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| Unreasonable Phobia fears of BBW/BHM
Posted: 7/20/2006 10:40:58 PM | | I think this is going to make people hate me and I will get all kinds of hate mail. I have been reading these forums and trying to understand why men/woman are not attracted to BBW/BHM. Fist I would like to start with saying that I’m a few extra pounds myself, Now why do I fear BBW when I am on the heavy side myself, does that make me a hypocrite? After going to a search in the forums on BBW I found that there were over 40 forums on BBW/BHM. So now I’m convinced that I’m not the only one that has a problem with overweight people, I have learned that I have a unreasonable fear of phobia for people that are overweight and it is ruining my opportunities to accept being loved by overweight BBW. I will have more results from my sociologist; he keeps telling me that it’s because of something that happened in my passed. I want to hear your side of it, everyone complains about men/woman that are judged the way they look and there weight, but I haven’t herd from the people that don’t like BBW/BHM. why they don't like BBW/BHM? So you people that hate BBW/BHM stop hiding your heads in the sad and be brave and tell us why you don’t like BBW. | |
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| Unreasonable Phobia fears of BBW/BHM
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:59:56 PM | It’s simple, I hate BBW because I’m not attracted to them, simple as that, I take care of myself, I go to the gym 3 times a week a watch my weight, I eat well, no junk food, I work hard to keep in shape. my weight is 181 pounds, my height is 6 feet, so I have nothing to be ashamed of. And I will never date a BBW, so does that mean I have a phobia, No! It just means they are not attractive because they do not take care of them self.
Don’t blame it on phobia, BBW are simply not attractive, when was the last time that you saw a fat Rock star? Did you ever ask yourself if they were in shape and thin to average, do you thank they themselves date a BBW/BHM???????Final. | |
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| Unreasonable Phobia fears of BBW/BHM
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:21:47 AM | Im always down for beating a dead horse. So here somes my view.
but I haven’t herd from the people that don’t like BBW/BHM.
Then you havent read as much of the forums as you think you have.
why they don't like BBW/BHM?
We dont date them because we arent ATTRACTED to them. Theres this condition called lust, its the dirty cousin of love... and they usually go everywhere together. We dont lust fat girls, so we dont persue dating them.
So you people that hate BBW/BHM stop hiding your heads in the sad and be brave and tell us why you don’t like BBW.
We dont hate them. We hate racists, warmongers, and Pepsi. We are not opposed to our friends being fat, choosing friends is all about mutual intrests and shared hobbies. Looking for a relationship... you want those as well, but you also need to be attracted to them, in the case of big girls and heavy tobacco users.. we arent attracted to them.
Now why do I fear BBW when I am on the heavy side myself, does that make me a hypocrite?
This is because your brain isnt fat, no ones brain is fat. You have the same chance of being attracted to any one thing that anyone else does. A midget who likes tall people isnt a hypocrite.. he just likes tall people. Your penis dosnt know racial predjudice, nor does it know Hypocrisy... it just knows what it likes. Trust thy penis.
You dont have to date fat people because your fat, just go for what you like.. just remember to respect everyone as a person even if you dont want to hump on them. Then your not being a hypocrite.
Really, im pretty shocked that anyone would come in here and say they HATE fat folks. Whats to hate? Have any of them held you down and tried to force-feed you bacon till you were "one of them" ? I doubt it. Besides... Santa Claus is fat, and if you hate him, your just a Ba$tard.
