| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/17/2006 4:37:52 PM | | if so, how did you cope? My first son was killed by his mother. While I was at work on 1.1.2000. Im not doing very well, my patience is extremely short and I do not smile nearly as much as I once did. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/17/2006 6:25:01 PM | | OMG, it was hard enough on me to bury my father. I can't begin to imagine burying my child! There are grief counselors out there...you seriously need to find one for the sake of your other children, if not for yourself! Just know that he's in heaven with all of God's children, and try to be at peace. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/17/2006 8:00:14 PM | | I have never had to bury one of my own kids,thank god...I cant even imagine how you must feel.I have been at fatalities where kids were involved, but thats the worst thing I can relate to.It takes time to heal....There are people you can talk to,other parents who lost their children...support groups....proffessionals.Losing your child has to be the toughest thing a parent goes through,I am sorry for your loss. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/17/2006 8:28:32 PM | | No experience here, but that would have to be THE saddest experience. I hope you never have to experience such sadness again. I cry when I hear of child abuse cases and wish I could save all the little children from harm. They are so innocent and helpless. How dare anyone take advantage of that. wishing you love and peace. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/17/2006 8:31:18 PM | | Wowsers...that's brutal...I can't even imagine what how that must affect you....I'm so sorry to hear that....I've never had to bury any of my kids...and I pray that I don't live to see them die...:( | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:19:38 PM | | You need to find someone to talk to that isn't going to get squeamish when you feel the need to laugh, cry or rage at the memories of your son and the circumstances regarding his death. I buried my gorgeous twin girls, one died the day I gave birth and her sister lived just over eight months before she too died. They would be almost fifteen now. I got through it by knowing that my son didn't need a whacked out Mommy raising him. I have pictures of Kaitlin and Kassidi hanging on my walls, I still deal with the loss every day, but I've never let the grief totally and completely consume me. I have the best friend in the world, he held my hand through it all and he continues to be there for me even now. It took a little while, but I again started to laugh and smile and find beauty in the world around me, especially in my living child. My heart goes out to you. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:34:52 PM | oh my....I would never want to bury any of my children before I go. It would be a tough thing to swallow if it was to lose a child in such a tramatic way, as you have.
I had an aunt that had only 2 daughters. She burried the first at the age of 14yrs and the second at the age of 28yrs. Weird thing is...they both passed on exactly the same day..April 9th, just fourteen years apart. If it wasn't for her two grandchilren, she said that she would have lost it. I get spooked when my boys are out of my line of sight.
If I were ever in the situation where I had lost a child, I know that I would have to pull myself together for the rest of my family. Let everyone know that it's ok to cry, ok to be angry, ok to miss the loved one that has passed and still ok to talk about the memories that were shared with that person. It's ok to smile when you think of those happy memories.
Maybe you could get in contact with a parents group for people that have lost a child. I had a friend that went to a similar group and found it very helpful to be around others in her situation. Talk to your counsellor (if you see one) or Family and Community Services(in your area) and find out if there are any such support groups around where you live.
Best of luck and know that it is ok to continue living. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:32:26 AM | I have not had this happen to me, but I would like to say how deeply sorry I am for your loss YEAIDD. 
I would suggest going to grief counseling. I know that it would never take away the hurt that you feel, but it might help you cope with the pain a little better.
God Bless you YEAIDD | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:33:21 AM | Twins - gone before they learnt how to speak - but I have been told they are with me every day. I have learnt to believe in the after life. Torn apart because I cant see them - hold, feel and love them.
The world works in strange ways and we never understand why. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/18/2006 9:28:21 AM | | well at least I had practice with dealing with a 'death'. My father passed right before my son. The hardest thing seems to be dealing with his mother. Going back and forth to a courthouse for custody of my living son seems rediculous to me. This is a major part of my bitterness. Not to mention my daughters mother skipping town with my only daugher last year.....leaving a message saying 'you can't win em all scotty'. My patience is currently invisible and i am constantly on the defensive...completely ready for a fight and ANY given time. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/18/2006 2:20:32 PM | well i can tell you it will never really get easier my mom lost 2 of her children in a suside murder.. and to this day she has delt with it better but it will never go away certin things tigger it and others dont.. she still loves them to death i know it hurts her when we ask questions i personally dont like bringing it up to her although sometimes its hard i mean they are my sister and brother and i wish i had the chance to meet them... but in time things will get easier i know up until i was 9 my mom wouldnt let me out of her sight because she was terrified something would happen to us and we would be taken from her too.. once we got older though she had dealt alittle better you can still hear the pain in her voice when she talks of them or around their bdays or the aniversery of their deaths but i am very proud of the way my mom has held herself up .. i always wonder how i would personally handle that situation and i can tell you now it would either be suside or drugs and lost of them...
