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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 1
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I joined here one month ago today. June 16, 2006
Its now July 16, 2006

In that time I told alot of people my situation being here.
I had recently had my engagement ring handed back to me (one week before coming here).
There is never one reason for a breakup, but rather many little ones combined.

I was shocked, saddened, confused and didnt know what to do, or where to turn for help.
My ex used to volunteer at the Distress Center handling crisis phone calls so I should have called there....I didnt, i tried many different things and met as many different people I could to change my circumstances. I walked down different streets, and took different roads while driving. i talked to people i would have never thought to before the breakup.

One of the first people I met on PoF told me that i should be "upfront about my ex" and how "fresh I was, here" and why. They told me it was important to be honest and real with everyone here. I agreed dumbfoundedly. I mean, it wouldnt be fair to whoever i met, not knowing my story.

Anyways, i was having a tough time accepting being single. I was staying awake late at night. Almost avoiding going to sleep alone. Ii was hard to get motivated to go to work, since my ex worked with me too. I am having a hard time with all the paperwork... She helped with that as well. She was an interwoven thread in the fabric of my life; affecting/effecting me in all aspects of my/our life...

This brings me to now. The real purpose for this thread. To be honest and real with anyone I should meet on here in the near future. And to those who I already met.

Last week, she called me and said she was a having a hard time with her life. Although she was diagnosed with depression, She had the support of her doctor, her therapist, her work (the distress center), her church leader, and family and friends. It wasnt enough.

Today at 1pm, she decided to end her pain. She stepped in front of the C-train at SAIT.
Eye witness reports and the police informed us she walked knowingly infront of the train, looked at the driver, and turned her back on him, as he ran her over.

I went to the hospital and met up with all her relatives.
They told me not to blame myself. Without that I would probably die myself (of a broken heart). My only counsel so far is, to take a few sleping pills and fall asleep reading bereavement flyers they gave me at the hospital.


Has anyone else here had a similar situation or survived this great pain.
If you have, please tell your story below.
It would mean a great deal to me.

I debated taking my profile off here... thinking, who would want to meet a guy this ****ed up?
But you can never be ready for something like this. I have always been a firm believer that, it is not WHAT happens to you in life, but HOW you deal with it, thats important. I am not sure there is any reason for me to be here. I dont want to be a downer on anyone, but really hope this thread gets me some helpful hits.

Still in shock.
=|
Steven
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 2
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 10:42:41 PM
Steven honey..... I am speechless and deeply saddened by your loss. I can only send you my love, prayers and healing light.

Please don't believe that this is your fault, it's not. It will take time and you will walk through this. I don't believe it is ever possible to get over something like this, but you can move on. Please seek counseling or support groups to help you through your pain.

Here's a big Witchy (((((HUG))))) and please know I will be saying prayers for you and your lost love.

Blessings,
Witchy
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 3
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 10:50:10 PM
12 minutes and my prayers have been answered. or at least asked for.
Thanks alot it really does means alot to me to hear from you
 bakerjerry1
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 4
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:00:10 PM
do not do this! you have friends such as I . I am a MASTER MASON. I SHALL HELP AND SO
sHALL ALL MASTER MASONS DO NOT DO WHAT YOU ARE THINKING wE LOVE YOU AND SHALL HELP PLEASE JUST CALL ON US WE SHALL HELP ANY WAY WE CAN PLEASE PLEASE
CALL ON US.

jERRY
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 5
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:01:13 PM
I will be praying for you a lot my friend. Depression is a horrible disease. I myself was suicidally depressed for a year and a half. I finally pulled myself out of it and at times I fight not to go back there.

You just have to take each minute, (not day) one minute at a time. I cannot even imagine the pain you must be going through.

First off, I want you to forgive yourself as I know you are taking much of the blame for this, but you did nothing wrong. It may help to know that when this happened it was not her but the demons inside that took over, she just couldn't fight them anymore. When it's a persons time to cross over the methods become clear, does that make sense??? No matter what that method is.

