| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 4:33:59 AM | Do you think many women actually want to be approached by a man in a bar or club?
They make it look so easy in the movies and on TV, but the few times I've tried to strike up a converstation with a woman in a bar they seem, well, polite, but distant and sometimes even slightly annoyed.
I try very hard not to sound like one of those sleazy pick-up artists (no pickup lines, innuendos, etc...) and only try to go after women who I think I have a chance with (no supermodels! lol) but still always get politely turned down.
Do you think most women go to bars only to drink, listen to music and have a good time with friends? Is being approached by men (even the nice ones like me! lol) more of a nuissance than anything else?
Or do you think the problem lies with me, and that many women do indeed go to clubs in the hopes of meeting someone new? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 5:19:55 AM | Actually I go to bars very seldom........but when I do....I like to have a few drinks,play a little pool,listen to music,dance and mingle.... so if I'm approached by a guy(and he's not an ass)that's cool..........usually guys will ask me to dance,buy me a drink(that always works)lol...or challenge me to a game of pool....its all good | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 7:23:32 AM | The women in bars may have watched different TV shows than you did, and so are going by an example that conflicts with yours. They might be there waiting for someone, or getting drunk, or they are there to be picked up but just not by you. It's a lot easier to pick up women on location where they are actors playing a scene in a bar, because then you can explain your intentions as a last second rewrite, and they will probably go along with you at least until the crew starts hooting and whistling.
In a regular bar, never approach a woman empty handed. Wait until she is holding something. Then avoid eye contact until the last possible second so she doesn't read your purely animalistic intentions until you have safely crossed into her personal space. By then, unless that thing she was holding has become a defensive weapon, she will have surrendered her will to yours and be easy to guide back out to the back seat of your love chariot. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 7:35:58 AM | | men go to bars to pick up women. women go to bars knowing thats where men go to pick up women. men ask women to talk. women won't because now they remembered why men go to bars. men don't understand this so they come to POF and ask why. women will tell them not to give up and next time offer to buy women a drink to loosen her up. men go back to bar and women come in. men buy the woman a drink .however she is sitting with her frined so he has to buy the friend a drink too. now hes broke and he goes home. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 8:13:38 AM | ^^^^ lmao
My girlfriend and I are still in the bar drinking your drinks...thanks. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 8:22:25 AM | | How can you approach them in a bar? They can't go alone and always bring other friends with them. That makes it much harder so I never bother. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 10:56:21 AM | "Do you think many women actually want to be approached by a man in a bar or club?"
Yes. That's why they're there.
Offer her a dirnk. Any self-respect woman will turn it down if she's totally uninterested in you. What if she drinks, then turn you down? At least, you have 5 minuts taling to her. If you think it's not worth the price of a drink, then you shouldn't approach her in the first place. Personally, I'd pay for the girl of my dreams for just a second glance. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 11:39:16 AM | "men go to bars to pick up women. women go to bars knowing thats where men go to pick up women. men ask women to talk. women won't because now they remembered why men go to bars. men don't understand this so they come to POF and ask why. women will tell them not to give up and next time offer to buy women a drink to loosen her up. men go back to bar and women come in. men buy the woman a drink .however she is sitting with her frined so he has to buy the friend a drink too. now hes broke and he goes home."
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:00:32 PM | | At the age of 42, I've had enough experience in bars to know that the only ones who seem receptive are those who are married and enjoy the attention. In Ottawa here, women seem to stay to themselves and dance together than risk meeting a new guy in a bar. My only success in bars are with women I've already met or who are friends of friends. Bars are only good for drinking and as Billy Idol sang: "dancing with myself". It's probably better to meet someone at a roadside accident than in a bar. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:09:57 PM | | Wow, bars no longer work, online dating is a desaster for most, what's left? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:14:26 PM | Personally, I'd pay for the girl of my dreams for just a second glance.
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srry to burst your bubble bro but the dream girl of every god fearing man out there IS NOT IN A BAR! looking to get picked up. do you really want to explain to your children you met their mom whaile you were in a bar looking for anyone to take home? cummon girls go to bars the same reason they post profiles. the same reason they get their hair colored and their nails done. its all about attention. almost every girl i know if you complement her on her hair her outfit or something pertaning to how she looks she will talk to you. dont waste your time in a bar where the girls attitude is she just wants to hang out with her girlfriends and dance a little. i have and never will buy a girl a drink at a bar, number one it puts the pressure on her to feel like she HAS to talk to me. and number two your chances of using this method? really i think the real question should be how many relationships/marriages started this way in a bar? and how many of them have lasted? next ask yourself why do girls do this? well i will answer with this question....how many girls do you know that are single and want a seriuos realationship? or do most of the single gals you know that way by choice? my point is that if a girl WANTS to meet a guy she WILL. i suggest learning their language, women tend to see things and talk about things that we as men dont even think about. yes i am very lucky and my only problem is i havent found the right gal yet. but i can guarantee you she isnt under a bar stool right now. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:19:36 PM | | Well, my .02 but if you have a boring conversation your not gonna get the number even if you ask. But Why ask? Not all people get along. If you go up and talk to a woman, and what your saying is not entertaining her dont subject yourself to more punishment by aksing for her number. She wont give it, or will give it and not return your call. Its pretty easy to get a number out of a woman, whether or not its hers. The key is to look for the women that your talking to to be having a good time. You cant bore them into wanting to go out with you. If you are getting along well while your talking then you stand a better chance of getting her number, and more importantly getting the phone answered when you call. After all, the real goal is a date, not a bogus number. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:34:52 PM | Some signs a girl is not interested if you talk to her at a bar 1. she is looking around while you are tlaking to her 2. she jumps at the chance to dance with the first guy that asks her while you are talking 3. she gives you her myspace or e-mail instead of her number. I have done all these things while at a coutry bar that me and a friend go to. But the key is to start on a high note, asking her to dance, buying her a drink, or smiling at her, not creepily but a genuine smile that says "I want to come and talk to you" If she smiles back, go for it, if she looks away, well better luck next time. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:38:12 PM | do you really want to explain to your children you met their mom whaile you were in a bar looking for anyone to take home?
