| | Is it harder to date now?Page 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | I am still pretty new here but I wonder if it is more difficult to find someone to date in our 40's? Are we pickier? Too busy? Don't want the hassles?
I have talked with a couple of guys locally and made some friends but I would actually like to date again. Possibly have a relationship... Am I asking for the impossible?
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:43:33 AM | Not impossible... but yes, it's harder! Less "single" people in the older age group.
We also are much more experienced in relationships and know what we do/don't want in someone that we are going to spend our lives with. We are much less likely to "instantly" fall for someone!
You call it "pickier", I call it a lot more careful than I was when I was younger. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:01:33 AM | They say after forty, a person has a better chance of being shot by a Terrosist than you do finding Mr Right. (Isn't that a comforting thought)
According to the experts at that rate, the only thing I have to look forward to now is lonely Spinsterhood or the bullet from a Terrosist gun! (h...mmm I wonder if I can beat those odds) | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:05:05 AM | | Harder, yes. Lack of choices, again yes. I think most of the trouble comes from so many being burned before, they become gun shy to try again. That goes for men and women. Others become set in their way of life, and have no reason to change that. Sure they might date, but to make changes, some just don't want that hassle. Just about every single person out there, online or off, wants someone to share things with. If not, they wouldn't be looking in the first place. But sharing conversation, and sharing a life, are two totally different things. Maybe at the end of the day all we have is what little each of us can and will share with someone else. Just my thoughts here. Not necessarily those of the management. :) | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:25:09 AM | | First, all the rules have changed and no one informed me! My experience is everyone wants a "friend with benefits" -- not a real relationship. At our age, most of us really know what we want out of life. Maybe we are too picky and/or too busy. I seem to attract men who really don't have time. I am the type who would make time for a special guy in my life. My kids are grown and I have time to devote to a relationship. Finding a guy who does, that's a whole new ballgame! | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:37:37 AM | I'll be the first guy to weigh in.
Yep, it is much harder. Life lessons have hardened many people. Age finds us set in our ways and changing our day to day is extremely difficult. Add in the fact that every time some jackass decides to commit a crime against a woman it is on national news, and in the eyes of the women the good guys are also guilty by membership to the same gender. I agree when women talk about safety, but when it becomes paranoia I want no part of her.
For my personal situation, I do not date for several reasons. The main reason is this. When I married in 2000, that began a period where I didn't meet anybody outside of doing that couples thing. Then in late 2004 when I went out on my own again, I realized I didn't know anybody. And the single women I know all know me from half of a couple, which in most cases makes them uncomfortable because they also know my ex.
The other reason is that I'm a fat, old, ugly, grouchy SOB... 
Some people choose a life of celibacy. Others have it thrust upon them. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 7:02:54 AM |
Am I asking for the impossible?
Harder maybe - but certainly not IMPOSSIBLE.
Seems to me there's quite a few single people out there over 40. Take your time and use your experience, maturity and wisdom to find someone that's a really good match. Just stay positive and have some fun. Being picky is just being able to use your experience/intelligence wisely. It's a good thing. Be impatient could get you in trouble. (not saying you're impatient OP)
People are busy, however they will make time for each other if it's right.
Good luck! | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 8:41:51 AM |
People are busy, however they will make time for each other if it's right.
I agree with this statement.
My deceased husband and I each held down 2 jobs and we each commuted 1 1/2 hrs each day to get to our jobs. And yet we were never too busy to date, get married,build a home and a life together.
Is it harder to date?
From what I have been reading in the fourms, people have had previous hurtful experiences. As a result, they are more cautious or are slightly jaded in their opinions about the opposite sex, dating & relationships. Therefore, they are hesitant to start the dating process again.