:))
Witchy
 bar_none
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 6
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:03:55 PM
Steven

I am sitting here speechless trying to think of what I could possibly say to make this better. Anyone that has gone through a loss such as this knows there are no words.

I do know that in no way could this be your fault. She was battling depression and for some, no amount of counseling, support or medication will help. It is a sad truth that leaves those left behind reeling and wondering what we could have done differently.

THere are no hints helpful hints dear one. This is going to be a loss that is going to take a long time to go through. You are right. It is now what happens in your life but how you deal with it. Don't rush grief. Embrace it and allow it to come.
God Speed.
B.
 KrissiNJ72
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 7
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History
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:07:01 PM
I won't say that I know what you are going through because I do not. I will say that you are a strong man to be sitting here talking to us about your most horrible experience. I don't know what I could say that could make you feel any better- I am so sorry for your loss and I will keep you in prayers- God is the only one who can give you the strength to carry on..
 _Thisisme_
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 8
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My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:07:07 PM
My heart goes out to you Steven.
You must be suffering a great deal of turmoil right now.

Suicide can deeply affect those who are left behind.
It leaves so many unanswered questions.

I'm not sure why you think there's something wrong with you though. Those seem like pretty normal reactions to life altering events. I would be more concerned about a man who felt nothing after a separation or the the death of their spouse.

You may not be ready for another relationship right now, but from what I read in your post, I don't see any problems for a man who is caring about the people in their life. You will make a loving partner when you are ready again.

In the meantime, heal well Steven.
 Cryshania
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 9
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:14:04 PM
I am so sorry, I feel for you. I would like to share some thoughts with you.
1. All paths in the world are laid by someone, travelled by someone and cleaned up by someone.
2. We all make decisions in life that affect, effect, defect and sometimes reject others, this is not a fault, its life.
3. She chose this path, it hurts, it will hurt, it may heal, it may scar, what matters is how you carry it.
4. The world is full of people, we love, we hate, we laugh, we cry, we live, we die, its the way its meant to be.

I know that none of these thought will make it easier to bear, but with this message comes hope for the future, strength for the present and inner peace for the past.

My thoughts are with you and her family.

Sincerly
Crystal
 Charks
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 10
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:18:17 PM
With all my heart and every ounce of my being, who I am, I am so very sorry for your loss Steven.

Please find it in yourself the strenth to continue on and know as sad as it may sound, things happen for a reason. We have talked about this before. Although I cant imagine what that reason would be.

You are strong Steven, you know that.

I am here for you if and when you need me.

Charlene
 SUBLIME1970
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 11
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:26:22 PM
There are lot's of people here for you. At all hours of the day and night. You are not alone.
 bricksmasher
Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 12
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History
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:56:48 PM
that is horrible..

if you are going through hell.... keep going Winston churchill

good luck, things will get better, that is a terrible thing to have happen. my prayers are with you
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 13
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:59:08 PM
what an idiot. I would expect that from a guy who proudly calls himself Porky2006.

Your words speak volumes to the ladies in PoF, more than they do to me.

Ladies, beware this 'tard. Dont say you havent been warned, HE just warned you.
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 14
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:06:02 AM
yes, but i tend to think i have a large circle of friends both online and offline
it happened not even 12 hours ago. I found out 8 hours ago.
how much console should i have got so far? I was in the hospital until 3 hours ago.
sheesh.
 Thaleana77
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 15
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:07:11 AM
my thoughts and prayers go to you
 Love2Laugh44
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 16
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History
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:16:29 AM
Steven - I'm very sorry about your loss.
 jayfunk
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 17
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:17:07 AM
Hey chappy!!!
Well ive known you for along time now.. over 15 years.. you've always been there for me as a good friend and now I hope i can do the same for you.. I sure wish there was more i could do. All I can say is that you can call me whenever you want and for whatever reason, anytime of the day or night. If you ever need anything.. you got it. Don't forget that I'm feeling it too and it has hit me pretty hard. Youre such a cool guy with so much to offer, dont ever forget that. Just hope someday youll be back to your fun self.. but in any case it don't matter I'll always be here.. Take 'er easy, dont forget to breathe and I'll call ya later, maybe go shoot some pool sometime when you feel up to it. Good night bud!
Jason
 vivid
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 18
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:17:11 AM

yes, but i tend to think i have a large circle of friends both online and offline
it happened not even 12 hours ago. I found out 8 hours ago.
how much console should i have got so far? I was in the hospital until 3 hours ago.