J and L. | |
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| Unreasonable Phobia fears of BBW/BHM
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:21:53 AM | | I think I was misunderstood here, I did not say I hate them, matter of fact I love them, I even been dating one, I love her so much that if she was thin I would have a forever relationship, this is what I can’t figure out, I found the perfect woman for me and I won’t commit because of her weight, I know I’m torturing her and will regret not having a relationship with this girl one day, so should I settle because I may regret it? I know there will be a man that will love her unconditionally one day because she is the leader of Angels sent by G-d. Some men love BBW’s So knowing all this I still won’t have a relationship with her because of her weight, so what category do fit into, is it Phobia of overweight? We are still good friends we talk almost everyday, and if she ever needs anything from me I will provide it with pride. So why am I willing to rather have no one in my life and maybe will never find a woman like her again? do I enjoy emotional pain? I’m a few extra pounds myself. Before I put up this forum I e-mailed many woman and noticed that a few extra pounds had a cross on there list, never got a reply from any of them, so I guess those are the haters I am talking about, I was told it has to do with attraction and some woman don’t care if a man is overweight or not but where are they? so far all the ones that I tried to contact that I found attractive refused to even talk to me because I was a few extra pounds, It is easy to be silent and never reply but to be brave like me to admit I have a problem, I think I’m worth way more than them being in the good person category. I’m not complaining about this, I just think that someone has to speak up and put this in the open, and if it means having negative comments from you POF’ers. Hey! What have I got to lose? | |
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| Unreasonable Phobia fears of BBW/BHM
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:02:48 AM | I know what you are saying, it’s true, I think I have that kind of Phobia on large men too, but I keep it to myself. Just my two cents. | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:27:37 AM | OK I am going to take a deep breath and plunge right in with my $0.02 here...
Phobia is not the right word to use. My fear of heights is a phobia. Indiana Jones' fear of snakes is a phobia. Someone whose fear of germs makes them wash their hands 100 times a day has a phobia (they are also obsessive compulsive, but let's stick to one thing at a time). A phobia is a deep-rooted psychological terror of something that causes a person to sweat/scream/panic/have a heart-attack etc. when confronted by the object of their fear. I don't think the people in this discussion are running for their lives, away from the BBW/BHM are they?? Nope. They are simply not attracted to a certain physical type. That is called a preference.
I really don't think it's a big deal if men or women are not attracted to larger people. Some people think freckles are gross. Some people prefer blondes over brunettes. Chemistry is a very personal thing...and that's just a part of life.
Probably everyone in the known universe would say I am a BBW. Personally, I hate that term. It puts someone in a box, a box that most people would like to hurl as far away from themselves as possible. I see nothing "beautiful" about the BBW label. The only people who appreciate it is the larger women who embrace it and choose to focus on their positive attributes (which can be a very self-empowering thing) or the fetishists, who are physically attracted to larger women. Fetishists are still objectifying women though, and personally, I would prefer to stay away from such types.
I could care less if someone is not attracted to me because of my weight. If they have a problem with it, they can just move on right away. I prefer to surround myself with positive people who support me. Not people who would just tear me down. If I work on losing the weight, then that will be my decision and I will accomplish it through my own hard work and determination. Not because someone tells me what to eat, how to work out, and whatever else I should do. Unless that person is a personal trainer I hired! LOL  I don't need a guy to nag me about my weight.....been there, done that, have the tshirt. That's the end of that. It should only come from the person...they have to dig deep inside themselves and embrace the truth. Only then will something concrete and positive come out of it.
~~~~~~~End of my RANT~~~~~~~
Poetica   | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/21/2006 1:28:56 PM | Well, I understand you poetica, I can tell you read allot of books, I just wish this girl would understand, she calls me the Gustavo? I don’t know if she’s joking sometimes or if she means it sometimes. But I laugh because I find it funny. lol   | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:00:11 PM | Hmmmm Scatterbrain....maybe the word she calls you is the Gestapo?
If you bothering her about her weight makes her think of Nazi Germany, trust me that is NOT a good thing.
Poetica | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:59:52 PM | The thing is.. I have to say something.. And I am pretty sure lots of women will agree with me. Once during the time of Telepersonals with voice mails, way before websites.. I once made a test. I put two ads.. In the two ads I described myself honestly.. I did not say I was a few extra pounds when I was overweight. I remember that I put which size (not bra, but clothes..) in both ads. one ad was for friendship or long term relationship. the other one was only for sex.. well my test told me that if a man does not want to show himself in public with a "fat" woman.. well.. in bed, it is another story. the ad that wanted sex well as soon as I was picking the messages, I had up to 10 new messages from people who were online at the same time.
