| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:16:59 PM | | I didn't start seriously dating until my 30s. Of the three relationship I have started I sabotaged all of them after a few weeks. The latest girl I treated pretty badly because my previous behavior (acting like a doormat) always made me insecure and the girl uncomfortable. I thought by acting aggressively and as a bad boy with this latest girl I would now be successful. I also have been COMPLETELY honest with the girls I have dated which ends up offending them and thinking I am psychotic. I want to be completely open and honest with the girls I am dating but it always ends in disaster. Any advice from the women here? | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:18:58 PM | this is what you do
BE YOURSELF.!!
stop trying to fit into what you think the girl wants.
One day a girl WILL love you for who YOU are.. if you make her think you are someone other than who you are it will NOT work out.. you can't be someone you are not forever. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:20:03 PM | | This reminds me of something i was thinking the other day....why do i always sabotage the olympics? too many non smokers...yeah thats it! | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:21:40 PM | | well noone likes a doormat...i know that from experience on both ends of the spectrum. I'd say just be yourself as well. I mean eventually you'll find the person who fits the same groove as you, and you dont want to lose that person by being someone your not. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:32:37 PM | Our first serious attachment always musses it up for the rest of them doesn't it? Trust me, I can sympathize.
The trick is not to THINK so much about it. Just be yourself. Total honesty is definately the way to go. Its better to find out at the beginning that she can't take the real you. But skip the playacting - it's false and not truly who you are. If you're a doormat, be a doormat. Just kidding!!! The only reason why you put on the tough guy attitude was to protect yourself the second (and third) time around, so that you would not be the one to get "stepped on" when they made their way out. It's a natural reaction, like flinching...can't help it sometimes!
Love and relationships is all about getting hurt a bunch of times and finally finding someone to accept the total package. Don't try so hard to shield yourself from the real icky feelings in any relationship, because you can become jaded and then the act you put on in your defensiveness is all everyone will ever see, and you'll never have a meaningful relationship that meets all your needs AND THEIRS.
Getting stomped on really really sucks. Just lick your wounds and get back out there.
Good luck!
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:50:12 PM | I am not a gal. BUT
Find the middle line. dont be a doormat or a heart on the sleeve "hi heres my whole life story love me or leave me".
Find the middle path and u will be fine. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 6:03:34 PM | | You sabotage your relationships because deep down you feel like you don't deserve to be happy? There could be any number of reasons...but you should just work on being yourself and having fun. Relax. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 7:34:04 PM | | You are probably much smarter than you give yourself credit for. Don't assume that a "relationship of a few weeks" ending is a disaster. Staying with someone for a few years, making babies, then deciding to be "honest" is a true disaster. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:07:14 PM | | Ah, well, it depends on the content of your honesty. Your post didn't say what you were being honest about. Some messages will probably not be well-received by most women. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:15:30 PM | | All the posts telling you to be yourself are good advice. HOWEVER, I think the first thing you need to do is get to know yourself. It doesn't seem that you really know yourself very well and try to overcompensate for past mistakes. Get comfortable with who you are before you go looking for somebody else. If you do not know who you are and are not comfortable and happy with that you will NEVER be happy, comfortable, or have the ability to really get to know anybody else. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 7/12/2006 5:27:33 AM | I told her that I was thinking that she was manipulating me.
So do I hold back from telling them everything I am thinking ,even if it turns out what I was SO wrong? I am torn between wanting to be honest and holding back so as not to offend them. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 8/7/2006 2:17:41 AM | the question is why are you behving like this...possibly hurt and heartbroken from your first love...parental issues....you need to find this out..maybe professional advice may help..i believe that you were either hurt before therefore caring old wounds into every new relationship you expereince or your parents had a rocky relationship/ probably divorced now and you were never taught how to carry on a healthy relationship with others...think of starting fresh..with a clean slate...go into a relationship with high expectations and great self worth..be kind, honest, and supportive, most importantly listen....if this doesn't work try talking to a professional you may have intimacy problems.......
good luck my friend
angie | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 8/7/2006 2:51:00 AM | Well at least you know you have a problem...you like pressing buttons to see how far they will take it and the KABOOM..thar she blows...
The line" I also have been COMPLETELY honest with the girls" ..?? your telling them that you like treating women like crap?? a n d...what girl likes to be treated like crap?? No, your telling them what they want to hear or they would not be sticking around..
Men on these sites have been trained to meet, greet, see if they can get it on...then split..not really wanting relationships anyway...and when you DO find someone that is JUST FOR YOU..you don't know how to act because your in this habit of playing games..
My advice is YES, admit your having a problem playing the game....and stop it...When you meet a new gal...tell her you have been playing too many games and want to get off the merry go round..to be patient with you...if you want to tell them the truth. SLOW DOWN, take a deep breath and enjoy activities with her...bowling, movies.. | |
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| why do i always sabotage a relationship
Posted: 8/7/2006 8:21:46 AM | There are certain roles men and women must play. Honesty about weakness, for men, is not accpetable in western society. Just bottle it up and hold it in until one day you die from a heart attack.
If you have any insecurities the best way to deal with them is to make fun of them. Self depricating humor is attractive to most. | |
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