| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/11/2006 11:57:29 PM | meh , I eluded to this in a post I made on another forum but thought I'd ask you wonderful smart men (and women!) this question to get some insight.
admittedly I've always been the kind of girl that guys want to date, not all guys of course (hah I wish!) but the few I've been in relationships with wanted to get to know me , go out , have fun and were interested in more than just "the sex".
I have been single now for awhile and it seems like the reverse is happening to me and I'm not quite sure *why*. I have met a few guys , gone out a few times etc , had a good enough time (couple of them even from this site! woah!) but they seem to just want a no strings attached F*ck friend. I don't think I give off that impression and despite one guy here saying that my profile makes me seem like the type into casual sex (love to see where he got that idea hah) I really don't think it does.
I'm not saying I want to find my soulmate , or that it has to be all about the going out and doing things etc, but is this a new thing with people? I am as openminded as they come and if I wanted a no strings attached situation I would probably do it , but I don't.
so what do you do if you meet people who want something you don't? I've tried the whole "I don't really do that" thing with mixed reviews (one guy actually got *really* nasty with me)
what happened to going out to a dinner / movie? wanting to get to know a person and then getting their panties off? I love that whole feeling when you're dating someone new, first kiss , first dates, etc etc , I don't need to have it all in one night of knowing someone!
so if you meet someone and you don't want the same thing (maybe you want to date her but she just wants a fvckle?) do you even continue to talk to them or do you just leave it alone?
I know I know , stop reading so many danielle steele novels nurse hah
(I don't read that crap for the record!) | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:15:23 AM | That's "2nd place" in my opinion.
Not was I was looking for, but it's nice to have a consolation prize. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:21:18 AM | It seems to be the "new fashion" I'm not very sure where it originated but I've seen it in Europe as well on the last few years (around 6-8 maybe??), especially on the younger generations.
I guess it has to do with the lost of personal values, I remember when I was a kid on elementary school they would teach you that, and there was example of it all around.
I guess they don't do that anymore at school; I have talked to young people about it and have found that 90% have no clue of what that means or how it works.
So, today seems that everything goes; the funny/sad part is that people are doing those things and at the end you see them here asking...."why"...????......"WHY this happened to me"..???...."how do you know when..."??? etc...etc...
There are some people who know HOW to play fair still around, but it seems that it is an endangered specie...........ha ha.... :) | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:25:20 AM | Personally I would stop seeing them, if your not looking for the same things then theres no point continuing in the relationship but as for stop talking to them I suppose it depends how friendly you got before you actually got to meet.
I like to stay freinds with people, but it sometimes doesnt work
Keep trying im sure you will find what you want | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:27:26 AM | For what it's worth, here's my theory. Expect nothing. Go out on a date, be yourself, have fun. What happens happens. Tell everyone you had a good time, leave out the details. When the date leads to 2 hours of mini golf, a ride on the bumper cars and dinner, be happy. When the date leads to a two hour movie, 2 hours at the coffee shop and a peck on the cheek, be happy. When the date starts at the coffee shop and ends at the fairfield inn, be happy and when everyone asks you while you are glowing tell them about the first 2 dates I mentioned if you must 
As for the buddy thing, ya know even that had to start somewhere.... | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:37:45 AM | ^
hahaha so true so true!
I never have expectations when it comes to a first date/meeting , usually that has served me well. I think lately I'm just attracting guys who want some action, probably with more than just me! That hasn't happened to me before really , so yes first time for everything I spose!
I was talking to some of my friends who have been single longer than I have (poor girls hah) and they too have noticed a trend in the last year or so with guys just wanting to fool around etc. Mind you I have also talked to a few of my older friends (35-45ish) who are single and they find the opposite, they are meeting men who *want* something serious etc. Maybe it's got somethin to do with age? who knows, but I wants me a date haha
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 4:48:08 AM | The guy may have gotten that you were into casual sex because you say you are looking to "hang out". He shouldn't jump to that conclusion but maybe he is like me and not sure what it even means.
What does just hang out mean to people? You don't want an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend you just want a guy/gay that is a platonic friend?