Muskoka  | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 2:58:40 PM | | It is harder to date at our age,but we too have to go out and find it it is not going tohelp sitting on a couch or infront of a computer and remember it all starts with hello | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:57:03 PM | | I don't think that it's harder to date now, I think that as we get older,we get more discriminating. We realize that we aren't going to live forever, and time is limited. I've never been married, and I take life realistically. Yes I've been burned. Who hasn't. I've also had to leave a burning ship in the wee hours of the morning, and wrecked an plane. Does that mean I should stay off of the water and out of the air. I don't think so. I think that we are all as busy as we want to be. Our priorities just change with time. Whether you are the richest man in the world like 'Bill Gates', or you are a skid row bum like 'Willie the Wino' they both have twentyfour hours in the day. You can chase women cumpulsively around the clock and accomplish nothing else or you can become obessed with any manner of other things. You decide what do you want. You can't have it all. And trying to really puts a damper on a relationship. No woman is going to play second fiddle to a compulsion. As Martin Luther said "In everything....moderation". All relationships have trails, as al humans have foibles. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 5:35:15 PM | | I'm so new to this dating scene, but I found out right away, Honesty is your best policy. Can't imagine otherwise. Lay the cards on the table because you don't know what you have been delt. Life is far too short. Gotta live a little. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 5:45:38 PM | | I think it's way easier to date now. We are all here in this candy store with more selection than I ever imagined was out there. I haven't ever been able to get a date at the grocery store or the library or home depot, but I've managed to have a few with some wonderful women that I met in this here store. We treated each other with a mutual respect and by my account we both had a lot of fun. I've travelled an hour by car, 2 hours by boat, then another 4 hours by car to meet a lovely lady. So I don't think distance should be a factor if the chance to meet "The One" is possible......jmo | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 7:24:10 PM | | Good point Crazylegs... the internet has made meeting/dating people quite a bit different, and often easier for some. (including myself). And some people you can connect with on the internet can actually live close. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 7:32:08 PM | | No, it is very easy to date now. The real question to answer is what are you looking for. I just look for friends, be honest and try to find a common ground. Too many people our age sit and home, and wonder why that perfect person hasn't found them or they can't find that person. GET OUT! MEET PEOPLE! I've been internet dating for 4 years after 25 years of marriage and the biggest thing I've learned is the one's I thought I'ld like I didn't, and the one's I just met to see, have turned out to be friends. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:24:43 PM | | I dont think it is harder to date. I think it is harder to find someone to have a real relationship with. I can find a date without any problem the problem seems to be that people are just looking for a date with imediate gratification or a fix on the physical end of things instead of looking to build a real relationship. I would prefer to build a relationship and grow into the physical end of things and in this day and age I think I am the last of the dinosaurs with my thinking. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 1:50:19 AM | It is easier for me to date now (though I'm not in my 40's) because I was married before and simply didn't do that kind of multi tasking.
Pickier? Maybe... due to knowing myself better. And busier by far ... I'm going back to school and will have to really make an effort to fit a social life in while working and carrying a full time schedule. But my mom duties are done (as if that's ever true) and so I can at least relax on that front.
At times "date" is just a four letter word and I'd rather have the time to myself because I know what to expect of the company (and I find myself very good company). | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 5:28:32 AM | | My experiences only, but I find that even people who say they want long term, (myself included) are actually frightened at the thought of spending the rest of their life with someone. Maybe because we've had bad experiences in the past. Maybe because we realize that being single isn't all that bad. Maybe at our age we just aren't willing to put up with another persons annoying habits. Like justtrbl said, being alone means we know we'll enjoy the company. We all miss some aspects of being a couple but do we really trust that being a couple 24/7 is better than what we have right now? The girls and I chat at work on break, most are married. While some are clearly happy, and that gives me hope, there are the others who are miserable. Hate going home. Hate sex or even the thought of it with their husbands. Living the rest of their lives unhappy. That scares me. I was there, escaped, and never want to end up like that again. Dating at our age is easy, especially with a site like this, knowing what we really want is what has me stumped. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 5:48:28 AM | Marie, I love your attitude. The differences in people really weigh in here. There are those who are self sufficient, self reliant, and eager to experience new things. Then you have the needy and clingy types, those who are lost without anybody else in the picture.
I remember back to when I was 25. My uncle died. The weekend after the funeral I had to go to my aunt's house and TEACH HER HOW TO WRITE CHECKS!!!! He did everything for her right down to changing light bulbs and she was HELPLESS without anyone in her life.
A lot has to do with how you were raised, too. My family is from an area in the former Yugoslavia, now Slovenia, and I am Slovenian. My mother MADE me learn how to cook. Of course it wasn't roast duck with cherry sauce and wild rice stuffing at first. I was like, 10! But she told me that there wouldn't always be someone else there to do it and it was very important that I know the basics. Sewing as well. (Any man who has been in the military can sew well enough to put buttons on his uniforms.) I don't make my own clothes, but buttons, cuffs, etc.. I can handle.
Now, I said that to say this.
The more you learn to do yourself, the less reliant you are on others, and thus you have the privilege of being more selective. You can wait for someone you WANT, not someone you NEED. Phase two of that is when you have that luxury, you have slimmer pickin's.
Add in the state of the world where women now feel a need to think men are rapists by default and require them to prove otherwise rather than the other way around, and it gets even worse. I prefer not to be screened and interviewed like a murder suspect just because I want to invote a women either out to dinner or to my home for dinner, so I don't bother. I was single for 20 years between wife #2 and wife #3 and I probably only have 10-12 to live anyway, so what's the point? The indignancy of being scrutinized because some jackass in Nebraska or Montana recently raped a woman and it was on the national news is just something I can do without. I don't even raise my voice, much less become violent and I won't pay because the sensationalistic media chooses to show only the bad things. Why don't they show people in the same Nebraska or Montana rescuing a puppy?
BECAUSE VIOLENCE ATTRACTS VIEWERS!!!
What a world......