There's one at the beginning who said he was taking care of himself.. and he hated BBW. well.. maybe you are just scared to say the truth and think..what will my friend think if they see me with a fat woman???
Just for fun, I have seen pictures of women out here who seemed to be BBW which stands for Big Beautiful Woman. There are lots of not slim women here who have gorgeous faces. and know how to wear nice makeup. well, a body is just an envelope, and sometimes I see women, who have a what society calls a normal body. but gee. I prefer my fatness than their faces.
Not that I put down slim women..it is not the point here. we need some variety in society. but.. discrimination exists. What I really do not like. There is publicity against racism. There is publicity again homophobia. But.. when an overweight person is discriminated it is ok.
AND PLEASE DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE.. YOU DO IT ON PURPOSE TO BE FAT. YOU EAT BAD, YOU DON'T EXERCICE.. BLAH BLAH BLAH..
I don't exercice a lot, just because of the society who will make fun of me being at a gym, even though that at least, I am doing some exercice instead of watching those stupid soaps with a two liter of pop and a bag of 200 grams of chips. I love to swim.. but it is not easy to be stared at.
I take long walks, and it helps me losing weight. no more than 3 years ago, I was a size 32, which stands for 5X large. Just taking my walks and eat well, without dieting, well now, for my tops, I am a size 24 and pants are 22 and a couple of them are 20. by the way.. a term for a BBW in stores is full figure woman. if a BBW is a full which means complete... what is a slim woman.. a half one??
A real man, is one who will be not embarrased to show himself with an overweight woman. He will not take care of what his friends will say.
For myself I always had nice men, with nice jobs. That is why now I am single. I am struggling to tell my feelings to someone I like now, just because of the attitude of a man last year. it is not because I am big. and still again, here at POF, there are men despite that I don't want a one night stand, well they are just interested it that. so.. at least I AM AN OBJECT OF DESIRE.. (even if I don't like to be treated like one)!!!!
Sylvie
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:30:02 PM |
I love her so much that if she was thin I would have a forever relationship, this is what I can’t figure out
Ok... so you didnt listen when i said "trust thy penis"? did you? If you arent physically attracted to her then you need to stop leading her on. Thats cruel, If you arent really attracted to her then youll end up hurting her... and the hurt is bigger and meaner the longer you lead them on before you give them the truth.
If your turned on by her, and you like her personality... but you still have doubts, my guess is they come from what you think your friends will think about you being with a big girl.... dont trust your friends.... trust your penis. If your little solider gets all lusty for her.. then guess what? your attracted to her. If not, then you need to have one of those painful-but-nessesary "lets just be friends" speeches. And of corse you NEED to do this and NOT just dissapear... or you WILL be one of those shallow a$$holes that all the ladies on POF complain about. (trust your penis.. dont BE a penis)
If your STILL sitting on the fence after listening to this.. you can always offer to work out WITH her instead of nagging her about her weight. (ignore this part if you have already offered to work out with her) If you are telling her she needs to work out and loose weight... you should be right there beside her on the treadmill.
J | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:32:04 PM | berg_matchka/Sylvie:
This is just a small comment on your previous post. Have you ever thought of joining a women's only gym? I belong to one...and I feel that makes a difference. You can focus on working out without having to feel guys are checking you out or not. There are a few women's-only gyms around town in various neighbourhoods. Maybe there is one near you. There are women of all sizes and shapes in there....and no one cares what you look like or what you're wearing....it's just about the work-out. It works for me. :)
Just thought I would share that with you.
Poetica | |
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| Unreasonable Phobia fears of BBW/BHM
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:54:25 AM |
I love her so much that if she was thin I would have a forever relationship
love should mean acceptance, you don't love her as much as you think you do
if I was an overweight woman I doubt if I would like being called a BBW, that's a category on porn sites | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/31/2006 2:45:03 PM | Hello Poetica,
Well I though about it, specially that I am not that far from a Centre de conditionnement Physique pour la Femme, in St-Léonard, near the mall as well as Pennington's!! It is just that I don't have the energy, and doing overtime since march, believe me, all I want to do when I come home is go to bed!!! And on top of that.. take the bus for a longer ride.. at this heat!!!! The worse, I love aquafitness, and they have it there.
