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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 7:58:04 AM | Has anyone ever noticed, how many smart cookies are on this site? Men and Women. I for one don't think it's just a proportionate number. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, they just naturally gravitate to the forums.
But I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men.
Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?
What about manipulative and controlling? I think intellectuals have a great capability of manipulating and engineering a relationship, often in extremely subtle ways. And usually, I might add, resulting in failure!
Do they have unrealistic projections and expectations?
Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?
What can they do to change? A frontal lobotomy, is probably not an acceptable option! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 8:17:03 AM | Good question! Yup, I think smarts can be a hangup in relationships. I don't think it's because women are less turned on by intelligent men. It just depends on how that intelligence shows itself that women find a turn on or turn off. I think the BIG drawback is the unrealistic projections and expectations. I'm certainly guilty of that. Sometimes people just can't help but think too far ahead instead of living in the moment.
The good news: intelligent people have (or should have) the ability to see problems and then do something about them. What to do? Learn to live more in the moment, and like Nike says, "Just Do It!" And as much as I hate to admit it, there were some pearls of wisdom in the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin." The main character and his friend have a discussion that goes like this:
"That just doesn't feel right."
"Listen! Doing what feels right hasn't been working for you. You need to start doing some things that feel a little wrong!"
Cheers!  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 8:24:53 AM | To the less intelligent, talking about something beyond them equates to whining...
For example:
IQ166: Hey... I just thought of a new process method that will allow them to shrink semiconductor junctions by 25%!!
IQ76: Do you have to do this while having sex?
IQ166: You never appreciate my brilliant mind.
IQ76: Quit whining and get on with it. I don't have all night! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 8:49:21 AM | | Oh yeah, being intelligent is awful! Crap, ya' know I really can't stand intelligent women with killer bodies and a great sense of humor. Instead, I want a snaggle-toothed, psycho hose beast with the personality of a wet rag, who can only relate to Larry the Cable Guy. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 8:59:47 AM | I think intelligence is only a curse when there's a great difference between the intellect of the two involved. I spent the majority of my marriage trying not to make my ex-wife feel stupid. She wasn't just uneducated. She couldn't grasp simple concepts like time management or simple math. I didn't realize it at the time, but it drove me nuts to have to take care of so much of what is supposed to be shared responsibility.
While dating, I've noticed that some women are intimidated by an intelligent guy. At first they'll flatter you with it by saying things like "I think it's sexy that you can converse on so many different topics in depth". Then, the first argument you have, they're saying things like "I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you".
I knew after my ex and I separated that I couldn't be with the profoundly stupid again, but I didn't think I'd have to be so choosy about the level of intellect in a potential partner. Now, I'm thinking I need to find someone that's equal or more intelligent than myself.
I just realized how egotistical this sounds. LOL.
Maybe the true curse is being smart and knowing it.  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:06:18 AM | Knowledge is information you obtain through books, tv, other people, etc.
Understanding is the ability to take knowledge and decifer fact from fiction.
Wisdom (street smarts) is the ability to apply what you have learned to everyday situations.
The big kill is that most smart people have learned dozens of different responses to any given situation..... where as a less smart person has only learned 1.
(I know that sounds narcasistic but, it's not. Being too smart sucks)!
When you are intellegent you tend to analyze things..... Its slows your reaction. Its like this cute girl you're sitting with makes a move... she wants you to kiss her... you however figure it out half an hour too late.
If you were a woman in our society taught that a man is supposed to chase you... you give him the opportunity to kiss you and he doesn't move on it.... you (as the woman) immediately think he doesn't like you.... Suddenly as that woman you are permently turned off by smart guys.
The same is true for smart women vrs other guys
This writ sucks but, some good points are contained hope nobodys is offended I proofed it 10 times and still can't get the words to come out right! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:14:28 AM | <--This girl has a huge ass crush on a really intelligent guy...I can make him giggle bet I could make him do other things too.
I have seen many a man date a less than bright woman why? Because she looked good.
My guy has got to be smarter than me or He is in big trouble | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:14:38 AM | I've always been attracted to intelligent men... but found that most intelligent men aren't attracted to me. My family is filled with genius IQs... it's a genetic trait, I suppose. I have one, and I've always done well at school, but I find that my intelligence is more suited to personal relationships, understanding how people work, why people behave the way they do, etc...
It's frustrating to me, that my whole life, I've had rather unintelligent men attracted to me. I enjoy a man who can teach me something, a man who can go on and on about something I know nothing about, with an absolute passion for the subject. It excites me to see someone revel in their knowledge, without being a snotball about it.
To answer if intelligent people are too egotistical... sometimes, yes. My brother is absolutely brilliant, and he knows it. He's got a very sweet girlfriend who is his intellectual dwarf (but she teaches him a great deal in other ways), and while he doesn't mean to, he lords his brains over her. I'm rather smart, and I have my academic snob moments. I realize them as they happen, and apologize right away... but it's something that I am aware of in myself.
