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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/14/2006 2:02:23 PM | Hi, I was wondering what the "general" online dating concensus is? I am mostly interested in knowing what exactly are people looking for when they select "long term"? Are you searching for your soul mate. How do you think you should go about meeting up with this person?
Here are some ways I attempt finding my LTR
(sadly enough it has only worked once, lol)
1. I post many photos from different days and looks. I feel it gives a guy
an idea what I REALLY LOOK LIKE.
2. My subject line is a summary of my intention or who I seek.
3. I try to answer all questions a guy may want to know that is with in reason in my
profile.
4. I am very candid, I have decided what kind of guy I seek. My profile will deter many but
alluring to few.
5. Prefer not to search profiles, usually reply to those supposedly looking for someone
like me.
6. View their profile. If their profile is what I feel I am looking for (short distance, looks, age, personality...pretty much in that order) I then reply with my name and email and possible additional photos. I ask them if they want to speak on the phone if their responses are to my liking.
7. If the initial email I get from someone is not really what I seek, I close it and go back to it later to see if I feel differently and not being too superficial. Some emails I just know they didn't read my profile and delete immediately.
8. Depending on our correspondence, if things seem cool, I say let's meet. Now here is where
the majority of the problems begin. I guess this is a bit scary for most meeting for the first time. Ok gent, I have already decided I like your personality thus far, so basically if you look like your photo what is the problem? AHA! Many times guys (girls to, but I am not responding to girls) know their photos (yes plural, I won't meet a guy with less than 3 photos)
are not really telling the truth. So now the stalling begins, why? Why have some guys been emailing me for years saying they are ready to meet? I am new here so I am referring to other sites. I am no longer interested if we cannot meet within a couple of weeks excluding holiday seasons...a month tops.
9. So if you are really looking for someone, what are you waiting for? You have a busy schedule, ok...any time off? No? Well, it wasn't going to work then. Yes? Well, let's do this.
We don't need to go out for dinner, lunch, movie, or coffee. You and I pick a busy street that is in the middle of both our residences, meet at a 7 Eleven I don't care  let's just see what each other looks like in person and see if there is chemistry, then go from there.
10. Say we both like each other  A couple of weeks has passed...you are still
logging getting your ego stroked by this site and other sites...what was the point?
That is the same thing as going to a club and meeting a club hound. Even if he thinks I
am what he wants he is still skirt chasing in the streets.
So fellas to prevent wasting my time, I have some private tell tale signs that let me
know you are not ready for what I want. Call it needy, but if I don't need you, then why
have you? Like LL said, "I need love."
OR, it's ok I can be by myself that is fun too. Getting dressed up, going out with the girls, shaking our a$$es in front of the predators. Nananana
You can have your cake and eat it too, but first you must obtain your cake  | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/14/2006 5:28:24 PM | | Never mind. After reading some of these posts today, I am no longer certain men that use the internet know why they should have a good woman in their life. It appears your wants are very short term | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 2:09:27 AM | It's just refreshing to see someone with looks AND brains. I honestly think this online dating thing is harder than it is in person. So far, she has an overwhelming amount of stooges trying to get her attentoin. Meanwhile, I'm sure 60% of them are genuine guys.......just flooded out by the douchebags. It comes full-circle because she can't filter out the guys, nor can the guy make the cut.
My opinion. Perhaps I'm too sceptical.......we'll see. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 2:22:05 AM | 9. So if you are really looking for someone, what are you waiting for? You have a busy schedule, ok...any time off? No? Well, it wasn't going to work then. Yes? Well, let's do this.