Sylvie | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 7/31/2006 2:49:17 PM | Gee that's too bad Sylvie!
But maybe it might work for you in the fall...
Cooler weather & everyone will be back to work from vacations....so maybe less over-time? :)
Just a thought!
Poetica | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 8/18/2006 12:47:37 PM | | If you go see my before and after pictures in my profile you will understand why BBW/BBM has become my phobia. | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 8/18/2006 3:06:07 PM | Well, first off, I have to agree with the person who pointed out the fallacy of calling the non-attraction to fat folks a 'phobia.' That's a psycho-political tactic of trying to frame the discussion so as to portray those who disagree as being in fear of someone, or somehow insecure (of their own manhood, etc...).
The human body, when in good shape, is a thing of beauty. The concept of 'attractiveness' is far more innate than the PC types would have you let on. Tested with all sorts of groups, down to and including infants, facial attractiveness is usually associated with symmetry of features.
Body attractiveness seems to correlate with being a powerful / fit male (provider / protector) and being nubile in females (broad in the hip, full brea$ts, etc.), both correlating with top fitness.
Rolls of fat, particularly around the waist for both sexes, is not a condition reflecting the ability to run, or do any kind of aerobic activity. For the simple reason that for each pound of excess fat one carries on ones' person, the heart has another mile of capillaries to push blood through.
Excess fat might be useful in extreme cold climates for warmth and enduring long periods where food is scarce, but very little else.
Women carry a higher percentage of body fat to muscle ratio, but usually concentrated in the hips, buttocks and brea$ts, giving them the distinctive curves, so attractive to the male.
There should be no mystery that when given a choice between a potential mate who is physically fit versus one who carries a gross excess of fat, most will chose the fitter of the two.
International travel will really open your eyes to the comparisons between many other societies and North America, where being overweight has really become an epidemic.
In response, the PC types have urged a denial that there is anything wrong approach, as opposed to the take the bull by the horns eat-less-exercise more approach.
You do that, you'll have a lot more chances with finding a mate who is warm for your form. | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 8/26/2006 7:28:26 PM | Well doesn't this beat all!... what ever happened to liking a person just because you do. First you don't like fat people, what's next... I've been reading all these post and these people saying how honest and loving and MATURE they are..... If everyone was so wonderful, what the heck are they doing here and why are they single??? I feel like i'm back in grade school. Should I stop talking to people because they are not "cute" or unattrative. Shall I only talk to people who wear the latest fashions. What if I don't like his shoes... omg what would my friends think!!!... It is a sad statement when we judge people by their appearance. I have short friends, tall friends, cute friends and ya. fat and ugly friends too...but to me they are "FRIENDS". And you know.. I was always a size 14 until I started working the graveyard shifts and gained weight... and now that I am 50 lbs overweight I have never had so many dates!!!!!! Its all how you love yourself. I guess if you are so shallow as to judge people by weight size and appearance, why would anyone want to go out with you anyway! It all comes down to how you see yourself... I for one am very happy with who I am, overweight or not... and people who don't like me...well guess what..I don't loose any sleep over it. I just hope that you never have to experience the cruel side of yourself from someone else...or that life puts you in a situation (such as a hospital bed) that stops you from going to the gym for a couple of months...because that muscle will turn in to flab...OH NO!!!!!!!!!!! will she leave you???? I at least know that no matter what happens, through thick and thin... i have someone there who will love me unconditionally.
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 8/26/2006 8:20:05 PM | | Oh my God, I couldn't have said it better myself. I am tired of men only looking for a trophy to be seen on his arm. Why can't people (men) look at a woman for her personality, sense of humor and everything else. Just because a person is overweight, it doesn't make them any less of a nice person. I am an honest, loving, caring woman but once a man finds out that I am overweight, that is the last I hear from him. | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 8/28/2006 6:36:09 PM | | Thanks yippikieyay, you said it the way a God would say it, most people that are overweight always have something to defend themselves with, they always say that it doesn’t matter that they are fat and that they should look at the person who they are inside, I was 425 pounds and believe me, I did not feel good inside and no one cared about how a great guy I was, now that I lost 180 pounds the world seems to be better and I don’t care what anyone says how good of a person they are and this and that about being overweight, I was there and it was a dark place. | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 8/29/2006 9:16:37 AM | You are very welcome.
