| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 6:33:52 AM | She said; you are truly the right guy, but at the most wrong time!
I’ve had the pleasure of meeting one of the most amazing women ever, to say the very least. She’s beautiful, she’s smart and funny. She’s loving and kind, she’s witty and she carries herself so very well. She’s every bit a lady, yet is as strong as they come.
She’s been deeply hurt by a past love, yet has shown a very small spark of interest in wanting to find something special with someone again. She said she’s not ready to move on, even though the one she loved has done so. She’s prone to putting herself down and not seeing the real beauty she is. Her physical presence can make a man’s knees weak. Her sense of humor can make you laugh long after the punch-line has been told. Her smile can light up a room and when she wants to show it, her heart could melt an iceberg.
My thread here is not so much asking if I should wait for her as that is not a choice I make. My posting is in hopes that others will offer encouragement and possibly share experiences that will help her and possibly others who have been hurt and can not find the reasons within themselves to accept what is, or was, and to find the strength to make the choice to not let loss and hurt consume them. So many have a grand love to share, yet they will not allow love to find them because of the past. They can’t see that the hurt they continue to suffer from, only further deepens the wounds. The love they lost may be grand, but there is always the possibility that a grander love awaits them.
Your Thoughts?
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:07:24 AM | OP-- seriously, it sounds like you are pining for someone that really doesn't want you...
She said; you are truly the right guy, but at the most wrong time!
If you were truely the "right guy", there would be no wrong time! It's a way of trying to let you down easy.
The amount of time it takes someone to be ready to move on is different for everyone. They need whatever amount of time it takes to heal before they can offer anything to someone else. When she is ready (not when you think she should be ready), she will move on.
Guaranteed, if you have pushed her in order to satisfy your own desires, if you have refused to listen when she tells you "no", if you have crowded her in any way... then when that time comes, it won't be you.
Good luck! | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:18:50 AM | Thank you Jackie1954;
I think my point was missed however, I am not pining for anyone. My post and this thread is for others who may have suffered and learned to overcome the past. It is seeking the advice from others to share how they overcame the hurt.
Your advice though kind and sincere, it not what this post is about. If I had been asking for advice for myself (which I am not) I would have posted the thread completely different.
Should the time ever come that I find myself in need of this, I will reflect upon your reply to help. However, in your advice to me you also offered up the exact type of advice all others (possibly from both sides of this type of situation) can take note of. Pining over something that is NOT, leads you to place you should not be.
Thank you. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:32:16 AM | I met my husband at 13! he was the night in shinnig armour, and we got married when I turned 16. He was my life and I loved him dearly, but he found someone else, he moved on, and I felt so left behind, so hurt, I thought I would never love anyone again or bother to even try.
But here I am on this site, finding that after years of longing, it was in reality years of wasting my time and possably missing the real person who deserves to have me in thier life. she sounds like she has not gotten to that piont yet.
If she is the true right one for you, and not just the one your goo goo over it will work it just needs some time.
But you need to remember that no matter how you feel about her, she does not feel that way about you and she may never feel that way about you and you deserve to have someone who feels the same way....in your life.
You know the old saying " you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink"
he will drink when he is ready not anyone else.
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:39:27 AM | Thank you HellishHellen;
The first part of your post is exactly what I can hope for here. That waiting vs. moving on is a fine balance.
I am not asking if she is the right one for me as that is not a choice for me to make. That is and will remain a choice that something much bigger than I would make.
What is important is that SHE is the right person for someone and she should not lose sight of that.
Thank you. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:08:37 AM | by:Burning Embers
"What is important is that SHE is the right person for someone and she should not lose sight of that."
It is hard to say where she is in her life or what life experiences have brought her to where she is. Quite often it can be stated as simply as "Sometimes you are the candle, sometimes you are the moth".
You seem to have grasped that concept, perhaps she has not. If she is everything you seem to think she is then it probably hurt her as much to say those words as it did for you to hear them. In a situation such as yours and hers, personally I would much prefer being the moth than the candle.
good luck | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:15:27 AM | Thank you MIKEYOHIO;
Your insight is much appreciated. As I said, this is so much for everyone that has found themselves HURT and HOLDING ON... Yes, there is a time and place for everything and everyone. We do not choose love, love chooses us and we simply reap the benefits of that. However, if we close the book on what can be, the final chapter may never be written.
