| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:36:37 AM | Just looking for some input on this topic, I apologize if I've duplicated another forum. If I have is completely by mistake. My question is this:
If a person on POF does meet someone whom they find interesting and decides to take the risk and arrange to meet this person but remains on the site and continues to make contact with others on the site....is this taboo?
This is my experience. I had met a woman whom I wanted to make personal contact with because I believed we may share more in common and I wanted to explore that. I was also still on the POF site. Well, this lady took some offence to my activity on the site and went so far as to state that I was "hunting down more leads" (which I took offence to...I'm here to meet people, not notch the bedpost with empty conquests) and broke off the date. Should a person who has agreed to meet someone for a first date stop their activity on the site? I dont believe so but hey...I may be making a mistake here (wouldnt be the first time..hence still single). I look forward to your input. Thanks | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:47:19 AM | If someone wants to possess you even before you meet, then It's probably good you didn't meet and get into a relationship. You have every right to be on here!!! People have to get it straight - just because you are here does not mean that you are dating everyone that comes along and you are certainly not fvcking them!!!
Unless you have formed an exclusive relationship with someone and you agree to remove your profile I would say tough for you!!!
I for on have tons of friends on here and love the events and get togethers - so I will be here until I get bored and that has yet to happen. I met someone one month after being on here and I have dated and been with someone ever since - so I will not be leaving even if someone says get your profile off. I am way to social to back off and I love these forums.
A mature and secure person would never ask you to remove your profile. | |
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GUMMLE
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Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 3 | |
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dar50
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Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:52:03 AM | | If someone expects you to delete your profile....before the first meeting....I think that you may have had some very serious jealousy issues down the road...count yourself very lucky that you did not have that date. A first meeting is just that...no guarantees of 'forever'..there is absolutely no reason to stop chatting with other people or even arranging a meeting with someone else...if we don't explore, how are we going to find 'the keeper'..... | |
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tglfr
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Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 6 | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:00:22 AM | This is one of those touchy internet dating issues that needs to be explored between people IF and WHEN they are beginning to form some sort of relationship.
Personally, I do not consider the first few dates with a person a "relationship".... but there definitely comes a point (and I can see how that timing might vary dramatically) when you may feel the desire to address commitment and exclusivity, and that discussion should include internet dating sites. Its my opinion that cruising dating sites when you are in an exclusive relationship is a big red flag. However..on a frist meeting..thats a bit much!! | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:06:45 AM | I agree totally with what the others have posted! If this gal was telling you to delete your profile before you even met, take that as a giant red flag! I hear of this stuff going on amongst other things and am always astounded to be sure! Count yourself lucky she showed her "true colors" before you even met! Sheesh!
P.S. - I love the pic of your deck in the bush! Sometimes I sure nuff miss that territory!! | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:26:33 AM | | I just wanted to add that the lady in question did not ask me to remove my profile, she did comment that she had seen I was active on the site and I believed this to be part of the reason she broke of the impending date. I dont want to paint her as some type of overbearing harpie, that wouldnt be fair. | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:32:25 AM | I don't think anyone should expect you to delete your profile until such a time as it is agreed between both parties, but I do think that if you have a first date with someone, after the date is over, whether there was a click or not, you should not log on and start hunting through the catalogue as soon as you get home. Especially if there is a click...when you get home, call her and thank her for a warm and wonderful time and plan another date. If there is no click, move on and happy hunting...the next day! Just my take on being respectful to the other person.
For a forum poster meeting a non forum poster, sometimes that can be difficult to deal with. Someone will still think you are out hunting when you are just keeping intouch with the Zanies on here.
Edit:^^^^^^^^^ I was going to say that I did not think you were implying she wanted you to remove your profile. Just a respect thing, however, until you meet...you are fair game! After you meet...then you decide! | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:45:12 AM |
I was active on the site and I believed this to be part of the reason she broke of the impending date.
dunno man ... you dont know for sure why she called it off then why not ask her ... may have had nothing to do with you being active on the site at all ... dunno ... until there is some real connection between two ppl then i dont think its a problem still being active on the site ... once there is though then it would be up to what the two of you decided ... some ppl delete profiles... some just make them hidden ... others just change their status to friends ... others post right in their profile they have been hooked lol ... but as i said this is after there has been a real connection between BOTH parties ... for some this happens almost right away ... for others it could take months ...everyones situation is different ...  | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 10:06:29 AM | You're not exclusive until you've come to that arrangement between you. You can "hunt" as many leads as you like and no one has any right to say anything about it. Dating isn't about "first come, first served"! That's ridiculous!
And everyone has different styles to the way they ..er.. "fish". Some are open and aggressive, some are more shy and subtle, one is not any more "wrong" or "right" than the other. However, as greanize said, do your best to respect the other person's sense of privacy and their feelings. It costs you very little at the end of day and you sure like it when people do it for you. But in this case OP, I don't think there should have been any hurt feelings. I have to agree with everyone else, if you had of dated this woman, you would have not been able to even talk to another woman without jealous rages resulting. I think you dodged a bullet. | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 11:01:18 AM | With so many people who say they are here for the forums only well it's a touchy subject.
