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 2eyes2ears
Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 1
What Does "Long Term" Mean?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
At the risk of repeating an earlier message thread I failed to see... and in the interest of controversial topics... and to request a little clarification...


What do people think "Long Term" indicates here in profiles? I'm curious both about what those using it mean by it as well as what those reading it think it implies.

I realize the literal meaning of it, I'm not quite that obtuse. But to me being realistic about dating and relationships would seem to preclude contacting anyone listing their goal as "Long Term." I don't think many people are going to develop a viable long term relationship without meeting people, getting to know them, and after a significant amount of mutual exploration perhaps coming to a decision about a long term relationship.

To me (perhaps as the result of a few personal experiences) it comes across as "I'm fly paper, one touch and no escape." So I've been filtering out any "Long Terms" on searches of late. It feels très Kathy Bates (Misery).

Maybe the problem is an assumption that "Dating" only covers "making the rounds." Well in a sense it does, that's the whole idea. Dating, in the early stages anyway, is a sort of "shopping for partners" anyway isn't it?

There is a whole other level though... I mean there is such a thing as a non-engaged exclusive dating relationship. I would think exclusivity while still dating ought to be considered honorable, though clearly honesty is vital to making it work.


Now I'm scaring myself. I wonder how many "levels" there are to dating? Does Amazon carry a manual? Hmm. I do see "Dating for Dummies." Maybe that's where I ought to be reading.
 Melusine
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 2
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/22/2006 2:46:21 PM
I can't speak for everyone. But, I know for me long term means just that. You are looking for one single person to spend time with EXCLUSIVELY. Not several to form a personal "harem"
 susieq48195
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 3
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/22/2006 3:46:13 PM
well........ i have to agree with the last person.....its one on one......relationship......wherever it may go.........but sometimes i know in my case means long term till they get some.......so i guess i am not that much help.........but i am a lady and i know we think differently
 skrat2003
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 4
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/22/2006 4:19:14 PM
Doesn't it sometimes seem like too much education screws up the mind so bad there's no room left for common sense. What the heck are you, George bush III ? Long term doesn't mean wham bam thank you mam.
 Melusine
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 5
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/22/2006 4:32:24 PM
Rotf....Skrat....too funny...

Common sense...oh yes how I miss that!!!!!

PS...But, I feel her as well. There are a few men out there that KNOW women do want more than sex...they tell you they do too...but, in reality they just want to get some and say what they think we want them to in order to obtain it.

Sorry, I didn't mean to genderize it....I am sure there are women around that will do the same thing.:
 2eyes2ears
Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 6
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/22/2006 6:36:33 PM
Bush? Bush?

Hey, no need to get insulting.

I thought "Intimate Encounter" was the "wham bam" choice too. Do we really think that's what "Dating" means on here?
 Melusine
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 7
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:56:27 PM
IE is the wham bam thing for sure...Dating? Well, that one is open for debate. That one can mean different things to different individuals. For me "dating" means. I am not currently involved and open for a date, ie single. Not ready to jump back into an exclusive thing just yet.
 ripley65
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 8
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/23/2006 5:17:42 AM
I have Long Term in my profile and what that signifies to me is,,,,,that im looking for a like minded man who would eventually like to grow old with me, ie; marriage minded. Of course its not going to happen within a week! lol But we are both looking for the end result of a relationship (however long it takes) to be marriage.


Dating to me is,,,,simply just dating. lol 2ears2ears,,we can delve deeper into the different kinds of dating just to further confuse you! haha There is 'casual dating' and 'exclusive dating'. lol The former meaning (to me), that there is no 'committment' at all and that 1 or both people can also date others (tho for me,,that is not an option!). 'Exclusive' means that there is a committment there that you are dating that person and that person only.

Intimate Encounter...pretty self explanatory! lolol (im horny, you're horny, lets do IT!) lolol
 alonebutnotlonley
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 9
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/23/2006 7:38:38 AM
I agree with you. Long term means you are looking for long term, leading to marriage. Dating is just that, not looking to build a future. However, it would be impossible to start a long term relationahip based on IMs, a couple of dates, emailing, etc. Personally I see no way to avoid seeing several people over several months to find someone who you think has potential to be a friend, wife, and mother. Wish there was. People don't usually show you their bad side until 6-9 months down the road. Date exclusively, like I have in the past, and you end up dedicating a great deal of time to a possible lost cause. I haven't started dating anyone from plenty of fish just yet, but there are a couple whom I am interested in and have been writing. In the near future I plan on asking them and I am sure we will start dating. Just hope I don't encounter the serial daters I have been reading about.

My idea of long term. Date 6-9 months, date exclusively for 6-9 months, possible live together for a year, marry, and kids sometime after. 1-2 years for kids? Just a theory.
 Melusine
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 10
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/23/2006 10:32:58 AM
Very well put Rip and Lone....

Side note. I have been married before, 16 years I think it was. Long term for me at least doesn't have to mean marriage. Not ruling it out either. Exclusive with the potential of watching each other grow old and wrinkle yes....LOL
 Greeneyezz
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 11
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/23/2006 2:21:08 PM

I can't speak for everyone. But, I know for me long term means just that. You are looking for one single person to spend time with EXCLUSIVELY.


EXACTLY!
 Rockchik
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:13:48 PM
Dating: shopping to shop
Short Term: leasing?
Long Term: shopping to buy

Dating is a necessary indicator for someone who isn't emotionally ready to be looking for something serious or just plain not looking for something serious.
Dating generally means 'keeping it light' but it also means non-exclusive.

