| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:08:35 AM | | I was in a long relationship with a girl who I had grown strong feelings for. Things did not work out between us (she slept with my best friend) but life goes on and time help heal those wounds. I have moved on and met other women but I cannot seem to find anything as strong as I had with ashly. Just wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation... | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:19:23 AM | Yep! No girl has ever, to this point, compared to my ex. Whenever i meet new girls i make references to her.
They say your 1st love is the strongest and i agree 100% with this statement. | |
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Xtype
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Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:23:28 AM | I couldnt possibly compare any future girlfriend to my ex partners...to do that would be an insult to them  | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:32:05 AM | Dude...believe it or not.....there are about a thousand Ashlys running arround in america...
and besides.......
Feelings from the past...kill dreams of the future. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:37:27 AM | "Feelings from the past...kill dreams of the future."
Well said. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 8:51:07 AM | We do not base our friendships on past friendships why should we do it to our future loves?
The past is history
The future a mystery
Now is all we have
that is why we call it the present. | |
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noie
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 9:28:16 AM | | I disagree, in that, I feel you use your past experiences for future expectations. I have too, it seems, for the way I am now, is a consequence of everything I experienced in the past. In saying that, I guess everyone is right. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/18/2006 10:33:44 AM | I am sure lots of us have. However I do agree and disagree with the concept of comparing to others is an insult...its only an insult if they know your doing that but at the same time it gives you something to improve your relationships after.
Your 1st love always hurts the most and you never forget that one:  | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/19/2006 6:51:36 PM | I agree with the first love belief. You love them the most, they hurt you the most because you love then so much and then you spend the rest of your life comparing...I think most of us do it...
I do believe that it could be detrimental to future relationships though. They are out there but we have to be receptive and open to the possibility that we could ever love that deeply and vulnerably again. Because we loved so strongly, we made ourselves vulnerable and that's why we were so hurt and I think after something like that, most of us hold back in order to protect ourselves from ever experiencing that hurt or loss again...
sorry for babbling!  | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:08:50 PM | | the first cut is the deepest. I believe you can love other people but it will NEVER be the same as a first love. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:45:00 PM | I actually disagree with the first love thing.
I agree that they will be the most remembered, and the most compared to. However, I don't believe in the perfect fairy-tale situation that a person's first love is the one that they were meant to be with, or that nobody else can match them.
I was dumped by my ex because she couldn't get over her first love. And it really, really hurt.
But you know what?
If someone doesn't want to be with me because they're unable to let go of their past, then I can't justify having feelings for them. That goes for first love, second, third, hundredth, and so on. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:09:34 PM | I agree with most of what has been said,...
yes the first hurts the most.....but until you allow your self to feel again..to take a chance.
( like ths song said--- you look for the pain just so you can feel something again.)
and yes it's not fair to you to compare the new interst with an ex....cause that one will never be the ex....inless they are a clone.
lastly,.. they wouldn't be an ex inless it was suppose to be. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/19/2006 11:58:35 PM | I think the first love affects us the most because its usually when EVERYTHING is new and exciting. Most people fall in love for the first time they are young, just beginning to experience some freedom/responsibility/independence, and beginning to both dream and wonder about the future which, at this point isn't a distant concept, but a tangible reality.
Falling in love at that time heightens all of this; the novelty, sense of oneself as a person completely apart from the child/teen, family, etc., and the ideas of what life we are building or headed towards. Being in love then makes everything more intense. The future has faces and feelings that are there, with us, not in our imaginiations. And as wonderful as that first rush of joy, love, and passion is, so is the pain of that loss. We have never felt that kind of pain before and the memory stays and stings for a long time.
Its that intensity of happiness and grief that we remember because enothing feels like it again. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 1:40:07 AM | ^^^^ i very much agree with you and tyler derdin.
i dont think it is the best to make a reference to this girl it does indeed kill the dreams of the future :)
there would be many more lovely people who you would feel a strong connection ith..she has just not yet come about yet. | |
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-P-
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Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 1:52:07 AM | I hear ya man.. here's the way it's worked for me so far...
First girl I really truly cared about was Allison.. dated her for 6 months, we broke up, then over the next year or so, no matter who I dated, I couldn't get Allison out of my head. Until I met Julie. Forgot about Allison - just became a pleasant memory at that point..
