| | is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?Page 1 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | | I'm a first time mom of a 3 month old baby girl, who is my world . Her dad comes around when it's convienient for him, maybe a half hour, twice a week. He doesn't help me out financially and he wont even change her diaper. When he is with her I can tell that he loves her but he doesn't do any of the stuff a dad is suppose to do. Is it better to let him be around when it is convienient for him or should I tell him to beat it? I don't want to deny my daughter of her dad but I also don't want her to get hurt from his lack of being a father. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/1/2006 7:29:36 PM | | i know where you are coming from, and i cannot say that it will get better but like you say you do not want to deny your daughter her dad......................it happens i'd say let it flow if he does anything to seriously harm her..........then take action, until then make sure when he wants to come around its convenient to you............... | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/1/2006 8:26:53 PM | | my baby's dad had a drugs and alcohol problem, and i gave him a few months into the pregnancy to fly right. he didn't, so i cut him loose, and it's been just me and my kid since. if he is not violent or on something, give him the chance to come around. set boundaries for him, and make sure he knows he needs to respect them. hopefully he will, and not neglect his child just to spite you. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/1/2006 8:40:15 PM | Hey ladies,
Single father here, bit of a pickle you got i see, nothing to harsh though ,,, i hope you dont mind but i do have a couple suggestions,,, one is ,, if you cut him loose and he really loves yours and his child he'll try for custody and if he wins, you wont know for sure if, your little girl is really being taken care of properly, and second, keep him arround,,, makes for less questions from her as to why daddy isn't arround,,, who knows maybe he'll shape up, have you tryed a heart to heart with him about it,, well i hope i helped atleast a little bit
PeaCe
What else | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/1/2006 8:45:05 PM | Assuming that all you say is the truth....This guy is a punk.....The only person that can make him change is himself.......he is a looser and he knows it The only thing that important is that the two of you be adults and do what ever it takes to put your differences aside in the best interest of the child.
If he's not man enough to step up to the plate, someone else will!!!!....then over time he will realize that any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a DAD!! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/1/2006 10:09:48 PM | No the guy is not perfect. Would you rather have a father that never showed up? Be thankul with what you have as you can not control anyone except your self.
I think you will get over the idea of him being the father. In my book he was the spern doner. (thats what I call my so called father :-D )
Hopefullly you will meet a great guy while your chid is still young that will be a real father to your child. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 2:18:30 AM | juicy - I would be willing to bet that instead of being a deadbeat, it's a lot more likely that he just hasn't got a bloody clue about what he SHOULD do.
SHOW him how to change a diaper - it's the first 2 or 3 that are the hardest, and after that the nose adjusts :-)
You've never been a mother before - but you probably babysat, helped with younger brothers & sisters, etc. That whole area is a mystery for us menfolk, untill it actually happens.
Walk him through it -you might be surprised. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 2:27:09 AM | | So he is coming around a couple times a week, thats good. Ok, he's not with her long, but he continues to be there every week for her. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, however it maybe an idea to tell him that if he is going to build a relationship with his daughter, he will have to keep that relationship going until she is no longer a child. Otherwise it'd be better for him to walk away now whilst she is to young to remember him. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:37:03 AM | | i would let him come around you dont want to end up like me waiting for the moment your daughter turns on you cuz yuou have kept daddy away and i did it for damn good reasons he held her and told me and my best friend he could kill me and my daughter that was the end after his long history of being abusive to me.. i was not taking the chances but i also know one day she will want to know about him and i cant lie.. the truth has to come out and i will have to be supportive if she chooses too meet him or not.. your daughters dad on the other hand is being a child .. i am more then willing to bet he is young, or maybe he really doesnt know how to be a parent i see alot of people with kids who honestally have no respect for their children and shouldnt be parents.. another thing you said was your daughter is 3 months old .. girl i was scared of my daughter until she was about that age i would bearly touch her... i was soo scared i was going to hurt her or break her or god only knows what i could do to her but she was soooooo little and i was the baby in my family never held a baby never been around babies unless they where in their strollers i didnt know what to do with her.. now though she is my bestest buddy we do everything together shes a total mamas girl and i always look back and think it was a learning experance now if i have another one i wont be scared of it i know babies arnt breakable :D:D:D | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:50:10 AM | Whenever I hear a female moaning on about he spouse not pulling his weight in the home, be it with the kids or in the kitchen , my mind starts to wander.
