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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/26/2006 10:40:39 PM | My heart is so broke, in 1993 my then husband moved to MN and took my (our) son with him. No warning, no nothing. One day i came home from work and fear ripped through me. Gone, gone gone!!!!! My son was 2 1/2 years old when I last saw him.
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Well my mother finialy got to talk to my ex recently to arrange for him to come and meet this side of the family. My son knows he has family and his mother in washington because not a single holiday goes by that he is not forgotten. (his dad refuses to talk to me, and his family has been a big help in not knowing where he is). I have sent letters to my ex's mom and she is very polite and says he's okay, doing well, but never mentions that her son bacically kidnapped my child.
anyhow.....
The ticket was bought (my son is now 16), and I was already getting emotional just thinking about seeing him come off the plane. And at the last minute his dad called and said he changed his mind and now he will not be getting off the flight. I have longed for this day since the day he was taken, and now i feel as if i have been punched right in the heart again!!!!
Has anyone had a broken heart such as mine? The visit was to get to know my son and the outcome was that he would want to have a correspondence w/ me. I was not going to even talk about what happen when he was little because I belive that would too much for him. Over the years I just had to keep telling myself that the day would come.....and now i feel just as i did when I came home to nothing.  , a huge hole in my heart.
I am not writing this post lookng for pitty, just if someone has gone through a similar experience, what keeps/kept you going. I guess because tomorrow he would of been here, and I am so heartsick is why i decided to post this.
Thanks for reading a book!!
lltuff | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/26/2006 10:59:24 PM | | uh your husband kidnapped your son and you didn't get the police involved??? his parents would write to you and tell you that your son was ok, obviously they know where he is and you didn't get private investigators to track them down and beat the living shit out of him and get your son back?? please oh please tell me i'm missing something. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:06:17 PM | | Nowadays he'd have been put up on an amber alert. I would just tough it out, your son will be 17 and able to make his own choices soon, I'm sure he'll want to meet you. Your story is tragic and terrible, but stuff like this happens alot in alot of different ways. I've known alot of broken hearted men who have lost their kids to divorce and only see them in the summers or every so often...not having your child is hurtful, but it happens to so many people anymore. Hang in there, it will get better. Personally I think your ex is a jerk for canceling like that...he's got some bad karma coming his way, don't you doubt it. If you are religious, take refuge in your faith and see a counselor if you need one...it helps. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:08:05 PM | 
i am missing something here also!!! he kidnaps your son and you do nothing over it for years??? if that was me the s.o.b.!!! wouldnt have made 2 days i had my way before i found my child and the police were involved.
i would of been staking out his parent's place and friends or relatives etc etc till i found my child.
you sat on this for years and now are feeling sorry you dont get to see him?? then dont plan on saying anything to your son of what prevented you from seeing him..or getting him back etc etc???
i am so lost on this one...... i can only imagine the horror stories this boy has been told and didnt have anyone to tell him otherwise. this boy is probably been told and thinking you didnt care enough of him for him to be in your life etc etc.
my x tried that he would not survive a extra day after i found him and broke his azzzzzzz  | |
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sd001
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Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 7 | |
| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:08:31 PM | I feel for you, and hope you get to see your child soon.
My experience isn't quite the same, but in some ways it is.
I had my daughter for 1 1/2 years after my divorce, she is 10 now, and I ended up putting in my notice on a job that I hated....thinking I would find another (day) job before the two weeks was even up....was I wrong. After 4 weeks of no job, I asked my ex (who had always said if I ever needed help that our youngest daughter could come back to where we had lived together) and that would be no problem at all....I took a job working from 3 am to ll am and had no daycare for those hours, all my family is in another state...and as soon as he had her, he got a laywer and filed for custody. At the time I had absolutely no finances.
And it isn't that I ever for a moment thought that he wasn't just as good of a parent as I was....we had already raised our two older children, and even though we disagree on most things, we never disagreed on raising children.
Anyway, the upshot is that now I have a room in my house that I can barely bear to open the door to.....except for every other weekend when my daughter is with me. I know that she is in good hands. I just wish that she was with me. But sometimes it isn't about what we want, but who can provide the best at the time. I just never expected him (my ex) to make it permanent. So, in some ways, I can relate to a part of what you are feeling. It hurts beyond anything imaginable to not have your child with you. Period. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:27:49 PM | The very next day I contacted the police( I was way to hysterical and it was late), But, since there was no "official divorce or seperation papers", they said he had every right to take him. Just like I had every right to go there and get him back.
