| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:42:36 AM | | Would any of you date soemoen who is seperated with a divorce pending? I know of some peole that have, actually carried on full relationships...while seperated, usually do to the fact they are not affording the legal fees or some other stuff | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 5:32:35 AM | I think in an ideal world a person should tidy up an old relationship before embarking on a new one.
Now if all the details have been dealt with and there's agreement between the parties on the nature of the settlement then I'd be tempted to lend/give her the money in order to get the job done.
However, if the divorce settlement is still the subject of debate then I'd prefer not to embark on a relationship under those conditions. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 6:02:08 AM | Vandelai if you are getting involved with people who want to be with you just so you can pay their bills then you need to re-evaluate your situations. The cost of a divorce is that person's responsibility.
In Canada it takes minimum of a ONE YEAR to petition the courts for a divorce, and thats only if both parties are in complete agreement with one another. In Canada a couple MUST be legally separated for 12 consecutive months. On the anniversary of the separation a petition to the courts for a divorce certificate may be filed. It takes a minimum of 30 days to get a divorce certificate. Again this is ONLY if the couple agrees on everything and its set in writing in a Separation Agreement. So does this mean that a separated person, such as myself, should wait for a minimum of a year before I get into another relationship? I don't think so!! | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 6:15:35 AM | | yes, i would date them if there is no hope of them going back to their spouce. I would not pay for their legal fees but I would help them out, if I love them, with some other stuff. If they start asking for money, I out of there. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 6:21:04 AM | I was seperated for 3 years before finally divorced...neither one of us wanted to pay for it!!! We eventually found a legal assissant who did all of it for us for $750.00 and we split the cost!!! Found her in the pennysaver!!!
blader,
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bemo
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Joined: 3/8/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 8:50:26 AM | I would rather talk to her soon-to-be-ex, find out who his new GF is, then ask her out instead. That is my selfless gesture to drive the couple back together by blocking their escape routes.
I like the $750 divorce! It suggests you retained your sanity. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 9:18:58 AM | bemo 
i would prefer to go out with people who at least have the semblance of being completely unattached...to much baggage to deal with and uncertainties. sometimes, you just have to play the odds and someone who is separated still has the ability to go back to the ex (who is not yet an "ex"). | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 9:29:37 AM | you know, i always said i wouldn't date a man until after the ink has dried.
but, funny thing is, i met someone, who is very recently separated. it's a scary situation to be in, especially because he and his soon to be ex are still on good terms. you can't help but wonder if there's a chance at reconciliation, especially because neither has filed yet. then again, i guess you run that same risk with anyone with a past relationship.
it's so hard to put your feelings on hold because a piece of paper has not been signed yet.
this is probably another recipe for my disastrous life, but only time will tell. right? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 9:42:51 AM | A seperated person is still married, and according to the Bible, he or she is married for life... even if he or she divorces. Confusion? No.
There were no marriages before the introduction of Judaism. After the inseption of, or the institution of, marriages, the concept of "legal" marriages was introduced... and that occurred somewhere after the middle ages. It was done so out of consideration of "property" (she), and "titleship" (also she). A man was already a "Sir" or a "Knight" etc. Woman was or had nothing. She disn't even own her own self. Marriage in itself is not a legal instution, rather it is a bond between she, he, and God. If God had not invented it, we would be nothing more than property, and property owners, respectfully he the owner, she the ownee. (bad word, I apologise). In ALL "Bibles" were are told that divorce was allowed by Moses, but Jesus said that that was allowed because of adultry or whoring around, but that we were still married under the laws of God, since he didn't want divorce to happen at all. "Until DEATH do us part", is what is written, and that is exactly what it means.
So, morally, it's wrong to fool around with a seperated person, and our Bibles also that "If a man (or woman should divorce the other and remarry" (this includes having sex, too), that they "cause the other to commit adultry". WE should leave the seperatyed people alone, so that they have at least a chance to repair their marriage, instead of just finding an easy way out. It's Biblical, and Biblical is where it all came from, Marriage, that is.
