| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:05:53 PM | Hey.
Yes, you read that right. I've been dating a girl for three years and I've never seen her naked. She's unbelievably insecure, and for a long time I thought I could help her appreciate herself (I think she's gorgeous) and maybe get her to recognize that she has no reason to be so self-conscious.
But I can't take it anymore.
I feel like an ***hole, but I'm tired of waiting until after 9pm, when it's dark, and turning out all the lights to have sex. I'm a fit, attractive, athletic guy; my last relationship was so completely charged with sexual energy, and I honestly miss that. I've tried so hard to help this woman appreciate herself the way I appreciate her but I fear it'll never change. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for 9 o' clock.
Advice and/or personal experience appreciated. I don't know how to fix this - and I'm just not happy as it is. I'm not some crazed sex-fiend, I care a lot about her, I just miss spontaneous passion... hell, I'd kill for sex in the morning. The saddest part, is that she's such a great person - just so terribly insecure.
Fission. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:09:56 PM | uhmm.. get her drunk and maybe she'll loosen up a bit? lol
3years is an awfully LONG time for her to STILL be insecure being naked around you
I suggest she sees a therapist, maybe the issue goes a little deeper? Maybe this issue affects her a lot more than you know.
Talk to her about it. Reassure her that you love her and think she's beautiful no matter what.
If she doesn't change.. there's not much you can do.. either stick around bcuz you love her, or get out bcuz the only thing that's important to you is morning sex. lol | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:10:39 PM | must suck when daylight saving savings time comes around in the summer huh? Sorry I mean not to make light of your situation (pun intended, lol). Must say this is the first I've heard of a situation such as this. i can understand in the beginning her being a little concerned and insecure about this but 3 years!? Wow man, that's rough. Is she heavy by chance and you're not? Then I could see her apprehension. Have you tried talking to her about it and constantly re assuring her that you find her sexy? | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:15:00 PM | | 3 years is a long time and congrats on being so patient....and this is just my opinion...alot of gals feel that same insecurity...however....this is extreme....and the longer you go along with it the worse it is for her in the long run.....she should maybe check out some professional help with your support.... | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:15:37 PM | Firstly, I just want to say that you are a very rare and a goodhearted man.All men seem to be jerks.But you have been patient for so long.That is really nice of you.Why don't you convince her to go and see a psychiatrist?Make sure it's a female psychiatrist though. With a female, she will be comfortable.Something might have happened in her past that makes her feel so insecure in front of men. I'm dead sure it was something that happened when she was very young(could be when she was just a kid).That is why it has made an impact on her.She needs to see a psychiatrist very soon. Since it's been the same way for 3 years, I don't think you are the right person to deal with her.She needs therapy.Goodluck.
~*Flavia*~ | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:16:03 PM | I read an article not too long ago on women that were molested as kids. Well it was said that, inspite of making up their minds on having sex with a man in the future, they could not tolerate men seeing them naked.Did something like that happen to her? You say she is very attractive, so why is she insecure?You need to know about her past before you go any further.Goodluck again!Don't worry, I'm sure she will be fine.Every problem has a solution.Just stay positive.There is always hope.
~*Flavia*~:banger: | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:18:30 PM | | I don't think you can force someone to be comfortable with their body. I think it has to be a deeply rooted psychological problem. As you said "I don't want to spent the rest of my life waiting...". My advice is consider some counseling or end it. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:18:32 PM | This has very little to do with sex, morning sex, or anything based solely on MY wants. What bugs me is it makes the entire relationship feel less intimate. Like "I don't trust you enough to see me like this because...". I've done everything I can think of to reassure her, I'm caring, loyal, patient, etc. etc. but I've reached my breaking point, and I wonder if anyone else has had similar experience and/or suggestions.
She's seriously an extremely attractive woman. I just don't understand. We've talked about this, I don't know why she feels the way she does, I'm sure she's not even 100% sure. It just occurred to me that this will most likely never change. And that sucks.
Fission | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:21:21 PM | Did you try lighting candles and trying to light the room a little more each time?
Then adding more candles as time goes by to make it brighter & lighter for you..
This may make her more secure without her feeling there is 'too much light' on her..
But it be enough to make her feel more secure about her body
Or maybe buying her some nice semi sheer undies so she feels 'covered up'
But so that the underwear is more revealing to you and your needs also?
I understand you have been so patient so far & that is great
But surely she is worth just a little more time and effort.. 
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:22:17 PM | | You can't help her. She needs some clinical help to understand why it is she feels such negative self image. If you love her, which it sounds like you do, then you have to tell her your true feelings how this is affecting you and offer her to get help and reassure her you will support her through the counselling. If she chooses not to get help, then I think you know what you have to do. I hope you can get this worked out, you seem to care about her very much otherwise. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:24:16 PM | | OP... I am assuming that she is fairly young. Even with that.... it sounds to me as though she is not comfortable with her body and/or her sexuality. I would wager to say that she has some pretty serious issues here that would require.... well...... probably professional help of some kind. My best to both of you...... good luck. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:33:21 PM | | just an added note....please do not use the work psychiatrist.....that would not be good....suggest couples counselling.....where you would maybe go together at first and then when other more personal issues of hers might come up....let the counsellor suggest temporary separate sessions.... | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:33:47 PM | wow... how unbelievably patient and nice of you. But maybe she has issues to resolve that you might not be equipped to help her with. some sort of sexual trama maybe?
I suggest like everyone else that you help her in finding a therapist, but be truthful and tell her how you feel... if you are as nice as you sound...I'm sure she won't want to lose you and will be willing to work on this problem.
Good luck. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:46:21 PM | | What if you were to give her an ultimatum - to at least try to get help or you'll leave? I sympathize with her, but she also has to put some effort into the relationship, and that might be by getting some counselling. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 21 | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:53:59 PM | What if the problem is you not her
just a suggestion not meaning to offend but maybe she just thinks that your the type of person that would leave her if you saw something you didnt like
and i agree with Flava but she should see psychologist not a phsiciatrist | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:55:08 PM | You know what's amazing about us? How we can take ingredients from all around us, ingest them, and turn it into skin, into blood cells, muscles, hormones. Stay away from the garlic though or it'll come through your pores and you'll stink!
How you feel on the inside works much the same way. What you feel on the inside is going to come out on the outside. I don't doubt that you care about this girl a lot, but your love for her hasn't overcome your own selfishness, has it? It hasn't made you accept her unconditionally, has it? Strengths, faults, insecurities and all. You've said that you tried to get her to appreciate herself and get her to recognize that she has no reason to be so self conscious...why would you do this? For her? Or for you? It sounds to me like she's just not comfortable being naked in front of others. Just because someone is a good driver doesn't mean they feel comfortable getting behind the wheel, you know what I mean? Perhaps what's keeping her from being truly comfortable around you is the madness behind your method. Have you considered that by 'trying' to make her realize these things about herself you've only made her more conscious of her insecurities and put pressure on her? How you feel on the inside about her insecurities is being picked up by her, and it's keeping her from opening up to you the way you'd like her to.
If I may make a suggestion friend, take yourself out of the equation and make it all about her. You've got yourself a great girl, you've just said so. And if you're going to create these sexual tensions it's only going to escalade to a point you both may not be able to work through. Quit comparing old relationships/experiences with your new ones. Different folks, different strokes. Don't let such a petty thing override all the amazing things you've discovered about this girl, otherwise quit wasting her time and step aside to let someone in who will accept her unconditionally. | |
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