We don't need to go out for dinner, lunch, movie, or coffee. You and I pick a busy street that is in the middle of both our residences, meet at a 7 Eleven I don't care let's just see what each other looks like in person and see if there is chemistry, then go from there.
what we have here is another smart lady. i've been telling guys on here that i don't want to just talk to someone online for a long period of time if when u don't meet there is no chemisty. your awesome lady, too good for internet guys. i think all guys are really lookin for on here is a ego booster by only talking online to random girls, they're not lookin to meet. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:15:47 AM | (WOW...one would think we would have had a chance to reply..... /)
 Sorry. I was so disgusted by another thread here, and posting on a few others. It appeared that maybe this internet thingy was for predators only. But hey, it is a new day and Bambi survived another day | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:19:57 AM |
9. So if you are really looking for someone, what are you waiting for? You have a busy schedule, ok...any time off? No? Well, it wasn't going to work then. Yes? Well, let's do this.
We don't need to go out for dinner, lunch, movie, or coffee. You and I pick a busy street that is in the middle of both our residences, meet at a 7 Eleven I don't care let's just see what each other looks like in person and see if there is chemistry, then go from there.
Sorry no one is so busy that they can't have a relationship. Scheduling time together may be an issue... but whether or not you want to be involved with the person has no bearing on your being busy.
Presumably we're all busy. Those with fulltime jobs & kids. Those with fulltime jobs & school (like myself). Those with all the above and hobbies they participate in.
Being busy is a given. Being involved with someone regardless is not as hard as it sounds.
If you're not here to actually meet someone, you're just wasting people's time.
I think a month of chatter... here or phone... is actually enough time to decide if you're "meet worthy". | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:21:23 AM |
We don't want it short term, we want it NOW. If it's worth repeating, the term will probably be longer
Ummm, viewed your profile. I think it would be behoove you to rethink your opinions while raising your TEENAGE DAUGHTER...IMHO | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:40:16 AM |
It's just refreshing to see someone with looks AND brains. I honestly think this online dating thing is harder than it is in person. So far, she has an overwhelming amount of stooges trying to get her attentoin. Meanwhile, I'm sure 60% of them are genuine guys.......just flooded out by the douchebags. It comes full-circle because she can't filter out the guys, nor can the guy make the cut.
My opinion. Perhaps I'm too sceptical.......we'll see.
 Awwwww My Dearest Fellow Pisces, obvisiously you are that type of guy...loving, caring, smart (and appreciates intellectuals), probably silly too, and stunning...however my distance preference is so neither of us waste our time or gets hurt.
I have not had my heart broken by a human (when one of my kittens died...tmi, lol), I have been disappointed regularly and have learn to steer from heart break. You know how we are. We are dreamy and we search...and then when we find it/them we cannot be apart! Well, except for you know work and our seperate life, but distance? Geez, how long can that last. My last bf was hurt when I said the distance was too much for me. He did not speak to me for over 2 months. I am friends will all my ex's until too much time has passed, like yearzzz, and we loose touch. I was livid that he could say he loved me, but not as a friend. Oh but we are BFF's now, great friends.
The point I am trying to say is, I know me! Very well! I am a lover and very catering to the other person and expect that in return. What Pisces are known for is moving on if deemed under appreciated and we don't look back. Some people feel the rug was pulled from underneath them. I say, well ya had a good thing...oops your bad. I cannot imagine knowing the guy I seek is right where you are but only seeing him like maybe a week out of a month.
Just let me have my filters online, okay? My last 3 bf were LD's and I love to travel, but I
am trying to find me a Cali boy near Southbay.
Thanks for the compliment Celibacy!
And for all the grump grumps that are going to walk all over this TMI heartfelt post...
who cares, lol | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:51:20 AM | Well, truly a lovely lady with her head screwed on the right way and knows what she wants 
Sometimes I think MANY women feel that what you have said about men on here is very true - although is it really?
All the best to you | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:52:40 AM |
9. So if you are really looking for someone, what are you waiting for? You have a busy schedule, ok...any time off? No? Well, it wasn't going to work then. Yes? Well, let's do this.