Larry | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 10:24:52 AM | Larry,
if one person walks out on a marriage, you can't force them to stay, or to continue loving you. they want out, they want out. period.
and, don't get me started about the bible. it's antiquated. very little of that applies to modern society. times have changed, my friend. | |
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late™
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Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 10:35:21 AM |
So, morally, it's wrong to fool around with a seperated person
"The bible", ...........Too funny, .......
Every "separation" is different.
Let the situation be your guide.......
To do otherwise is to subscribe to prejudice and ignore reality.
Divorce, .......like marriage, is more than just a piece of paper. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 11:32:27 AM | | Well, Mr. Orphes1. I am in that situation and yes I am a Christian. You forgot to mention that in the bible it also states that if one does commit adultery, the other is entitled to a divorce. And since there is no reconciliation between me and my soon to be ex, I have tried to save the marridge with counselling (alone, while he continued on his 3rd adulterous relationship). I myself have moved on. People at my church understand and know that he was at fault and that I will be getting a divorce as soon as I can afford it. (with two children and life it is pretty hard. Though everyone feels he should pay for it. His girlfriend sure wants him to get one fast. Hopefully she will push him to get it. Happy hunting everyone! | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 1:03:27 PM | Orphes...hope you get this...I couldnt message you because your your restrictions lol.
I am glad you brought that up...If anyone divorces, they are still married for life....confusion....well...YES. lol.
Thing is...I have attendend Christian Singles groups on numerous occasions, and met numerous "Divorced" women...isn't that church then contributind and encouraging the sin of Adultery if that's the case...should they even allow , Divorced people in such singles groups.
I have never been married...but majority of the CHristian people I have met have been divorced in these Singles Ministries.
What's your take on that? Are churches encouraging the sin? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 1:28:05 PM | | I am currently seperated and well my husband started dating again after only three weeks like our eight year relationship meant nothing to him. Well I am tired of being alone. I have a lot to offer and well finalization of our divorce is still months away. There will be no reconsiliation because well frankly I am done with all that bull****. But, why should I wait he didn't. He has moved on and I am going to also. I believe in God but I also believe that he wouldn't have wanted me to continue on with a man that was making me miserable. Life is too short and I don't have the time to wait for something that will never work out anyway. I am glad to be rid of him and I am glad I am moving on even if all this dating stuff is new to me. I hope someday I can have a loving worthwhile relationship with someone that will love me everyday for who I am and who will support me in whatever I do. I never had that with my ex and well that is just the minimum of what everone deserves. So I hope you all find that special someone to fill your days and love your hearts. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 1:31:31 PM | | It is to bad so much is placed on a stupid piece of paper.Marrage is a state of mind and nothing more.If I was to never date a seperated person then I would be alone forever as everybody is seperated from sombody.I mean that is what you call it when a gal breaks from a boyfreind or a man from a girlfriend,they become seperated.All I see in this post is fear talking. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 1:43:30 PM | Ms Picky....I agree...the bible was written in a different time zone......twilight to be exact.
Also, any and all mention that even insinuated that women were equals was taken out.....
So, that is not even a good argument.
I know people who live together who are more committed to each other than married ones.
As for the original question.....it would depend...i have chatted with guys who are separated and if the "ex" so much as makes a statement that might be close to giving the guy hope for getting back together(women do this too....), I am out of the picture, until it doesn't work out. So, I guess this is an individual thing....
Squeak | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 1:44:55 PM | Ms Picky....I agree...the bible was written in a different time zone......twilight to be exact.
Also, any and all mention that even insinuated that women were equals was taken out.....
So, that is not even a good argument.
I know people who live together who are more committed to each other than married ones.
