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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2006 6:57:21 PM | I recently moved here from out of the area and thought I'd give this thing a try.
What's going on? I've sent a few e-mails, nothing scandalous, and gotten some very harsh put-downs in reply. I mean, no one's been that mean to me since high school, and if that's what I can expect around here, I might just move right on out of here as soon as I finish my MBA.
My goodness these women seem cranky! Are all you guys all following Leykis 101 or something? Talk about bitter! A lot of what he says could make sense if he actually realized that women are people. But then, I guess that there are some women who've forgotten that men are people too. Youch!
Could I please ask the women from SoCal why they're so hostile? Hey, if you don't want men to write to you and show some interest--decent, respectful, playful, and sweet interest--why post a profile?
I don't want to believe that some of these women get off on slamming men. Are men slamming you around on this service? Does it feel like paybacks? To me, it just feels nasty.
Thanks for your thoughts. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2006 7:07:10 PM | At least they are writing you back !!! lol I rarely, if ever, get replies back when I write to someone and I am polite and gentlemanly about it too.  | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2006 9:21:18 PM | There is probably a contigent of women who get off on slamming men, as for me, I try to be kind, but you should know... Yes! Alot of the men are in the Leykis 101 dating course!
For some reason men think I will have sex on the first date. I am sick of men thinking they can touch me without my permission for the price of coffee and a muffin. Frankly, I actually like to get to know the people I have sex with. Call me cranky if you want to. Some men will date you until they get sex, then you never hear from them again. Then they go from woman, to woman, to woman.
I get at least 1 obscene message every day. I don't know where men learned that sending a woman a message that just says "nice tits" and not even hello, or how are you, is a good way to attract women. When you find out let me know so I can smack the crap out of them.
I don't think the women see it as payback. I think women are getting leery, and tired of being treated like meat.
I try to respond to every e-mail in a polite fashion, but occasionally I will get a bit on the cranky side, and respond in a very confrontative manner to the rude ones. I figure, they earned it. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2006 11:11:20 PM | Honey, this is California, I have been living here for ten years now, and I still see the way certain people act and I am left speechless, it's not you, don't take it personal, it is La La Land...It does that to people...
Welcome to California! | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2006 11:20:15 PM | I wanted to respond, then realized whatever I said, and how sincere I meant it, it would come off as hostile.. I do live in SoCal afterall..  | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2006 11:45:42 PM | Thanks, Momanatrix. It's nice to hear from an adult!
You say:
> There is probably a contigent of women who get off on slamming men, as for me, I try to
> be kind, but you should know... Yes! Alot of the men are in the Leykis 101 dating course!
What can I say. The woman-haters vs. the man-haters. So sad for them all, and for the rest of us who get caught in the cross-fire. Well, I'm not sure who told so many of us that the complementary sex was put on Earth to satisfy our cravings. I have come to _appreciate_ women. When they shut me down, and men like me, they make their own lives miserable.
I once dated a woman whose first reaction to me was hostile. We wound up married, though that was a mistake. We were actually good for each other for about two years, but we didn't realize that we could actually find others who would love us if we'd only let them. Too bad for us both because by the end we'd driven each other just about insane. A relationship doesn't have to last forever to be good. Sometimes it's better to end it while it's still good!
Anyway, I decided after that that no matter how strong the attraction a hostile first response is fatal. Who needs it? Joni Mitchell said it best, "Loving without trusting is like frostbite and sunstroke."
>For some reason men think I will have sex on the first date. I am sick of men thinking they >can touch me without my permission for the price of coffee and a muffin. Frankly, I actually >like to get to know the people I have sex with.
Touching you without your permission? No wonder women get hostile! I sure don't want anyone touching me without mine!
> ... Call me cranky if you want to.
Hey, I totally understand. But taking it out on men who are actually respectful and supportive seems ... well ... you know how it seems.
> ... Some men will
>date you until they get sex, then you never hear from them again. Then they go from >woman, to woman, to woman.
I don't think that's "flavor of the week" in all cases. Sex is often a disappointment, or even if it's good other incompatibilities can come up. It is so hard to tell a woman that it isn't going to work; so much easier just to bail and let her hate you if she wants. If women and men are actually friends, or at least friendly, then honest communication about what is and isn't working can be a blessing even when the ultimate answer is, "no more sex."
>I get at least 1 obscene message every day. I don't know where men learned that sending >a woman a message that just says "nice tits" and not even hello, or how are you, is a good >way to attract women. When you find out let me know so I can smack the crap out of them.
Honestly, I have no idea what this is about or why males do this. Definitely gives males a bad name, so get in line.
>I try to respond to every e-mail in a polite fashion, but occasionally I will get a bit on the >cranky side, and respond in a very confrontative manner to the rude ones. I figure, they >earned it.
