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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what      Home login  
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 JRBACS
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 1
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I really like this girl I met on here. We really seemed to have hit it off. She has told me she likes me and I really like her. The thing is she has told me she doesn't know what she wants. What does that really mean and how long should I wait around to find out?
 larwilliams
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 2
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 7:49:56 AM
To be blunt, you don't wait. Usually this is a nice way of saying she really doesn't want your in a romantic sense. If she did, she would know what she wants. Anything else is just playing games. For your own sanity friend, cut her loose.
 KiteGuy321
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 3
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How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 7:50:45 AM
In my experience, it means she is looking for someone better, but is stringing you along in case she can't find someone.

May be a very pessimistic view, but tends to hold true.
 JRBACS
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 4
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:14:53 AM
Ya, I was kinda thinking that. Its hard to let go though. She did tell me that b4 we met. Does that change the dynamics of that or is it still basicly like a back door cop out?
 larwilliams
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 5
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:33:56 AM
Unfortunately, it's USUALLY a cop out.. if she wanted you, you wouldn't need to question it, trust me
 i_m_cdn_grl
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 6
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:38:07 AM
She's not interested. It's the line that is used by both men and women. Move on!
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 7
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:49:52 AM
If a girl likes you and is interested in you, her actions will be quite loud and clear and you won`t have to ask anyone the question... does she or doesn`t she like me AND you sure would NOT have to start a post asking perfect strangers if she likes you.

She gave you her answer...... you are just not listening or don`t want to listen.

Wake up and smell the coffee my brother ...... it ain`t happening.
 musicalife
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 8
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:57:21 AM
How long does it take to turn your body 180 degrees? Wait about that long.
 travel junky
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 9
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:04:14 AM
She did tell me that b4 we met. Does that change the dynamics of that or is it still basicly like a back door cop out?


She was just covering her bases....she is not interested. If she truly was, she would have had an epiphany after meeting you and become aware of what she wants!
 KILLERDOGSMOOCH
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 10
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:13:33 AM
It means you are sharing her. See it as a challenge. Maybe now she thinks you are not THE ONE, but when she finds herself laughing and feeling at ease with you, then she will be yours.

THE THING IS, you can't be jealous or possesive right now because she obviously is needing to sort out stuff and date abit. This is where you can take advantage of her. This is a UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY to give her space and be the one guy who she can depend on who doesn't judge her , THE ONE GUY who is always confident and fun and intelligent and not judgemental. THE ONE GUY who is always available, BECAUSE she is extra needy right now and can use you allot .

When all is said and done and she goes into a depression mode because she doesn't know what she wants after 20 guys, she can call you, and cry on your shoulder and watch that romantic SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE movie because you were always there and always with her AND NOT pushy nor judgemental. You will be smart and you will see her crash coming.
 Greeneyezz
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 11
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:16:08 AM
RUN!

A girl I've known for years is playing the same game with a friend of a friend of mine right now - one min she wants him, the next she's not sure what she really wants, etc.

she has told me that he's just a "fill-in" for the time being until she figures out what exactly it is that she wants, and until a BETTER suiter/man comes along!

RUN dude! RUN!
 musicalife
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 12
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:26:41 AM
Yep, I NEVER wait around for anybody anymore. I don't deserve that silly treatment.

I will not be a "fill in" for the time being. If I'm alone longer for it, oh well.

At least I still have my dignity and respect for myself.
 KILLERDOGSMOOCH
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 13
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:31:59 AM
You don't have to wait around. Go out and take up a new hobby or date too abit. You can keep your sanity too while you wait.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 14
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How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:51:37 AM
I understand your feelings... and your dilemna. But, I am continually astounded by these kinds of questions. I'm still wondering where this sacred holy book of dating and relationship "rules" is about this kind of stuff. Just who has it. ????? I think it is really just the Holy Grail of all of us singles, and we keep fantasizing about how it will actually answer all of these very personal questions.

There is NO single answer about questions like...(how long should one wait when your interest says...I don't know what I want) This is a very personal call. Its up to each person. some won't wait any longer than the time it takes to turn and run like hell... others will wait until the cows come home. ha! Its really all about US, and not the other person, in the end.

So... my advice to the OP: Its prob. wise to take what she says at face value and believe it. Don't try to analyze it. Don't ponder it. When we do this, our fantasies and wishes tend to color our perceptions towards the outcome we desire. That will only set us up.

