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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:20:01 PM | The truth is many guys have spoiled this site for the rest of us. 90% of the guys here are immature, sex crazed losers who couldnt even hold a candle to a REAL man, let alone talk to a girl. It's sad because they have ruined it for the rest of us. Now when I talk to a girl i have to explain my hardest on why i'm not an unfaithful dog (or pig, whichever is ugliest to you). I have to spend so much energy trying to convince a girl im not after sex and that I really do respect a girls feelings and choices. It gets frustrating because I completely blaim these weirdo jerk guys for ruining it. So here are some tips for a girl to help her weed out the undesirables.
Ok, *Deep breaths*...calm tea...(camomile)...
Girls, let me help you weed thru these guys by telling you their guy secrets. the stuff they DONT want you to know because it'll cause you too look past their bullshit.
1. Guy's with a lot of body pictures. Pics of the abs and crap. Douche bags, they only want u to like them for their body. they cant post anything else because it might require they have to talk to you, which is something they dont know how to do.
2. Guy's who take pics with other girls in provocative manner. Again, they want u to see that they can get a lot of girls, so why are they bothering on this site if they have girls around them all the time? They think that by showing u that that u'll be more interested...WRONG.
3. Guy's whose interests revolve around: Drinking, working out, clubs and partying. They have nothing to offer except the fact that they always know where the keg is. If you want shallow, then thats all they are. If they cant even pretend to be interested in something that is mature then u should not try to expect an Einstein conversation with them.
4. Grammar. Guy's who cant speak like a normal person and use words that you stopped using once you passed third grade. Typo's are ok, unless it's so butchered that u cant even tell what word they are trying to say. A way a person talks shows how they act and think. Most businesses will NOT hire someone who talks like a wanna be rapper.
5. If a guy even HINTS at sex in his first post, delete on sight (and block). The more you do this the less they will attempt it. Real guys dont want sex at first because they dont want a girl to give it up so easily. They want someone who they can know first, talk with, spend a little quality time with, and then when you are into the relationship and decide thats what you want, you can get as kinky as you want.
6. Guys who write 2-5 word messages. Self explanitory, since their brain isnt focused on anything other then hiding their drunkenness. A real guy might be jaded since he can write a paragraph or two and not get a reply back (or even the dreaded "read:deleted"), but that doesnt mean "Hey baby, whats up?" is acceptable for anyone!!! A real guy will show that he READ your profile, say what he likes about you and what interests you share. If he cant even name an interest you wrote then he doesnt care about you, just your body pictures.
and lastly, this one is for the girls,
7. Girls, if you post pictures of yourself in your underwear, you are basically inviting the sleeze bags to IM/message you. I know you think you look cute and sweet (and you do!) but guys dont register that, instead they will think you are easy and not give you the respect you deserve. So if you want to post that sexy pose, becareful, because guys will respond with very vulgar and lewd comments.
Phew, I need some more tea | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:33:16 PM | Codex is a great example. Would you feel safe walking by this guy in a dark alley in the middle of the night? I know i'd probably duck and hide behind some dumpsters, especially if he opens his mouth...
Thanks for taking a serious thread and showing your maturity to comment in professional manner. What's even sadder is your way older then me yet you are still stuck in high school.
Sigh...i hate being proven right all the time =/ | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:46:45 PM | To the OP, Evans...I think it is a great post...many girls don't know how to look for those classic signs of problems/players...but I think you helped many...
Just ignore codex, he is a smart ass and always will be, which is cool!!! Just sometimes not always great without adding a bit of productivity to the situation.
Codex, play nice...
And Evans...way to go...
