| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 6:15:51 PM | | UGH, does it aggrevate anyone else when a "friend" of yours all of a sudden has a thing for your ex? Or should you just be ok with it since it obviously isn't working between the two of you, maybe it could with them. I just think that even if a friend of mine has a thing for a guy, he is off limits to me. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 6:17:55 PM | I met my ex-wife through my ex-girlfriend. They were friends and my ex was being supportive of my ex-girlfriend when coming to a party of mine. My ex liked me and got permission from the ex-girlfriend and we started dating. I am not thrilled with either of my exes. So, it's a bad idea! LOL...
Were you able to keep all that straight?  | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 6:18:30 PM | | some people see it that way, yes. but honestly wouldnt you wanna see your friend happy? This is way i dont really have friends that are female because i dont wanna go through this. If a guy friend of mine wants one of my exes...well...id have more things on my mind like...is my ex gay? | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 6:21:50 PM | it wouldn't bother me.
What would bother me is if a friend made a move on a current GF...
Once she's an ex, she's an ex. If one of my friends want to have a try at her, then i say go for it. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 6:22:17 PM | | Doesn't matter to me in the least. I'm not with the guy any more so why should I care if my friend and him hit it off. It's happened to me before--my friend going out with my ex. Didn't bother me in the least. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:00:42 PM |
I just think that even if a friend of mine has a thing for a guy, he is off limits to me.
You had your moment in the sun. Why would you possibly want to stand in the way of two people maybe finding a little happiness. So what that you dated him....
He's not yours anymore, so you have no say.
Sounds to me like you have unresolved feelings here.
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:37:53 PM | | True friends dont date your ex,its totally out of bounds as far as im concerned,plenty other men out there without having to have a friends cast off.Men come and go,but friends stay. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:43:43 PM | | I could see that as being a bit weird, but if it's your ex....your time to shine is over. I do, however, believe in a little courtesy...so adequate timing should be taken into consideration. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:45:34 PM | To me....it depends on the relationship with the ex.....and the relationship with the friend.
I have an ex who goes out of her way to cause me trouble and can be very cruel for no reason at all. A very close friend (who was friends with her when we were together) asked if I would have a problem with him dating her.
My response to him...........
You've seen the things this woman has done to me, if you want to date her, I gotta think you're an idiot, but it's your decision. The only thing you have to consider on my behalf is where you think things will go with her. In a "best case" scenario, you end up together and our friendship is pretty much over because she will make you miserable if you even tell her you want to go somewhere with me.......and I will not be coming to a home you two share. In a "worst case" scenario she does the same kind of things to you she did to me and I tell you again how much of an idiot you are and don't come whining to me about it.....you asked for it!
So far he hasn't gone out with her.......but if she breaks up with the guy she's with now and he thinks she'll have sex with him.......I suspect he will.......he's not one of my brightest friends.
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 11:02:30 PM | Well, I've been on both sides of this issue, multiple times, (twice my-ex, and twice my friend's ex) and let me tell you that in most of the cases, the friendship was strained (if not lost). To me, there seems to be two seperate issues with this question.
First, are there unresolved feelings between you and your ex? If their is, having a friend pursue the ex will only inflame the situation. In particular, if your ex has left you, and you haven't yet moved on, having a friend become involved can be particularly painful.
Second, if this person is really your friend, why would they be insensitive to date your ex? This however can be handled in a mature fashion -- if your friend approaches you and asks you if you would be OK if he/she pursued your ex, the consideration your friend has given goes a long way to soothing any jealousy that you might be feeling. On the other hand, if your friend conceals the relationship from you, it can actually worsen the situation.
It's a tricky issue and normally I would suggest that one should stay away from friend's ex's. On the other hand, by the looks of it, I haven't practiced what I preached  | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/1/2006 11:04:49 PM | | I don't worry about such things. Not one of any guy I know would ever go where his friend has gone. Even with written permission. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 4:43:20 AM | | i think it depends on how long they was going out for,i mean if it was a long time then deffo no u just cant,but if it was a couple of dates then y not? | |
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pyrea
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Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 4:49:16 AM | Could depend on a lot of factors, frankly I probably wouldn't care...I personally wouldn't go for a friends ex, it's just too strange and complicated.
Now if your friend was going for your ex before you were 'exes' then I see a problem (then they aren't a friend).
But if it's after you'd been split awhile etc......whatever, one persons trash is another persons treasure.
Let them be happy together, just make sure they know that what's in the past stays in the past. She doesn't need to know your sexual tendencies, he doesn't know all the embarassing secrets you've told/been through with your friend.
I think what bothers most people is the sudden loss of privacy, what you tell your best friend isn't what you tell your significant other and vice versa, as well as the suspision something may have been going on that you weren't aware of before. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 4:53:52 AM | I am not sure this "friend" is a friend....when you were together..she may have had a secret crush on him but didnt have the guts to say anything UNTIL you and the ex split...THEN it comes out she wanted what you had....