I've been around a while and heres a few things I have discovered (the hard way) just don't work!
1.mind reading
2. coaxing
3. expecting
4. denial
5. manipulating (in any form what so ever)
6. devaluing or minimalizing yourself in the equasion at all!
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 15
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How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 9:58:31 AM
She's on a dating site... to date.........
If she doesn't know what she wants.... then she is wanting to keep on dating.......

So you can either date her and date other people so you're not all wrapped up in her..... or you can just let her go and meet other women!

How many times have you gone out? Some people seem to want to know what the other person wants after 1 date......
 Greeneyezz
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 16
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 10:17:56 AM
^^^^

If you don't know what you want,

why put yourself on a dating site simply to play games with people and/or waste their time??

Go figure out what you want THEN come looking for it so you don't waste anyone's time OR play games with them.

That's how *I* see it!
 larwilliams
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 17
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 10:45:30 AM
to the above poster: because some people are immature and want to play games. It's very prevalent in my age group (20-25) and i've experienced it a fair amount. Many people are simply not desirable for a relationship. Luckily in my case though, i am usually able to spot these types and cut them loose. Alot of us are not so lucky i know.
 keepingit
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 18
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 11:03:38 AM
I would not wait longer than about 2 seconds.

What she wants means she is deciding between you and some other guys. Bugger out. Nothing to be gained here.
 One_Down_A*s_Guy
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 19
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 12:44:39 PM
Translation of "I don't know what I really want" in womenish to manish "I don't know what I really want but I sure as heck don't want your dumb ass" . She doesn't know what she wants because she hasn't met the guy that she wants to have it with yet.. Not saying that anything is wrong with you , shes just not interested enough to know that she wants you , so keep in touch with her but expect nothing from her and give her plenty of room . Mayby she will see more in you that she likes if you deal with it like this and if she doesn't at least you are not waiting for nothing or scareing her away . There is plenty of fish swimming around and they don't bite at a hook when its snagged in the weeds .
 Runs With Squirrels
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 20
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How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 12:49:55 PM
I have to agree with everyone else: she's not interested and doesn't have the balls to tell you straight out.

There may be another reason, which you should also run from: some girls say "I don't know what I want," when what they mean is, "I don't want to take the responsibility/vulnerability of telling you I like you, so I want you to chase me ridiculously and make a complete fool of yourself trying to convince me how great you are so that I know you really like me. Then MAYBE I'll like you back." I've known girls who meant that, too. :P

Either way:
 larwilliams
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 21
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:20:06 PM


I have to agree with everyone else: she's not interested and doesn't have the balls to tell you straight out.

There may be another reason, which you should also run from: some girls say "I don't know what I want," when what they mean is, "I don't want to take the responsibility/vulnerability of telling you I like you, so I want you to chase me ridiculously and make a complete fool of yourself trying to convince me how great you are so that I know you really like me. Then MAYBE I'll like you back." I've known girls who meant that, too. :P

Either way:


Sadly, this girl is very honest and correct. It's all just a game :P
 One_Down_A*s_Guy
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 22
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:24:16 PM
thats a good point , but do you want to be with someone that would do that at the beginning . Bet it would only get worse ! mayby even turn into a stacker ???
 musicalife
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 23
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:45:17 PM
There may be another reason, which you should also run from: some girls say "I don't know what I want," when what they mean is, "I don't want to take the responsibility/vulnerability of telling you I like you, so I want you to chase me ridiculously and make a complete fool of yourself trying to convince me how great you are so that I know you really like me. Then MAYBE I'll like you back." I've known girls who meant that, too. :P


Wow, I never realized this potential possibility.

I knew a girl that did this to me for a year, stupid, stupid me. She would really open up when I did something nice like send a card or flowers. But it would be me again making the next and the next move over and over. I got tired of trying to convince her and walked away.

I really liked her almost more than anyone I ever met but it was complete torture for my heart.

Either way RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Nice observation mjlmdc!
 JRBACS
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 24
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:57:53 PM
Ya, I'v kinda decided to take this approche to it. I'm gona date around and let her come to me if she wants. I'm not gona lose any sleep over it, and well i'll just have to charish the time I did spend with her!

Thanks for all the advice. Its not what I'v wanted to hear but it has been very helpful. Hey thats life right! You win some you lose some!
 DrewBond007
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 25
How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?
Posted: 7/23/2006 2:21:39 PM
you should drop her like a bad habit, unless she is on the rebound
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How long should you wait when a girl tells you she doesn't know what she wants?