| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 1:17:47 PM | ok heres the scoop, I had a 2 yr relationship that started in highschool. I fell in love we moved to moncton, got an apartment started building a life together it was great. I worked 60 hrs a week in construction brought home like 600$ a week. She got a job after about 2 months of looking, and within a month she had cheated on me with a co-worker... of course it was over... She still wanted to be friends. "**** that i couldnt even stand to look at her" it took 5 months a move, phone number change, and e-mail change 2 get away. Well since then ive tried 1 relationship and it dont feel right anymore. I dont want to be alone for the rest of my life but i dont care much for meeting new people and i dont meet new people the way my life is anyways, thats why i suppose im on here. help me... | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 1:35:41 PM | Hey,take this str8 up.Get into therapy so this speed bump in your life doesn't last years and years.Life is too short to be bummed out for long by someone who wasn't up to being with you.
You can do it.Move on.Just ask for a little help while you work it out professionally.
Peace. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 3:42:35 PM | Hey thefineherb, I had a 16 year thing going and was cheated on. You're feeling the normal hurt that follows a betrayal. I had her hanging on wanting some kind of friendship lets-get-back-togther type thing going on for two years afterwards. It will feel right with the right person in time. Relax. ' ' | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 3:49:52 PM | If you really do have the fine herb, this kind of thing isn't all that stressful. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 4:07:20 PM | | Well folks, I'm the biggest fool of all of you. I was totaly married for 33 years and she started cheating on me 6 months after we got married with the next door neighbor who was also married. We were all friends ( I thought ) for all those years but I'd go to work and he'd come in the back door. I worked 2 or 3 jobs and made pretty good money which she stole from my wallet and our checkbook. I gotta tell you, I feel like the biggest damn idiot on earth but I can't change a thing. I'm not a pretty man, I'm decent looking but a big guy who doesn't attrace a lot of women. I don't wanna be by myself forever but maybe that's how things will end up. I have plenty of women friends but don't consider any of them as relationships because we're just too close as friends. This Teddy Bear is ready to check out. If I didn't have a Son and a little dog who depends on me I'd be a statistic. That's how cheating ruins lives. I trake 3 anti depressants at least two times a day and still manage to go to work. I have to, the divorce put me so far in debt, I won't be recovered until I'm 82. If you're cheating on your spouse and getting away with it, every day you cheat adds up to when the lies are exposed, and they will be. You will suffer as much as the other party, but I actually hope you rot in hell for ruining a lot of lives. You're not the only one who's involved in this relationship. There's your family and theirs. You suck and I'd like to ruin your life the way mine was ruined. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 4:16:19 PM | | I hope he did ok. Cheating can be very hard to accept. The first time it happened to me, I was devastated. The second time, it wasn't as bad. ............. the 5th time, I felt that I deserved it and ended up accepting it.... | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 4:33:06 PM |
If you really do have the fine herb, this kind of thing isn't all that stressful
whats saved me from becoming a alcoholic after the shit happened :D | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:16:59 PM | I was married for 3 years, together for 8....had a daughter together and pretty much the same thing happened. Don't let it tear you apart, life goes on...not much else you can do about it.
Just remember the old saying "what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger". | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:38:55 PM | | If you truly truly loved your wife you would be happy that shes found happiness. By the sound of your attitude its obvious why she stepped out. You sound like a miserable, bitter person and I would be surprised if you had any friends either. I have a solution. Smile, even if you don't want to. Force yourself to think positive. Garaunteed, your attitude will follow. If that doesn't work after a week, go down to your local gun dealer and buy a 12 gauge. Put it in your mouth and DO THE RIGHT THING. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 6:36:10 PM | ^^^^lucky
Youre advice STINKS. YOU are MARRIED and looking to CHEAT on YOUR SPOUSE>...so your advice is tainted....
As far as recommending suicide to anyone you ought to seek counseling. Anyone who has been blind-sided and suffered the emotional trauma of losing a spouse or relationship to a cheat is badly bruised. They can grow from it and find happiness again.
You are just cold and cold hearted.
Family's are torn apart daily due to behaviour such as yours, adultery. Its a horrid experience...not only for the partner thats left wondering why...but also for the children. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 7:48:50 PM | OP: I know what you are going thru
I was married 14 years and mine was a cheater...didn't know til the end..but all you do is give yourself time... hey I had the same feelings..didn't want to date or go out..thought all men would be potential cheaters..etc... give yourself time....
and have a good support system ..get your anger, grief out in a good way
I went to school and studying to be a lawyer.. that is how I dealt with it.