It's always good to know that God an' me think alike.
Well, akshully, will that innerfere wi' ma' social life?
Heh heh. | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:42:34 PM | If a guy can't see his family jewels when he pees.........then he's not the guy for me!
Just not attracted to it period. | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 11/11/2006 4:50:49 AM | | dusty 59 LOL, thought that was a great idea, but substittute feet for us guys. Then realized, wouldnt work, might be a lot of woman with big feet out there! | |
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Sins23
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Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 11/12/2006 5:45:50 PM | you know, it's funny that we slap terms to body types... specifically, Big!!!!
I've dated women on the heavy side, i've dated women on the twig side, and with all due respect, i had a hell of a lot more fun with heavy women, for starters, i wasn't affraid to break them in half if i hugged them...
BBW like you call them, i just call them women, and while we hear comments on heavier people all day long about obesity and junk food addicts and what not, in the end, we are all just people.
so BBW/BHM my ass, be proud of yourself no matter what kind of shadow your body casts.
Because there's people that love heavier people, there's people that love twigs with rags, there's people that love tattooed over bodies, there's people that love the tall ones, the short ones, the crazy ones, the quiet ones..
If you don't like heavy people, that's fine, it's your choice, but please QUIT the labelling,
and BTW, bigger people have bigger hearts, the devotion and love is unparallelled... some of you say the sex is better with a big person because they don't know when's the next time they'll get some ... i think it's because they love to the full extent of the word.
sorry just had to vent a bit | |
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| The Great BBW/BHM Question!
Posted: 11/12/2006 11:59:43 PM | sins23 well said. I am a fat guy, and i do not see it as the "dark place" Scatterbrain saw it as. I get picked on for my weight, and that just shows others lack a mature nature with thoes jokes. Today fat people are the ok thing to pick on, cuz of how "unhealty" it is, blah blah blah. i have seen fit people die at 30 just like us fat people so why pick on someone for who they are. I have always said in my posting that "fat" people may not be your taste, but by being so closed you might miss out of some wonderful people in this world. To be closed to any type of person, either based on weight, race, hight, eye color is to limit one's self.
i like your idea Sins23 of no labels, but this cultre of us demands everyone to have a lable, to be "somthing" it is this labing of people that have made biggots for 1000's of years. I will not compare what fat people have to deal with compared to "race" issues, but maybe one day all people, of any type will just be seen for who they are.For what every good or not so good that they may be based on nothing more then what's on the inside. If the whole world went blaind for a day maybe everyone would be eqauls.  | |
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| Unreasonable Phobia fears of BBW/BHM
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:49:08 AM | I am trying to take this topic as an outsider out somehow an insider.
This is how sad it is. I am an asian and I live here. I am not a perfect size model for sure but I think I am not super size. In general I am still average. In a Canadian standard.
In my city where I was brought up at, all the girls "supposed to be good looking" they are all size 1 or minus. If I go back to my country, I probably not fit in their size xl. I have read one of the article and there is a girl about my heifht (5'3") and she had 140 bls and she said she wanted to die because she was over weight. In 140 bls wanted to die, my god, give me a breakd.
As long as you are comfortable and you are HEALTHY, please healthy. That is the main concern, right? Please eat. Come on, I am sorry I am not a size 1. I am a canadian size 5-7. To an aisan standard, I am already a pig, ok? But I enjoy eating. I love eating. Just to be carefule about your health. If up to a point you are not healthy, yes, you have to watch out.
Ya, trust me, I am not the kind of girl to have a bite of the coin then saying "I am full." NO. I like the whole piece of bacon pizza. Hey, where is the bacon?
Z | |
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