I don't bother meeting people that are looking to just hang out because it sounds like they don't want a relationship and it would be a waste of my time and maybe hurt my heart to hook up with them and find out I like them and they just want to play around and not get serious with anyone. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 4:50:05 AM | really? hmm see i thought intimate encounter might mean I wanted a f*ck buddy
I thought hanging out mean you know , hanging out!
going out , dinners/movies , seeing if anything develops
hmm interesting, I put hanging out because I didn't want people to think I was just searching for a husband (since I am 29 and unmarried, people tend to believe I have some urge to be married by tomorrow or something!!) I can't win!  | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 2:39:51 PM | Hang out? I think it goes something like this:
"Whadda ya wanna do?"
"I dunno. Whadda ya wanna do?"
"I dunno."
Repeat as needed and then go home. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 2:51:02 PM | | you have to tell the guy in the very beginning what you are looking for if he doesnt ask for a "date". You also have to keep your hands to yourself until you are official. That will clear up any confusion yes? Kiss ok, but common...if he is after booty and you are not handing it out then he will either stick around or leave. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 3:03:24 PM | Let's say you are looking for someone who is charming, sexy, exciting in some way. Of the men you talk with, some seem unappealing sexually, boring, like a romantic dialtone. Others seem more exciting, so you go with them. But O No, they turn out to want to follow up that flirtation with instant sex. Could it be the men who seem less sexy on the face of things are the ones who are looking to date a while before flirting and sex?
Come to think of it, what do I care that you have the problem of too many people wanting to have sex with you? Ha, go suck an egg. I wish I had your problem. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:01:30 PM | ^ haha hardly too many people wanting to have sex with me
as I said, I'm talking about a select few.
and I'm not chasing after the ones who seem uber sexy , I've always been more for personality vs looks , just seemed to notice a trend, and since I'm kinda new to dating again I wondered if anyone else did too.
I wish I had the problem of too many people wanting sex with me too , so maybe we should both go suck an egg! | |
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Gage1
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Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:27:05 PM | A lot of guys on a bit more of a mission out here seem to have the impression that Ladies prefer saying 'friends' or 'hang out' to avoid the negative stigma of having 'intimate encounter' on their profile...as well as likely needing a secretary to sort through the responses they receive if they are forthright enough to put 'intimate encounter'... if they do not see 'long-term relationship' specified , many of the hunter-types seem to assume you might well be receptive to a casual bed buddies situation... Thus , those are the ones you are most likely to draw...
Personally , I wish they'd allow a choice of 'not looking for anything' or 'just browsing in boredom'... It's also not surprising that there may also be a return to the trend of casual sex like in the 70's and early 80's though... hey , if bell bottoms can come back anything can
Anyways , just my thoughts... Good luck Nurse | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/16/2006 6:13:27 AM | This might sound silly - but what exactly defines a f-buddy? I know what they are, but is it just for the booty and then leave or what? Do you hang out still? I just want to see what the general consensus is.
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:13:30 AM | ^^Hey MsMich---didn't you reply to another post about a F Buddy saying you were involved in one of those now yourself?
So OP I wonder why or how the guys you meet now have changed from those you thought wanted more than sex from you? Any ideas if something about yourself is different? Of course it's always possible the dating pool for your selected age range is a bit different from those you encounted before you became active on the internet.
If there's a "problem" with internet dating or meetings it would be in the miscommunications so often encountered. You mention having "hanging out" as one of your relationship goals but just like "intimate encounters" it means something quite different to those who read it. While we all THINK we know how others will perceive our profiles it's very likely if there's a "loop hole" or chance for misunderstanding it will always be thought of in a sexual context. Yes that sucks and should not be the case but sadly it happens.
Mostly I think the "hanging out" means just looking to spend time together, maybe getting acquainted to see how things might be if it turned more serious. That can also be taken as looking for an activity partner NOT necessarily centered on sex rather doing things of common interest like an exhibit of some kind. Again, that's very much open to interpretation even though we think or hope it's clearly explained in our profiles!!
Life changes as we grow----and it's never always as clear and straight-forward as we hope!! | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:53:10 AM | | jwa - I did. But I am still not quite sure what most people think the boundaries are. I was curious to find out so I know if I am using the term correctly. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/16/2006 8:55:51 AM |  ya I have noticed a trend and it doesn't seem like it is just one age group either. I have nothing remote in my profile that say I want to cam, have sex, be in a relationship and I still get an outrageous amount of perv's coming out of every corner. I have met some really cool guy friends on pof and some real freaks. I only seem to be attracting military of some sort and no I not complaining as the four guys that I have been in a relationship have been DND there hot all dressed up.... clean cut looking with muscles!!!