GOOD LUCK | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 7:57:48 PM | | Once you meet someone wonderful and delightful, you will be a hap, hap, happy man !!!! Your problem right now might be that you can not see nor find a pretty enough babe you really are into so you feel depressed. We are all just down in the dumps and playing the old tape over and over in our heads SIMPLY BECAUSE we have not seen a women or partner we really are attracted to and who want us allot too. Once that connection is made, WOW, HANG ONTO YOUR SEAT !!! love time | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:08:54 PM | | first of all given your age I hope you have gone to your parents and told them how you are feeling - you may be suprised at the help and support they can give you in getting over this. Second, you are in a time in your life where you can really enjoy and learn about who you are and who you want to be so you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, dust yourself off and get back to enjoying your life. finally just remember everyone does not cheat. you need to choose wisely and really take your time and get to know a person well before you get this involved again. People can break our hearts but as this site says there are "plenty of fish" in the sea so dont give up you will find the right one eventually. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:22:09 PM | First off: Nice remarks lucky. Salt of the earth comes to mind. Hey there young fella. There is an old saying. Fake it till you make it. What I see here (and correct me if I'm wrong on this) You cared more for your gals well being then your own. YOU are number 1 Take care of you. Do not be in a hurry to jump back into the dating game. Take it slow and learn form this experience. Take the positive to the next relationship. Does it hurt? Worse than a kick in the nuts. It just proves you feel. What a good thing this is. If you still feel lost in a haze after a few weeks you may want to consider seeking counseling as has already been suggested. It is never a bad thing to consider. Think of the good times you shared too. Though this will take time. Can you be friends with her? I doubt right now you can. Maybe down the road. Maybe not.
Take care. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:33:16 PM | Going through the same thing man. MY girlfriend or well X-gf and i were dating for 7 years the last 2 years of the relationship we moved in together and I was about 5,000 KM away from family and friends only to be close to her family. Well she met a co-worker who happens to be the presidents son (president of the company she works in) soooo he has tons of money and has a great future in the company. You did the right thing by leaving her at once. I was stupid because she cheated on me before about 3 years before (went to a nighclub, met some guy and was screwing him by the end of the night) I was like okey I wasn't always there for her because I was away and could see her only few times that year so i said okey maybe she needs more affection and i forgave her. But now she did it while we lived together and i treated her really good. 2 months before i found out I even gave her a laptop and I am a student living on my own and paying for school so that extra money could have come in handy to pay my debts. Anyway what I am trying to say u did really good and once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better man and when the time comes you will meet the right lady. You are not alone I am in the same boat. Hang in there!
Nico | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 10:16:19 PM | | thank you all for the insight, and all that ****ed at me well **** you. :D | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/11/2006 10:41:53 PM | Cheaters do RUIN lives you are right thefineherb......... and it really hurts deep inside more than anyone could ever imagine because you feel like you could never trust anyone again and what hurts even more is when you still LOVE/CARE about the person, and yall talk/see one another as ONLY friends....................... | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/12/2006 6:57:40 AM | first off, ditch the ex. dont bother being friends and all that. thats just prolonging a bad situation. you wont get over it, she wont. cheating is just one of those things, that never really goes away. its always gonna be ammo for arguements to make one of you feel bad, or something lame like that, so just let go.
no more immediate advice for you.
your not bound to be alone.
you sound like a decent guy, and while I know this next part is gonna sound lame, hear me out.
your at a very simple time in your life.
what you really need, is to just take some time to be alone. get over her, and the past, and get into the routine of your life without her in it.
alittle time, and hanging with friends, doing whatever you do... and a few weeks, maybe a few months, who knows... and it will all just kinda fade away.
you shouldnt try to go from one relationship to the next.
take alittle time to be single.
be alone, and get over the past.
date alittle, but take it slow. have fun being single for awhile.
your not gonna meet the perfect girl the first girl after your last major relationship, so don't expect fireworks the first date or so after this girl.
take your time.
but take sometime first to be alone.
heal, and get over the past.
oh and dont hold on to the past... thats the worst thing you could do.
eventually you will be fine again, and falling in love and all that, will just come naturally at some point. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:18:39 AM |  fineherbs....ignore luckys advice....seems lifes not a great deal to him and someone pissed in his cornflakes obvisiously.
anyways back to you....your still very young..an hate to say this....but it wont be your first either. its never easy...even at our age ....its does on the other hand...makes us wiser and stronger. i been thru alot of bumpy roads in my life an i am sure most have....but everyone handles there situations differently...find something that takes your mind off it all that you enjoy doing...all we can do is give you some insight from our past experiences and hopefully most have learnt from their mistakes....to not repeating same mistakes in their future. i look at my life like a book..i am the cover..an everything else that i accomplish or come into..is a chapter. a balanced life is much easier to handle. think of it this way...its better to love then to not love at all...or she wasnt meant for you. remember she cheated on you...shes the one with issues within herself....not your fault shes not loyal or trusting, thats her problem.  best of luck to you. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:24:16 PM | | Griffen, your advice is dead-on accurate. Good job. | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/12/2006 1:03:18 PM | WOW you guys...the cheater DID NOT RUIN YOUR LIFE!!
