| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/6/2006 11:36:25 PM | | I was with a man for 1/2 a year and got pregnant half way into it, this was after he told me he wanted to marry me, move into a place together, all the general things, and recently I found out he cheated not long after I told him I was pregnant. He says he wants to try and work things out, he wants to be with me, all the things you'd expect to hear from someone who knows they messed up. I gave in and said I would think about it, and honestly told him there would have to be changes, this man and not even told his mother I was pregnant! I went to his house on the 4th just to, just to see him I suppose, we barely even talked, more like sat on opposite ends of the couch and stared at each other, he says he wants to try again, but it's like I can see it in his face he doesn't care, in his face, his body language, everything. I'm scared out of my mind of going it alone, i'm 18 now, if all goes well, i'll be 19 when I have a little one, and he's already got a daughter he doesn't see. Another dead-beat dad? All advice welcome! | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/7/2006 12:03:24 AM | rather you go back or not is your business and heartache. but i would not just sit there and babysit as you state in your profile. if it pays well then fine. if it don't then go to work. you need income to help with this new baby thats coming. you don't need to date. you need to focus on you and whats to come.
this guy is not grown up and i would'nt put any hopein him changing anytime soon.
i wish you well. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/7/2006 12:59:41 AM | | No matter what happens with this guy, just remember to take care of yourself. Your baby is the most important thing, no matter if you are doing this without him. If he is not in yours or the baby's life then look at it as a good thing not a bad (yes I know it is not a good thing but you need to look at things from a positive perspective). I am 20 years old I found out I was pregnant a month ago, unfortantely I have lost my baby. But you need to take care of yourself and not worry about this guy. You will do just fine with out him, it will be hard but just keep your head up and know that you are going to make it through. I wish you the best of luck through your pregnancy and after. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/7/2006 1:31:45 AM | | I've already been considered high risk due to high blood pressure and a big history of miscarriages in my family, it's not that I don't want to work, it's that my doctor is telling me not to, he only lets me babysit because the oldest is 13 and helps me with the younger three. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/7/2006 1:45:08 AM | Sit him down ask him straight up what he wants and if you still think he's not going to be there for you then break away and concentrate on whats important..you and your child.
I had 2 kids by the time i was your age and brought them up alone, it wasn't easy but i did it and it has been amazing.
Best of luck, you can do it x | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/7/2006 10:44:44 AM | | my advise i had my daughter at 19 she has met her dad umm 2 or 3 times not many she is now 2 :o where did the time go?? well i was working at timmies when i got preg went on mat leave when i relized i was gona go back to work for a welfare check lol. so i decided insted of going to work to get my ass in college so thats what i have done with myself the most important thing to remember with this child its it is yours.. you might be young and things will be hard harder then u think they will be sometimes but there is always better somewhere to follow.. hang in there if you want to chat e mail me | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/11/2006 7:14:13 AM | | i went through the same thing at 16 and my son real father has never seen his son. if you decide to do this alone it will be hard i know it was for me at 16 but you learn to get through it i not going to lie to you. there wil be bad days and there will be good ones to but by the sounds of it he is just not ready to be a father just yet so i would just forget about him and move on with your life i have done it on my own for the last 5 years and it's been realy hard because i have a child with a.d.d and he really loves to reck the house...... good luck | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/11/2006 3:33:16 PM | hi i am katie and i am a single mom of a two yr.old and i know what your going thru. i was 17 when i got pregnant i know it is noy to brag about but i cant tell you how much my kid loves me and now i look at it as though i have him all to my self!!!! i love it !!!!!!!
if you ever need to talk feel free to hit me up or email me.... take care of your self and your beautiful baby who will grace u with his appearance soon!!!!!!
you will be fine!!!! tell him not to worry you can do it it will piss him off!!!! | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/11/2006 10:10:15 PM | | keep ur head up a child is a blessing, there will come a day when you will find a guy that is going to love you and your child.Until then you will have to take care of u and that babies needs first,don't get to stressed out it puts the baby in stress,don't let the dad play games with you either | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:07:40 AM | Okay I'm reading through all these posts... And the one thing that always gets me when I hear these types of things is that it seems women want the guy to buck up... And are seeming to go to the ends of the earth of make it work.
My advice for all people. Do everything in your power to first of all not become prego before the age of 23-25. Includuing not having sex if you have to. May sound harsh. But at least it will allow you to become a little more stable in your own life.
2nd. Beyond being the other parent to your child. Why allow him/her to trump your personal feelings, just because you want him/her to be there for your child. Unfortantly you can't force people to be a parent to their child. If they want to... They will with or without your relationship intact. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:28:54 AM | Don't worry about it, it's not as bad as you think. Having a child and taking care of it is a full time job and yes is very hard and complicated, but doing it on your own, or with a man, you'll make it either way.
I am only 19 years old now, and my son is one year old. I had my son 8 days after turning 18. I was not prepared for how hard parenthood would be. But when the child is born, you will love him/her so much that you will do anything to make sure they are provided for.
The love for this child will completly overwhell you, theres nothing like it.
Don't worry you'll make it through. I believe in you.