But sometimes things happen for a reason...they both probably deserved each other...anyway..I would find new friends and not let it get to you...... | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:02:14 AM | | I have only one ex that I have stated is off limits to my friends, but that's ok he is sooooo not their type anyway. Other than that I don't care, I want my friends to be happy and if I couldn't make the ex happy he deserves it too, of course some of my exes really just deserve some of my friends. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:08:57 AM | | Depends on the situation, but in general, no I wouldn't pursue women my friends have been with. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:16:00 AM | try having your friend move in with your husband before your divorce    | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:16:43 AM | | Well its kinda a long drawn out situation. I guess this friend of mine has had a thing for him since before I met him, but I didn't know this. While we were together he told me and also told me he feels bad cuz he could never date her. Well, me and him had our problems cuz I'm moving in a year probably and he said he didn't think he could be with me knowing I was leaving. So he was always standoffish. So I told him I was seeing someone else and we ended it. Right away, he started talking to this friend. So I have a feeling he's just leading her on but maybe he does really like her, who knows. But, I think there are still unresolved feelings between us because he told me he wants to be with me but that its hard if I move and I still kinda have a thing for him...... DATING LIFE CAN SUCK! | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:26:56 AM | If she's an ex and there is a reason for that all I could do is tell them If they really want to do It it's your choice but I would keep the reasons for the break up to myself. You want to take that chance you can figure it "all" out for yourself .
A friend of mine ( Not a good friend ) started dating my ex wife and I just laughed so hard thinking ..... Ohh he's gonna find out real quick what she's like .. Ohhhh I got a good laugh on that one :) Last I heard he was found walking around downtown with a blank stare, babbling and drooling on himself.
It took me almost a year before I got my brain back to normal. At least it's close to normal :( | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:30:46 AM | Personally, if they are a very very good friend, and have known the both of 'us' over the years and they know the breakup was difficult and emotions were still running hot, i would have no respect for them whatsoever if they moved in on my ex. On the other side of the coin, if both parties have their emotions in tact, say after a period of time it wouldn't be a problem. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 6:55:10 AM | shygirl, there is no simple answer to your question. every friend/X scenario is different. sure it can work, but generally i wouldn't go there, i think more harm than good ensues if your X pursues your friend or vice versa.
your scenario is a bit similar to what happened to me. short story, met gf at happy hour, i work for large company, she works for different large company, she was good friends with a female colleague of mine. we date, two months, i want to break up. once during dating we go out after a softball game with my buddy. she and him work at the same large company. i thought it was interesting how my buddy just came along with us. anyways we break up, all friendly-like, she asks me if its ok to date my buddy, i say sure, i'd like to see you both happy, why not? anyways, i find out two years later that she was screwing him while we were dating. needless to say i'm not friends with either one now.
sex is just like a handshake to so many people. people often place more value on shacking up than they do on a friendship. there are probably a million single florida guys your friend could date, she wants to date your X. my opinion, that is disrespectful to a friendship.
sounds like in your scenario shygirl, the chapter isn't closed with you and your X. lots of unnecessary drama. i hope you can work this out. if you are moving soon, i'd say stop seeing this guy, but i'll bet you they'll hook up and this drama will get drawn out and not be fun. good luck to you shygirl!   | |
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TaraNC
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Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:03:48 AM | I would'nt date my friends ex. It would just be unfair to my friend, IMO!
Nope, just wouldn't happen!
A friend of mine has dated one of my exes, tho, and it didn't bother me. Of course, the guy and I only dated briefly and there was nothing serious. Actually, it was sort of funny....her stories did not match mine, what-so-ever.
In the end, we both have the same opinion of him. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 9:12:23 AM | It might not be a good idea but your relationship is over so that's the way it is so why should you care. I know it may probably disturb you or even "hurt" but like another poster said, "You're time to shine is over".
However, what bugs me is when your friend knows there are still feelings between you and your ex, even if they are bad feelings, and they act as if it doesn't matter. Your friend should at least respect you and try to keep things discrete while you work out your own feelings. | |
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| Friend going for your ex
Posted: 8/2/2006 9:27:03 AM | From my view of it,
Anyone who I consider a very close friend/brother, any ex under any circumstances and the entire female side of my friend's family is completely off limits.
Ex wives are off limits period, unless your friend has died and has been dead for a while, even then I wouldn't do it. Widows are a more complicated situation.
Ex wives with kids are off limits period absolutely, whether your friend has died or not
Ex girlfriends who has kids with the friend is off limits period
Ex girlfriends may or may not be off limits, depending on how long they broke up for, who broke up with whom first, and what was the reason for the breakup.
If the guy broke up with his ex girlfriend some time ago and he initiated the breakup and he did it to get another girl or something along those circumstances, I'd say yeah, I guess it would be ok, but you'd need to sit down and tell the guy to his face first before anyone else did. Also you'd have to accept that under any circumstances, the friendship is over, thats the trade for the new girlfriend. I think it would have to be a pretty special circumstance and special girl to get to this point. | |
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