Thank you. | |
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Lonie
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Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:46:37 AM | i too feel at times that i have lost the love of my life..........but thru alot of drinking till i barf and alot of help from strippers i have realised that. shes gone and im a damn good catch
i could CHOSE to wait till hell freezes over for whats left in my heart to finally extenguish it self but i will not wate for what will never happen a love like that never dies you hold that person in your heart and you are better for the time that you were togather, no matter how awful it turned out.
as for the future im still looking for that one hotty to rock my world i know shes out there.......some where?????
hope this helps some times ya just gotta get shitkickin cowboy puckin drunk and then have a bunch of strippers tellya how F***in stupid you are for holding on to a woman that dont deserve ya | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 10:59:51 AM | Thank you Lonie;
Again, all very good points. Great attitude and I'm sure the right one for you is still in the pond, if not just wait she'll be the next one tossed back in.
I too have 'held on' to the past. I am guilty and I recall too well the pain that was there. I remember acting and even trying to convince myself that the pain I felt was meant to be. It was not until I realized that I had value and that my life however at the time, may not seem right, the best thing for me and those around me that love, trust and rely on me was to get back to living. Not just going through the motions, but true living where you see each day as a new opportunity.
Thank you. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 11:23:10 AM | I think we have all been in that spot where we can't get over something from our pasts.
Or... we are over it and then something sucks us right back in! Or at least you think you are over it and those feelings are still lurking.
I can definetely relate to not being ready to jump into something new.
But then again the only way to find something good for yourself is to just take the leap and see what happens.
AAAHH what a catch 22. | |
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Lonie
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Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 12 | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 12:36:32 PM | We've all been in that spot at some time in our life.
Durring that "recovery" period, it takes everything we have in us to get out there and live again. Getting out there and living does NOT mean jumping into another relationship! It means putting your life back together for "you" before you can get involved in another relationship.
The amount of time it takes is different for everyone. Something that affects it is "why" the old relationship ended and was it your choice or was it forced on you. If it wasn't your choice, it seems to take longer.
That's the reason I won't get involved with someone that is only seperated and not divorced. If they are divorced, I want to know how long ago the relationship ended. If they haven't had time to heal and move on with their life, I don't care to be a stepping stone in the process.... I want to be somewhere PAST the end of that journey and somewhere in the beginning/middle of a new journey. They need time to store most of that baggage in the attic so that we aren't BOTH tripping over it everytime we turn around.
Everyone needs time to "mourn" the death of the relationship. Nothing anyone else says is going to speed up that process! If the funeral is still in process, the burial hasn't happened yet. | |
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ahhhh
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Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 1:09:41 PM | | Until your friend meets someone and there is chemistry, you know that buzz that flows between you, then she will not move on | |
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ahhhh
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Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 1:15:44 PM | | very interesting Jackie, a different concept, I guess I just finally realize that it is over and walk away, damn do you have a wake for these relationships, I know I had one hell of a "divorce party" 10 years ago, yup still single, but took the time for me and my kids. I have just started looking, and to tell you the truth I am not too keen on this dating thing, although I have recently met someone, boy i could share some stories, and I am sure others can to. You know there are alot of frigging weirdo's out there | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 2:04:07 PM | Thank you so far to everyone;
I am not sure there is a correct answer, time frame or recovery process method that works for everyone. I believe everyone can benefit from our collective experiences.
Thank you. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 2:11:25 PM | | ahhhh--- I had a big party too! But the difference was that I was the one that wanted out!! I still had to go through getting my life together without the added confusion of having a new relationship. It's takes time. And it wasn't easy. | |
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Lonie
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Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 3:06:19 PM | | @AHHH yes your right there are alot of weirdos on this side of the coin too trust me i could fill a book | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:52:24 PM | When I divorced my first husbandof eleven yearsI, the love of my life,or so I thought, I sat and cried for a year and a half. With two young children, the disgrace I felt having to go on welfare, having to fight for my home, was unbearable, My self-confidence was zero. One day my sister came to visit. She basically said , get of your but, get a job, become self-sufficient and start seeing friends male or female. He is out there having a grand old time with all these young girls and He doesn't give a damn whether you cry or not. You are only hurting yourself so stop feeling sorry and do something about it. That was the best advice I ever got. I had to feel worthwile again. I got a job, withing 3 months I got the top job in my department. Instead of giving in, everytime He didn't pay childsupport I hauled his but into court until he got the message that I was not worthless, weak, or dependent on him. Inner strenght is something everyone has but many of us don't use. I felt pride in myself again. I started to open up to people again and yes it was a bumpy ride sometimes.
