| Kids????????
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:35:48 AM | | Why do some men get thrown off when they find out women have kids.....I'm just curious would like some feed back.... | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/4/2006 12:08:36 PM | | I personally don't have any but I too am curious.....It does send them packing 9 out of 10 times...Enquiring minds want to know.... | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/4/2006 12:52:32 PM | | This goes for men with kids too....what are your feelings... | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/4/2006 1:17:28 PM | | i think maybe it has something to do with the natural male desire to spread his seed and assert territorial dominance...even thoug they know were not virgins they cand handle that another man has bred with us....all very primitive...lol | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/4/2006 9:48:10 PM | I don't have any kids and it does'nt bother me if my potential "special someone" has them or not. Though I would prefer she was opened to having more, if she has them.
To answer your question, I think that most men/women shy away from those with kids because they feel it would take away the spontaneaty out of the dating experience. And also the fact that the father/mother of their kid(s) will always be part of their lives. | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/5/2006 7:35:31 PM | | Having not had any kids I am not as comfortable as I would like to be around them. I also worry that they might resent some stranger coming into their home. The "you're not my daddy" syndrome. I went out with as woman who had 2 sons one 19 and the other 21, it was easier to relate to them but when they are much younger, I tend to back off. Perhaps these fears are unwarrented but they always come to mind. I can't speak for other men, that's just me. | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/6/2006 5:19:11 AM | I have 2 kids (50/50 custody). I would feel very comfortable dating a single mom as we would most likely have more in common. Here are some personal observations I've made (I'm sure there are many exceptions out there):
I mentioned this in a post yesterday: Single parents (myself included) will often keep their children (most important part of their lives) out of a relationship for months to avoid temporary attachments. We are also not as free to go out on the spur of the moment.
a)This may be difficult for people who don't have kids to fully understand and lead to frustrations . They may feel as though we are not investing 100% into a relationship....This is definitely not true across the board, but I have encountered it.
b) There are less complicated options out there. Many childless people still have that dream of starting from 0 with someone and why not?. I think this may be more true amongst men/women under 30, but as I am dangerously close to that bracket....
Lifestyles and interests can be very different. I'm not a "clubber", have trouble staying up past midnight, get up extremely early, and seem to have less and less in common with most childless people my age.
What does this all mean? Not sure yet....working on it! | |
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| To reply to 4evertrue2u
Posted: 8/6/2006 7:43:31 AM | Just a question to 4evertrue2u:
so are you saying you wouldn't date this person if she did not want more kids....? | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/6/2006 7:58:06 AM | I'm over the 30 Becket....i am single parent of a 16 year old...and i find it hard some people say "oh it's OK" but feel very uncomfortable when they finally get invited over. I feel people over 30-40...have kids and yes somethings may change but we would still like to meet someone special who would except the kids.
It can be hard at times but we are all growing up, some people don't want kids of there own and i understand that.
But when you see someone you like, Do you always ask them do you have kids before you continue speaking? | |
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| To reply to 4evertrue2u
Posted: 8/6/2006 11:18:38 AM | No, that's not what I'm saying.
I would date a woman who did not want more kids or was physically unable to because it is more important to me that I find "Ms. Right" than having kids of my own.
