| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 2:13:07 PM | Just found out a very interesting fact about my ex. He is a pathologicla liar. Im posting this because my heart has been ripped out by this guy, and I dont want anyone else to get taken in by one of these people - guy or girl.
Pathological liars, or "mythomaniacs," may be suffering from histrionic personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. The following comments basically reflect a pathological liar who has the characteristics of histrionic personality disorder.
Some characteristics:
1. Exaggerates things that are ridiculous.
2. One-upping. Whatever you do, this person can do it better. You will never top them in their own mind, because they have a concerted need to be better than everyone else. This also applies to being right. If you try to confront an individual like this, no matter how lovingly and well-intentioned you might be - this will probably not be effective. It's threatening their fantasy of themselves, so they would rather argue with you and bring out the sharp knives than admit that there's anything wrong with them.
3. They "construct" a reality around themselves. They don't value the truth, especially if they don't see it as hurting anyone. If you call them on a lie and they are backed into a corner, they will act very defensively and say ugly things (most likely but depends on personality), but they may eventually start to act like, "Well, what's the difference? You're making a big deal out of nothing!" (again, to refocus the conversation to your wrongdoing instead of theirs).
4. Because these people don't value honesty, a lot of times they will not value loyalty. So watch what you tell them. They will not only tell others, but they will embellish to make you look worse. Their loyalty is fleeting, and because they are insecure people, they will find solace in confiding to whomever is in their favor at the moment.
5. They may be somewhat of a hypochondriac. This can come in especially useful when caught in a lie, for example, they can claim that they have been sick, or that there's some mysteriously "illness" that has them all stressed out. It's another excuse tool for their behavior.
6. Obviously, they will contradict what they say. This will become very clear over time. They usually aren't smart enough to keep track of so many lies (who would be?).
Here are some ways to tell someone is a pathological liar contributed by another FAQ Farmer:
They lie about even the smallest things. For example, saying "I brushed my teeth today," when they didn't.
They add exaggerations to every sentence.
They change their story all the time.
They act very defensively when you question their statements.
They believe what they say is true, when everyone else knows it isn't.
Here's an alternate "checklist":
Lies when it is very easy to tell the truth.
Lies to get sympathy, to look beter, to save their butt, etc.
Fools people at first but once they get to know him, no one believes anything they ever say.
May have a personality disorder.
Extremely manipulative.
Has been caught in lies repeatedly.
Never fesses up to the lies.
Is a legend in their own mind.
If you find your S/O to have at least half of these traits, get out of the relationship! | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 2:49:55 PM | | Wow...I think maybe my recent ex could fit into some of that stuff... | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 3:00:29 PM | be carefull! just because your ex may fit some of this criteria doesn't make him a true pathological liar! though he may be in the spectrum it doesen't actually mean he is.
excellent post and accurate!
even dead fish must see oversimplification as a dangerouse bid
The capn | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 3:15:17 PM | Hi Crystalbear
After reading this I thought you were talking about my ex-boyfriend I had for 8 month while I was in the Middle East. Boy was he good. "Feel sorry for me", "Everybody is out to get me". What a scumbag. You'll get over your ex. He's not worse it!
lonelyme62 | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 5:47:51 PM | eek thought you were talking about my ex too  | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 6:05:03 PM | 
i think i dated the guy who set the foundation for all of that and more
could they be brothers maybe...long lost relatives??
 | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:28:37 PM | I was with a girl for four months. Fell for her really hard, and things were extremely serious, no exaggeration. But she would always lie to her mom, because they didn't get along very well. I joked about it once, and she said that she "could never lie to a boyfriend."
All righty.
The relationship ended because she finally realized (after never giving off hints to me) that she wasn't over her ex. So she dumps me.
Pathological liar? To herself, absolutely. And that caused nothing but pain for me. | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:51:57 PM | I thank you very much for posting this list of charasteristics. Unfortunately 23 years too late for me.
If anyone is questioning this list I can attest to it as I was married for 10 years to a man who fits the description word per word. These people also lead double lives. A face for their partner and another face for the outside world.
Only suggestion I can add is to get to know the person's background, friends, family because these sources will confirm whether the individual is relaying fact or fiction. Make a point to talk about what you are being told with other people who know this person. This is something that I never did therefore lived a lie for a very long time.