They may have hurt you, disappointed you...but it was YOU that gave up as a result.
People do 'stuff' and some of that stuff is pretty shiatty. Why are you letting an event/a person hold you hostage. Take responsibility for yourself/your life and and take the first step at moving forward. Don't hold on to it and marinate in it.
Look around you...we all have events that prompt us to rebuild, grow, transform and create a new life. If your life is ruined...you may want to investigate what it is in you that made you decided not to flourish and made you decide to make your life's value the responsibility of another person.
This advice from a woman that has been cheated on, stalked and shot at. My life is pretty damn good, I make it that way. My life ends when I take my last breath, not a moment sooner.
LE | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:57:26 PM | right on Ltd Edition!!! .. i've had many of the same experiences as you .. and some before i grew up and left home!!! eeeeeeek!! ...
Never give anyone the power to ruin your life!!! ...
And when someone does something so nasty and hurtful like stomp on your most valuable possession (your heart) .. then you have gained several things ...
... Compassion .. comes from suffering .. (not forever) ..
... Knowledge .. another "mustn't do" .. (ya know 1 more cheater to avoid!!)
... Power .. the power to overcome, to be a better, stronger person
... Space .. for a good and decent person to enter your life ..
... Freedom .. from the games and lies that cheaters MUST play to succeed
.. Safety.. if you escaped the diseases that a cheater risks visiting on their partner .. WOW .. breath a sigh of relief .. and
... Gratitude .. be grateful for being WHO you are .. a good soul .. who doesn't cheat!
hope you get through this with as few tears as necessary .. breath and sleep at night .. you are at the very least guilt free... and remember for your cheatin partner .. what goes around comes around!
wanda
p.s. .. if all else fails .. light up!!! :lol: | |
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| cheaters ruin lives
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:57:46 PM | I guess that makes me running close second for fool! I was married for 15 yrs during my entire marriage he cheated on me. When I found out he always lied or begged me not to leave him and said he would never do it again. The worst things were he slept with every teenage ( 12 to 16 yrsold ) babysitters we ever had. It nearly killed me although I couldnt prove anything untill later when he was bring home nice things he would say his brother gave him. I used a friends van with tented windows to watch him when he left work one day in Jan 98. I followed him to a store parking lot in which another young woman met him got in the car with him. Just as I was about to get out of my car to take care of business another young woman Got a hold of the female nearly pulled her from the car. It found out the girl he was with was cheating on her man and his sister did some following too..(Smile)
So I went home packed his stuff through it out hired a lock smith changed the locks and filed for divorce the very next morning on my 15th wedding anniversary. During my divorce he tried to take my kids from me. my neace came forward with her dealings of him and testified in court for me. ( This incident I knew nothing about till after the divorce was in progress. ) He had sex with her several times when she was 12 got her pregnate. She had a miscarriage. She never told anyone because he kept telling her he loved her and would divorce me as soon as she turned 18. And That never happened..a few months into my divorce he molested his own biological 9 yr old little girl. Now thats pretty bad. He failed the lie detector test and lost all visitation to her .she is now 17 very bright, good grades and readying herself for college next year.
She took control of her life recently when faced with him, because my 14 yr old just went to live with his dad after being abandon by his dad five years ago. My daughter told her dad how she felt about seeing him because he wanted her to actually come to his home and have dinner with him and his new wife( the girl he got cought cheating with) and her two kids. I'm so glad my daughter has a good head on her shoulders. Its too bad my son wasnt so smart, that he fell for his dads many lies.
My fear of a man cheating on me had to do with the break up of my second marriage. Which counsling has helped and I would recomend it to anyone who has been cheated on, because you cant base a new relationship on your past experience with a low life scum of the earth leach cheater. Go talk to someone get some help dealing with things, Its never your fault its always the cheater who is at fault and the one who has the problems! Hang in there and good luck to you in your relationship. | |
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