Hugs annette | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:56:26 PM | | Aww...shucks...I do play nice, but nuance is the first thing lost in these forums. I do indeed appreciate the service the OP is providing, and is duly useful. Nothing can be presupposed about our natures by what we write here...at least not fully and necessarily without committing some horrid fault in terms of empirical verification. Anyhow, OP, please do understand that I was just quipping, in absurd fashion, but in no way trying to offset, dampen, or attempt to ridicule the useful information you have been generous in providing. Peace! | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:11:55 PM | Good post! The guys online ALWAYS talk about sex....i need to stop chatting with them sooner. I'm so sick of it.....feel like if i go out on a date, i will have to fight the guy off. i'm sick of it. Don't even want to date anymore, and when i try, i end of changing my mind because i just don't want to go through it again. In the old days, guys never talked about sex. Not that they didn't try, but there wasn't the "sex interview."
I'm used to guys with class, to being treated like a lady, but things have changed. I hear women advising other women, who maybe upset about having had sex too soon or something, "What's wrong with being friends first?" In 3 1/2 years of dating, I have only met a couple who didn't push the sex thing. Think i should've stuck with one of them. Oh well. Guys don't ever want to be friends first, unless it's "friends with benefits." I used to think that meant sexual benefits between two people, and only two people, until one or both wanted something serious elsewhere. Now i've learned it means "friendS with benefits," as in what's the point of having a "friend" if you can't have other "friends" at the same time? That's the whole idea of no committment, right?
And what's this about having sex (that means all types, not just intercourse) in cars? Geez, i thought that was for teenagers, not for strangers you barely even know.
I thought I would've found someone by now, i was so hopeful; now it's hard to be positive about men. Guess i'm too old ;)
It's not fair that so many have ruined it for the good ones. I always try to give every guy the benefit of the doubt; however, it's hard to trust when you've heard so many lies. I just listen, but more importantly, i watch the behavior to see if it matches. I have to see the proof of the words. It's plain stupid to believe everything anyone says before you really know him.
:) Cali | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:35:46 PM | Oh, yeah, and the guys who work out religiously, who have the visible muscles? Seriously, those are angry guys. Well, i'm sure not all are, but the ones i have met are.
Still, i see each person individually, but i'm starting to put more restrictions on who i'll date.
so you good guys out there--thanks for letting us know there is hope and not all guys are like this.
:) Cali | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:50:56 PM | | Thanks Calisparkle for re-inforcing what I've been discovering lately. Morals have seem to go "out the door" since I dated, way-back-when. Finding that men want sex "up-front" and wonder what the point of a relationship is if it is only about the sex. Yes, women are more independent now, but, WOW...what men expect. They want you to drive long distances, pay for all or half of the entertainment and then feel you owe them sexual favours for their time/attention on a first meeting? Forget it! Somewhere a long the line, we have lost respect for ourselves and each other when a $1.50 coffee comes with the expectation of sex in the back-seat of a car in a parking lot. Don't know what happened to the teachings of our generation and the one before, when our young women are so desperate for a date and to hold onto a guy that they are willing to do anything sexual on the first meeting for that attention. Oral sex, once cherished for a very intimate, long-term commitment, is now just as free and common as the air we breathe. I say if women want respect, we've got to "turn back the times". Finding that younger women think oral sex isn't sex is disturbing to me. Used to be a time when that was more intimate then intercourse and you are only fooling yourself if you think oral sex is not sex at all. I don't believe, in the guys hearts, that that is what they really want either. No substance and nothing but an empty, disappointed relationship in those that so freely "throw themselves to the dawgs". I'm so sick of the sex talk on "the get go" that I'm ready to just forget the whole dating thing altogether. If a person can't show you the time and attention it takes to get to know you as a person, then they are not worth the effort to date. | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 7:37:14 PM | Or you could just do it the old fashioned way and wait em out. It really doesn't take long for someone with a hidden agenda to drop off the radar. Generally less than a week, though some hold out longer.
Its easy to do too. Just be prepared to call them on things that are not what you're seeking or disrespectful. To many girls overlook hints into who someone is and excuse bad behavior then go ahead and meet this person expecting prince charming to show up.
Women need to start understanding:
If he is inappropriate with you online, then he will be offline as well.
