| In response to the popular "Woman's 50 Rules for Men"...
Posted: 7/15/2006 12:42:23 AM | Here are some rules for you women...
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.
18. Share the bathroom.
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a quickie in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
Heh. Had to post it.
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 12:53:02 AM | I do not have too many shoes. I need them all as I have to match.
As for crying, I am sensitive and only cry when I am upset or hurt. I never use it to get my way. That is silly and childish.
I agree with #22. I would check my own oil but I do have the proper shoes to do this in....
~Carrie B. | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 12:54:55 AM | i saw something similar to this post a week ago......i'll be happy to give you my thoughts on this:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
(How about you put it down in the first place?)
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
(Okay, I'm sure you'd love to hear us go on forever about split ends)
3. Don't make us guess.
(Sometimes it's fun if it's obvious you're going to know the answer...)
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Same goes for you)
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
(Sometimes, she's not thinking about you. Live with it.)
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
(Well why is he still in one then?)
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
(I'm sure your dog is no different than any other dog, either.)
8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
(Can't really argue with you there....but I am a b*tch.....lol)
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
(Fine, as long as when the sports are done, you have sex with us.....makes it even)
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
(Nobody said it was to begin with)
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
(Okay so we can wear jeans and a t-shirt to your company's formal gala? Excellent!!)
12. You have enough clothes.
(No I don't and I pay for them myself so I don't see why you're complaining)
13. You have too many shoes.
(See number 12)
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
(Sometimes we are upset about something. Deal with it)
15. Your brother is an idiot.
(Bet you were an only child)
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
(Wanna bet?)
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.
(If he knows its Super Bowl Sunday, he can remember a date. Men are not THAT stupid)
18. Share the bathroom.
(Again, see number 1)
19. Share the closet.
(Get your own closet.....you don't seem to have that many clothes compared to us women)
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
(For what questions?)
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
(Maybe she's just not that into you)
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a quickie in the morning.
(Sure, why not...but saying it works wonders too and may even get you MORE sex)
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
(Meh)
24. Check your oil.
(That's what mechanics are for)
25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
(Don't give us 25 rules when 0 will do)
Hope I was supposed to write in comebacks to these.....LOL | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 12:59:25 AM | 1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
^^^ I'm not touching that one with a 50 foot pole, I've seen women go absolutely ballistic with this one. But ya' guy I do know where your coming from, lift, put down,lift, put down.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
I used to tell my last girlfriend to give it to me straight, I would even say, "look consider me mentally challenged but no matter how obvious the hint, I do not get it".
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
Try talking about physics or mathematics, It will drive them as crazy as their making you.
I think a good one, is Please for the love of God don't use with-holding sex as your way to get back at the guy. Anyman, can testify that's just brutal and somehow mean spirited.
Great list, I want to see a female equivelant to it, its only fair.
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 1:50:06 AM |
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
I have to admit that I've never understood this argument. I happen to know how many germs a flushing toilet spews, and if both genders put the lid down, they would both share the burden equally, while decreasing the amount of germs that migrate onto the toothbrushes. | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 1:50:27 AM | Here's the more complete "Men's Rules"
Men always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1 Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1 Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1 Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1 Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
1 Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1 Crying is blackmail.
1 Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t do it!
1 We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1 Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1 Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1 Check your oil! Please.
1 Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1 If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
1 If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1 Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
1 You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1 Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1 The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it and quit whining to your girlfriends.
1 ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1 If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1 We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1 If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1 When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1 Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, investments or cars.
1 You have enough clothes.
1 You have too many shoes.
1 Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what the hell they’re saying anyway.)
1 It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
1 BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1 I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping. | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 2:23:47 AM | Oh, this is another one that I like. It's more chauvenistic, and there are some that overlap with the other one I posted, but it's still a goodie.
1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.
4. Shave your shizz. Seriously, shave it bald.
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those biaches.
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some azz.
13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your azz looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat azz.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.
16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave your shizz.
18. Just cause you get our d-i-c-k one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by focking our friends. We really don't care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.
23. Swallow (just in case you forgot #2 already).
24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a shizz while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.
29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank azz.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.
31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.
32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your azz cheeks and that slapping sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.
43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.
47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shizz!
49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we f-u-c-k.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
My personal favorites are 6, 28, 34, 35, and 49. | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 2:33:24 AM | I think both sets of rules are too many, but must admit the 25 is better because it is half as many. My list of "rules" even though I hate "rules" are a lot less for someone that I am living with or married to. If we are just dating then kill number three.
1. Don't lie, just tell me like it is, good, bad or just down right ugly.
2. You can cut your hair but only a half an inch every 6 months.
3. If you like the idea of a boys night out, hope they have an extra bedroom for you to live in as I do not want to live with or be married to a boy.
4. My cat? yes my two cats are different than the other cats, but are you that much different than the other men?
5. I don't care if you are thinking about me all the time. If you are, then you are thinking about me too much, but catch you with another woman and I will forget your name. | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/15/2006 10:14:09 PM | "You have enough clothes."
Wrong! I can never have enough clothes.
"Share the bathroom."
Only when hell freezes over.
"Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period."
Dogs and cats are equally useless. Period.
"Anything you wear is fine. Really."
Now, that's like my good boy.... Tommy! 
~*Flavia*~ | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/18/2006 12:35:02 PM |
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
(Fine, as long as when the sports are done, you have sex with us.....makes it even)
Deal.
It's a good thing I don't like sports. | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/18/2006 2:06:12 PM | 1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
(Can't wait til MOther nature calls you in the middle of the night and you wind up azz first in the toilet. )
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
(Same back at ya.)
5. Sometimes, I'm not thinking about you, dude. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
(This is moren likely just the first three words...)
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
(He has been with me a lot longer, you lose this one.)
8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
(Dogs are more dependent and submissive than cats...that is why this type of man prefers them.)
51. Accept me for who I am. There are some things I do better than you...just as there are some things you do better than me. We are supposed to be complements of each other, not enemies. | |
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| In response to the popular Woman's 50 Rules for Men...
Posted: 7/19/2006 4:48:46 AM | 1/ You are still better built than the last six girls I ogled, or the next six I am going to ogle.
2/ If you were a real woman you would have installed me a stand up urinal in the toilet years ago.
3/ If you want to meet your dream man go back to bed and dream | |
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