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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Why do some women belittle their men in public?      Home login  
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 SimbadSailor
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 1
Why do some women belittle their men in public?Page 1 of 1    
I've seen it too many times to think that it's something casual or rare.

A party, wife and husband or boyfriend and girlfriend, and in the middle of the conversation, she starts: "guess what my silly hubbie did last week..." or "honey, you know you're bad at ...", or "never mind, you know you always talk too much..." and a lot of variations, all of them making him look like a fool. Meanwhile, the husband meekly smiles and accepts the belittling in silence. The other women in the group laugh, and the other guys fall awkwardly silent.

It can be a party, a meeting or in any social situation. It's like a contest to see which woman has the dumbest husband.


Why do you do it?
 fubar1374
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 2
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 11:38:52 AM
and be ready to burn in hell if we do it to them!
 sammy salt
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 3
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 11:42:00 AM
When family and freinds get around they always get a good laugh at the silly things each other do. Trust me he jumps in with some of me, and we have fun with it. You just can't be doing it to be mean are something stupid like that. If your doing it to make your partner look really look stupid then you need to back off, and think about your own faults as well.
Some times people miss read the meaning behide talking to freinds. Normaly its harmless teasing, and no one is affended. If they are they need to tell the other one.
 DarlingDeviant.
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 4
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Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 11:44:19 AM
Or the ever classic.. reeming you husband or wife out in the middle of a store... how lame is that.. people.. keep your dirty laundry at home... no one wants to hear about it!
 wpg_chick_84
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 5
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 11:45:19 AM
Men do the same thing too!

Anyways, to answer your question, sometimes we do it to be funny, sometimes we do it too piss the guy off. I personally wouldn't do something like that unless I was with close friends and then it's not done to belittle my s/o, it's more for humor. Plus sometimes something is just so funny that you have to tell someone! My ex did something hilarious while we were dating and I told my two closest friends when we were out for drinks, they thought iy was funny and my ex was the kind of person who could laugh at himself for what he had done too. If I knew it was going to embarass him I wouldn't have said anything though.
 Ms Taken
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 6
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Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 11:47:32 AM
I've wondered if that behavior is a subconscious attempt to make their man look less attractive to other women. If she tells everyone what a slob he is, or what stupid things he does, or how he never helps around the house, other women are less likely to want to steal him away from her.

Just a theory.
 KiteGuy321
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 7
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Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 12:25:34 PM
My ex liked to embarrass me in public or with my co-workers. She just liked to see me blush or get uncomfortable. It seriously pissed me off. When I would say something about it, she'd say, "You just don't want me to have any fun..."

Fun.. yeah... making your husband feel like crap in front of people he works with... that sounds like a great time.

Can't blame all women for how my ex treated me... but I'm sure its not an isolated incident either.
 disaronno amaretto
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 8
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 12:46:56 PM
I,for,one, would never insult myself or my date by doing something so cruel! I prefer to edify my date, building his self image and not putting myself down by announcing I was with a loser..if indeed the man was not worth my admiration, I wouldnt be with him in the first place. So, not all women are that way.
 grace365
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 9
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 2:43:26 PM
Perhaps, there are exceptions, but usually, it is a type of shaming. Shaming is very common in our society, and very destructive to relationships. John Bradshaw has some excellent books on the subject including how to deal with people who shame you. I recommend picking up one of his books.
 TheDevilsAdvocate
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 10
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 4:36:51 PM
I don't know about other females, but I've never insulted any of the men I've gone out with in front of them...now, what I discuss with my friends later on about their idiotic behaviour when they AREN'T around doesn't count

I really don't see the point of publicly belittling someone who deserves your loyalty, but I know that if the situation was ever reversed, he wouldn't be my boyfriend for very long.

Maria XOXO
 bellybiter
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 11
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:07:13 PM
Personally, if I've ever done something like that it would have been completely unintentional. I've been cursed for life. I just don't think before I open my pie hole at times and I really hate that I'm like that.

I have seen worse than that though. One night out at the bar, this gentlemen was talking with my girlfriend, I eased in to find out what they were talking about. He was showing her pictures of his baby daughter. Next thing you know his girlfriend comes up and starts smacking him. If she were paying any attention at all she'd know there wasn't even a hint of flirting (what guy uses baby pictures to pick up women at the bar???). Well, I just watched, completely horrified, and then she turned to my girlfriend (whos 80 lbs soaking wet) and is about to round on her. I leaned in a bit more and glared at this woman, didn't say a word, but I think my eyes said it all. She left immediately.

I couldn't believe this woman though, she was pretty much beating her man in public. He was smart not to hit her back. I could only imagine his humiliation though.

