4:30:27 PM | | ClayMagic i would have moved you out and you could have loved me forever.. sigh | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 4:34:24 PM | now OP... you met her as she was going threw her divorce. not good. most need someone to help them threw those hard,bad times. you are it. but once shes pasted all that she get pasted you too. have you ever heard of a rebound???
if she was as tune with you as you are her believe me she'd not have any great weekends unless you were why. also she would dre to bring up other dates,men etc to you if she cared about you.
move on. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 4:50:07 PM | | It appears to me that all you are is the shoulder to cry on.....the "safe" friend guy.All you're getting out of your "relationship" with her is the bullcrap.You said she doesn't have the time for you when you have a problem or need to talk.The old one way street deal.She's also paling around with other dudes doing the "fun" stuff.She's gonna keep telling you the things you wanna hear so she always has your shoulder when she needs it.I fear though that when her bad situation and divorce is cleared up that she'll drop you like a hot potato.You will be expendable then.So pretty much she's using you only to get through her hard times. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 4:54:41 PM | Man up, pal.
The only way to change the situation is to change yourself. Say fcuk it and walk on. Yes, walk on. The longer you endure her b.s., the longer you endure the pain.
Just let her go. There's no psychological trick, she has full control of this situation. To gain control back, you must realize...
YOU HAVE A CHOICE!
Yes, that choice is to walk on. Move on. And find someone who will respect you. You're in LOVE with the OLD IDEA. Look at the new image of her. What's she doing?
If she were a girl you just started dating, would you stick around for more torture or would you next her??
Dude, what you once had with her is over, she is just hanging it over your head and sadistically playing you.
BOTTOM LINE: MOVE ON. You don't even have to say anything to her. Stop contact. And if she asks, say...
"I used to really care for you, but I don't tolerate disrespectful treatment of myself or my time. I've been there for you like a puppy, but I'm through with it.. If you want to be a real woman about things and care for me, act like. But i'm done with the one-sided stuff."
Peace. | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/25/2006 5:17:44 PM | | Hi there i really feel for you and i know what you are going through love can be hard on us at times. If i can give you advice it would be that i think the girl is mixed up and she wants to feel special by a few men than just one she doesn't seem to want to settle to just one man.I don't want to judge her i could be wrong but that is just my point of view. As hard as it is i really learned alot about life i learned to let go when it is just not right for me it, took me time but my family and friends seen the big chane in me when a break up comes along i tend to care a little too much for the other person and forget about myself. So if you can let go slowly but surely that would be the best thing to do for you, and now i know that it is easier said than done but trust me you will feel less hurt with time. It may take time to forget about her but there is that someone special waiting for you out there. Another advice i can give you is don't get into a relationship that was just over not too long ago, cause a chance is that the girl is not ready yet and is using you as a rebound.So what the girl is probably trying to prove is that she can have attention from more than one guy. I wish you the best and i hope you will find your soul mate. You seem yo me to be a really good person loving, caring she doesn't deserve all the attention you are giving her. If you nedd to chat more with me fell free to try to get a hold of me check my nick it's stefy27 i will be glad to chat with you and try to help you out it is always nice to talk about our feelings. I congratulate you since some men are not able to express their feelings. Bye for now Stef | |
|
| I dont get it
Posted: 6/29/2006 8:29:30 PM | You know Noego it really is the poops when someone has control over you because of the way you feel about them. I know that feeling all too well, and yes I have been dragged along by my heart strings too many times. But the worst part is the only one you can blame is yourself and your feelings. Once I was strayed along by my own foolishness for over three years. I just couldnt let go on how good we were together, and we were.. even as friends. But it ripped my heart out everytime he would bring up his girls on the side. He always told me he wasnt ready to settle down yet, but that I was the perfect one to do that with. And silly me thought that I would rather have him in my life as a friend then not at all. And the outcome of this story is I was always there for him, for anything. In fact it was like I was his wife with all that I did do, but the physical part that we shared before was gone. And he was getting that from others, I was just there to him for all the rest of it so he had the time and energy to be with other girls. But I finally had enough after 3 years and told him that I couldnt be his friend no more, not like the way it was..and that he should really grow up and find a wife to do all the stuff he relyed on me for. He depended on me too much, and I let him cause I felt needed. I gave him the control to use the way I felt about him against me. Don't do that..it really hurts to walk away from something you care about but, it hurts worse to drag it on. So now when I am faced with .."I still want to be friends" I have to force myself to let time and distance come between us, so that we can actually be friends. I wish you all the best with this | |
|
Home
login 