As for the original question.....it would depend...i have chatted with guys who are separated and if the "ex" so much as makes a statement that might be close to giving the guy hope for getting back together(women do this too....), I am out of the picture, until it doesn't work out. So, I guess this is an individual thing....
Squeak | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 1:52:57 PM | Wouldn't dating a seperated person make you kind of the "rebound romance"?
I don't think a person is ready for the real thing so soon after ending (and only potentially ending!) a marriage.
Sounds like trouble to me... | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:05:55 PM | | I will tell you that until recently I had not dated anyone that had a status of separated. Then I met someone that blew me away, was everything I was looking for and I was floored. B4 I had a chance to get to know him well his Ex approached him to reconcile. So he did. I dont think I will be dating anymore separated men. You just never know, the wife is the one with the history, not me. :) | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:06:25 PM | Right On Mspicky!
What's written in the bible only applies to those that chose to believe in it. And even those that believe have different interpretations. I made the right choice (for me) to stop believing many years ago.
I'm currently separated. My "wife" (she is still legally my wife) and I are on very good terms and made the mutual agreement to split and live our own lives. If we could, we would get the paper work done now. BUT, apparently the bible thumping politicians in Maryland seem to think they know what's best for people and wrote a law that says we can't even file papers until a year has passed with us living separately. When it does come to file, we're not going to get a lawyer, we don't need one. We split everything 50/50 and I've been given custody of the 'kids' (cats). So neither one of us is going to put our life on hold just to wait for some piece of paper. Our marriage is over, we both ackonwledge it, and accept it. We're both moving on, no hard feelings.
So according to the law I'm still married. Does that mean I'm a bad choice for a relationship? That I'm undesirable? Abso-frickin' lutely NOT.
If someone is going to judge me because of a piece of paper and choses not to believe me when I say my marriage has already ended, well then that's someone I don't want to get into a relationship with either.
Let me ask another question in this thread. Why is it that when people get a divorce they are forever labeled as "divorced" and not "single". Divorced and separated are merely legal terms. It means you had a relationship and now its over. Yet people get labeled.
I imagine people thinking "Hmm, I don't know about him, he's not single, he's divorced." Jeez, being divorced is kind of like herpes, you never get cured, you just care it around like baggage for the rest of your life. Single people get involved in serious relationships too. And their relationships come to an end too. What shall we label the single people that can't even progress a relationship to the point of marriage? | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:10:35 PM | Hold on MD, being labeled 'divorced' isnt meant to hurt ya...is more to tell someone else whether you have walked the long road or not...  | |
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bemo
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Joined: 3/8/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:21:46 PM | I think single people who never got married should get credit for finding a shortcut around divorce. They were able to end their relationship without lawyers, usually. We're all single the same, whether it is by choice, chronic social ineptness, being separated or divorced. Nobody here looking has anything over the one next to them. We're all someone else's second choice to being rid of us. It's best all around to shake the etch-a-sketch and let each person be their new improved self, so they will grant you that same courtesy.
I would date someone who was divorced but I would expect it to be a part of their divorce. I would be the man they went out with while they were getting divorced. Once they got set up in their new life on their own, they would take stock of the world again. My purpose would have been served. Then I would be abandoned in favor of some guy who wouldn't waste his time on a relationship with somoene who was going through a divorce. It all works out. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:44:42 PM | | I would not date a divorced person.It means they failed in a relationship so I should hide under my bed in fear.Sounds stupid does it not.You people are making a mountain out of a molehill.Boyfreind and girlfreind can get back as easy as a seperated person.Crud this label thing is giving me a headach.Rate a person on individual merits not a label of divorced or seperated,or even single for 5 years.give everybody a fair shake reguardless. | |
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| Dating a seperated person
Posted: 3/9/2005 2:47:53 PM | "and, don't get me started about the bible. it's antiquated. very little of that applies to modern society. times have changed, my friend."
Example: "Thall shalt not kill" or "Thall shalt not steal" do not apply to modern society? | |
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