Noted, amigo.
 Sagittarius70
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 19
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:18:29 AM
My prayers go out to you and your family.

Oh, and Porky2006, Yer fulla shit buddy!
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 20
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:18:36 AM
thank you everyone for your support and prayers
a few of you have wanted to contact me directly and i will return those emails in the days to follow. I really appreciate you all, and your kindness to a complete stranger (well fishie friend).
tomorrow i will see my doctor and get mood stabilizers and see what forms of bereavement counselling he advises. I just find it hard to think for myself at this time.

with each new message i feel blessed to have this much support, ALL in one place.
You guys are awesome. Support that i can take in at my own speed.

Steven
 obsession30m
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 21
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:35:41 AM
Dude...i have been almost there where you are...Thnx God she is healthy and doing OK...but for you..i know it is hard...but try to avoid those pills and try to engage yourself in something which would keep you busy...and you get tired of it.I personally started going to gym..worked my anger and anguish out. Try it...with more adrenaline and testosterone flowing in your bood...your mood will get stabilized.. you dont need those pills...they are not a good thing to be on..You have to fight with all this on your own..nothing and nobody will help you. Your loss is not a small one...I know it....but...now at this moment.. all you have in your hands .. is YOU...dont loose Yourself...Be strong...and emerge out of this situation. Time heals it...you need time..and more you will talk about it..more you will be depressed. Try to get into something else...and keep yourself busy.. and start doing it now...dont wait...for anything or anybody....and one more thing....I know..we all need supportive words...but ..supportive words are good for a while...they dont change the situaion..only your actions do...I know...i should be gentle while typing this.. but i am talking with my experience...Dude..i was all alone for 3 months...sleeping on floor and cursing myself...and there was no one with me...not even words..no food..i was drinking water...and sugar...and salt.It is just a small example..i had 40 extacy pills in my hands...and water on another..i was there....then just actions changed everything....gym..changed my appearance...me and everything within 6 months..do something like this...you might not even need any doctor or pills......
Sympathies
oB
 davis_57
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 22
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My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 1:03:59 AM
Hey I just wanted to add a few words here.

i can't think of a worse situation to go through... honestly. I feel horrible for you, and no one should go through this... but don't blame yourself.

When my ex broke up with me I did the same things you did, go a different route, I started listening to different music that didn't remind me of him... I tried to avoid all things him... so it was good that you attempted to move on... but i can tell you, I'm still not over my ex and it's been four months since we've broken up.... its not easy and we were only together for 9 months...

Its just horrible that not only were you grieving with the upset of a breakup but now with the death of a loved one. I can't even begin to understand what that feels like. She was obviously upset... she told you she was, but only she could help herself. If you depend on people for your happiness, then you truly aren't happy at all... I assume this was her case.

You can't blame yourself for this. Everytime you try to, I want you to remember that only SHE could truly help herself. Yes you could give her words, promises, thoughts.. a counselor could do this as well... but if she doesn't want the help then it means nothing.... if she couldn't find the meaning of life in this mess... then maybe she gave up on life long before coming to this conclusion. She must've been going through changes in her perception when she broke things off with you... things must've gone downhill for her after that. Just always remember that this was NOT your fault.... and she wouldn't have wanted you to think it was your fault either.


