| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 7:07:52 AM | Guys, I am not coming down on you, I just want your honest opinions and women too if you have one.
I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend. He called a few times and we talked on the phone. We went out and I had a great time. I thought he had a great time. He called me the next day and we talked for a few minutes. I was having a party that night and I told him I needed to go because I had a lot of work to do to get ready. I asked him if he was coming and he said yes and that he would call me later. He NEVER called. I called him that night and left a message. He still hasn't called. What gives? | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 7:12:58 AM | Its not just guys who do that !!!
Sometimes people do that because they have seen, found out
something about the other person and decided not to persue the
relationship, friendship or be around that person.
They dont call back because they choose not to directly confront that person...
and the reasons can be numerous, which some can be valid
and its better to end it by not returning calls.
Silence speaks volumes !
It says: no interest.
You have to have a tough skin when dating... as rejection is part of it...
don't call him anymore. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 7:36:48 AM | | Plenty of women do that too. In fact I have learned to only leave one message. If I don't get a return call. I never call back again because I know she isn't interested and I will not continue to leave messages. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 7:37:44 AM | ^^^^^^^^^Your post echos my exact thinking (rainbow).........a lot of times you are left shaking your head in confusion as to what went wrong and why they didnt call or show up. Simply put as you go along you will realize that 1) It didnt work out and.........2) People can be cold and not have enough decency and respect to tell you the truth.
Part of the dating game unfortunately........but you so learn as you go along and it becomes less and less hurtful as time proceeds.
Wish you well in your dating adventures.......may you find the good fish and pull in your rod and search no more.
Peace......hopelessly romantic. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:13:10 AM | I did that one time to a guy and stopped all communication because he
was otherwise smothering me.
He kept calling me and leaving these crazy messages... emailed me asking
WHY? whats wrong with me?
The fact was.. I was not all that attracted to him and in getting to know him...
after learning about him.
One time... I ran into someone who was kinda thick ( not too smart)..
and he thought because I didnt return
his calls... he would just stop over. It was unfortunate that it took so long to see his real self and true colors because he knew where I lived and would just come by and ring the doorbell over and over a few dozen times in a row.
He saw this as showing he cared and wanted to know me... and I saw it as stalking.
perspectives can vary quite a bit... and you dont know what someones perspectives are
or how they will react.. often until its too late.
Its far easier on BOTH parties in many cases to just stop all communication with the other person rather than try to explain something to someone that they just do not see, do not understand... | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:15:06 AM | hmm.. if you're married and have kids .. then maybe the other person owes an explanation .. otherwise .. i figure when a guy ceases the communication .. says he's gonna call and doesn't .. blahblahblah .. its obvious enough to me that he really isn't into ME .. and further .. i am into the honesty thing .. so if a guy cant be real .. or needs to hide / run .. then he isn't the guy for me... either way .. i am free to move on and be available for mr. right ..
why waste time on the ones ya gotta fight to treat ya right .. ? ... there are so many very nice men in here AND out there ... they are'nt "all the same" anymore than we are ..
i do think its the "adult" thing to do to just say .. "we just aren't a match .. thanks and i wish you all the luck in the world!" ... why do people think that there has to be a right and a wrong all the time? .. geez if we "all connected" just becuz we're the opposite sex .. well how could you call that "special someone" special?
the ones who call me .. call me .. the ones who don't .. are not for me... too easy!  | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:30:17 AM | It happens all the time. It's not a guy thing, at all. There are a lot of reasons. Lack of interest, fear of rejection, the temperature.... 
Who knows ?