I like that this site distinguishes between the two.
Naturally if you are looking for something exclusive you are going to be more attentive and expect the same in a prospective partner.
Otherwise, just check 'hang out' or 'friends'.

You bring up a good point. It is always good to find out what the 'other' person is looking for to be sure you are both looking for the same thing.
 Esperanza143
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 13
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/25/2006 2:10:20 PM
For me...long term means longer than 2 weeks ('')
 loaks
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 14
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/25/2006 2:55:30 PM
long term is what it means you have to date to get to that piont where you want to be with that person it may take a bit but it will be well worth it to have that specail person in your life
 sparky2742
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 15
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/25/2006 2:59:55 PM
For me "dating" and 'long term" go almost hand in hand...I have never been a serial dater...and personally do not want to date 2 or 3 women at a time. I think if that if you and the person that is interested in you are truely looking for one person to be committed to, it would be hard to seperate others good qualities and faults if you are going out with a few different people at a time. I would much rather date one person, whether it be one date or 20, see if the sparks and chemistry is right, and if its not, move on. I dont think you can get a good grasp on the person sitting across the table from you if your mind is wandering on about the other date you had last weekend, or the date you are going on next week.
 alonebutnotlonley
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 16
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/28/2006 11:43:16 PM
Good argument. Perhaps my HR background is working against me. However, I do think that if you are seeing only one person for several months you are more likely to ignore their faults, the faults that grow huge 2 to 3 years down the road. The infamous "oh, its not that big a deal" thing. I hate the idea of dating multiple women, sounds draining both mentally and physically. I also know you don't hire the first good applicant that comes through the door. You interview everyone that applied for a week and then hire the best. Hmmm, when I put it that way it almost sounds like it would be a good idea to date as many people as possible for a month or so and then make a long term decision. If it doesn't work out, they can be fired so to speak. Got to think on this some more. Trying to hire someone that will retire with the company. Can you see why I haven't started dating yet?
 curvedbeauty
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 17
view profile
History
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:02:26 AM

Interesting take on 'long term'! I never considered that a preference for a long term relationshio might be viewed as a danger or bad sign.


To me, the 'dating' preference is casual - let's just hang out, share time and be social.
'Long term' starts with 'dating' but between 2 people who are looking for something with *eventually* more depth and longevity.
 2eyes2ears
Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 18
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:11:59 AM
Well that hiring analogy does sound a little harsh, cold, and clinical. It gets to some of what I was wondering about though.

I suppose my thought was something like... In person you meet people, interact, and in some cases you find commonality and attraction. You interact with a number of people over time and if you're lucky you find a really good fit, somebody you can share things with and maintain a growing level of interest in. Mutual respect and support need to be there as well as being able to answer "yes" to the question "Is this somebody I'd want to introduce to my family?"

To me THAT is the time to start thinking about "long term."

I think that people who list their goal as long term here though probably mean just that: they *hope* for a good long term relationship. I suppose it was just hitting me wrong, more like "no time for friends, I don't date, I want a MAN NOW."

I guess I was getting a strong "cart before the horse" vibe from it that isn't there.
 jessie_lou
Joined: 6/9/2006
Msg: 19
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/29/2006 9:46:11 AM
Long term to me is being with a person for the rest of your life , "marriage". i found this website and was actually looking for a good clean friendship with someone.i'm married and feel that long term is being with a person emotionally , physically. and so on. i like to talk to people who are married and going through the daily ups and downs a relationship holds and getting their points a view on whats awesome about being "long term" with your loved one and try to help people figure out what might be hurting their marriage or maybe what their not doing right.As well as getting their points of view on things that are bothering me in my marrige, because no marriage is ever perfect with out a little disagreements here and there.
 koolaid89
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 20
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:48:34 AM
Long term means indefinately to me... as long as you can make it last...
 rm2
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 21
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:53:07 PM
Long term doesn't mean what it used to mean- these days, it means 'until I get tired of your azz and I move on my merry way'!!!
 uppity
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 22
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/30/2006 7:40:10 AM
What a crock of SH**...
Single - means NOT attached nor obligated.
A Date - a day on the calendar you plan to do something, alone or otherwise.
"Dating" - single with date(s) on the calendar to do some things, alone or otherwise.

Sane - seeking people who are interested in pursuing a "current intention of lifetime involvement", could be friends, employees, your gardner, eh? Current intention means tomorrow I push the game over button if I feel the "relationship" is no longer mutually beneficial.

Insane - LTR - Guess what 99.99% of the people in online dating/singles/ sites currently DON'T have??? (And probably will NEVER have.) get a clue folks.

"Playing house/marriage" - That's sexual exclusivity without the "legal" commitments, constraints, that accompany institutional marriage.

For those of you who don't get it, this is a SINGLES site... if you're looking for marriage, go to a "MARRIAGE" site!

Oh yeah, :(

there AREN'T any of those! Ha! What a mess, eh?


 SBrat047
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 23
view profile
History
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/30/2006 2:41:59 PM
I agree with you on what you say. Long term means you just want to date one at a time and not start a dating harem.
 alonebutnotlonley
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 24
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/30/2006 4:54:27 PM
Well uppity,

Thank you for your confrontational response. I wish you well on your search for a poligamous relationships. Aren't there sites for that too?
 Melusine
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 25
What Does Long Term Mean?
Posted: 7/30/2006 5:00:18 PM
Yes, Alone I believe there are many of those....and I am glad I wasn't the only one disheartened by Uppity's post.....
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