Would have never believed that there were actually people like this out there. Have learned alot from this relationship. | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:08:46 PM | | I have some advice to add besides getting to know their friends, family, etc. Read their journal if they have one...It's a GREAT source of info, and a sure-fire way to find out the truth...People could easily lie to their friends and family, and only the most sick and twisted would lie to their own journal! Hahahahaha | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:28:41 PM |
and only the most sick and twisted would lie to their own journal!
My ex would... if she had one. How do you think these people believe that their lies are actually the truth? They spend many hours talking it through in their mind changing their memories of what really happened so that they can believe their lies. It's not a lie if they have convinced themselves that it is the truth. It's a very insane logic to those who cannot evade the truth. | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:33:36 PM | | i just got out of a relationship with a girl i met online. she lied about everything. including her first name(and her son's). i found out she made up her whole life to me and anyone else she met. she took my heart and $1000. yet to this day i would take her back in a heartbeat. i miss her so much even though she hurt me real bad. something is seriously wrong with me. | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:37:15 PM | | can she(or any other pathological liar) be saved? | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:39:52 PM | | Whoa, dude...People who have negative qualities can't be changed by us or anyone else...They have to realize these things on their own, and do something about it on their own...It's the only way I changed my bad qualities...And it took losing someone I loved for me to see those things and change them | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:42:13 PM | I mean negative qualities of those kinds, not stupid ones like bad teeth or something haha
Had to clarify | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:49:19 PM | | hmm i re-read the first post and it nailed my ex right on the head. especially about the small lies. she would describe having mcdonalds for lunch, right down to how she ate it. i spoke to her after having found all this out(from her ex-roommates) and admits to being a liar. she said she does it because she cant trust anyone. meh... | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:52:24 PM | | Just because you can't trust anyone doesn't mean every word out of your mouth should be a lie...I have a VERY hard time trusting anyone, at least 100%...Doesn't mean that I lie...If I'm gonna tell them something, it's gonna be the truth... | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/23/2006 10:46:18 PM | Not a SO for me, but someone I considered a very close friend. Sad, to say the least. | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 12:56:26 PM | I have come across many women who say they are honest and not like the other women
and they turned out to be a pathological liar.
I'm thinking now that I want a woman who says she is a pathological liar and just like the other women and I'm hoping that she will turn out to be honest. | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 4:19:50 PM |
I have come across many women who say they are honest and not like the other women
That's one thing that I have learned in life... "Those who cannot find fault in themselves will blame you for everything." People who don't know who they are certainly can't come out and tell you, nor would they if they actually knew. | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 4:31:19 PM | Chrystal is right!! In spades. (I am a mental health professional) sometimes, however, these folks are so smooooooth that they can trick you for a while---look at serial killers, they are very charming at times--Ted Bunday is a wonderful example of this.
People who lie "a lot"--- for whatever reason --may be dysfunctional or mentally ill. They may be delusional and on a power trip as well. They can be very dangerous or vindictive.
It is a very good idea to get this person out of your life at the FIRST signs of them being a liar, (believe your gut even if you cant prove it) and get out of the relationship before they think they own you and that you have no right to get out of the relationship without them hurting you for "dumping them."
"Personality disorders" are not curable or controlable with medication or counseling or love or anyother thing-- stear clear of these folks and stearing clear of a liar is usually good advice. Someone who is a liar and/or a controlling liar with an unrealistic picture of themselves isn't going to make a good relationship with you, even if you were perfect. Be careful. Oxdrover | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 4:44:07 PM | personality defects are not controllable?
this statement is untrue, they may not be easy to control but I would STEER clear of such a sweeping generalization
the capn' say's mental health professionals never make sweeping generalizations too many variables, since mental health issues are not based on science or math
masquerading as a mental health professional isn't cool and it stinks!
the capn' questions your motives
capn' | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 4:53:20 PM | ya cpnt, I got that same stinkin feelin, this is not a pro i would want to hire.... | |
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*I*
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Joined: 11/20/2004
Msg: 23 | |
| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:17:49 PM | Crystalbear,
Sorry you had to go through all that, I know it really hurts (been there) but you'll get out of it a stronger person. I did... Hang in there | |
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*I*
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Joined: 11/20/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:18:17 PM | Crystalbear,
And one more thing...Good girl for giving others a heads up and clues to look for... | |
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| Pathological Liars
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:19:19 PM | for me this is a little too late - but lesson learned...... my only comment concerns when you turn to this individuals family and they lie to you too.... how do you get to the truth then? | |
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