I know that doesn't help you a lot, but it's the best I can offer. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:41:24 AM | | I've just started on this dating sight and scene and find that even though i tell people i am dating sex and the possibility of it comes up real quick, plus i'm not real confortable with the whole touching thing that's any part of my body, until the comfort level goes up. Need some advice in this area, as i just feel awkward. I want to have a fun summer and do things i haven't experienced yet and would just like to meet people that are out for fun, if it turns into more it will take more than one date to know that. and conversely it i feel i have a right to date many people i want. Am i off the wall can't a girl just want to have fun without feeling that the men are trying to tie up the next 20 years of my life. Does sex have to be the only motavation in this whole dating scene. Am i profiling myself wrong. The one thing i have found is that we are all wanting the same thing someone to love and be loved by and in the mean time can't we get along have fun, and be social. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:58:15 AM | As has been noted, it's not just men who do this so please don't feel like it's a gender thing. It seems to me it's more a matter of:
"I don't know you/like you well enough to take the time to think about treating you the way I like to be treated"
Simple as that. If people took a moment to think about what they said in the past and how they act on it in the present and future, it would be a much more civil and understandable society. But most people don't take that time and some are simply not aware that it's a negative behavior. We are all busy, we all have things to do, etc. Maybe someone figures, 'Well the other person is dating/looking to date, so they understand that this is casual until we say otherwise' and they mistake casual for 'lack of courtesy'.
I adjusted my thinking on this a while back. Instead of drifting into the 'What is wrong with this person to act like a schmuck?' or the even more tempting 'What is wrong with ME to cause this person to act like a schmuck?' I approach the whole 'people' thing like I do planting seeds. You plant em, you do the initial work, you set things up for sucess as best as you are able and then you let nature take its course. If some seeds don't germinate, I don't hover over the planter and mutter 'Whats wrong with you!' or 'Why dont you like me enough to call me, I mean...grow!?', etc... You do your part, act as you know you should, take responsibility for your OWN actions and let go of the rest. Better to simply have hope than expectation.
And don't take it personally, you don't *need* clueless people who actions don't follow thier words. How many of THOSE relationship stories have you read? Better to let someone show their colors early on and respond accordingly. | |
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AlexSB
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Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 10 | |
| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:27:28 AM | That gate swings both ways...
I think thats more of a personality characteristic, not a gender specific one...
Cheers :) | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:29:50 AM | I like what ootnaboot said...as far as liking someone enough to treat them the same way that they would want to be treated...makes sense...
Yeah, apparently its part of the dating game, BUT isn't it... IRONIC that people who say that they're not into playing games, and want honesty in all aspects, play them and don't have the courteousy/decency to be honest?? wtf? | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:48:33 AM | I don't know what to say on this subject...at least if I say I'm going to call, I do.
On the flip side of the coin, if I call and get your voicemail or answering machine, and you don't return my call, the ball is in your court - I'm not going to continue to leave scores of messages. I might give you a call a week or so later and leave a short message to the effect of "Hey, I don't know if you didn't have time to return my call last week, you've forgotten about me or I'm just not what you're looking for. In any case, just thought I'd call and say hi." If I don't get that call returned, I'll take the hint and leave you be. There's nothing worse than some needy person leaving you a dozen messages a day to find out what it was you didn't like about them so they can "change".
Sometimes, people have ligitimate reasons for not having called and you get forgotten about. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 12:05:22 PM | ...because the are churlish, uncaring, stupid, egotistical, selfcentered and discourteous among other things too numerous to mention. When out grow that stage of my life I hope then there is someone still willing to go out and have a good time and/or invite an old man to a party. Have Hope!
PitdogK9P | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 12:46:14 PM | Dear Wanda1fish,
Just LOVE your phrase, "Why waste time on the ones ya gotta fight to treat ya right?"!
Everyone who's out in the dating world should have that framed and hang it on their wall...