We don't need to go out for dinner, lunch, movie, or coffee. You and I pick a busy street that is in the middle of both our residences, meet at a 7 Eleven I don't care let's just see what each other looks like in person and see if there is chemistry, then go from there.
what we have here is another smart lady. i've been telling guys on here that i don't want to just talk to someone online for a long period of time if when u don't meet there is no chemisty. your awesome lady, too good for internet guys. i think all guys are really lookin for on here is a ego booster by only talking online to random girls, they're not lookin to meet.
Thanks Hottie Yeah, this internet is very addicting. Even on the go I need immediate answers to every question in my mind. Now the dating sites and community sites provide surreal praise & drama that people seek in the real world, but here they have a mute button called DELETE. So whatever they want to experience they may and control everytime when it ends. If they want to debate, like now, cool...enter a forum. If you don't the response, debate it, discredit it, or you can bypass it all together.
So maybe when these dating sites provide all this ego boosting email, maybe that is all a person really needed. Maybe they no longer need to meet you or I. Just your positive friendly hello is all they really needed. I for one, think that is why this site has a preference called EMAIL/CHAT! I am not looking to email or chat for stranger for years. If I want to do that, and when I want to, I blog or go to groups and forums...not email some guy and say he is cute, nice, and smart...here's my number. Oh and talk to him for a couple of weeks and stand him up when it is time to meet | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:02:20 AM |
It's just refreshing to see someone with looks AND brains. I honestly think this online dating thing is harder than it is in person. So far, she has an overwhelming amount of stooges trying to get her attentoin. Meanwhile, I'm sure 60% of them are genuine guys.......just flooded out by the douchebags. It comes full-circle because she can't filter out the guys, nor can the guy make the cut.
My opinion. Perhaps I'm too sceptical.......we'll see.
Pretty much my thought process too, well said....
It seems to be a card shoot at times...
Write short note telling of your interest...
Some no reply... some do.... some reply with full force only to become short one sentence drips leading to the dreaded closed faucet of sorts...
Down to nothing fell off the face of the earth...
or
Write back & forth getting to know each other before the perceived actual meeting...
Seems like real banter at times....
The meeting never transpires or does not happen before the enthusiasm peters out period...
Yea real in person flesh it up is much easier but in the end many times we have the same results.... Back to the drawing board chin up if you will
Beware... This is not for the faint of heart
Wow, thank you...and everyone for the positive feedback and reassurring comments! I know we are all guilty of responding or not responding enough, never realizing who's hopes were brighten by our words or anticipation of meeting us. But beside human error and pure laziness, I think we need to keeping the "meet dates" we make. And if you really do like someone, log off for awhile. If it doesn't pan out the way you planned, your email will be waiting or you can always create a new profile
It may not be that much courageous to be here, but definately takes patience and understanding...patience I lack, oops | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:05:04 AM | What I really expect to get from this is amusement, and a few insights. The responses I expect to get all begin with: I am not interested in you, but I just wanted to say...
I expect that women online are shopping in a big Internet catalog of men. They click and flirt or click and complain or click in silence keeping to themselves. I expect they will easily find at least one big reason and many small ones to move on from my profile to the next one. I expect that my profile doesn’t belong in the online dating catalog of men, except for the important purpose of making other men's profiles look better by comparison. The women are looking for someone to not settle for, and I am that man.
I expect some people will have a sense of humor, while others are truly lost and stumbling, and a few are seething with rage buried so deep it escapes like steam rising from the cracks in the bowl of a volcano just before it erupts. These angry ones will pounce on every opportunity to demean others, express their hostility and pee in your cheerios, as the kids like to say.
I expect to find something better to do with my time once the novelty wears off. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:09:41 AM |
If only I still lived in Cali.........
Thanks Jaw, but you live in Florida. Never been to Sorrento and doubt I ever will. But hang in their and give the local hotties a shot. Don't waste too much time on the birds in the bush, find the one in your reach | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:15:50 AM |
9. So if you are really looking for someone, what are you waiting for? You have a busy schedule, ok...any time off? No? Well, it wasn't going to work then. Yes? Well, let's do this.