Now... after all of this... what do you do? My best suggestion to you is this. DO NOT go out and date someone right away... it's going to make you feel like shit. I promise. Stay on here.. meet people, have fun on the forums... get yourself out there... but only for friends. Yes those friends may develop into something more, but don't push it... let it just happen, and let it happen when you are emotionally ready. As much as you should rely on yourself to make yourself happy, there's nothing wrong with making friends that can help put you back into that mindset.

I also think that when you're ready you should make some changes in your life. Not overly drastic ones, but changes that will make you happy... things that will help you think less of her and more of your life. Yes what happened sucks, but its happened and grieving about it forever will NOT change the current situation. So take this time you have now and help yourself... you're single, and now you have the chance to reflect on yourself and decide if you represent what you really want to feel like. Treat yourself sometimes, whether it be to a really nice dinner with friends or maybe go do something you didn't think you'd ever do... you'd be surprised how much self satisfaction you'll get out of something like that. Do the things you always wanted to do but didn't... you only live once... so don't waste it. Have your own special way of grieving for her, but don't let it take over your life.

I promise that these words will seem nice now, but you won't take my advice right away... in time, if you take some of the suggestions above, I promise life will have a brighter outlook!... Live life day by day... and try to find things to make you smile ... remember why life is SO good... remember that the sun WILL rise tomorrow... keep your friends close, they will help you... family is good also. Just please try to help yourself... keep yourself well, and make friends... they're one of the most valuable things a person can have in their life.

So I hope this helped a little... only you can help yourself... remember that. We can give you words and suggestions, but its up to you to make it happen!
 ][KAOS][
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 23
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 1:17:15 AM
Lift up your head and heart. Surely you did your best. And surely the loved one who is gone did her best, for as long as she could. Remember, now, that her battles and torments are over.

Grief as we are taught to understand it is intensely distorted when suicide is the cause of death. You may question whether your feelings are normal. Most likely they are and you are experiencing normal emotional reactions to an abnormal occurrence .. suicide. Grief after suicide is often very effectively addressed within the safe environment of a suicide survivor support group. Never hesitate to seek professional counseling.

So very sorry for your loss Steven, please take care of yourself.
 AirborneMedic
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 24
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 1:23:53 AM
Steven,
Sometimes life gets us down brotha, the important thing to remember is that somethings are beyond your control. I am very deeply sorry for your loss, but remember there are people you can talk to. Everything will be aight friend, you just gotta look at the happy side of things, and realize that maybe it was for the better, and all things happen for a reason. I'm sure that it's hard a hell, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, But I'm sure that you will recover fast. Honestly Steven I could sit here and try to make sense of what's happened, what you posted, but for her to just do that makes no sense. I had a co-worker take that way out, she Od'ed on codine. That was kinda rough, but hey we all got through it, and we made it through pretty well. I know you will too, you've taken the first step, you need to talk about it, if you don't want to talk about it, then write it down, and go from there man, you can e-mail me here should you need anything else. Even if it's just to talk, or vent or whatever man, but know that you have someone that'll support you, and will listen to you, and try to help you with what you need help with. I hope all goes better for you! Take care Steven, I wish you best in your future endovers.

Matt
 Orville
Joined: 8/1/2004
Msg: 25
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My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/17/2006 1:24:27 AM
It's hard to say anything without posibly sounding trite. You are still reeling buddy. Anything that comes out of your mouth, or in this case, your keyboard, is coloured by the shock. Give yourself a month or so. Try and keep up with personal hygene and routine housekeeping. Eat regular. Talk if you feel the need. Don't talk if you don't feel like it.

I knew a guy once who was involved in a car accident where there was a fatality. He was hurting too. Survivors guilt I think they call it. I am a movie fan and I told him to rent The Red Tent with Peter Finch and Sean Connery. For me it was a movie with a message. I often think of it. Let me know what you think if you see it. Here's a link.

http://homevideo.paramount.com/Catalog?cmd=display_product_page&release_id=1471

Raised in a closeknit agricultural community where we would say you have a "tough row to hoe". Best Wishes.
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