Good for you! Both for pushing them back and not taking it out on those of us who mean you well. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2006 11:50:40 PM | It's hard to know what's going on in your situation. Are you a 40-something year old man writing to 20-something year old girls? That may be offensive to some people. Or what are you saying in your emails? Are you pursuing something they don't want perhaps? It's generally the case that people respond to how they interpret something else.
If the people you contacted are truly mean or cranky and you're innocent in what you wrote, then consider it a bad streak. Some people, both men and women on here, are angry, hurt, frustrated, bitter, etc. It's hard to be a recipient of their feelings, but just try to keep that in mind as you ignore those responses. Lastly, you can't stereotype so soon. Give them a chance. I know a lot of SCal women and they're wonderful people. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 1:18:20 AM | Well just recently I had what I thought an Instant Message pop up from a girl. I wasn't really paying much attention and accidentally closed whatever I was looking at. Just out of curiousity I emailed the girl whom I thought had sent me the message with the following:
"Hi, did you just try to send me an IM?"
To which I got this gem of a reply..
"Hell no u r ugly"
Yes she actually typed like that.
This was the only rude email I've recieved from a So Cal lady though, most just don't bother replying!  | |
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| re: Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:45:46 AM | Yipes, sorry to read that you're not having the best of luck on this erm, internet dating site. I don't take the internet too seriously because for starters, it's much easier to slam someone with the facade between you. I've never personally slammed someone online but when I do get messages that I am not interested in, I will usually not respond. I find that if I respond in kind to someone I'm not interested in, they usually ask 21 questions about why things could never work, etc. So yeah, better not to receive a reply than what seems in your case to be a series of some bad apples among the bunch. But who knows, maybe Phoenix just has nicer people; I know the out-of-state people I've met are pretty nice! Maybe the singles/natives here are getting restless...   | |
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| re: Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 9:26:15 AM | From what I have read -SoCal has a very high Male to Female ratio. It also has a very high number of "transition" residents. You can find some isolated communities here if you know where to look. It can be a very difficult place to date if you don't have a thick skin..There are good people everywhere if you have the patience to search them out....Good Luck.. | |
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| re: Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:37:06 PM | | Why do all the good looking, successful guys in SoCal have to be players? Haha generalizations, generalizations. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:43:26 PM | I don't know.
I've only been on here for a few days and I got 4/6 replies from diff people (not counting those who messaged me first) and i'm a smart ass (who tends to make fun of them) in just about every one.
All of the girls were much more polite than me with their messages. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:58:53 PM | It's the **** shields dude. Women everywhere - not just SoCal - have developed the unique knack for brushing men off like a mosquito. Think about it. You're a woman. Guys are constantly getting up in yo' grill. Hey mami, what's a player got to do to hit that? Blah blah. *Swat*. So when you come along, even though you're not like that, their **** shield defenses are still up and they shut you down faster then mexican water through a first time tourist. If you were a celebrity you'd develop something similar. "Hey Mister, can I have your autograph?" "sure". Now multiply that times.. eleventy billion. You can see the need to be able to get out of a social situation with haste. Now could they women be doing it more tactfully? Sure. Their loss.
You gotta learn to get around those defense shields is all.
Now there are some areas where women don't get the attention they so desire. Try going to Temecula and bring a puppy or pick a friend's kid up from school. You'll be beating the MILF's off with a bat. "Awww.. he's soooo cute!". Just make sure to eat a powerbar and bring some gatorade with you for the quick getaway.
And yeah, some women just get off on slamming men. Don't feed their egos, starve it or turn it right back around on them. "Oh my god, is she always like that?" "Was she raised in a barn or something?" If they weren't so insecure they wouldn't need to try to slam others to feel better about themselves.
The Hittman | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 5:21:05 PM | I am sorry you are having problems but I have been a SoCalGal for many years and since I have been looking into these dating sites, I have ran into more men who are more interested in how big my boobs are than what I am inside. This alone makes me hostile.
If you men would come across with some respect for a lady we might be a little more tolerant. I am sick to death of getting messages like "nice rack", "what size are they".
I am still keeping hope that there are nice respectful gentlemen out there that wants to get to know a lady before going to the higher level. So maybe you should ask the men why they start the conversations on such notes. You might find your answers there.
Until then you have a great day and I hope you find who you are searching for. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/8/2006 5:57:42 PM |
Guys are constantly getting up in yo' grill. Hey mami, what's a player got to do to hit that? Blah blah. *Swat*
i'm really sorry for wasting space on this thread, but that's the funniest thing i've heard all day. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/9/2006 1:41:35 PM |
I don't know.
I've only been on here for a few days and I got 4/6 replies from diff people (not counting those who messaged me first) and i'm a smart ass (who tends to make fun of them) in just about every one.
All of the girls were much more polite than me with their messages.