I was married to my second husband for 21 years and it broke my heart when I had no choice but to divorce him. It was either that or lose everything I owned and sleep under a bridge.By this time I was sad, but independent. A lesson I had learned from my first marriage.I did it once I can do it again was my thought. We remained friends until his death. No one can put a timeline on the heart. But the important thing is to know you have the innerstrenght to overcome just about anything in life. That love doesn't always turns out the way you want it to. And you have your faith and yourself to rely on. So wether a man or a woman you have no choice but to go forward, with dignity and self reliance which comes from the strenght that is inside of you. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:08:53 PM | Yeah, I'm going to have a gown burning party when my divorce is final. Jennifer Aniston had the right idea. I'm going to invite friends and have hor d'oeurves and wine and we'll all throw in the so-called mementos until they're gone.  | |
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ahhhh
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Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/4/2006 1:27:36 AM | | my gown went in the dumpster!!! I just knew life had to better than walking on egg shells, I would rather be alone than live like that again. Besides there is a difference between alone and lonley. Have you ever had a friend, you know the gal that HAS to have someone in their life? Talk about drama. Hey Jackie, I bet we could start a business directed at the divorce coming out party, just need to market it the right way | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/4/2006 3:14:17 AM | Thank you all;
Andance, your story was very touching and let me reflect on my own past. Many things you had written, in many way are memories I had suppressed. I kept a journal, a diary if you will, of all my feelings and thoughts. At first it was filled with hurtful things that I felt I had done wrong in the relationship, but slowly it started to evolve into a more realistic view of what the relationship had turned in to. I was able to not only write about the hurtful times but also about the good times and fond memories. Once I was able to face reading about the best parts of the relationship without feeling the pain, I knew I was on my way back to being me. I had got lost in that grieving period somewhere, I compensated the grief in many ways, by avoidance of what I truly missed from the past was the biggest. I avoided finding comfort in another. I avoided seeking something deeper than casual relationships. I no longer had to hide away my thoughts or feelings. I did not have to find ways to keep myself occupied in both body and mind. I enjoy being around people and I no longer had to keep that wall up that kept anyone from possibly getting close enough to hurt me again. I lost my fear.
Thank you. | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/4/2006 5:22:38 AM | Thank you all;
I received a call this morning from my "friend" and she's received the "message". We have no plans of getting together but she now better understands the reasonings behind this posting. As I said in the OP, it was never about me.
My work here is done and I will retire back to my normal self.
Please keep the post alive so that others may also find that inner strength.
It's been a great ride, well worth the price of admission! | |
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| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/4/2006 5:26:11 AM | !Burning Embers!-- this has been a good thread! Thank you.
We can combine the 'celebration party' with the burning of gowns and momento's! I didn't burn anything, but I sure gave away and threw away a lot of things. 'Burning' sounds like a real good way of burning up the bad memories.
The 1st time I threw my childrens father out, I tossed all of his clothes outside and put up a "yard sale" sign. His mother didn't appreciate the gesture when she drove by! It was quite a pile... the man has more clothes than I do (it took me HOURS to drag all of it outside)!!! But it sure helped me get rid of some anger very quickly. Maybe too much... I allowed him to come back and still divorced him a year later!
If I had set fire to it... there wouldn't have been anything for him to pick up and bring back in. That would have ended my misery a year sooner!! | |
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Lonie
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Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 25 | |
| She Said: Right One/Wrong Time
Posted: 8/4/2006 5:59:58 AM | yea i didnt burn any thing either some stuff i just threw out the rest i put in a box to give to my daughter when shes old enough to know the truth that dad realy did love her mom and mom was a whore opps did i say that LMAO | |
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