We don't need to go out for dinner, lunch, movie, or coffee. You and I pick a busy street that is in the middle of both our residences, meet at a 7 Eleven I don't care let's just see what each other looks like in person and see if there is chemistry, then go from there.
Sorry no one is so busy that they can't have a relationship. Scheduling time together may be an issue... but whether or not you want to be involved with the person has no bearing on your being busy.
Presumably we're all busy. Those with fulltime jobs & kids. Those with fulltime jobs & school (like myself). Those with all the above and hobbies they participate in.
Being busy is a given. Being involved with someone regardless is not as hard as it sounds.
If you're not here to actually meet someone, you're just wasting people's time.
I think a month of chatter... here or phone... is actually enough time to decide if you're "meet worthy".
 Yep! Kuddos to you! I feel the same. I guess I made it sound a wee bit one sided though. I meant like if someone has a busy schedule plus my schedule, then when is their time off. And then if their time off doesn't work, then basically "this" us meeting and dating will never work. Plus also, I figure only if they live a bit too far should we have to schedule the meeting precisely. If the person lives close, we should be able to speak on the phone and then say...what the heck! Let's just meet now before we like the person alot on the phone and disappointed in person | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:16:42 AM | Wow, la*star, you took the thoughts right from my brain. My biggest problem with online dating is either the men want to meet right away, or they take forever and never actually have or make the time to meet! It's got to "fit" into their schedule, which tells me alot about the type of person they are.
If I am interested in meeting someone, I will make the effort - after all we all feel we are worth the effort and it sure is nice when someone does that, rather than just talks about it.
If I am having a great exchange with someone, after 3 great emails - let's go out or talk on the phone.
And yup, my patience has pretty much come to an end. I'm talking to a few nice men and we will see.....
:) | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:22:10 AM |
Well, truly a lovely lady with her head screwed on the right way and knows what she wants
Sometimes I think MANY women feel that what you have said about men on here is very true - although is it really?
All the best to you
Thanks Nuthafish But I like to let you know it is not a "men" issue, sorry that it came across that way. I do not date women, so I may use the word he or him more in my post. I realize guys may have the same grief from the ladies. I was just stating what should be obvious. Like "what do you really expect to get out of this?" I wanted to see the responses, fearful that it would be more negative...but now I see. I see that I need just to get on the ball, answer my email, speak on the phone, meet him, and awww life | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:31:19 AM |
What I really expect to get from this is amusement, and a few insights. The responses I expect to get all begin with: I am not interested in you, but I just wanted to say...
I expect that women online are shopping in a big Internet catalog of men. They click and flirt or click and complain or click in silence keeping to themselves. I expect they will easily find at least one big reason and many small ones to move on from my profile to the next one. I expect that my profile doesn’t belong in the online dating catalog of men, except for the important purpose of making other men's profiles look better by comparison. The women are looking for someone to not settle for, and I am that man.
I expect some people will have a sense of humor, while others are truly lost and stumbling, and a few are seething with rage buried so deep it escapes like steam rising from the cracks in the bowl of a volcano just before it erupts. These angry ones will pounce on every opportunity to demean others, express their hostility and pee in your cheerios, as the kids like to say.
I expect to find something better to do with my time once the novelty wears off.
I am sorry you feel that way 5th . Well, your profile is a bit empty in deciphering who you are. Condescending humor, no photo, and that is about it 5th. That is not exactly charming the ladies Hun. It is kind of like what you see on the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet. Yes, this does resort to our bare survival instincts. The mating ritual needs to be more alluring for the male to score his prize, or not. The choice is yours. Good luck | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:42:08 AM |
Wow, la*star, you took the thoughts right from my brain. My biggest problem with online dating is either the men want to meet right away, or they take forever and never actually have or make the time to meet! It's got to "fit" into their schedule, which tells me alot about the type of person they are.
If I am interested in meeting someone, I will make the effort - after all we all feel we are worth the effort and it sure is nice when someone does that, rather than just talks about it.