It wanders up to an image of a girl on the roof
in the middle of a howling gale
tryiing to find out, through the wind and water, where that damed leak is coming from. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:50:53 AM | Tough position to be in. You didn't give us many details on what your relationship with him is like though and what he is like as a person. Do you trust him with your daughter? If so, I'd let him come around when its good for him. He is coming around afterall. Maybe he is adjusting to the idea that he is a father. You had to make adjustments in your life when you found out you were pregnant. There is a big difference. Then again, maybe I am making excuses because I'm pregnant right now with a less than ideal relationship with my boyfriend and this is my way of saying things will get better.
Either way, good luck. Look out for yourself and the baby. That should be your number one priority at this point in time. Take things one day and a time. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:45:58 AM | | okay hes 33 with 3 other kids acting liek a 20 yr old lol how is he with the other kids is he around?? i knwo thats part of why i took my rute of doing things with my daughter is because my ex also had a son older and he didnt really care for him either i seen how he treated the son so i knew my daughter was going to get it worse comming from a old school euro family the boys tend to get more respect then the girls | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:42:52 AM | | he takes care of all of his other kids and pays child support for all of them. He doesn't deny that this is his daughter, he can't she looks identical to him. He claims he takes care of her, but coming around to see does not mean he takes care of her, you know what I mean. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:45:35 AM | As long as he is good to your daughter, and treats her well,(aside from the sporadic visits)I would allow him to visit. As far as your question of whether a deadbeat dad is better than none at all is concerned........It completely depends on the circumstances.If a man isnt a good influence on the child,does drugs, or is emotionally/physically abusive,I would say they shouldnt be allowed within 100 miles of any child.Ive raised my 9 year old daughter for the past 8 and a half years completely on my own.I think as long as a child has positive role models(male and female) to look up to,one parent they know they can depend on regardless of circumstances,and a secure ,loving environment a child will flourish whether the other parent is absent or not.My daughter makes the honour roll all the time,is active in various groups at school,and is very well adjusted.She knows how much I adore her and never has to feel like shes lacking for anything.I dont know all of the details of your circumstance,so only you can make the right choice for your child.Good luck,Kat | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 9:10:23 AM | well...i have been there, and still there and my kids are now 3 n 4 (same daddy) He still chooses to come around when it's convient for him.(sometimes if it wasnt fr me calling him he wouldnt come at all)
I'm in the process of telling him to beat it. And yes, i'll admit it's easier said then done. I mean c'mon 3n 4..lol. I should have done it years ago. Knowing all the things you know and what you feel in your heart should make it easier but it doesn't. I see my kids looking at my friends daddies and then they start to ask questions. It kills me to tell them that their daddy is either "to far, or to busy" to see them. He can't even pick up the phone and give them a call. The best advice i can give you is tell him to beat it, or step up to the plate, and if he can't then tell him to beat it. I go everyday seeing the dissappointment in their lil faces, and i once promised myself that my kids will have there dad in their lifes...well, i regret that thought now. They are way better off without him.
I hope you all the best... | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 12:11:31 PM | Let her have those emptional bumps and bruises. Don't be the one to deny her the right to get to know her father - better or worse.
I have a 10 year old son whose father has never paid a dime in support, never calls, and never really sees him at all. I have left the lines of communication open, and I am VERY close still with his family. It's important to me that my son make his own judgements about what kind of father he has, and I won't be the one to put myself in a position later where my son can say "You didn't let me..."