Dated Julie for a year and a half.. we broke up.. Couldn't get Julie out of my head, despite the people I dated, until I met Kat...
Dated Kat for 2 years, blah blah.. you know the rest..
Basically, when you meet someone worthy, then you're going to stop feeling like no one can compare to this girl, and you'll be able to move on. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 2:28:43 AM | "If you can feel it, you can heal it." You are very young, so give it some more time. She cheated on you with your best friend? That is totally inexcusable and downright disgusting. She's not worth your mental energy, nor is it fair to a new potential someone to be compared to her. Whatever feelings you had/have for her came from within your own self, not from her. She just happened to possess certain qualities/characteristics that helped you learn more about your own self, a part of you that is still developing. My hope for you is that you forget about her, appreciate that each person is unique in their own right and redirect those feelings towards your own self and seeing the goodness in others. Then, the right one will come along.
I actually disagree with the first love thing.
^rovert ... Me, too. What's the point in staying stuck in the past? "You can't drive forward, if you're looking in the rear view mirror."
The past is history
The future a mystery
Now is all we have
that is why we call it the present.
^sister ... Yep!
Basically, when you meet someone worthy, then you're going to stop feeling like no one can compare to this girl, and you'll be able to move on.
^-p- ... Yep! Rock on ... LOL!
OP, I'm sorry for whatever pain she caused you by cheating, but trust me on this -- There is someone else out there for you. You're fortunate in that you're young and have plenty of time to find her! Best wishes. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 2:38:34 AM | I know it's the past......but are you still buds w your best friend? and what kind of best freind is it that moves on your woman? it went down two ways you know...
I have trust issues myself..both women and men...I was my coworkers on this site and it's like a rovolving door....one meets up with someone..the other gal like him too..drama..
My advice..when you meet someone...don't get too involved emotionally until at least a couple of years go by...then you know you can breath....again | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 6:10:49 AM | You can not compare the first Love to any other..
You are usually young and inexperienced.. New feelings and thoughts so to speak..
It is however, better as time goes on, the learning curve has ended and you start
to realise the true power of Love.. To heal from the first love is very hard.. but..
To many people drag sh!t from their previous relationship into the next,
because they have not healed from the damage of it..
Heal before you kneal to another... or you will short change the both of you.. | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 7:43:47 AM | its been almost 6 years since my ex dumped my ass (understandable reasons)....but i have learned from it, and carry those lessons with me for my future victims...i mean potential boyfriends...lol....i also feel like i still have feelings for him, but i know its only in my head because of the fact that there wasn't any closure on the breakup. i figure if the relationship has no closure, then the heart doesn't either.  | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 8:07:29 AM | | Maybe I'm a little co-dependent, but it usually takes one to get over one. At least one that I cared so much about. JMPO | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 8:12:16 AM | It's always harder to get over someone when you are rejected by them instead of the other way around. One day you'll find someone who'll out shine her. Good luck!
Luna | |
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TaraNC
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Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 9:14:05 AM | There is a book "Women Who Love too Much" which talks about cell memory and how alot of ppl diss the "good guy" who is the perfect husband material for someone less "stable" because they enable us to bring up cell memories. What feels "familiar" is comfortable, but not always the best choice in the long run.
Its a very interesting concept that I believe may hold some serious truths on the "final outcome".
The book is aimed at women but I know for sure, it is also about men, and would be more accurately aimed at both genders. I couldn't read the book for the first 2 years I had it because I thought my guy then was loving me too much and when I tried I couldn't make it thru the first 2 chapters...it just scared me.
http://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pagethirtyeight.html
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0099482304/202-5462440-6886245?v=glance&n=266239 | |
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| Feelings from the past
Posted: 7/20/2006 9:32:19 AM | They say you never forget your 1st real love... and I'd agree.
She taught me what it was to really be in love... she also taught me the pain of being cheated on... I'll never forget that either 
I've found "glimpses" of that with other women, that unfortunately it didn't work out with for other reasons, but I *do* think that I can find that with the "right" someone else. I just haven't found that "right" person yet. But I have hope.  After all, hope is why we're all here (or most of us anyways)... | |
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