| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:13:33 AM | Hi all,
I'm in a relationship (well have already sort of) decided to end it but would like some opinions here if possible...been in a relationship of boyfriend/girlfriend since early dec. met on here, really nice guy, treats me well, but won't really let me into his life. I asked to meet his family, friends, etc but he has not even told them about me yet. He says he will eventually, he also said that his brothers will make fun of him if he has a g.f. I don't get that at all. I have never been to his place, he comes to mine every time. I'd like to trust him but is this a red flag not to?????????
Any advice most welcomed.
thank you, honeydooz. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:18:32 AM | Since early Dec. huh? Definately a red flag. In my opinion anyway. Now political correctness would insist that you give him the benefit of the doubt since technically, he MIGHT still consider this "early" in the relationship.
So I say, make a stand. Pick one of the things you mentioned (not ALL of them) and INSIST that he let you in, or it's over. IE: "You can keep the family for now, but next weekend, I'm coming to YOUR place and making you a nice steak dinner!"
See how he reacts to that and take it from there!
I mean... Come on! What man turns down a steak dinner with all the fixin's unless something's up?  | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:19:17 AM | Sounds like he is married to me....or hiding something for sure. Why wouldn't he tell his family about a gf of 7 months.
There is a reason he is not letting you in his life or whatever it the reason is it is not good. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:23:09 AM | dating over 6 months and never been to his place?
if that isnt a red flag I dont know what is.
I wouldn't have gone this long in that situation... he is maybe a huge freaking slob
or has something very bad about his place.. like he lives somewhere that isnt too cool...
like a seedy hotel or with his gf or ex or mother.
how could you trust someone who after 6 months has not shown you where he lives?
keep us posted...
as to what happens if you either go find out on your own
or he takes you there.
good luck | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:23:30 AM | Thank you for advice.
I'm gonna try that one about the dinner and his place.
He says he lives in basement with his parents.
He's looking after them as they are getting older.
That's what I thought he might have g.f. or married. I brought this very fact up to him and he said no.
Honeydooz | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:25:40 AM | sounds odd to me- because when guys meet a girl they really like, they usually cant wait to introduce her to everyone they know- same thing for girls as well- it definetly sounds like he is hiding something, because you havnt been over to his place. the not meeting his family thing is a little odd as well since youve been dating for more then 6 months.
you really have to trust your gut and instinct on these things, and if you think it was a red flag and decided to end the relationship then it was probably the right thing to do. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:28:10 AM | | Eesh, i've been in that kettle of fish... My 2 bits: your time and energy are too valuable to spend wondering why you're not more a part of his life. Move on. Unless you want to hang around to see any clearer red-flag material he can wield for you. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:30:00 AM | I agree with Sweets and Class...somethings up. He said his brothers would "tease" him because he has a girl-freind??? Holy hell.....how old is he???!!!  | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:30:36 AM | His brothers will make fun of him?
Unless he's twelve ... what kind of an excuse is that?
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:34:44 AM | girl, if he aint braggin or showin ya off.....it dont even sound like hes gonna miss ya when yer gone......does he even carry a picture of you in his wallet...or do ya even have his home phone number?...does he take ya out in public?.....i dont even understand why yer callin this feller yer boyfriend, unless yer doin so in faith......life is just to short ta let some man treat ya like a dirty lil secret.....tell him go public....or go fishin!
good luck! | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:40:48 AM | Ya know.... That last post got me thinkin' some more!
Ya know, I came back home and bragged my ass off to a girlfriend after a simple booty call. People by nature wanna chat and wanna brag and basically, we can't keep anything bottled up!
If he's not tellin' anybody SOMETHING about you... there's definately other things goin' on! | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:48:22 AM | Unless hes a teeenager or a guy in his 20's
who is in college
him living in the basement of his parents house
would be enough for me to dump him.
If he REALLY IS only there to help his parents...
do you think he will dump them to be with you
and live at your place?
or are you ready to move in and live in the basement and help
his parents?
... has any of this occured to you? | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:51:19 AM | What is wrong with you? You are old enough to know the answer to this question!
NEVER EVER let someone walk all over you like this... talk about NO RESPECT.
Dump him fast... but out of curiousity I would try to find out what this guy is all about.
Maybe you should have him followed by a friend to see what this guy is up-to.
Anyway, just how old is he? | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:53:14 AM | It could be he has a specific concern that you would need to address and resolve. I'd at least find that out before writing it off. People can pick up some very stubborn and misguided ideas that take some talking to dislodge. He might be embarrassed about being seen in his surroundings at home. He might be reluctant to have you see his parents, if they are odd in some way. It's unusual but I wouldn't assume something deceptive, although it certainly could be.
I had a friend whose previous relationships left her unwilling to have men over to her house. It was her way of protecting herself, and she knew it was irrational, but still it was what she needed to do at that point. I respected her wishes, didn't push it, but she wasn't interested in talking about it much so, finding no way to change it, I backed off and left her quirk intact. It felt wrong to me to be excluded from her home that way. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:55:26 AM | Oh yeah..lots of right on advice... they thought of all the things I did. Run like hell... you already wasted WAY too much time on this one!!
Linda | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:00:08 AM | | He's either married or has another girlfriend. His brother's will make fun of him if he has a girlfriend???That's a new one. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:05:56 AM | Well actually when I was a teenager my dad teased me about a girl I brought home once. I never brought another one home again. But I was a kid then. I found out that his older brothers teased him without mercy about any girlfriends he brought home. So I guess I could see that happening. However he's not a young kid now.
When I was older (25) I was hanging out with a 38 year old bombshell and he (my father)showed up unannounced.  I guess he didn't tease me anymore after that. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:05:57 AM | It definitely sounds like he has the maturity of a twelve year old......how old is he? OMG he is worried what his brother will think and tease him about having a gf...........RED FLAG I would be running for the pond and putting my fishing rod back in and quick.
You should not be something that is hidden away from friends and family, a person who truly cares about you would simply be proud to show you off and tell the world that this is my girl! Demand that for yourself and accept nothing less. When a woman has confidence about herself than she will attract men who have the same qualities......sounds to me like you need to work on this about yourself and not accept just what someone offers you when they feel like it.
Good luck in whatever you decide............JMHO
Peace, hopelessly romantic | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:07:53 AM | Looks like you've already ended it after reading your profile. It's a done deal. Why beat a dead horse?
Luna | |
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~iiCe~
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Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:32:06 AM | I would have thought you were in your 20's when I read this...
I don't feel the need to meet someones folks but they sure as heck better know about me...
As for the siblings picking on him... he needs to be a damn man and tell him off if it bothers him... jeez...
you are booty to him... if you were more... he would treat you as more... | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:34:14 AM | It comes down to this you see the signs. If there is a doubt in you mind use you instinct.
If your gut says its fishy then its fishy. From the outside looking in He is hiding something. | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:37:13 AM | | This guy definitely sounds married and just looking for a fling on the side. With him dating you this long etc... he wouldn't mind introducing you to his family, friends, etc.. My suggestion on this would be for you is to cut your losses and move on before you end up getting hurt from this relationship (which you may already have gotten hurt). | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:39:34 AM | Oh honey ...he is absolutely married or in another relationship!!!!!!!! Havent been to his place....in 7 months ....way too long ....i would cll him up on it and end the relationship.....sorry to say...but end this.....he is wasting your valuable time!!!!!! | |
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| Red Flag to end relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:43:26 AM | If he doesn't want you to meet anyone in his family and he won't let you into his life, then kick him to the curb...he is probably married or a con man or something.  If things don't look right, they aren't. If you smell a rat...it's probably him! | |
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