bemo
| | Joined: 3/8/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| | Using Pop Psychology to Stay SinglePage 1 of 1 | As ravenous consumers of dating advice sound bites from Cosmo, Oprah, Dr Phil and others, it is impossible to simply socialize and notice someone like people used to do. With speed dating, Things to Watch Out For, Rules, and other techniques, people's heads are so filled with strategies and theories about finding Mr. or Ms Right that they can't see the people right in front of them. Each person fails the test. Dates become field experiments to test dating theories. There is more attention paid to Baggage, Inner Children and Achieving a Healthy Relationship and a Balanced Life than to having run and being romantic.
With all of this to hang on to nobody need ever take the risk of having a relationship. Excuses are abundant and they keep you safe from disappointment, or from thinking that maybe the reason you are single is because you're not fun to be with and don't have anything interesting to say.
I see a lot of stories that go like this:
I went on a date or was dating, and then this happened: he/she did this or that.
Why did he/she do that?
or
Why is society like that?
It goes from a bad date or a bad experience to being pop psychology and sidewalk sociology, instead of simply saying "We didn't hit it off", or "I got scared and acted like a fool". 98% of the time it was one of the those two reasons. But then they couldn't sell magazine, books and TV shows about relationship advice, a subject of endless fascination but no real effect.
What is your pet theory, meaning excuse, about why the world and (men or women) and society prevents you from being discovered by the (man or woman) of your dreams? | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 7:18:14 AM | | How does he treat "service" people (like waitresses etc) How does he treat his friends? His Mother? Than that's how he'll treat 'you' years down the road. (I've heard this many times). If he doesn't like dogs, than he probably won't be a good family man. If he's ambitious, then he probably won't be a good family man (ie never being home). There are too many to count. Are you calling them alllllllll bogus???? lol...... | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 7:49:04 AM | No, here's what I'm saying. I think deep down we all are born with a knowledge of how things work. We were born from people who figured out how to hook up. They were born from people who figured out how to hook up. So on and so on back to antiquity.
A lot of the problems people have are because they rush into things, they don't listen to their intuition/gut, they ignore the mistakes of the past, they ignore glaring faults in their partner early on in a relationship, and make other mistakes. These books are fine and nice for some light reading -- you might even learn a few things in them, but I wouldn't base my love life on them any more than I would a horoscope.
The problem is when they purport to know things "He's just not that into you." Who needs a book to tell them that? A little time, a tiny dose of common sense, and some courage to walk away if things aren't working out is all you need. Rules of thumb can be useful - but sometimes generalizations can be taken too far.
I swear that we live in such a fast forward society... people just don't want to take time. Everybody wants shortcuts to happiness, but I don't think it works that way. So many of the things that Dr. Phil and Oprah support are actually books from quacks with bogus PhD's from degree mills. Some have zero qualification other than being able to weave together an interesting story that is as vague as your average horoscope. I have no respect for Dr. Phil. He is a prick who's main talent is being a know it all. Sometimes he hits the nail on the head, but I still don't like him or believe in his little act. | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 8:33:01 AM | Who needs a book to tell them that? A little time, a tiny dose of common sense, and some courage to walk away if things aren't working out is all you need. Rules of thumb can be useful - but sometimes generalizations can be taken too far.
Sometimes people can't see clearly when they're in a relationship/an infatuation. And if their friends don't do a good job of reflecting things back at them or if they can't accept what their friends say, sometimes a book does a pretty damn good job. Especially since it has no vested interests.
I'm not a big fan of pop psych either, but that's because people tend to overuse it (that's why it's pop psych).
I did graduate with a degree in psych and it's helped me a whole lot in understanding people. So I just use what I can use when I read or watch shows and discard what I can't. Which, IMO, is how we gain useful info.
That's just my $.02. | |
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bemo
| | Joined: 3/8/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 8:45:02 AM | I was going more for how people use it all as excuses, than whether there is good information. In other words, people who use advice about dating and relationships not to have a relationship, but just to explain why they can't, and usually about what is wrong with other people, or society!
I am single because ______________ . And they fill in the blank with pop psychology!
Mine is,
I am single because: My co-dependent inner child was conditioned by the media to reject women whose expectations are unrealistic given their conflicted desire to be independent and taken care of at the same time, which society encourages due to moral decay brought on by sex in music videos.
