| | I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....Page 1 of 1 | OK, my 3rd thread only so here goes....
I have this ex, he is like kryptonite for me. I cave everytime....
The last time we had an out he was gone for five weeks with no contact whatsoever, so I wrote him off. Figuring that I'd never hear from him again.
Then, I got a phone call from him saying that being away from me didn't help anything. I shoud have just said no, I can't be friends with you, and this is not something you or I can work out.
But I caved, and all we do now is fight and bicker, and were not even in a intimate relationship anymore, were trying just to be friends.
And I can't stand it, I was at the point of just buggering off for good, and then he wrote me a really sweet email and I caved again.....
I do it to myself....
Im a strong minded person but he just has a power over me.
Has anyone been through this before? Can you give me some suggestions?  | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 4:13:29 PM | I have no idea what to really say here.. To me something like this would be pretty much Cut&Dry... Write him off... End of story...
Lose his number... change yours... takes steps needed to ensure you won't meet again.
Or do the exact oposite... and hook up with him fully.. and have fun with it... | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 4:16:41 PM | | Some thoughts ...... don't read his emails or answer his calls. Change your number if you have to, but most of all, stop giving him the power he has over you ~ you gave it to him, you can take it back. | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 4:18:32 PM | hardest thing to do is to LET GO of someone....but as time goes by ..you will...an your heart will mend.
i always believe..out of site ..out of mind. (smile) tends to heal us faster. | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 4:32:51 PM | Like someone else already said (I think) you can cut all communication lines, what doesn't exist in your life, can't cause any good or bad effect on you.
What happens in your life is what YOU allow to happen.
Personally I don't think you have to hide, in any way, of course that could help, but there's no need to modify your life because of a person who's bothering you, only let the person see that there's no effect of any kind (good or bad)been caused on you because of the person's actions.
After trying for a while, that person will give up. Of course you can use the hiding technique if you think you won't be able to remind immune to the person attempts to cause an effect on you.
As I see it, the wrong thing to do is: Nothing, therefore, anything you do will be better than doing nothing, and I think you should use that which you feel more comfortable with.
Good luck to you. | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 5:07:21 PM | | hello, yes i have been there! it sucks...i know... after 2 years of him just walking in and out of my life how many times,when it suited him, i just gave up on him and let him go... you have to decide if you want him in your life and find a way to work things out or just leave it alone and move on with your life.. it will be hard but you will find someone else out there who will make you happy... | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 5:31:32 PM | *sigh*
I know EXACTY what you are going through I just got out of a real bad one myself, this girl cheated on me at least 4 times in 4 years (once with my brother) and controled every aspect of my life, making me miserable, and this will probly be the 5th time I have left her....But each time she finds me, begs me , woo's me, and gets me back
Not this time however 
It took me moving 200 miles away to get rid of her this time. I left her everything the house, car (not my kitty) so there would be nothing to link us back together. It threw my whole world into upheaval, however it had to be done.
She still E-mails me everyday but i just blocked her so that wont happen either. However its been about 4 weeks and I am starting to feel lonely...REALLY lonely and part of me wants to pick up that phone and call her even as i write this. I wont do it though! I can't allow myself to be treated in that way anymore and need to make this fresh start...Though it is quite possibly the hardest thing i have ever had to do.