Until I know it's a relationship then free, but I hope that the realtionship is more important then the site when it gets serious.
I asked one girl if she would leave the site if things got serious, and she told me to get serious and asking her to leave the site would be a mistake, so then I asked what about hiding your profile, another question which I shouldn't of asked.
At least she made the mistake of " so when will I see you again " wrong question lol | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 11:16:42 AM | Hot topic of the day I see.
This is a tricky question and I believe would depend on the two ppl involved when "exclusiveness" has been discussed and desired by both parties..Not because you would like to take her on a first date. I'm with Malcolm
"PSYCHO CLINGING CONTROL FREAK"
As for
"hunting down more leads" well why wouldn't ya be chatting with more than one person on this crazy site? It's a dating site with a helluva lotta ppl internationally?Therefore I tend to believe that a man or woman would have interest in more than 1 person, reality check is needed for her. Get Real! Just because you have interest in more than one woman / man on the site doesn't imply that your trying to notch your bedpost. I would think that it would imply you like different women / men and are honestly looking for a match that is just for you and it may take a few dates to find that match.
Best of luck to that "chic" I'm sure she will find a man that only wants himself in her view with her blinders on and vice versa.
As for yourself and her well I think you cashed in a coin from your pot 'O gold , got lucky she cancelled so you wouldn't have to deal with the more drama when you realized she wasn't for you.
So I believe your doing things just fine. Keep sticking your pole out and happy
JMHO
HK | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 11:39:56 AM | | even if i did meet the girl of my dreams, i wouldn't delete my profile i would change it to say that i'm dating, because i like to read the forums. they can be quite informative and sometimes extremely funny. if she were to tell me to delete it i would take that as she does not trust me or she is a possessive gal, and obviously she is not the girl of my dreams. | |
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Happÿ
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Joined: 12/19/2004
Msg: 16 | |
| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:00:04 PM | No this isn't a problem.
You haven't even met her yet much less became exclusive so why would she even care if you are still online?
I think you got away early and count yourself lucky.
On the other hand, scary is when you met someone a time or two and find out that their profile has been changed to say they are taking a break to get to know someone special. That puts a little pressure on the next conversation i'll tell you! | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:11:11 PM | Until I am in a commited relationship, I will not leave POF, and that is only if he asks me to!
If someone that you didn't even meet in real life to see if the chemistry was actually there or not, was insecure of you remaining on the site, then she is out of line and completely posessive. She doesn't even know you, yet alone wants to mother/own you. It is completely selfish and foolish to think that someone should stop talking to others when you have not even met them in real life yet.
That may not be the question as to why you are single, but the answer as to why she is.
Good luck in the pond! | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:17:14 PM | Wouldn't she have an active account in order to discover you have an active account?
Some people have a terrible sense of self esteem. On the other hand, maybe you're slated to bare the burden of her past experiences.
I wouldn't want to tell you what to do, so I won't..... | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/28/2006 1:31:21 AM | I think that it is wise to keep your account active...if it's something you want to do. You should never feel obligated to delete it because of someone else. My opinion on this subject is that no matter how long or how in depth your conversations are with someone, you never really know who they are until you actually meet them in person. In my experiences I have found that sometimes people you meet aren't who they've portrayed themselves to be. By keeping your account active you are keeping your options open and also saving yourself the hassle or re-doing your profile if things don't work out with this person. I respect guys who keep their accounts active while seeing me as long as they aren't "playing the field", when they finally do delete their account it shows me that they need not look any further because they have...me!!! | |
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rake_
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Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 20 | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/28/2006 2:21:10 AM | | The dating process is just a means to meet new people and see if a relationship is possible. I believe in dating exclusively but that doesn't kick in until you've dated someone that looks extremely promising. If after a month or so of dating and relationship building I found out she hadn't deleted her account I would be terribly disappointed and would have to consider that maybe she wasn't the one for me. | |
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| Arranging a date and still active on POF...is this a problem?
Posted: 7/28/2006 3:30:31 PM | "Taboo" Hell no...  It is called DATING
No different if you were out in the real world or any other dating site.... until you decide to be exclusive there are no restrictions.... If folks are going to do the online dating they have to come to terms with and have tough skin around the fact that people write and go out with other people they meet on line... That is the whole purpose of the site...
...especially if you haven't even met the person yet....
That is a no brainer.... Don't worry about it... Enjoy meeting people, emailing, going on dates... Just be honest and upfront about it...
If a women you haven't even met yet or even just went out with a couple of times had an expectation that you turn your profile down or stop dating... well that is unrealistic and would be a major red flag to me "run awaaaay"
DK | |
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