Please dont think I didnt try!! I did. I contacted a PI, 5k right off the top, all expenses, then if we did find him, we would of had to get the local police involved. I met his parents once and that was it, he has family all over MN, that were helping him out. So, it would of taken days if not weeks to find him. Believe me, if I had the money I would of been on the next plane!!!
The problem was that I didnt have the $$ to do that, and at that same time my folks were thinking he would bring him back so they didnt offer to help pay. What was I to do? I just couldnt afford it.
My spirit was so broke, i couldnt even see my eyes were swollen for days, not to mention i couldnt get out of bed w/o getting sick.
This meeting that was to take place was all my mothers doing (guilt perhaps that she believed he would bring him back), as i said before if i called or wrote he (the ex) would not talk because he knows what he did was so wrong. Over the years my mom has been a so-called mediator as my ex will talk to her, never me.
I wish you were missing somthing, but that is what happened and tomorrow is going to be a very sad day, Time is all I have and I truely believe in karma, when my son is old enough to know the truth he just might resent his dad, but that's not what I want, i just want to know my son. suks bad!
lltuff | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:43:26 PM | You had 6 months from the day they left to file papers in court... A child needs to be residing some where for 6 months before it is considered a Residence... If you had contacted a lawyer you would have found this out and you would have filed for custody and the courts would have forced him to come back to the state even if it was just for the Hearing... But then you would have also gotten to work out Visitation...
You say you tried, but it doesn't sound like you tried at all... I think you are making it up that you hired a P.I. just to try and make yourself look good, because you are not getting the Pity Party you came here looking for... You would have Hired a Lawyer, not a P.I... Lawyers have P.I.s on retainer and would have taken care of that for you...
when my son is old enough to know the truth he just might resent his dad, but that's not what I want
So instead you've let this go on for years and your son now resents you because his father has probably filled his head with "Mommy Abandoned You" thoughts...
Now the years have passed and you are finally feelings sorry for it, like you should... Most of us here at POF have seen shit that would dry the seas... And we read through bullshit when we see it...
Most people don't just up and move half a country away for no reason and no forwarding address... You are leaving something out of your story and just about everyone that has replied to this Thread can see that... | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:03:08 AM | @ sassy,
like i said before, I did try and just couldnt afford it, his family was keeping him well hidden for years, his mother would not even give a phone #. She would just say he was okay. I had her address in MN, I live i Washington state. Thats where we (my parents and I) would send all his gifts. Never a return to sender so I know he must have goten them, and as he got older he knows that there was not a day i didnt think about him and that I loved him very much. (that is if his dad gave him the letters and cards)
You are right about what he had been told, thats another reason why I want to wait so he can tell me w/o having to feel as if he had to protect his dad. I could never uproot him from the only life he has ever known.....If it could of been with in a year or so, hell yes I would have went and staked out his moms house. But there are laws that differ from state to state and I woud of had to have a PI and then work w/ the local police which would of been no problem but his family was of course on his side and for years we only knew his moms #. By then it was too late and my son could of possibly been tramatized if i went to get him back.
The reson I was not going to bring up the subject of what happen is because I don't think @ 16 he is ready for the truth. Thats the only life he has ever known and I didnt want to upset him. He will know the truth when he is older that way he is will be old enough to process all the shit his dad did and has said.
making any more sense? I had no choice for years, his family i hate to say are scum, this side of his family are law abiding citizens. His family actually was hiding them and by the time we had a # it had been years, I didnt want to confuse him and then have him hate me for taking him from his only existence that he had knwn at the time.
They say $$ doeant but happiness.....i beg to differ, if i had the $$ he would be here but I didnt at the time and I would of needed a bag full!!
lltuff | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:12:45 AM | Laws do not differ that much from state to state... Moving a child out of state falls under Federal Law, not State Law... You never contacted a Lawyer or you would have known this...
I've been through it, my wife wanted to move to Va. and then to Fl. with my son... Didn't Happen, because I had Legal Counsel... Which you should have gotten too, but you apparently didn't...