I would HATE to be female in this society. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 6:20:49 AM | | Whoa Geo. I don't see any women here who think all men are rapists. For the most part I see a lot of trusting women who don't judge all men on their or others past experiences. My ex was violent, I certainly don't think all or even most are. I meet a man and allow him to fill in the blanks himself, certainly don't fill them in for him. By stating this about women are you not guilty of what you are accusing us of? | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 6:57:59 AM | The only thing harder about this ??? is that we are harder on ourselves. I,m 50, and think I look better then I have in a very long time, and feel better mentaly (some will differ with that 1 ) but on a scale of 1 to 10, I feel like a 11. The reason being, is now I take more time in myself. After being married for 32yrs, why bother, but when your life suddenly takes a turn, you take a look and see how much you took for granted, not only in looks, but in everything, sex included. It started out to be like work, but it wasnt hard at all, then it became fun, then I got the rewards. We are only hard on ourselves, it,s not hard to find a date. :   Lisa | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:04:49 AM | At our age, half the people have been rejected by a former partner or rejected a former partner.
So do you want to date someone that has already been rejected or does the rejecting.
It's harder to find someone these days that doesn't have a fear of repeating their former relationship. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:18:08 AM |
Whoa Geo. I don't see any women here who think all men are rapists.
You've only been around here since late April. Wait and see!
Some of the threads just made me shake my head and sigh. Nobody will meet anybody because at some point in their life some guy grabbed their breast, or someone they know knows someone who has a cousin who had a friend who had a sister who met this guy and he .....
One in particular goes into long litanies often about how men are beasts and all we want is sex on the first date, possibly under the table at the restaurant and you should never go to a man's home and all the yada yada......
And I offer this counterpoint just as often.
If I invite you to my house and you accept, you will have my name, my phone number, my address, and a map to my house.
What special kind of stupid would I have to be to do something inappropriate knowing that with that same name, phone number, address and map you will be at my house in 45 seconds with police who will take me to "pound me in the a$$" prison? (That comment will only mean anything if you have seen the movie Office Space.)
You are more likely to have an incident after your first meeting on that hallowed "public place" when you know nothing about the man except what he has told you online, most of which can be a pile of dung.
Let's say you meet "Bob" on POF. You decide to meet "Bob" for coffee. "Bob" shows up, you have coffee, he walks you to your car, and then tries to get physical in the parking lot. Short of pepper spray, a stun gun, or a black belt in some form of martial art, "Bob" will likely be able to overpower you. (An awful thought, but I am going somewhere with this.)
You go to the police and make a report. That's all you can do at this point.
So you come home to find "Bob" has removed his profile. In doing the detective work, you find out that "Bob" is really "Fred", everything on his profile was a load of manure, and he was driving a borrowed car so the license plate you reported is bogus. What do you have to find him with and see him brought to justice for his violent act? Unless he had "My other car is a Maserati" tattooed on his forehead, you will not have much with which to pick "Bob/Fred" out in a crowd. And if this is his MO, he is likely from a city 100 or more miles away and lied about that too.
And THAT is what the men here face. What the "Bob/Fred" types have done in the past make it near impossible for the nice guys of the world (me, for example) to meet a woman who doesn't go in thinking the worst. I am meek, timid, almost shy..... I once met a woman who insisted n the public place thing, and I had no problem doing that. Then SHE suggested we go to my place. HUH????? Why not just come straight to my place!
You may say that is generalizing, but this is the case 90% of the time on here. The bail out phone call that comes 15 minutes after your date begins so you have the chance to "escape", the wingman sitting at another table watching you .... all silly adolescent games I prefer not to play.
That's pretty much why I live alone with my dog. | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:57:15 AM | Geo, I've been in here longer than April. Quit a few times. And I still stand by my comments. My first "date" in pof, I went to his house for dinner. We had talked for awhile and I was not nervous at all. Ended up seeing this man for quite awhile. Been to other men's places for dinner, most times as a friend, but never did I doubt my instincts. That these were good men to be trusted. Never was I wrong. Mackevinized stated that it is hard to find someone who is leary of repeating past mistakes. At our age, we have all had both good and bad experiences. I find that most are able to leave the past in the past and judge new relationships on exactly what they are. New relationships. New people. Some may post and disclose their anger/distrust, but on the whole I find the members of pof to be an upbeat trusting group.I don't believe that 90% of women distrust men. Maybe you have it wrong, maybe 10% do. Maybe you have had a bad experiences in here that caused you to trust your dog more than women. For that I am sorry. You are missing out on many wonderful women. I have a cat, and she's just that. A cat. A pet. Never would I put my life on hold because she always likes me, because she treats me better than some men have. I'm sensing that it's not the women you meet who distrust all men, it's you who distrust all women. And that I find just sad. Because there are good people all around us. Don't let a few spoil your outlook of the rest of us.  | |
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| Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 8:49:21 AM | Nobody will meet anybody .......
There are likely some people here that won't, however I'd disagree with your statement. Lots of people actually meet here. Likely 90% will meet, and not stand you up. Likely though 90% won't actually meet you at your house for the first time. And just because many women don't want to meet at someone's house doesn't mean they think that all/most men are rapist. That's bazaar, and a very sad statement. Personally I've met lots of men from this site and other sites, and I've never went to their house on a first meeting, BUT that doesn't mean I have a negative opinion of men.
I also agree with what Marie has said.  | |
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