| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 5:30:18 PM | | I need help!!! ok, so my ex boyfriend of almost 4 years just out of the blue dumped me almost 2 weeks ago...last week tuesday I found out he is seeing someone else!?! I ran into his friend that he works with, and his friend had no idea that he was seeing someone else, and his roomate said that he is on the phone A LOT, but like never has her over...i mean, this guy is real nice when you meet him, and when he gets comfortable, he turns abusive and controlling...he says he will send my stuff, but it still has not arrived...tell me guys, can a rebound relationship really work??? I mean, after 4 years, he can just walk out and 5 days later be totally over me?! HELP this is sooooo hard and i dont know what to do... | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 5:35:30 PM | I think there were times you needed to read between the lines..there were hints but you didnt see them??
Then again I was going with someone for about 8 months when he went MIA..and then came back from hiding that he was getting emails form women from the personals and he wanted to spend some time with a gal that is going through some drama in her life..and apologized for leading me on..........he was leading you on ..there are signs..we just denied them.. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 5:56:24 PM | He's not on a rebound. He dumped you.
Isn't the dumpee the one that is considered on a rebound when they start dating someone real soon?
ANd i do know of "rebound" relationships that have ended up in marriage. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 5:58:25 PM | | why would you care anyway?? It's his life, let him figure this stuff out himself. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 6:06:17 PM | Slow down a bit...you can almost hear you panaking. I've been there and it will be alright. You need to understand that with him being abusive and controlling that you really don't want him anyway....you just don't know it yet. Yes ....he can just really leave and be over you....he checked out long before he actually left you. He is thinking of her....not you so you need to focus on YOU. If you work on YOU....take care of YOU....find YOU...then YOU will become strong and learn from this to grow and have a healthy, happy relationship. YOU don't need him....you just think you do. Stay strong...call friends...even if in the middle of the night. You'll be O.K. I promise. Feel free to message me anytime. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 6:08:57 PM | | he didn't just walk out and 5 days suddenly get over you. Girl he's been over you for months....or even years.....you just didn't know it. Yeah it's all pretty crappy and he's an weenie...but it's better to at least know the TRUTH...that he is a dumbass. When your former bf is a dumbass it is sooooooooooooooooooooo much easier and faster to get over him. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 6:34:59 PM | Do you mean if HIS rebound relationship can really work? I'm a bit confused on what exactly you're asking.
But either way, like the others have said, this guy obviously stopped caring a while ago. It sucks, but all you can do is accept it and try to move on. I know it's easier said that done and will take time. But don't sit there waiting around for their relationship to fail, thinking he will come back to you. Even if he does, chances are he will do the same thing when someone else catches his eye again. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 7:05:58 PM | | You might not think so right now, but you're MUCH better off. I know it's like finding a needle in a haystack, but there are decent guys out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve. People will only do to you what you allow them to do. He CLEARLY didn't just meet this girl and fall for her. He was talking to her (at the very least) while you and he were together. What people don't realize is that you live by the sword you die by the sword. If she got him while he was with you, there will be another girl who gets him while he's with her. Put him and his controlling, lying ways behind you, take some time for yourself and then move on and find someone who isn't emotionally stunted. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 9:52:05 PM | | in the past, he told me his passwords on his email and cell phone account, so when he dumped me,out of sheer curiosity, i checked his last phone records from July (the bill tells who he called and what time) - and i checked it out, and this girls phone number was no where to be found (i know her number) the whole month...even after he dumped me! tonight i did call him, and he was nice and told me that he wanted me to be happy and everything, but he said it wasnt going to work out because i didnt LISTEN to him...and i asked him how he could feel good about himself after verbally abusing me and attempting to control me, and he said "oh its back to u...everything is about what I did to u..." how do i move on knowing he has someone else and i dont??!? this has never happened to me b4 | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 9:59:02 PM | | Well...you said he's abusive and controlling...you don't need that..do you? Move on. | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:04:47 PM | he's abusive and controlling????
why cry over him then?
be glad he's found someone else and he's not coming back
Why is it that the abusive, controlling guys have women crying over them? | |
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| Rebounding...
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:15:38 PM | After 4 years your dependance upon him has become a habit - and habits are never easy to give up even if they are terribly unhealthy for you. This guy moved on a very long time ago, it didn't happen over night. Many people will drag out a dead relationship because they don't want to hurt the other person but eventually if they are unhappy they will move on and that is what happen with you. You are hurt and confused because you never saw it coming even if the warning signs were there all along.
As for him being abusive and controlling - many people behave badly when they are trying to push the other person into breaking up with them as they think it makes things easier. If he truly was abusive then you have two choices - you can continue living as a victim or you can take control of your own life and become a survivor. The only person that can give him power over your life is YOU. Perhaps its time to retake control of your life and start moving in a more positive direction that offers you a healthier future. Obviously you were in an unhealthy relationship that was hurting your self-worth and your independence.
You said you needed help and perhaps you do - but I think you are a lot stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. You need only look in the mirror to see that strength you possess. You have asked for help - but you aren't asking the right person. Ask yourself for help, then give yourself the support and encouragement you need to move forward. If you fall apart then he has beaten you down... don't give him that kind of power. He doesn't deserve it. He hasn't earned your trust or your love - show him what you are really made of and move on with you life.
You are young with your whole life ahead of you. What you do now will effect where you are down the road. Only you can choose a better life for yourself.
I hope you take this post in the light in which it is written - to encourage you to accept responsibility for your own happiness in the future. I don't know you - but you are not the first person to get their heart torn out and stomped on and you wont be the last. Take time to grieve but then take time to give yourself what YOU need in life. You have so many more possibilities now that he is out of your life. Here's your big chance for a better tomorrow!
Will you take the challenge?
Wishing you only the best,
Lady Kay | |
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