im sorry for ur loss i hope that helps some i think you may need counceling to get though this one ... maybe someone to help you figure things out would help i know my mom went for over 10 years but she was infrount of her children(5 and 3) when they where shot so i cant even imagion what she went though..my heart breaks for them and her everytime i think of it
R.I.P jackie and tony i may not have knowen you but you always in my heart and on my arm | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/18/2006 11:04:16 PM | I have gone through almost the same thing, my ex got pregnant with our first child and had it aborted.... well one of my famous smart moves was forgiving her for what she did and tried to work it out with her to only have her get pregnant again 7 to 8 weeks later, and she wasnt going to tell me she was pregnant again, she was going to leave me and give our son up for adoption, then she finally told me she was pregnant and what she had planned on doing, I begged her to not give my son up for adoption, and she decided not to, instead she decided to try and stab herself in the stomach with a butcher knife, I stopped her two different times and have the scars to prove it, she had our son in febuary, by may she had already packed all of her things and left my son and I, I had to call the cops on her two different times over her throwing things at me while I was holding our 3 mnth old son, I kept taking her back thinking that it may have been the post pardem depresion going on, well it has happened every year since and she has left and done her thing and I always let her come back, this last time she left I didnt report it to the authorities because it has never done anygood before, on Easter Sunday her father and I had a conflict and I was asked to leave, 30 minutes later the cops are at my house trying to arrest me for kidnapping my 2 yr old son........... ....... so needless to say they have taken my son from me and even though I took care of and raised my son for the first two years of his life, even though I am on the birth certifcate as the father and him having my last name I have no rights to my son because I was smart enough not to get married to her...... or so I thought..... you see a man has no rights when it comes down to it........ I understand where you are coming from on all of it more than anyone......... I havent got to see my son in months now, the only thing that I can say to you is keep your head up and keep smiling...... its the only way you will ever get through it.... best of luck to you..... | |
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Smacck
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Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/19/2006 5:02:49 AM | | I am so sorry to hear of your pain and YES these boards can help you to a certain extent. It is good to get feedback from other ppl to get their opinion. I can not imagine the thought of losing a child but my grandma lost her daughter to suicide (my aunt) and my close friends's mom lost her son at 17. Even though it doesnt seem it you are turning into a stronger person. Time does heal the pain. Take it a day at a time:) | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/19/2006 10:14:05 AM | csimonds-Unbelievable, so who has legal custody of your son? I did not marry either, but made sure I was on the birth cert and then through 3 years of court every month...I got 50/50 joint legal. But that still isnt enough because I have such a deep hatred for his mother for obvious reasons.
Church takes the anger out for like 2 days, but the remainder of the week I stand ready to rip someones head OFF. See, If this was in real life, on the street...the post by mopegunz would have had him on the ground with me on top of him beating his face in until i broke my hands immediately...no talking trash, no dirty looks...just physicality. And then feeling bad afterwards...because he didnt know. Taking out my agression on simpletons is not soothing pain. But it is great practice for hand to hand combat training. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/19/2006 2:27:20 PM | | Hey, I'm wondering something. you said that your son's mom killed him. What do you mean--she murdered him? I'm sorry to bring it up but I just didn't understand what you meant by it. Anyways, I'll tell you my story. I had a baby named Rayna who was born in March and died on May 10 of this year. She died of Sudden infant death syndrome which to me, is a bunch of crap because there wasn't anything wrong with her (at least that is what the doctors said) so it's a sucky thing because they can't even give a good reason for it. She died on Wednesday, we had the funeral for her on Friday. It was so unreal to me. I just could not believe it was real. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/19/2006 2:57:09 PM | Awww..sorry to hear that...I was always so paranoid of SIDS when both my kids were born :(
(My name is Raina, only spelt with an "I", instead of a "Y"  ) | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:09:56 PM | | Me and my Ex burried our Daughter who was born prematurely Jan 04' We were seperated by Feb 05' and divorced by 11 05' Its fact that nearly 70% of couples that loose a child end up in divorce. I know this has nothing to do with your situation, but it happened. I could never imagine something happening to my 7 year old twins. I'm constantly parinoid over the posibility | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:46:16 PM | | I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my brother a few years ago due to a drunk driver and I think everybody deals so differently with that kind of situation. I can't even begin to imagine how you would feel. I went and found some really good books at Chapters that helped out a lot, and gave me more of an understanding of the grieving process. Again sorry to hear that. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/19/2006 11:32:28 PM | YEAIDID...... according to the legal standpoint is that we both have equal rights to him... but the judge that lives in the county that she lives in is an ***hole..... ........ and come to find out that her father is church buddys with the judge and the judge will not let me petition the courts for custody of my son or even visitation..... which is really screwed up because anybodys neighbor in tennessee can petition the courts for custody or visitation of my son but i can not......the judge has told me to hire a lawyer and petition the courts to prove that i am the father.... which like i said before he carries my last name, i am on the birth certificate and his mother and i both signed what they call a volantary peternity acknowledgement paper...... which is a legal binding document that states that i am the legal father of my son and i half the right to petition the courts for custody...... but the judge keeps telling me no that i can not without a lawyer.... i have contacted the DHS legal department and they told me that the reason for the volantary acknowledgement paper was put into affect to keep fathers like me from having to go through this..... they advised me to contact the tennessee supream courts and file a grievince against the judge for not letting petition the courts for custody or visitation..... these people come into my home and stole my son from me and now she has taken an order of protection out on me.... i have to stay away from her and my son..... i can not contact him or go anywhere she or he maybe..... i havent been served with the papers yet but i expect them any day now....... like most people out here trying to make a living i do not have $3000.00 to go out and hire a lawyer to prove to the courts what has already been proven...... i have been working everyday and saving as much as i can to hire a lawyer to fight for him..... i know the road is going to be long and hard....... but i think that i have endured enough throughout this and my life to be able to say that i have made it this far and im not going to turn back or give up now.... i will not ever give up on my son....you just got to keep going on and try to keep yourself busy with physical work to try and keep your mind off of it or try some type of boxing/kickboxing to relieve some of the pressure that you have built up inside...... if you dont and you take it out on someone who hasnt done anything to you or deserves to have the cap released from the bottle where all the pain and rage is building inside it........there are people in this world who do not deserve to be treated the way they are..... and the ones who have done the things that they have done to other people get to have their way... get to hurt and ruin other peoples lives and we are the ones that have to pay the price.....and the really sad part about it is that no one cares... all they are interested in is money...... how much money that you have to give them to do the right thing.... i have learned to deal with my issues better then i thought i would..... i was just like you are now with the hatred and rage.... like i said you may not feel like it or want to but lift your head up and smile for your child that you have lost, lift your head up and smile for your child that you still have, your no good to anyone or to yourself until you let some of the steam out...... then you can focas on what you need to do....sorry i wrote so much.... i guess it was time for me to vent a little bit too.... just smile  | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/20/2006 4:27:09 AM | | Too many griefs all at one time YEAIDD. My youngest son died at 15 after coming off a motorbike in a paddock 25 years ago. I only had to deal with the one grief of having to bury him and not seeing him again but nobody has run away with my other children or messed around with my memories. Your family has been torn apart and the death of your son is only one part of all that happened then and what has happened since. The trouble is, anger only hurts you. It doesn't affect the people you really want to smash. In fact you have lost two other children and there's nothing can take their places and never will. Grief works differently for everyone and yours is still very new. Where are your friends? Who is looking out for you? I can't help you but I sure can feel some of your pain. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/20/2006 12:28:40 PM | | i have never had to bury a child i couldnt imagine how much pain that must be. im so sorry. i was pregnant with twins 3 years ago, and lost one at almost 5 months. that was really hard. but nothing compared to what u have gone thru. i hope u can find someone to talk to. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/20/2006 2:16:53 PM | guinnessgurl2003
The way 'SIDS' has been described to me, is that a baby simply forgets how to, or forgets to 'BREATHE'. Thats all that the research has revealed apparently in umteenth years.
my son died at 1042am on the first day of the millenium. I went to work at 6, and did not party the night before at all because of this. When I left the house I told my kids mom...DO NOT bring the baby in the bed with you. She did anyway, and at 10:42 I got the call. Frantic, and screaming and craziness made her call me BEFORE the POLICE or 911! She had him in the bed, pillow top mattress, 7 throw pillows, and 2 blankets. Not to mention the hang over from the night before...
The last time I held my little boy, there was dried blood from BOTH nostrils, which to me is a sign of struggle. Anyway, through all of the madness it was my duty to keep my cool and stand by my chick...period. She was not charged at all. Now here I am 6 years later, still fighting back and forth over custody of our living son.
csimonds121978
Are you in a REALLY SMALL town? I cannot believe that there is actually situations liike yours going on today in 2006. There has to be avenues left unexplored. This happened fairly recently? If you haven't been served with a restraining order...you technically do not have one. But, that wont do any good i dont think, because it will ensure your son will be in the middle of conflict. Not worth it, my kids mom was in a physical fight with my mother in august 04, my mom at the time was 59, just recovered from hip surgery...but still got her 'evander holyfield' on! lol My kid still talks about it today! They still have not patched things up, and not sure that they ever will. Women are some vendictive, grudge holding creatures..... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/21/2006 1:08:04 PM | | I'd been reading all through this board & feeling sorry for you, YEAIDD. When you finally told us all how his mother "killed" your son 6 years ago my feelings changed drastically!! Has that poor woman not been through enough?? I lost my son who was 1 month 1 day old last Jan.31st from SIDS. I did not "kill" him and he had blood coming out of his nose, but I assure you there was no "struggle"! Now you're trying to take her other son away from her, too? Based on the fact that your baby died from SIDS in her care?? I was asleep & he was lying next to me I woke up and he didn't...ever. The pain is worse than anything imaginable, panic, disbelief, GUILT! I was screaming and sick and I'm not sure what order my phone calls were even made in. I deal with the pain every day of my life and can't help but feel the unwarranted guilt that a SIDS death brings. He was a beautiful, healthy baby. I cannot imagine how horrible it would be to have my ex throwing it in my face & accusing me of killing my baby. Now you drag her through court trying to take away the only person that's probobaly kept her sane, her other son. You have the audacity to come on here & tell us your son was killed by his mother without giving the full details until much later. She wasn't arrested because she didn't do anything wrong. I am sorry for your loss but I'm also very sorry for HER loss. Thats been over 6 yrs. ago and you keep the wound fresh with your "feel sorry for me attitude". It didn't just happen to you. | |
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