If he has no interests to share but wants to know all of yours, he either is very boring or hiding something. In other words all the questions are about you, but he dodges any about him. Boring is ok if you are a quiet person too and want that in a partner, but he should still be willing to answer a simple question. Someone with a real interest in YOU will want you to have a true interest in THEM as well and will take a bit of time getting to know a bit about you and vice versa. Its called communication and its a two way street. If you keep hitting a road block sign, bring out your stop sign.
If he wants to get to close to fast its a big red flag. How many of us have played email tag with the guy who seems like he's committed to you in 3 emails or less? He is generally really needy or telling you what he thinks you want to hear, either way big no no.
If he doesn't have a current picture to share, there is a reason for it. No, its not because he works for the CIA. There are plenty of ways to share a picture with out posting it to a website these days. Including here via the private email function. Nuff said.
Brat | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:06:05 PM | Very true El Capitan!
Guys will always come up with new ways to out smart girls and stay one step ahead of the game. That's why it's up to the girls to make it known what kind of guy they want. Best thing to do is be smart about it and be up front with your feelings.
If that fails, theres always the poetry test: Ask a guy to write you a poem. If it is horrible (like grade school type poem) then scrap him. If it sounds really good, Google it! It's probably plaguarized! If it sounds really good and is original, then he has shown his sensitive and romantic side. It's not full proof, but I think girls will get a chuckle at watching guys scramble over words to win their heart ;)
Evan | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:09:08 PM | Here's the funny part, though: why do guys even try this stuff? That's the real puzzler for me. If a guy stood on the street and pulled off his shirt and yelled WHOO WHOO BABYBEE WHAT'S SHAKIN' WHOO WHOO FWEET, is there *any* woman in the world who would say "Hey, yeah. I'm gonna go talk to that guy, he seems really sensitive."
It *never* works, guys. Hell, Jean Shepherd was trying this in the 1930s, driving around with other guys in a car and blatting on the horn and yelling "whooo baby whoo yeah." They called it "scragging." He said there was never one known instance of it working.
Oh, yes, and there's no point in getting too upset about it either. I don't reel around clutching my smelling salts. I just don't do stuff I don't want to do. | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:15:30 PM | I do not agree with your points. Who says nice people do not go to clubs? workout?
What about gentlemen like me who do not type a lot because I would rather listen to the other person?
The truth is that you are only going to get to know someone in person after some time invested.
Guys will always come up with new ways to out smart girls and stay one step ahead of the game. That's why it's up to the girls to make it known what kind of guy they want. Best thing to do is be smart about it and be up front with your feelings.
I about fell over laughing so hard. Do me a favor please. Next time you are out, see who is better in social situations and who runs the relationships?
No offense my friend, but women are way smarter than men when it comes to relationships and social settings. 10 years + more experience and they have to be able to outmanuver us. And all you women know that I am right although most will deny it. I am sure some chuckled over what you wrote. | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:52:51 PM | do you really want to know how to weed out the asshats? ok most wil disagree with me but here is something to consider
It's easier than you all think! the first hurdle is you have to meet someone [not in person yet] then talk to that person about everything and ask questions yes sometimes pointed questions [these should be based on things you want/don't want. 2 share lots of pics!
talk as often as you can [game players will be gone before this step]
the above should take about 3 weeks time [see this is how long it takes to weed out people who are just about the sex]
by the end of week 3 you should know quite a bit about the person and it makes meeting a snap! I bet you'll be the first one wanting a nice kiss and a hug [if his pics were accurate lol]
think this plan takes too long?? then I guess I'll see ya on the next man bashing thread
the capn'... just a dead rotten stinkin' fish dumped on the lonely banks of pof | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:56:23 AM | should take about 3 weeks time [see this is how long it takes to weed out people who are just about the sex]
Cap'n, you are SO right. Three weeks is about right. I hadn't thought of the time frame before. If I have ANY doubts about the motives of the gentleman I am in contact with, I will prolong moving off POF, to phone, etc. I have to get to that 'comfort zone'. If their motives/wants/desires are not similar to mine, they will usually drop off of their own accord, and usually within the time frame you said.