Dude, you're "the Godfather." You're not supposed to be polite! If my sn was "the Godfather" I'd be all like "don't you know who I am? You must not know who I am. I'm the Godfather!" | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/9/2006 2:15:36 PM | | I am in California and I am not hostile.. Some of us get more mail then they can respond to, some people take that as being rude.. It's like throwing junk mail away before you open it.. Come on.. I bet you've never done that either. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:12:25 PM | haha this thread cracks me up. take it with salt guys, i mean, come on. this is the internet and if some lame e-mail rejection upsets you, then imagine what real life would do!
i'd probably laugh my ass off if some girl gave me a mean response, but so what, it's not illegal to be a bit rude from time to time. Maybe you have the same name as a girls ex who just totalled her car and left her with the bills, or maybe you are ugly. i dont know, i'm not a doctor.
i get more sad when people use my CD covers as a coaster then when i got internet hate mail. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:28:45 PM | | In this new age single society,women, especially so. cal women,put a price on relationships, a coffee, a beer , a muffin, a dinner, on an on an on,Women are NEVER satisfied,in the city,they are continually shopping,AN NEVER STOP,if u want a good woman,find a country girl,get OUT of heavy populated cities or states,ca is at the present a sess pool, for single people, didnt use to be that way, we all had fun times,,yeah, way to serious about life here ,or excuse me ,IS IT $$$$$$$$$,maybe sooo, take my word for it ,Get Out of SO Cal, or b lonely 4 rest of your life, it worked for me, I think tom is trying ,to let guys know NOT NOT NOT to spend money on these golddigging ,continually window shopping women,in the city,search 4 women in rural areas, u will be surprised of the great mails,an sinceredy,of these fantastic country gals, Happy Fishing, an when u meet one ,dont be a lazy ass, get in your car ,take a drive,even it is a 15 hour drive, an enjoy being a man again. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/9/2006 7:05:22 PM | Search for women in rural areas? Does this mean women that have less choices and are desperate?
I say, if Greggie feels like that, he must suffer from comparison to other men. You had to leave the state to find a worthwhile female?
If you have a problem in one relationship, sure it might be the other person. The universe is full of people who are drastically different. If this problem is recurring, I suggest you look inward. Something is drastically wrong with your screening criteria.
If a man does not want to expend any effort to win a woman of worth, he is not going to be a man you can depend on when things are difficult. A relationship takes effort, all day, every day. To deny this is to thrive in a fantasy world. No one and nothing is perfect. Not ever. Get used to it.
The percentage of women who are window shopping is nowhere near the percentage of men who are just looking for sex and no commitment. Ask any woman here and I am sure she will tell you about the men who get what they want and you never see them again. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:39:59 PM | OP...Actually, there are very few women on this site within any given zip code. this is a Canadian site...and apparently there is a shortage of women here on this site within a given zip code.
I have met plenty of nice girls on other sites. Here? I mostly hang out for the fun in the forums.
Maybe via word of mouth or some advertising this site will have more desirable people in your area.
Additionally...there seems to be a disproportionate number of men to women on here...so women are more or less bombarded with emails and requests for IM...I'd be hostile too.
Look around and see how many women have 75, 200, 300+ men who have added them to their favorite’s lists.
Guys might have 5 to 50...that will tell you that way more men on here than women.
Try real life...that seems to work for me better. Try everything until you find what you are looking for. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/10/2006 10:12:40 AM | Your approach is probably off..... Lets say I email 10 women on this site. Its guaranteed that I get at LEAST 8 responses. I pick and choose the women I message and so far Ive been pretty successful with getting numbers from here. I just don't have the time to follow up with them because I am so busy.
Give me an example of what you're sending out and maybe I can help you if buy me a dinner a few drinks. 
-B | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/10/2006 10:41:19 PM | You know. I understand what you're saying. If I'd been acting like a sleazeball toward these women I wouldn't have a complaint. I do show respect, and I expect the same in return.
I once had a buddy who was a real make-out artist. That guy could crack the defenses of _any_ woman. He'd just bust right on through with sheer determination. But he was one lonesome dude the next day.
I appreciate women and I have my preferences as to body type. But there are ways of showing appreciation that are genuine and affirming (oh, there's a _sensitive_ word!), and exciting as well.
When I tell you something about you that I think is beautiful, you'll _know_ it. And you'll also know that I'm saying that because I want _you_ to feel about yourself, and whatever attribute of yours it might be, the way that I do.
The way I see it, this world is heaven in disguise. Sometimes it can take some digging to see past the disguise, but it is always worth the effort.
All the best,
Robert | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/10/2006 10:44:14 PM | Hmmm ...
I learned a long time ago that freedom of speech means freedom not to speak. I think you're well within your rights not to respond to e-mails from inappropriate people. I try not to bother women who aren't likely to be a match. Why should I waste my time or yours? | |
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