And don't go on about Money this Money that... There are state programs in every state that will help... I almost had to go through one myself, but my father stepped in and helped me years ago when I needed it... And I ended up winning Custody too... Half of what you say doesn't make sense and the other half sounds nothing more than you feeling sorry for your actions years ago... | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:15:37 AM | you're such a lazy ****, if i get banned for this i don't ****ing care, what the hell is wrong with you??you didn't need money to get your son back, the police won't charge, sleep with the damn lawyer if you have too..hitchhike up there, you had the mothers number and her address why didn't you go? You don't need money to use your two feet and your thumb. You say you would have had to work with local police but all you had was the mothers number..you don't think the police could have found her with just a number? Hell YOU could have found her with just a number.
It's funny how you're so damn concerned with taking him away from his father when his father took him away from you, i think you're lying, you didn't want your son, if you would have wanted him you would have went and gotten him.
It's amazing how people use that excuse..'i didn't have any money' ya well where there's a will there's a way and you didn't have the will.
Well nice posting here, i'm sure i'll be gone by tomorrow but it's so ****ing worth it. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:26:36 AM | @ Mop
what it boiled down too was $$, I wouldnt make something like this up, and if I remember correctly lawyers cost $$ too, as I talked to then also, if you dont have the funds your SOL.....I never said I hired a PI, I contacted them by phone calls after phone calls. Always talked briefly of the situation and first thing was the retainer, same as the lawyer.
Wish this was here in 93.....and I am sorry you think its bull sh*** espcially regading my son, i was being open and honest. But everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
I came home from work and he was gone, was discharged fron the military w/o my knowledge and moved back home WITH my son with no forwarding address except for his mothers house. I am not leaving a thing out....
I am glad you can weed out the bull....thanx!
lltuff | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:34:46 AM | There are state programs that will help, every state has them... If you wanted it bad enough, you would have researched it deeper than you did... I lost just about everything I had to keep my Son... I have no remorse for those that don't fight tooth and nail and then whine about it...
I sold my; boat, motorcycle, jetskis, 2 muscle cars, Jeep, antiques {handed down by my great,great grandfather}, and other things, and took a 2nd mortage... And I still needed my father's help...
So I've seen the black pit and I still prevailed... I hold no softness for those that don't put up a fight because they whine about money... There are many ways... As for working with Local Police, why is that so hard??? You are making excuses and you are starting to believe them... | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:37:26 AM | dont give me the cant afford trash....such a thing as moving if required and doing job to job in different states till you worked your way to where you had a chance to find your child.
i am a single mother raising 3 kids in the last 8 years and still 1 who is only 13. i know expenses of kids and what you have to do for them cost wise. sure chasing a missing child is extremely!!! more expensive.
as for protecting his dad???mggg
protect the scum from what?? he did wrong by removing the child and not you....he guaranteed trashed you to this child for years!! uproot this child?? what did this so called father do?? he uprooted a child from a mother...any child needs 2 parents growing up ..wether good or bad in most circumstances. no..i not saying abusive parents or child endangerment..but not all people are good parents..but 1 good parent can stabilize a child within reason against a bad parent.
there is child find!!...would of cost nothing and they do help track missing children along with many other organizations. so that dont work as a excuse either. as previous poster said..there is alot not being said..why this guy decided the child had to be hidden and a mother who sat back and let it happen for years.
sorry i dont believe you tried to hard in the beginning...i have been involved with to many different volunteer groups for kids over the years. involved in missing child group and police child find/tracking groups. when this man divorced you....he was then on record to where he lived...courts would of then intervened on custody. to many things are not said here.
i do feel sorry for you and how much you may of missed your child...but i pity the child on all the love he missed from a caring mother.
i may sound cruel..but i wont soften my toughts on such a serious topic. for that i apologize on saying things how i see them. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:49:57 AM | WOW!
EVERYbody take it EASY on this gal!
whether she DID do ALL she COULD
or
NOT?
NOT the POINT-really
SHE posted this to get some feedback from those whom
may have been on/down a similar PATH
TIS ALL!
the VICIOUS venom being spewed at this women is NOT
necessary-at ALL
we have ALL been in different 'places' at DIFFERENT 'points'
in OUR lives
we have ALL made MISTAKES, not done the 'right/perfect'
thing-in EVERY situation
(sheesh, *shaking head*)
mayBE this gal DIDNT put her BEST foot forward/give it her ALL/'PERFORM'
to the highest standards of others-(or her own)
THIS-is where she is...NOW
NO going back
NO changing the PAST
SHE is HERE, NOW
AND?
in PAIN
have some frikin COMPASSION
no need for 'pity'
no need for 'EMPATHY' even
if one has NOT 'experienced' LIKE 'circumstances/happenings'...