I don't think I AM manipulative, but I know I certainly could be. I know that I could direct relationships, for the most part, and do fine at it. I simply have no desire to do so. I also have the ability to be a rather excellent liar... and at one point in my life I had to excercise that ability... but I pursue truth now, and live to be honest. I dislike lies and liars, and have learned from that time in my life.
Do intelligent people have unrealistic projections and expectations? Yes, and no. I spent a lifetime being mocked because of my brains. In some ways, that made me lower my expectations. I also spent that same lifetime loathing the simpletons who mocked me for my brains... and that made me turn my nose up at people who are little enough to mock a gift.
I'm fortunate. I found a man who is intelligent, who knows all kinds of things about stuff I'm clueless about, and who accepts that with my brains come eccentricities. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:17:48 AM | | I myself prefer someone who's smart. There's nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with a knob. However, I draw the line at "smartypants". I can't stand someone who thinks they're smarter than everyone around them and makes it a point to let everyone know. Being smart AND humble is #1 in my books! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:20:31 AM | I'm not speaking so much about compatibility, although that certainly is a consideration.
I'm trying to allude to the possibility, that maybe intellectually oriented people, have somewhat of an unhealthy or maybe unbalanced approach to relationships.
Intellectuals probably realize from a very early age, how they can manipulate others, I guess starting with their parents, siblings etc. By the time they start dating, this has probably become quite a finely tuned method of getting what they want.
I've witnessed it at work in others and I see it in myself. How, I wonder, can one escape from this self constructed trap? | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:39:54 AM |
Has anyone ever noticed, how many smart cookies are on this site?
That may be, but I'm also amazed by the amount of stupidity.
But I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men.
A lot of intelligent men are socially retarded. They don't spend enough time interacting with other people and don't have good social skills. It also doesn't help that the media frequently portray intelligent people as nerds.
Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?
There is something to that. Intelligent people can be condescending at times, which can be a turn-off.
Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?
Yes, if they don't recognize they have a problem, whatever it maybe. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:43:40 AM | ^^ I agree.Nothing is a bigger turnoff than a condescending nerd I dont know why I find that statement so amusing....Somebody hurry up ,pat me on the head, and give me a cookie Being a bit intellectually challenged like myself has its benefits.Im easily amused,and therefore,very happy:) | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 9:59:57 AM | When you're dumb, you don't have a clue when your partner is making horrible decisions that affect both of your lives. When your dumb, you take their mental illness personally and you let their illness abuse you, bcause it's your fault. When you're dumb, a playah can actually hang on to you with all his lies, thirty years later, still playin ya. Even smart girls can be dumb, I certainly have been. But I live, learn, grow, and *that* ability is what intelligence really is.
Being a smart cookie-
Men (note, not a gender bashing here, it's just the applicable gender in my particular case)who have a long history of making horrible financial decisions have avoided me.
Men who cannot do any DIY or any form of basic figuring out what is wrong with something mechanical, or who are helpless in general, also tend to slip away.
Men who are playas get weeded out very quickly
Men who are mentally ill-addicted find no excuse with me to avoid treatment or a wellness plan, and they discover that I won't tolerate the WAM mentality, so they go to one who will.
Men who think they are smart and try arrogance on me will quickly why I find that behavior beneath me.
Morons and pathological liars stop growing at a certain point, their immature behavior gets worse with age, I couldn't help but out grow my past relationships.
BUT-
Men with education and inspiration in their intelligence have a smashing good time with me even when there is no physical attraction.
Intelligent men have the greatest stretches of humor so a joke can be found anywhere anytime, it might be obscure, but I get the joke so we're laughing many more times as a pair than I have with less intelligent men who stick with vulgarity as all of their humor.
Rennaisance men are so well rounded that when life pulls the rug out from under them, sticks a brick wall in the way, they just get up and go in another direction-they have the resources to do so, and while less intelligent men find my many sources of interests to be annoying, the smart guys know that if we are a couple, I'll be able to pick up go right along with them.
Smart guys make good financial choices and learn from their mistakes.
Smart guys just plain learn from their mistakes, the mistakes of others, etc., they continue to grow and so do I. so there's growth together instead of apart.
Not a curse, it just means there are fewer dateables and you'll have fewer relationships, but gee, do you *want* more relationships with morons?
A smart man can be ugly, can be fat, can be old and decrepit, BUT his intelligence still turns me on.
Gini | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:14:30 AM | | I'd love to have a man that can match me intellignetly. I spent my married life explaining everything to my husband until I was blue in the face, now there were things he knew and knew well but he hid the fact from me that he dropped out of 8th grade, found out after the wedding, should have wondered why he never wrote anything during out engagment. I'm no genius but I have the ability to learn something new, in the end I think that is more important than actually intelligence. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:18:24 AM | Pure intellectuals are not romantically inclined...
it goes against intellect to understand love and romance... so
yes OP.. I think a pure intellectual would have some problems.