I was denied the right to know my father and he died when I was 16. As long as the father is not abusive or a danger to the child, leave the door open. People change every day and even if he never does, at least you will know YOU did the right thing. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 2:03:49 PM | im in a very similar situation myself. my ex left me when i was pregnant because it wasnt supposed to happen and showed up full of excuses when she was 10 months old. he is a good guy but doesn't pull his weight and really doesn't have a clue.
my 2 cents is the child is what is important, not the relationship between the parents. what you have to do for the benefit of your child provided father is not a threat or danger to the baby is swallow it. he may show up late, sporadically or not pay child support but really at this age that is a parent issue, not the childs. set clear and reasonable limits and these will change as the baby grows- you can't CHANGE the father but as a responsible and loving mother this is just another thing you will have to swallow hard for. im not saying dont tell your ex that his behavior is inappropriate. if he is supposed to show up at noon and manages to appear at 3.. tell him in advance you can see the baby between 12-5 and tell baby daddy will be here after lunch or whatever. if he doesnt show by 5 which is the end of the scheduled visit LEAVE with the baby. divert the child and take them to do something fun. acknowledge his (dads) efforts for what they are because fathers are important and its very true YOU can't change him. positive reinforcement doesnt just work with children! if he doesnt get it he just wont. never ever under any circumstance say bad things to or about dad infront of your baby. kids are smarter then we think they are.. and will figure out that they are half of the other parent no point giving them self esteem problems- life is already hard enough. raise them right, and you will not ever have to say anything. they will figure it out themselves (and hopefully dont ever figure out dad is a total loser but frame it as dad is a free spirit and boy im lucky mom is a rock) and be glad to have whatever they can get from the other parent and grateful that you loved them enough to do the best you could with the other parent for them.
trust me, i know its very hard. but just think how lucky you are to have your baby. im sure you wouldnt trade him/her for anything. so if father is what you have to endure as a trade off that is just the way it is. i know you would like to give him a good shake and tell him what he is missing and what he SHOULD DO but really you would just be wasting your breath. lay it out clear and calm and then drop it. he wont be fooling anyone but himself.
best of luck | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 7:35:16 PM | Juicy, a daughter does need her dad in her life. Unfortunately, a lot of these men don't realize that (or don't give a rat's a***!). You may have to find other POSITIVE male role models for your daughter! These could be your brother, cousin, uncle, or father, or a good male friend--or all of them! For example: My ex lives in Florida and hardly sees his daughter, except once a year. My daughter and I have lived with my parents since about 1994. Since my ex left in 97 (yeah, he was here, too....long story behind that), my dad has filled in the roll of "daddy duty" (taking my daughter where she needed to go...I don't drive) and, even though he would tire of it, he would just do it. Since he passed away in July of 2003, my daughter has mentioned, "most girls want to meet and marry a man like their daddy. I want to meet and marry a man like Papaw (my dad) because he was more of a daddy to me than my own." I tear up every time I remember that! My parents were married almost 38 years. Ok, I digress...finding a positive male role model. Look around, dear, and you will find them. Or, better yet, ask the Universe/God to bring you one (or several) and be open to receiving. Best of luck to your and your precious daughter!  | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 7:41:24 PM | Lisa111968
I agree with you and alot of us women do not realize that a child haveing their dad in his/her life is better than NEVER knowing their dad and it depend's on what the OP's and OTHERS defention, of a "dadbeat dad".
You can ask my neice if she had her choice of a deadbeat dad being in her life or no dad at all she would choose a "deadbeat" dad and i can understand her point because i would rather have a deadbeat dad than NEVER knowing or NEVER seeing, my dad at all. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:18:19 PM | I think that if he has a job and dont give thats a different story then get him fo child support. If he doesnt change her diapers depending on if its his first then give him a chance to come around in helpin if he doesnt tell him if he doesnt do all the dad stuff and u think its a waste of yo time being on his time then change up on the rules and let him come on yo time when its convenient fo u if its not then telll him to come on another day why follow a dead beat rule | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:23:11 PM | | hey if it was me i wouldnt give him a chance to be violent he wouldnt see the child unless hes been parental supervision by another party not by hisself if he loved the child he would do it fo the child evidently he dont when hes on drugs so why force the issue let him go to court on his own to see the child when child gets older to make own choices and if he want to see his father then let him so he can see the father behavior and make his own decision fo right now u r responsible fo that child and u know that the father is on drugs so protect yo child pops is not n right mind | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:25:29 PM | | if they say why daddy isnt around then tell yo child the truth because he dont want to help and he would rather decide to leave then support u its not mommy fault fo askin dad fo help it took too and if anyone hav to be asked to take care of their child something is wrong | |
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