But a lot seem to just want to jump into bed and I ain't that kind of girl I would like to keep my partners down to single digits. lol
not to many of us girls still out there I don't think. Maybe someone stuck a sign on my back that says  lol hahahah should check
Pink. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 7/25/2006 5:36:46 PM | | happeenurse,i think that your profile states quite the opposite.For some reason,people seem to *ignore*your values.Obviously,they don't respect your feelings,why should you respect theirs?Write 'em off.Good question;Whatever DID happen to dinner/movie,conversation,then maybe sex?Everything&everyone seems to be moving faster these days.We stand in front of the microwave saying 'hurry-up'... | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:05:47 PM |
Hang out? I think it goes something like this: "Whadda ya wanna do?"
"I dunno. Whadda ya wanna do?" "I dunno." Repeat as needed and then go home.
so true.
that's why i love a guy with a plan. you don't even get to the whaddya ya wanna do part. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:39:44 PM | I'm not sure quite sure what your question is.
Are you "dating" guys, and when you become sexual, he suddenly stops wanting to "date" and just wants to enjoy lots of sex? Hmm. I'm thinking for a lot of guys that's such a wonderful and exciting phase of any relationship - especially if they're a bit reserved or shy or non-aggressive, in general - that it's quite understandable for them to let it become PRIMARY, for a while. A lot of single guys are seriously NOT getting enough sex to be healthy in both an emotional and physical way, so when it DOES occur, they make hay.
My advice is to enjoy, allow him to enjoy, be kind if he's going through a phase of pleasure intoxication, but also be clear and honest about your extra-sexual expectations and inclinations and desires. Just say it, nicely. You'll know from his reaction if you're on the same page. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:53:45 PM | The entire friends with benefit fad started up when STDs were becoming mainstream, and children were forced to take oath to remain abstinent until marriage(I can kind of relate this with Hitler's Youth, except sexier). The entire FWB deal, in my opinion, is a route only few should take.
Personally, I prefer a life of solitude. I'd dislike having a spouse or relatively close female regulating my every action, whether it be my drinking or gambling fixation. And frankly, I've never appreciated the lovey-touchy-feely things most people would associate with a relationship.
What you are witnessing, is society's backlash. Men are now afraid to travel unchartered waters once, and never cross back to the homeland. Men believe to be safe, they must sleep with the same woman, and thus put themselves in a position as geeky as being considered a "friend with benefits", "****buddy", whatever terms the majority would take up.
And there are even weirder names, mind you. But I won't get into that.
To answer your question, if it hasn't or has been already, establish that you are not looking for only sex. If you were looking for sex, there's the bar. And even if you were to agree with the "FWB" deal, you(or your mate) will try to flourish it into a full-time relationship.
Monogamy in general is wrong. And I'm drunk. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:51:10 AM | It's not that you have changed, it's the mentality of the dating world has changed. It seems that no one really wants anything "real" anymore, just whats easiest for them.
And I think it's much worse on line. It seems that no matter how much anyone blathers on in a profile about how much they want long term, soul mate, best friend, whatever, what they are looking for is a one-nighter. Usually once they find out that's not going to happen, they disappear. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:55:58 AM | Happee Nurse, seriously...change it to Dating, because that's what you are here saying you want anyway, right? Hang out is too "wide open" with how many meanings you can read into that. I'm like you, "hang out" means just going out and doing stuff, but it's like "activity partner." WHAT activities? Too many things can be read into it.
If you haven't already, change it to Dating. (Not that it will change your experience in any way, shape or form, because you are still going to find the same thing happening!) but at least there won't be question as to what you are really looking for. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:30:45 AM | The whole F Buddy scenerio has so many benefits that ppl dont seem to understand. Once you get past the whole ethical bullshit it actually is a lotta fun.
Scenerio 1
If two ppl have just gotten out of a serious relationship, rushing right into another one would be a huge mistake not only to them but also their partners. Having a friend with benefits in this case works great. Makes people not rush into stuff, make them think, realize their mistakes
Scenerio 2
Two career oriented people who just cant afford the whole drama that a relationship brings. Perfect choice again. | |
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| dating vs F buddies vs ........
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:33:17 AM | It's been a while since I dated (being married tends too curb that part! What was the question again? Oh dating takes a bit effort but a F buddy is a real good friend! | |
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