Good news is... there are few "pure" intellectuals" on the site.
;) | |
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*KD*
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:20:21 AM | But you actually can't call anyone in real life or on the POF forums an idiot unless you are fat or ugly or a single parent or over 40 or a minority or a homosexual or a woman. The weak of our society, the people who should have been wiped out by natural selection long ago have whined, cried and sued their way into dominance. The meek don't have the common sense to inherit the Earth, they'll just wipe the rest of us out slowly with political correctness and lawyers.
Isnt that just whining Mr G? So In a sense your calling yourself an idiot
Intelligence is knowing what's wrong, common sense is not ranting about it on a dating forum
M.A.P.T | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:26:20 AM | I'm certainly pleased that some women do find intelligent men attractive. At least that!
Mr. Gordon quite correctly stated that this is just another excuse for failure.
But, if one is rude, or doesn't practice personal hygiene, these things can be identified quite readily and corrected.
But how does one undo intellectual thinking, which can create totally unworkable relationships and unrealistic expectations? Much of the romantic process becomes an engineering exercise!
Intellectualism just seems so opposed to romance based on intuition, spontaneity, love etc.
By the way. I take exception to the thinking that this is a self pity thread, or IQ thread.
What does a sincere person, have to do to get some help, ideas and input, without these
continuous accusations? Maybe I could rephrase my questions with lots of Rape, Incest, Cheating, and Oral Sex to give it that Jerry Springer Show Appeal!
But those it seems that are single, and want to improve themselves are immediately shot down!
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:28:49 AM | The meek don't have the common sense to inherit the Earth, they'll just wipe the rest of us out slowly with political correctness and lawyers.
Ouch, lawyers have feelings, too! Without idiots in this world, MrGordenGecko, I'd be out of a job.
But as a sidenote, common sense is important. And people do complain because most people I've met seem to think they are entitled to something out of life. But the truth of the matter is, as I have said time and time again on these forums (especially the one dedicated to people self-wallowing because they can't find dates--not kidding, that's actually the title of it I think) somehow think they DESERVE something. Things in life are earned, not deserved.
On another sidenote, I can tell you this: as a woman AND minority that I am more well received by men of my age when I say I am going to bartending school than when I say I'm a law student. I've actually tested this theory. The intimidation factor is high and the response with law student usually results in them taking a few steps back or in one case, calling me "Miss Independent."  | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:38:27 AM | | i think inteliigence can cause problems in relationships, only because of the fight about who is smarter. maybe one person is a genius but poor so could only do a community college and work, while the other person gets to go to university so they act all superior, thats the only problem i see. | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 10:52:11 AM | A curse?????No way!
Give me a guy with a phd in organic chemistry, and I'll melt then and there.
[I have a "thing" for scientists]. I swear I was married to a scientist in my previous life. Lol.
I don't know about others. But, for me intelligent men rock!!!! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 11:02:02 AM | Definition of wisdom:
The ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight;
common sense; good judgment.
Definition of intellect:
The ability to reason or understand; high intelligence; a very intelligent person.
Definition of intellectual:
Of or relating to the intellect; rational rather than emotional.
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Modern intellectualism is humanistic to the core. It is the belief that most decisions of life are based upon the five senses. The five senses are the ability to (1) feel, (2) smell, (3), touch, (4) hear, and (5) see. Our five senses deceive us about 80 percent of the time which is why we have lawyers, courts, politicians, measuring devices, and why scientists are wrong more times than they are right. Consequently science textbooks have to be constantly updated and rewritten.
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 11:04:04 AM | nice. one of my friends in law school went to M.I.T. for her undergrad. but she had the same problem with guys. so when she went to clubs and stuff, she would twirl her hair and say "I go to BU!" (aka boston university...i guess when it comes to boston schools, that's the not-so-smart one). i thought that was hilarious.
as for your other comment, i think mike jones put it best: "you don't work, you don't eat. you don't grind, you don't shine." yeah, i'm convinced rappers have the highest IQ's. | |
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Posted: 8/8/2006 11:11:25 AM | | I think you need to define intelligence first. Is it not like the saying one mans junk is anothers treasure? Does educated mean inteligent? I have often puzzled over this!! If you speak up about a subject or several that you have encountered during your life does this make you a know it all or show intelligence? We all have inteligence and are blessed with certain smarts and this should not be a curse, but can be when it is received by others as DEMEANING!! | |
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| Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2006 11:16:34 AM | "why scientists are wrong more times than they are right. Consequently science textbooks have to be constantly updated and rewritten."
True, scientists are wrong most of the time than right. But, that does not show lack of intelligence. That shows they keep working towards improvement. Sure, text books keep changing and getting updated. But, that's because science keeps on changing. You bring up a theory and think you proved it right. But, there will most of the time be someone who can prove it wrong. I think that shows more intelligence than it shows the lack of accuracy and correctness.
Only an intelligent person accepts his mistakes and works really very hard to correct it.
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