(as i have not)
one canNOT 'relate'-fully
as for 'state PROGRAMS'?
"i almost had to 'use' one , DIDNT...parents HELPED"
WELL
well well WELL
HA!
if one HAD -indeed NEEDED the assistance of any sort of 'state PROGRAM'?
in regards to LEGAL ISSUES/HELP?
O-one SURELY would have FOUND-NOT such an EZ 'HAND OUT'
PUHHHHHLEASE!
the 'ya get what ya pay for'?
YA-just GETTING the 'assistance'=NOT 'EZ'
AND? if one DOES get so LUCKY to make it through all the hoops of
FIRE? hahaFRIKIN
HA!-GOOD LUCK with THAT
i was- just besides myself with the UNwarrented INTENSITY of the verbal
ATTACK
on THIS particular poster
this FELLOW SPIRIT
UNTIL...i REALIZED
the level of emotion that i see
is LIKELY due to the fears,insecurities that this 'story' MUST
'tap into'
MOST of us have seen/experienced/KNOW
how LIFE can just reach out,SMAK YA right upside da KISSER
VERY bad things HAPPEN
to very GOOD people-just DO sometimes
perhaps SOME could never IMAGINE this PARTICULAR scenario
playing out-in thiers
FINE!
HOWEVER, try stepping down of yer high,mighty soapboxes
just for a mo
just long enough to
TRY to 'look anOTHER in zee eyes'
and...USE your HEART-to reach out,with a LITTLE COMPASSION
SHEESH!
OR?
JUST DONT
say ANYthing at ALL
(
OT: i am SORRY for your CURRENT PAIN,
WISH you/YOURS
ALL the BEST
 | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:59:41 AM | 
as for 'state PROGRAMS'?
"i almost had to 'use' one , DIDNT...parents HELPED"
WELL
well well WELL
HA!
if one HAD -indeed NEEDED the assistance of any sort of 'state PROGRAM'?
in regards to LEGAL ISSUES/HELP?
O-one SURELY would have FOUND-NOT such an EZ 'HAND OUT'
PUHHHHHLEASE!
the 'ya get what ya pay for'?
mmmmmm  and this from someone who doesnt have a child???....how could you possibly know???
child programs and missing kid programs run alot different than welfare or social help programs.
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:00:53 AM | I have been down a similiar path, almost the same, except I fought and was able to win... So don't tell me to take it easy on her... I know there are/were ways she could have dealt with this... She posted to get remorse for her regrets...
She is having regrets... Mid Life Crisis...
Whatever you want to call it... 14 years and she NEVER found a way to find her son... I'm not accepting that...
Doesn't matter whether or not the programs are easy, I know they aren't easy, she would have at least gotten Visitation if not custody... They are a lot easier to get than Disability or Welfare or such...
And now she still wants to protect the supposed @sshole that did this to her??? Come on, you aren't buying into this are you??? There is something hidden here... He wouldn't have up and disappeared without good reason... And until she gives that info, I see no reason to be soft or easy going... | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:17:09 AM | I'll bet the group she needs to talk with are men who gone through this same thing millions of times!!!! I feel for her since this is NOT a good thing but men have suffered through things just like this for years.
Naturally we don't know all the reasons for this separation just as we don't know why some women do the same thing. Most times there really are two sides to a story and we might be missing part of this one too!! | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:23:37 AM | jenni,
Thanks for your response "a lazy B****", how original and mature. I think not!!! But your entitled to your opinion....but the famming was pretty harsh but nothing i cant handle. I did say i couldnt get out of bed, but that was because my son had just been snatched from me. Umm, I think I know the police dont charge for their services....that is so far from what the original post was.