I said I would "prefer" she was "opened" to the idea of having more..... but it's not a deal breaker. | |
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| To reply to 4evertrue2u
Posted: 8/6/2006 9:05:30 PM | | There we go again, that’s it? Blame it on the kids again, I don’t have a problem with a kids, I just have a problem with the woman that has the kids, when a woman has kids they kind of test you to see if you’re going to accept the kids in her life. They don’t even give a crap if you’re attracted to her at all, it’s a must even before you meet them, some kids are pests and some are well behaved, so don’t make this an issue about the men that don’t like kinds. Did you ever stop and think that maybe the woman is the one with the attitude and not the kids, like I said, don’t use the kids as an excuse, the kids are brought up by there parents and if they scare the guys away the mother should teach them how to behave with respect, when I get invited to a woman’s home I don’t like some fresh kid asking me if I’m going to scr*w there mom. at that point I don’t blame the guys distancing them selves away from woman with kids. When I go to a woman’s home that has kids, I wait to see who comes to the door to let me inn, if it’s the kids, I walk on by, I think that is the most disrespectful turn off for me. | |
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| To reply to scatterbrain
Posted: 8/7/2006 8:20:51 AM | If you have been question like that by a child i am sorry i have never meet any of my friends kids to ask such a question ...i am not saying that we Blame the men BUT i have meet a couple of guy i thought were great spend a lot of time with them when i didn't have my child, but the day i had my child they didn't want to come over. And this was not just a one time thing this was every time i asked first thing out of there mouth" do you have the kid....?" So yes it depends on the man or women I was just asking " What scares people men or women from others with kids"
Hey scatterbrain, could you explain what you mean by the last comment made about who answers the door? | |
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| To reply to scatterbrain
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:17:50 AM | | My explanation for who answers the door first? By a past experience why I just walked on by? I met a lady here on POF and we met for coffee to see if everything clicked, we agreed to meet each other again, so she invited me at her place, when I got there I rang the door bell and there was a 12 year old girl, she yells out to her mom which is the lady I had a date with, “Hey mom there is another one of your looser dates at the door” So I simply walked away and left. It’s not about the kids, the kids should be taught to be respectful or the mom should be the one to answer the door to greet her man for the first date. No one wants to hear some kid scream at her mom that there is another one of her loser dates at the door. And No, I don’t mean that all moms don’t teach there kids to be respectful, I met a few that had young kids and treated me with respect, to me if a kid answers the door with that kind of attitude then the mother is bad mother and means bad news and I can’t deal with that, maybe these are the moms that the guys don’t want to deal with, I always loved kids, and I will not rum away from woman with kids, but I hope I explained myself clearly this time. But some guys don’t even want to deal with that kind of experience simply because they have a large database of woman here and they have the option to chose, what I don’t understand is how a guy would meet up with a woman when it is on her profile that she has kids? | |
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C-Y
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Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| Kids????????
Posted: 8/7/2006 7:06:47 PM | CroMagnon Male subspecies and children
Type A = can only drag (with affection) one (woman) at a time around cave, must hold club with other hand, grunt. Children make more mouths to feed, grunt.
SXAmaniac = cuts into or eliminates nookie nights, not good for the mojovation.
Mpatients = what, put up with others in life? No time. Been there once (as a kid) and not going back!
MeMEme = how is a relationship possible if all time is not spent based upon my OWN NEEDS!?!
What you seek is the rare advanced, sophisticated and extremely rare - Luvusallasthyown.
Unfortunately, they are rare, prized, hard to find as they are quickly captured and caged with few owners ever letting go. Also their lifespans are shorter due to being born as martyrs and quickly called to sainthood from higher powers.
Unfortunately, all of the above have the same physical traits making them all indistinguishable from each other. Only by seeking in specific locations can one spot the luvusallasthyown...
Anyone have any clues???? Seek and ye shall find... | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/8/2006 1:17:03 PM | To reply to scatterbrain
Posted: 8/7/2006 10 50 AM
Got the point i have to agree there are those out there, and its to bad, because the kids grow up rotten. (sorry to say) We have to remember its up to the parents to teach the kids right.....
Thanks for clearing that up... | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/11/2006 7:52:20 AM | I have 2 myself aged 12 and 9, Personally she should either have
a) No kids
b) with kids but have atleast be the baby sitting age so I when we go out, her kids babysit mine and then I can sleep over (hehe)
c) 2 Kids MAX, I just got a Pasifica and it seats Six, Me and my two kids and Her and with hers (What!!!!!!! I am thinking logically
hehe
:)
Personnally It never stopped me | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 8/11/2006 6:39:28 PM | Oh man. Too late!
Now y'all got the Brady Bunch tune going through my head.
STOP IT!
Heh
In anycase, other peoples children. Doesn't matter.
I'd be dating the person not their children. So why not be friends with the child in the least. And if the child answered the door with some form of temper tantraum like out burst I'd turn it around into something humourus. Children are at first usually jealous of other people interacting with their parents. Takes time for anyone to get used to situations surrounding whos involved in the relationship.