I have met a couple men fairly fast, but those men have given me no reason (raised any red flags) not to take the plunge. You have to meet to find out if there is any reason to continue. Those men have turned out to be genuine, respectful, good men. While it hasn't resulted in any permanent relationship, I have felt privileged to have met them. THAT is how internet dating should work.
@evan: Asking them to write a poem may work for some, but not all people are gifted with an ability to write. Everyone has talents. We ALL are good at something, just not the same area. So, while on initial thought it sounds good, that test would not be a fair one.
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/22/2006 9:15:50 AM | oh give me a break!!
so you think you are a hero now warning all of us poor defensless women from those big bad mean guys!!
Either relationships last or they dont!!..it is not anyones fault yet it is both parties fault!!..
women can be just as much to blame as the guys and as I have asked a million times before..why is it that the person you are seeing is the best thing since sliced bread..until they are no longer interested in the relationship for what ever reason?? Then they are players..****es..users..liars...sluts...cheaters...the list is endless....
Who may not be the best thing for you.....could be someone elses prince/princess.. | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/22/2006 9:44:49 AM | | The usual rules of good sense and caveat emptor apply. Depending where someone is in their dating/relationship experiences, and how astutely keen they are on being very observant of basic human behaviour patterns, this will be the best guide to best detecting the ragabash, carpetbagging cretins. Just as the ancient Greeks mixed water and wine during their symposia, a certain healthy addition of rationality is a boon while in the high emotional throes of ongoing romance. Having a rational core to appeal to may sound as romantic as doing endless algebra equations, but it is the one reliable rope that one can escape by if events do not happen as they were advertised. In observing other forms of social interaction, one can note the tell-tale signs of deception that map on to even more intimate interactions. A list of helpful tips is just that: helpful; however, the "list" does not stop there. A well-seasoned and malicious person can veritably refine his or her skills to exploit a situation to his/her advantage using a panoply of strategies to cozen you into trust. As a type, the "scumbags" would not have prospered for so long if they did alter their methods to suit new circumstances. And, as a type, there are some who are much better and clandestine at employing their "skills" than others. | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/22/2006 9:46:41 AM |
1. Guy's with a lot of body pictures. Pics of the abs and crap. Douche bags, they only want u to like them for their body. they cant post anything else because it might require they have to talk to you, which is something they dont know how to do.
That one may be a bit over the top. Not totally conclusive, really.
It's conceivable that they just like their bodies and think she will, too.
5. If a guy even HINTS at sex in his first post, delete on sight (and block).
If it's a none-to-subtle request for a blowjob, etc., then sure. A lot of guys I've chatted with have rightly guaged my sense of humor and peppered me with pithy sexual-based jokes or anecdotes. To most, this is fine. I think the difference betwen the 2 is fairly obvious, myself.. but look closely at any innuendos or jokes to be sure you're being faced with the above quoted and not what Ive described before giving the old heave-ho.
Heh.. see post #2 for an example of what I described.. heh. Not a sexual joke, but would send those without a certain sense of humor running for the law!
The best way I've found to weed out freaks is guaging their reactions to what you say and questions in the 'getting to know you vein' because.. yes.. the OPs tips, while good... only touch the tip.
The stinkin fish makes much sense, as well. Questions... "light-hearted, just a part of conversation" questions work best. In-depth, "you're under the microscope of love, buddy" simply scare him silent.. so avoid those.
And above ALL ELSE.. pay close attentions to his reactions/responses to what YOU say/share.
If after a few chats, you want to get on the phone, for example and he/she makes excuses... there's something.
By the way.. this works when the genders of the "player-spotters" are reversed, too. | |
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| Girls, here are some tips written by a guy (me) to show you how to spot phonies/scumbags
Posted: 7/22/2006 11:03:59 AM | codex is also correct! it can be a mistake to over simplify and it can happen regardless of the precautions taken. endless as algabra equations... all-so-true!
termanallycute some men have what's known as a savior complex [he/I weren't trying to be he men] maybe you should relax all of that womanist all guys are jerks funk, just for a bit eh?
even a dead rotting fish can be your friend
the capn' | |
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