Some people have no shame!
 *tinydancer*
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 12
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:24:37 PM
And men are immune to this behavior? How about "you're getting a little pooch there babe...but you know I still love you." In front of God and everyone.....geeeez. What woman wants to hear that? A little good-natured poking fun is fine, but leave the personal stuff out.
 FitnessBunny
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 13
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:44:51 PM
Seen plenty of people from both sexes guilty of that. Sometimes it can be funny, other times it is down right awkward to be around.
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 14
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Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:26:12 PM
Ok thats a good question - but then you ruined it by asking

""Why do YOU do it ?""- implying we all do and I take offence at that. No 1 - dont generalise that all women do that. Cause we dont. Stick to the question without lumping the whole female gender into this scenario

The women who do do it, generally do for the following reasons

1. They are secretly really insecure and put him down to make themselves feel superior
2. Because he lets them get away with it
3. They have contempt for the husbands ie they dont really like or respect him
4. its a power game. Relationships can become all about power. See reason no 1.

Ps its not just some women who can do this, Ive seen husbands do it to their wives as well for the same above reasons
 blueeyes67
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 15
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:52:08 PM
It happened to me for 10yrs with my ex. She was always doing that to me. Partly my own fault for not being man enough to put a stop to it, but sometimes love is blind, or what passes for love in that situation. I hated it as well, it makes you feel worthless and inferior, and it makes your confidence level sink to its lowest level. I'm still working on my confidence,and getting it back. One of the reasons I'm here. It was especially embarassing in front of family, and they can see everything that's wrong and you can't. And they don't want to say anything or interfere. It is not exclusive to one gender, both men and women do it. But ALL men and ALL women don't. Those that are secure enough in themselves appreciate their loved one and treat them with love and respect.Sounds like something we are all looking for.
 Ghost08*
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 16
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:08:32 PM
Okay yeah--i have friends who do that to their bf's and what not so to feal with it--tell her it bothers you to hear stuff like that. Tell her next time if she doesn't stop you'll turn the tables and do it to her. Obviosly you might get the whole burning in hell routine but maybe then she'll put herself in your shoes and just learn to shut up. But honestly dude it's called gossiping. If she won't do it in front of you she would just behind your back.--Something to look forward too huh?
 windowshopping04
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 17
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:14:43 PM
I would guess that some women (or men) might use this behavior as part of a power play. The teller is intentionally trying to establish alpha dominant status by making themself appear smarter, faster, more intelligent than their mate. Of course, the teller usually doesn't comprehend how the act of belittling and shaming their mate shows them to be petty, heartless, and lacking in good judgement.

Ultimately, it's a matter of engaging the mouth before the brain...

I think that there are cases where it may be done in jest and in fun - but you can tell when the lines have been crossed if it becomes mean-spirited... If the intent is to shame, it is not done in jest.

It's a lose-lose scenario once it starts. The target can not threaten or respond in kind without appearing petty. Since it is done in front of friends, family, or colleagues, there is no easy way to "save face".
 Mrs.Bucket
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 18
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:25:05 PM
ok this reminds of this one time i was in loeb and this guy was shopping with his g/f. we ended up always walking up and down the same aisle and so i kept hearing snippets of their conversations. they were something like this ,HER: "no IDIOT!! thats the wrong peanut butter GOD!!" or "Sheesh i always gota do everything myself!!" "you should have stayed home" GOD you are such a MORON not THOSE pickles!!!"
And what was so unbelievable is that this girl was disgustingly overweight and very uh shall we say ugly?? This guy was absolutely drop dead gorgeous, he was beautiful!! i felt so bad for him. I wanted to punch her in the face and take him home with me
 KiteGuy321
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 19
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Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 8/12/2006 8:08:34 PM

I hated it as well, it makes you feel worthless and inferior, and it makes your confidence level sink to its lowest level. I'm still working on my confidence,and getting it back.


I know what you mean... I used to laugh along, to try and cover up the fact that I was getting made fun of... as though, if I laughed, then I wasn't inferior, I was part of it. "we're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you..."

At the end of our marriage, my ex used to complain that I didn't have confidence.. and that she had to make all the decisions.

It wasn't until later that I realized that it was fricken her that beat it out of me for 10 years. Bad part is, I blame myself for not drawing a line. I just didn't ever want to fight, so I was always the first one to apologize... even if I was in the right. All in the name of family harmony...
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 20
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Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 1/5/2011 2:05:02 PM
I don't really know why some women belittle their men in public. Some men also put their wives down. Personally, I choose to observe positive behavior. For example, I work for a husband and wife firm. Their marriage seems to be on firm footing as well as their mutual professional life. I notice that the wife always praises her husband and encourages him.
 GirlyMuscle
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 21
Why do some women belittle their men in public?
Posted: 1/5/2011 2:14:48 PM
Same reason men belittle their women or hit them in public. Gee. What a shock. Not a gender specific issue.
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