If I am having a great exchange with someone, after 3 great emails - let's go out or talk on the phone.
And yup, my patience has pretty much come to an end. I'm talking to a few nice men and we will see.....
:)
Thanks Wild ! I am glad you have it down to a science, I think I do too.
That alone may be intimidating to the predator jusssst kidding.
Well, hopefully, God willing, you will find him and know when to log off. Cheers and Blessings! | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:50:55 AM | I am no longer interested if we cannot meet within a couple of weeks excluding holiday seasons...a month tops.
That's IS 1/2 the problem,
I myself have given up on contacting anyone for dating on here (and on the pay sites too). The way I see it is, if you're interested in me, then you will contact me, and we'll go from there. I'm concentrating more in the real world these days (as for dates)
but,
it only takes me a fraction of a second to make up my mind as to IF or IF NOT I would be willing to meet you for a date (after reading your profile) and I'm sure other men agree.
From that point, a few emails, and a few phone conversations later we're either meeting OR it's - "have a nice life".
There's no time for "game playing" (i.e.) dragging time out until I'm no longer interested in you because too much time has passed, I'm now bored to death thinking you're not serious in the 1st place about findng a man/relationship, and now I'm interested in new prospects that may NOT be playing that game & who ARE more serious.
"Time IS of the essence"
say a guy contacts you on a Monday afternoon,
well,
by the coming Friday or Sat. the 2 of you better be on your 1st date OR ELSE chances are you're never going to make it to a 1st date,
I'm speaking from much experience here (years & years of using these sites).
That's just the way it IS in most probability 90% of the time.
Besides that, why wait in the 1st place - we're all here to meet/date & find someone in the 1st place, so, why drag the process out until someone loses interest (or both)?
There's been studies done on this very thing, and the conclusions have been that as I stated
"Time IS of the essence"... | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:55:59 AM | ^^^^That's my problem, where I live it's kinda hard to get a date, hence I'm stuck with online dating.
I totally agree with you on the time is of the essence thing. Dragging it out just drags it out until it stops.
You don't need a month of contact - you need quality contact within those first 3-4 contacts. You already know you like the look of each other or what each other's profiles had to say, it needs to be brought out into the real world so that you both can see if there really is something there or if it is just computer generated. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 7/15/2006 10:13:10 AM |
I am no longer interested if we cannot meet within a couple of weeks excluding holiday seasons...a month tops.
That's IS 1/2 the problem,
I myself have given up on contacting anyone for dating on here (and on the pay sites too). The way I see it is, if you're interested in me, then you will contact me, and we'll go from there. I'm concentrating more in the real world these days (as for dates)
but,
it only takes me a fraction of a second to make up my mind as to IF or IF NOT I would be willing to meet you for a date (after reading your profile) and I'm sure other men agree.
From that point, a few emails, and a few phone conversations later we're either meeting OR it's - "have a nice life".
There's no time for "game playing" (i.e.) dragging time out until I'm no longer interested in you because too much time has passed, I'm now bored to death thinking you're not serious in the 1st place about findng a man/relationship, and now I'm interested in new prospects that may NOT be playing that game & who ARE more serious.
"Time IS of the essence"
say a guy contacts you on a Monday afternoon,
well,
by the coming Friday or Sat. the 2 of you better be on your 1st date OR ELSE chances are you're never going to make it to a 1st date,
I'm speaking from much experience here (years & years of using these sites).
That's just the way it IS in most probability 90% of the time.
Besides that, why wait in the 1st place - we're all here to meet/date & find someone in the 1st place, so, why drag the process out until someone loses interest (or both)?
There's been studies done on this very thing, and the conclusions have been that as I stated
"Time IS of the essence"...
True, true, true...well said Greeneyezzz. I do not have a specific cut off time in reality. One, because I am corresponding with others, living my life, and I love to travel. And Two, because I do not always practice what I preach and need to go answer some replies myself | |
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