I guess my point is that its not easy and quite often its going to require great sacrafices. Be strong, stand your ground, and if ya wanna talk you know where to find me 
you can also IM me at YIM darkmatter8980  | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/28/2006 5:53:17 PM | | I'm not sure why some people return over and over to bad relationships. If I was a psychologist I would suggest that the two of you may be symbiotically linked. Of course we all know that people play games with each other. Most of the games are done on a subconscious level, and unconsciously we seek out other players for our games. A person who may have been physically and/or mentally abused growing up often, unconsciously ,seek out an abuser. This is what I mean by symbiotic. Of course no-one wants someone that abuses them, but the relationship develops on an unconscious level. Now I don't mean to imply that this was the type of relationship that you were in, but you did say that all you two is "fight and bicker". Anyway I was using that to make an example. You need to access the types of relationships that you have been involved in during your past. access the type of men that you are attracted too. If 1+1=2 then you shouldn't have any problems finding a different type of guy for future relationships. If 1+1=3 then have a coke and a smile and enjoy the games people play. Some can be very fulfilling. If none of this makes no sense at all then forgive me. The party started early today... | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/29/2006 3:30:58 AM | | Been there hon......God it sucks so bad too. Broke up....went back......broke up....went back and for what? I was so completely in love with him and all he ever did was hurt and disappoint me. I can say, I thought the last time we broke up.... like you.... I thought I'll never hear from him again. Well about a year later, he called. Well moral of the story, I caved over and over and it did nothing but hurt and tick me off at myself. He had this hold on me.....I can't explain it. It's very disturbing that someone that hurt you so bad has every opportunity in the world to do it over and over again and the only person that can change that is you......just tell him your not interested and stay away from him. You have to be strong. When you talk to him replay all the bad things in your mind about him. The fights no matter how stupid. The things he said to you and all. Hopefully, that will help you next time. | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/29/2006 3:39:46 AM | I'll give you a vital sugggestion michcka
Post on the board EXACTLY what you fight and bicker about.
Then we will have something to talk about.
Oh! Before some other idiot says "dump him" could you all please refer to the moan sessions about man shortages. Do you ladies REALLY want to know why there is a man shortage.?
BECAUSE YOU HAVE DUMPED THEM ALL Thats why. | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/29/2006 4:28:39 AM | Yanno sparticuss, we can't live our lives based on someone elses "moan sessions". We have to live our lives based on our own experiences. Even within our own lives, just because we've lost someone in the past doesn't mean we should hold (with a death grip) the next person that we care for, no matter what. There will never be enough of a shortage of maties significant enough to equate to blanket acceptance of poor treatment and unhappiness.
To the OP...until you stop accepting the very treatment that hurts you so, you can expect it to continue. You've taught him that he can treat you this way, and he's learned his lesson well. When he's "bad", you reward him. How can you expect him to change or try harder when you've taught him that he doesn't need to?
Whatever the dynamics are, please give a lil thought about how this all went wrong. Please don't just tell yourself that "he was all wrong for me", or that it simply "wasn't meant to be". That may well be true, but there are reasons this became so destructive. Ponder those reasons and try to walk away having gained something. A knowledge of yourself is invaluable, even if what you see is less than what you'd hoped for.
If you truly want something better, live something better. It starts with the word "no".
I wish you the very best!:) | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/31/2006 9:44:56 AM | Wow you are all awesome.
I have taken the time to read your suggestions, and have found a solution I feel will work, and yes "funny_girl" it will start with a 'no'. As in I won't let him be bad for me anymore.
I love him to death, and we fight and bicker about his 'lack of experiences' and how I seemingly get everything that I want. And other mega-issues from out past.
But i have realised as much as were compatable in many areas, it is his jealousy of me he will never get past and the attention I get from other men will always be my fault. So I just need to walk away, there has been way too much talk and not enough action.
And simply put, Im done.
Thanks for your help.
MM | |
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Dru
| | Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 16 | |
| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/31/2006 9:53:42 AM | TIME
Thats about it. In time you will become desensitized to his power over you. Whatever it is that causes you to cave, you will eventually figure it out and stop it. If you really do want to be friends with the guy, sit down and talk to him. You'll have to choose your battles though, only concentrate on what really irke's you.
I have a friend that is very jealous of anything to do with me and another women, no matter whether I'm just talking or actually flirting. She goes off on me quite a lot, I look past all the small****insults and name calling and just respond to what she is actually saying. I've almost bitten my toungue right off by now, but it works.... kinda, sometimes she gets really pissed because I'm not getting mad. | |
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| I dont Wanna Cave-in anymore.....
Posted: 7/31/2006 9:57:41 AM | | If you are caving, then you haven't decided that you do not want the man in your life. There is a pattern of his treating you badly and your allowing it over and over again. Decide that you are going to have more respect for yourself and if you do want a friendship with him at some point, tell him that when he can be respectful and considerate of you as you would expect of any friend, you would be willing to try because you care about him. If you give him even that one chance, the minute he reverts to an old behavior you have to tell him that you can no longer have anything to do with him, and make sure he knows that before he gets a second chance. You need to stick with it as you would disciplining a child. | |
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