If that had happened to you, you have already said you'd do whatever, but I bet you wouldnt be acting the way you are now, thinking your better than I? I dont understand people that have to put others down.....guess you feel pretty good about your last post huh? to me it just shows your character and it aint much honey. And I said I had the mothers # and address in MN. Thats all the info I had. His mother and father were lying for him plain and simple. Your right about one thing I was broken inside, including my will.
mop: Thats why when and if we found my son, we would of had to get the local police involved.....he crossed state lines and that's when it becomes a federal case. I knew of no agency that would help, the lawyer didnt mention it,( I did go to dome "free" the initial consoltation)
And I am sorry to say if you dont have the $$ for retainers they dont just give you the help you need. that was my case.
As I said prior, i wish i had all this information back then. NO, I just let him go with out investigating what could be done to get him back. I think NOT!!
It was the PI who told me about the legal documents that we would need, and contact the police prior to getting him back. I didnt come here tro get my head bit off, what i wrote is ALL true. I also never said I "hired" a PI....
This is addressing my 16 son, doesnt anyone have empathy or the capacity to think how it might have effected my son in a negative way??? I didnt want to find out if he would of been hurt psychology for years to come, that has been cases such as that when a young child has been up rooted and live bacically live with strangers, which i am even though I am his mohter. i am not that selfish that it would do more harm than good when the time was turning into years.
shheeesh, you people are a tough crowd. I wasnt looking for any flames, just asked if anyone had any similar experiences, not your a liar, or a lazy B*****......damn
Why the attack?? Is there a full moon??????? | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:23:48 AM | My ex had me arrested and ran off with my kids.
I sold everything I had, missed work, shot what little credit I had and spent every waking moment looking for my kids. I was a mess.
I put down a small down payment to a lawyer, called in some favors and found them.
I went through hell, but I did what I had to do.
I lost my house, 2 of my cars, my credit is trashed, but I have my kids.
I can see my ex writing something like this one day.
"Oh, my ex stole my kids from me!"
I aint buying it. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:43:10 AM | | Ok,you won the hard fight that i'm actually going through here in australia,so what if she left out the reason for him up and leaving,it is her "private" buisinesss that she doesn't want to share with us,if she did she would have.....unfortunately here in australia the mother of my two little ones could be a crack whore living on the streets and they still won't take my kids off her,i agree with the court system dragging his sorry ass back but remember this is only a forum and you don't have to tare shreds off the lady for unfortunately taking the wrong path to find her child,yes you won,good on you,i am envious of you but guys/women don't always win,and she hasn't,the kid may resent him/her or you or me or anyone anywhere for it but the system doesn't always go the way you say it does,it can all look good at the start but can blow up in your face oh so easily.....i'm still fighting to see my kids,not actually paying to do so because over here if one party gets help through government lawyers/solicitors the other can't and has to pay,but!!!!! It don't mean i can see them just because we are going through court...so in turn even if she dragged him into court she might not have been able even now to see the kid,so yes you do your research but don't think for one minute she didn't try,yes she didn't go galavanting round trying to find him but her heart was and is in it,i can say i would go wherever needed to find my kids but maybe she couldn't, so before you or anyone judges,take a step back and think well maybe there was something stopping her from going to the ends of the earth to find him.... | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:52:39 AM | Well...I've been down the path too. 14 years ago and even today...being the "mother" all she had to do was go to the police and scream abuse...true or not true...evidence or not...and they would have hunted him down and she would have gotten her son back. I make no apologies...but I have to call bullshit on this one as well. I lost everything. My child for over a year, my home, my contract...lived out of my truck for almost 5 months...70,000.00 plus debt...but I never gave up. Being the "father" left me with pretty much no assistance from any program. Over and over..."oh you must have done something"...not true. I learnt family law and how to represent myself and after 250.00 an hour lawyers could not get my child back...my first appearance as a self rep I held a court order to see my Daughter. And I did see her. And after a 10 day family law trial she now lives with me half the time and the mother continues to attempt to act only to further her own interests. Unfortunately for her because I did not give up...the courts are wise to her and it is all down hill from here. The way it should be for any parent...father or mother...who would use their child or any child as a pawn to further their own interests. Sad really...get yourself some legitimate qualified psychological and or psychiatric help...and maybe someday you will be able to face your son and explain to him the truth as to why you were unable to be a part of his life. Continue to blame others...and you will have lost him forever.
As for someone without children or has never been exposed to this through close friends or family...you DON'T have a clue what it's about if you feel sorry for a parent who would allow their child to be taken from them...for no substantial reason. | |
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