Nope, just tell your kids that you met her on POF in a forum. that should make it easier. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:40:32 PM | | man i think it depends on the night and all that, i try to let the woman make the first inititive, by that i mean giving eye contact and a smile or something along that nature that shows me that they are atleast interested, then i go and make my move. One thing that actually worked for me the other day was buying her a drink from across the bar and if she wanted to talk to me then let her approach, she approached, but after talkin to her i found she wasn't the right one for me. Just find what works for you bro | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:41:34 PM | i suggest learning their language,
well i can shoot that idea down. my ex taught high school english for 16 years. spoke it very well. and you know i never understood a damn thing she ever said. lmao | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:45:53 PM | I think on line dating sites are bigger bars!!
Well..keep trying, keep looking or not looking!
That is why my feet turned turquoise. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 12:53:10 PM | I think it is flattering to be approached anywhere! don't you.......... cheers! | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 1:06:36 PM | Sinrus, you said:
Offer her a dirnk. Any self-respect woman will turn it down if she's totally uninterested in you. What if she drinks, then turn you down? At least, you have 5 minuts taling to her. If you think it's not worth the price of a drink, then you shouldn't approach her in the first place. Personally, I'd pay for the girl of my dreams for just a second glance.
My friend, I would seriously suggest you reevaluate your thoughts when it comes to buying girls drinks in order to get them to talk with you. Many girls are more than willing to let you buy them drinks all night long, knowing the entire time that they are not interested in you and that you don't have a chance. Some even consider it a sport. Don't believe it? Look at msg 5 in this thread. Unfortunately, that kind of attitude is all too common. I don't know how many (immature) girls look at it as a sport to get guys to buy them free drinks, just because they can.
Was it Ben Franklin that defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? And of course girls are going to suggest you go up to a girl and buy them a drink to break the ice. They want free drinks! Don't buy into the hype.
The way I see it, you want to hold a girl's interest long enough to do three things:
1. Convince her you are interesting
2. Convince her you are interested
3. Convince her you are not dangerous
Just be yourself. If you want to talk to a girl, wait until she separates herself from her group of friends, such as going to the bar to order another drink/round of drinks. I do NOT recommend trying to talk with a girl in front of her group of friends; in most cases you will get shot down, regardless of who you are. If you have a female friend, ask her to go with you. It's called "social proof"; if girls see you with another girl your stock goes up automatically. Plus, you may be able to use her to break the ice for you and convince the girl you are interested in that you are not dangerous.
The bottom line is that bars may not be the best place to meet girls. They usually assume that you're "just another guy" out looking for a quick lay, so you start out with the deck stacked against you and it can be a formidable obstacle to overcome.... unless you're out for a quick lay and looking for a girl who wants the same. ;) You may have better luck striking up a conversation at more 'neutral' places, like places that you go everyday. That way, you also have less competition. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 1:59:06 PM | Strange. So many guys (including myself) offer half-assed advices, while the gals keep quiet.
Do you gals let a guy buy you drink all night while you have obsolutely no interested in him.
To be honest, I haven't offered any drink to women or approached women in a regular bar. All my limited experience and success with woman in a bar came from gay bars. (I'm not gay, I just find people in gay bar are more friendly and open in general). | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 2:14:50 PM | The users will take your offer of drinks and have no interest in you, you will go broke. The ones looking for pick ups will gladly accept your offer of drinks and behave sluty.
The classy women would always buy her own drinks and would not be empty handed to give you the chances of offering them the drinks, unless they feel no threats of your approaching them for pick ups other than recognizing them as human beings and offer them just friendships. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 3:50:24 PM | I think women just tolerate getting approached in bars. They kind of go to the bar knowing that they are going to get approached, its when they don't get approached that something is wrong.
Its been my experience that women go to a bars looking for a self-esteem builder, not so much to meet a guy. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 4:30:12 PM | Here is what I do to get the attetion of a woman at the bar.
I go to the bar, and find a place where it is crowded with women...and squeeze in there and order a drink from the bartender...you have to talk to them...because they are so close.
That only works if the bar is crowded. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 5:22:50 PM | well i can shoot that idea down. my ex taught high school english for 16 years. spoke it very well. and you know i never understood a damn thing she ever said. lmao
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well there you go missunderstanding the point again. i wasnt talking about english....lol then again i am sure you knew that and are just trying to be funny. thats ok but i dare bet you poll 100 women and 75% of them will tell you men and women speak a different language. then again why am i telling you you seem to have it all figured out anyway...lol | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/5/2006 5:41:05 PM | You wrote:
>> Do you think many women actually want to be approached by a man in a bar or club?>>
Personally, I don't really like guys approaching because, though I'm very outgoing, I'm shy when it comes to that.
Instead, the best way I know is for the guy to send over a drink. If the woman is interested, she will come and thank you. If she's not interested, she'll most likely just nod or wave her thanks. That means less of an investment for the guy too. That few bucks is probably much better than being shot down and embarrassed.
Sharzi | |
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