And hey. If you dont have the patients to wait for a parent dealing with their children then you have no idea the 'rewards'. And no that wasn't intended just as an inheirantly male out burst. Besides its better that the parent have their children to deal with than to have an impatient relationship that ends up seeming like taking care of a selfish child anyway. | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 9/26/2006 1:37:49 PM | I have a 6 month old son and I have been having such a hard time trying to get back into the dating game, any suggestion, seems that guys my age just aren't interested in girls with kids little own babies, it's like I want anymore (right now maybe in 8 years) As much as I love my son he was not expected and well I have had to rearrage my life for that (oh well life goes on) If anyone could give me some advice on the I love you forever lol. thanks | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 9/26/2006 1:49:17 PM | Passing the territorial, primitive all other stuff....
2006.
Get very well with the mother...want to go further...first sign of problems, kid reply "your not my father" or worst. In all honesty, who the hell am I to tell ANYTHING to those kids? But I do not want brats as kids on the other hand.
whitout even talking with the issue of the EX visites...You "raise" or help to raise the kid....he got the week end with them or even worst, screw up all your educational work because "it's daddy time and I let you do anything you want so you love me, and spoil you rotten, even the things that "the other guy with your mother" doesn't want to".
Not easy.
But , if it is a strong couple, kids are well raised and ballanced, the EX is a decent person and that conversation is fluid and without spikes...should not be a problem.
but then again....
2006 | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 9/26/2006 10:49:56 PM | | I can only give my personal opinion, and that's. well i have 3 sons all grown up now and I just not really interested in dating a guy who has very young kids, I much prefere dating a guy with kids in the teenage yrs. or older... | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 9/27/2006 11:07:45 AM | From personal experience there are several different reasons:
1)We as single parents dont have the freedom to go out on a whim and some men find that stiffling
2)Unfortunatly SOME single parents tend to spoil their kids to compensate for not providing a 2 parent household.I'm not putting everyone in the same basket by any means but i've had first hand experience of this and the kids end up acting like brats.
3)Speaking for my son ,who is a loving,affectionate boy starved for male attention,its scary for a man to feel affection for a child thats not his own.The question pops up of whose heart will be broken if the relationship fails?
I try to see both sides of the coin.I would not keep myself from dating a man because he has kids but i can certainly understand why it would scare one from dating me.Their loss...
Scorpiofire888 | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 9/27/2006 11:27:44 AM | Well - I was with a women who had three kids a girl 12 boy 8 and another one 6 when I met them all.I went into the situation loving the women thus loving her kids and trying to look out for them all like any decent man would his own family.I was punched by the daughter on occasion for setting down rules to keep her safe and the oldest son called police on me because I grabbed his arm and tried to stop him from leaving the house until he apologized to his Mom for telling her to **** off! I was almost convicted of assault!
This may be why some guys are afraid of the situation - but if I had to do it again I would.If you love someone - then you have to take the good with the bad. | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 9/27/2006 12:52:13 PM | | See that's not where I'm at my son is only 6months, I would just like to meet someone to be with for the long term and that's all. | |
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| Kids????????
Posted: 9/27/2006 2:56:24 PM | Touche one big issue, scorpio: the broken heart.
I remember the daughter of my ex sister. She divorced while pregnant and the father never showed his face.
I knew Alexandra even before she where born, hold her, changed her diaper, play and teached her until she where 6. Her FIRST word wasnt mama or papa..it was MY name; When I was away, she kept asking where I was, drew my pictures, when she found out about the phone, wanted to call me everyday (I lived 800km from her). She grew almost to become as my own.
At christmas my car where full of gift for her, I remember when she was 5, I exit the car, ring the door bell and that platimum blond, blue eyed smilling bullet jumps into my arms, so i told her " Alex, you know what...this year I didn't brought you any present"...she smilled and replied "I already have my gift..you are here" : CAN you imagine! wow! The mother (and my ex) where almost jealous of the attention I gave to her or her to me...as we didn't spent almost any time with them! lol!
When I broke up with my now EX, since she where her sister, we didn't talked anymore (long story)..and I never saw Alexandra anymore...and don't even have a picture of her.
It felt like I lost my own child...and am guessing that for her it was like losing her father.
I never want to live that again.
Gee..I feel like I told a dark chapter of me that should have remain silent.... | |
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