Natasha xoxox | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:46:47 AM | | You have alot to deal with at such an early age. I know right now it seems hopeless but your child will bring you so much joy and with the strength every woman has inside her you will make it..God bless | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/12/2006 8:25:57 AM | | Hey just wanted to say everyone here gave you great feedback! I was the same age as you when this happened to me, I was with my daughters dad 3 weeks and then found out I was 2 weeks pregnant and still had a month to go before graduating! I then turned 19 and had my daughter 2 months later. I won't lie to you and tell you its easy but every moment with that baby is priceless! Babies are little miracles! My daughter is 4 now and her dad and I split up a year ago and I moved to Austin which is 2 1/2 hours from her Dad and knew no one here. I just started over with me and my little girl in a big town. I'm now 23 and until I moved to Austin I didn't have to experience doing the whole parenting job by myself but as long as you have a schedule.... then things run a lot smoother and you get a lot less stressed! So hang in there, don't worry you can do it! There is so much help out there for young single parents, so dont hesitate to take advantage of it! If you have any questions or need any other advice, then don't hesitate to shoot me a message! Julie | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/12/2006 9:08:20 AM | | I've been raising my son on my own and hes almost 2 now and I think hes way more intelligent and amazing then he ever would have been with his dirtbag dad around and raising them on ur own u get to enjoy every amazing moment and feel such wonderful joy because u know ur kid has made it that far and is that smart and fun all because of you u did it all on ur own good luck | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/12/2006 9:22:16 AM | OP
You may also consider adoption if your really not ready for this.
When I was in college there was a young woman enrolled.. she was about your age.
She put her child up for an OPEN ADOPTION.
She still sees the child but she does not parent the child. From what she told me it worked out very well ( we are still friends)...
as it was a great benefit to both her and the child.
her son was adopted by a couple who couldnt have kids...
and they were very stable in their lives able to give the child so much
in every way...
and she was able to finish college and make a life for herself which
she would not have been able to do very well with the timing of this matter.
I thought that was very noble and unselfish of her.
She said the adoptive parents were awesome and she had a good relationship with them... and they treated her well. Everyone won in this situation and a potentially bad situation turned out well.
Just something to consider ... more so if you are alone and the father of the baby
does not want much participation in the childs life/ or is unable for
whatever reason.
good luck in whatever you decide to do. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/12/2006 9:36:11 PM | muskogeegirl
You have a long/hard road ahead of you it doesnt get easier at 23 or over 23 either if your lucky enough like some of us have been you'll find a man who will treat you and your baby like you should be treated, and love you and the baby like you should be loved good luck. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 5:47:03 AM | Muskogeegirl,
I was 18 when I got pregnant, and I am 19 now with a beautiful 5 and a half month old boy.
No ones situation is the exact same, but all I would really suggest is that you really prepare yourself for what is ahead of you in a few months time... Babies and children in general are alot of work, time and effort (all of which are completely worth it), but it isn't like babysitting...
As for the father - if he has a track record for being a deadbeat dad, don't hold out hope - like it has been said - you cannot force someone to be a parent.
For now, just focus on the main priority - you and your child - make sure your healthy then take it from there, and remember that you can do this! | |
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KYS88
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Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 6:16:10 AM | There are all kinds of opportunities for people such as yourself (being young and pregnant). First priority is your health and the health of the baby. Get on welfare at this point is my suggestion. You need it right now and it's a benefit we all invest in as a working nation. I don't mind seeing people use the system, it's the people that are too lazy to get off the system and do better that irritates me  - once that baby is born, get yourself into college and go for some career that interests you (many colleges offer free daycare too). There are ways for you to go to college..think it's called pale grants and they don't have to be paid back. (I know if my info is incorrect, other people on here will correct me). Your family will also be a major help at this point.........and is/when you get on welfare, those people will go after the father for child support. Use the system. Do better for yourself. That baby will inspire you in so many ways!!!!!!! They are God's little blessings! I wish you the best!!! | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 7:56:58 AM | | Don't use the system that is retarded. Get off your ass and get a job. You picked him and you chose to stay pregnant now you have to deal with it. I hate people who go on a pity party poor me poor me i chose a deadbeat. Well thats just it you chose him. I don't think people should go on the system there are enough other social programs out there if you are willing to look for them... like subsidized day care costs so that you can get a job so you don't have to use the system. And if he doesn't want to be a dad and have anything to do with you or the baby then leave him alone dont go for support and try to force him... that would be your biggest mistake. | |
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KYS88
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Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 8:34:14 AM | and danniluv....do you have kids? I've never had to use the system either, but most jobs do not even pay enough for women to get a job that even covers day care cost. I still say use the system....I didn't mean live on it forever. You are entitled to your opinion but I'd sure like to know what you do for a living and if you have kids and if you support yourself or if you have a husband that carries your ass...I think you pissed me off and I don't get mad easily!!!!  | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 8:56:18 AM | well danniluv I'm a single young parent and I chose a deadbeat maybe for the first few months of her childs life she like to spend it with her child thats what welfare is for not for those dead beat ppl who get it just to spend it on drugs and crap maybe she doesnt wanna spend all of her time working and her kid at a daycare but i guess thats probably why u probably dont have any kids.
Use the system for a little while thats why its there | |
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KYS88
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Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 22 | |
| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 9:06:51 AM | Thank you Tradegies  dannuluv's profile shows she has a kid, but I figure she had help from somebody somewhere........you'd think she would have been a little more understanding....what a b!!!!! | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 11:15:35 AM | she just seems like a total **** how can yoube so cold and heartless about something iknow maybe cause everyone is as cold and heartless to her cause shes a **** and she freaking ugly | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/13/2006 2:20:42 PM | | i was in the same boat as you i told the man i was seeing i was pregnant and never saw him again till the day my son was born (he 13 now)and that was the last time i ever saw him it is hard at first but remember it can only get better there is so much help out there now for single parents speak to your health visitor and see what she says.ther no point in being in a relationship just for the kids sake i made that mistake myself i was with my partner for 11 years because of kids and we just endedr up hating each other and fighting all the time.GOOD LUCK WITH THE FUTURE | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/18/2006 4:56:39 PM | | i work full time at one job and part time at a different job and go to school full time and i am not married nor am i with someone at the moment. my child's father is not around and we get nothing from him. so why should i have sympathy for peolpe who use the system? i do it alone and if they can't do it without being on the sytem then close your legs and dont reproduce. | |
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