Thank you,
SweetScarlett | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/4/2006 9:54:00 AM | I agree to a point on most of what you have said ootnaboot....When you chat and talk on the phone with someone for a long time, get to know their personality and what each person wants in a possible future etc etc, and seem to click, also agreeing that brutal honestly is the only way to be. Agree that if there is an attraction in person that a relationship would be a strong possibility. (discuss the facts and particulars etc) You meet, have a great time with obvious attraction, then things change. You agree that is was great to finally meet, you are attracted to them, the communication is there but one party seems very distant and not as open as before. You try to find answers and keep the minimal lines of communication open( being as you trusted this person, and would hope that they would be mature enough to explain their feelings), but it still proceeds to dwindle. Even after agreeding that brutal honesty is the only way. You know that people have busy lives etc. But it takes 1 whole minute out of your day to send a hello with a few lines, especially when you know they are online anyways and seem to be avoiding you!! Are they not interested?? Are they trying to make you feel like an a$$ so you give up and move on?? Or are they maybe scared?????
People need to express their thoughts instead of misleading someone and leaving them in the dark. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2006 7:05:34 PM | hey Squish .. short, sweet'n to the point! .. agreed!! its more a personality thing .. some people are able to say nicely .. without causing (great) pain .. that they are not interested .. or just not into you .. or me .. or whoever .. other people well hell .. some people have a hard enough time telling a person they ARE interested! lol .. us humans .. what a lot! Probly tons of reasons for why a person "says" they'll call and then they dont .. bottom line i figure is if they are really into me .. they'll call. But i hold my breath for no human .. only for the ocean !  | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2006 10:49:09 PM | | I think he got cold feet and had second thoughts. Maybe he didn't feel any spark?? | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2006 11:39:28 PM | sugar... i agree with both points they are scared and they become misleading because of being scared... they dont thinkit could happen to them  | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2006 11:55:51 PM | Before I say this I have to state a scientific point: When there's a problem and all of the variables are equal the most logical answer is usually the correct one.
With that said here's why "guys" (whoever that is) did this: He wanted sex. Why do I say this? You talked on the phone, you had a party (lots of other people around) and you asked if he was coming. HELL NO he isnt coming!!! Too many people there! If you invited him to watch a movie with you alone he would've been there in a second. Think about it. The only way you could've kept his interest is if you would've had sex with him or promised him you would. It wasnt fear or a deep seeded hatred for women, he was going to use you. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 2:01:43 AM | so you went out and had a good time????
maybe he did not....maybe he did.....maybe it is as nautica said.........only you should have an idea | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:06:05 AM | I have a strict 2 call policy:
First call, I make the next day to say I had a great time and really enjoyed their company and would really like to do it again soon. If I don't get her, I'll leave a quick voicemail to say that in as few words as I can, making sure to leave my number in case she's lost it.
If I don't get a response to my first call, I will wait from a few days to a week and give her one more chance - maybe she had a reason not to call other than she wasn't interested. So the second call is just to reiterate that I had a good time and would like to do it again, but that after she didn't return my last call I got the feeling she's not interested.
I leave it at that. If she is interested, you haven't crowded her but she'll get the message that if she doesn't call you, you're moving on and this will prompt her to call you back...and if she's not interested you haven't wasted your time. 2 messages = what? A minute out of your life in the span of a week? Not a huge ordeal.
Of course, it would be common courtesy to call back and say, "Hey, I had a great time with you the other night, but I just wasn't feeling it so I'm not really interested in pursuing it any further, sorry."...but that's just me. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 5:33:26 AM | | hmmm... could be a few things. Without knowing to much about the situation, I would imagine that he either got cold feet and had no courtesy to let you know, or he found someone else. Make sure he hasn't had an emergency though. If it's as straight forward as you say, then it is odd that he wouldn't call. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 5:36:42 AM | Well my guess is he was not interested. I find it a lame way to tell someone.
I met a gilr off another site last year and we went out for a bite to eat and drinks. We had a great time, so it seemed. Well after talking to her the next day, she never returned any calls and I only called her 3 times in the following 6 days, so my guess was, she didn't have the nerve to tell me honestly she was not interested nor impressed. But she was the one who hugged me by when we left the pub. | |
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