You know, like that! | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 8:56:24 AM | I am single because: My co-dependent inner child was conditioned by the media to reject women whose expectations are unrealistic given their conflicted desire to be independent and taken care of at the same time, which society encourages due to moral decay brought on by sex in music videos.
You know, like that!
that's ****1n funny | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 9:44:12 AM | ignorance is bliss.
but, unfortunately, we have merely just begun to inform ourselves about people's psyche, motivation, fears, dreams, etc. we haven't quite learned enough to be experts on people. so, essentially, we're only quasi ignorant now, to our own detriment.
so, we take this little knowledge we have, and try to draw our own opinions on people we encounter, which pop psychology is very good at doing. someone here said we take what we need from there, and i agree. but, most often, we take incomplete information and form an opinion that we find to be true, because that opinion works for us at that time.
is that a bad thing? i think so. but, eventually, we will figure it out for ourselves.
i like Dr. Phil and Oprah. it's not their fault that we draw our own, self-serving conclusions from the information they give us. | |
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bemo
| | Joined: 3/8/2005
Msg: 9 | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 10:19:00 AM | yes bemo, by using pop psychology and taking what i learned while earning my minors in pshycology and sociology, i have figured out that i'm single because i tend to repeat the same mistakes in my dating life. i recognize them now. it's just a matter of me applying what knowledge i have to attract the right person.
did i need to read any of those books you feel are useless? maybe not, but at least now i am aware of what i'm doing wrong, and am able to verbalize what i'm going through. it's up to me now to take it from there and find a solution that works for ME!
we all have different demons. so, if you feel that those people/books are too vague, it's because they need to be. i'm single for different reasons than you, for example. we have different backgrounds and different life experiences. it wouldn't be a good marketing tactic to specify that an audience of a book would only come from a middle class, abusive family, who have been in exactly four abusive relationships. now, would it? that wouldn't sell too many books! | |
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bemo
| | Joined: 3/8/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 3/9/2005 1:50:43 PM | Ms. Picky, it sounds like you actually know your stuff and put it to good use. I will consider you exempt from my theory since you aren't hiding behind an excuse. I will remain here behind mine for a while yet. I like how I have it fixed up.
Also, I don't think the books are useless. They are tools. I think they are misused at times. I do not turn my nose up at wisdom and knowledge. On the contrary. I applaud learning as a way to make life better all around. At the same time, I like to enjoy the comical aspect of confusion, since it is my element. | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:10:57 PM | Interesting that all but one of those posting in this thread are now gone--from POF, I mean (I can only guess at their state of health). (Note the hold out is a Canuck--we're just more stubborn than others.) (Then again, maybe they were all Canucks--I guess we'll never know.) I wonder whether they all got over their inner child etc. issues or have since committed themselves to monastic lives, or just....been committed. (Is there a PC term for loonie bin?)
It was an interesting discussion.
I agree with: "I swear that we live in such a fast forward society... people just don't want to take time. Everybody wants shortcuts to happiness, but I don't think it works that way."
In honour of the late Bemo and his (or her) valiant effort to solve the problem:
I am single because___________...umm...oh yeah, I haven't figured that out yet--I was hoping Bemo had the answer...(sigh). Back to the psychology threads! :) | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:58:12 PM | | I agree, after divorcing I read way too much BS about how to behave when you like someone etc. Don't say this to a man, don't do this, let them chase you-- all kinds of BS that may work for jackasses, but in the real world, there are many men who are just as insecure as women and maybe need the roles reversed. I almost lost a great relationship by listening to pop psych BS and from reading idiot advice from these forums. IJS. Go with your gut. In my situation, I had a guy I really trusted not contact me when we had some plans,. My head, all fogged up from reading BS, told me oh no he's not into you, while my gut said that's impossible, something else is wrong. And you know what? Something else was wrong. I'm not trying to validate those really truly crummy relationships and situations where a guy is not so "into you," but in some cases, all of the red flags to others are no red flags for a particular relationship! | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 1/4/2012 9:03:26 PM |
I HATE pop psychology BS from Dr. Phil, Oprah, and others. grrrrrrr
Agreed!
Joe Rogan nailed it (he also can't stand Dr. Phil): "Ladies, don't ever take relationship advice from someone you don't wanna f**k!"  | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 1/4/2012 11:44:33 PM | I was single because I was an obstinate prig that did not play games.
I hate US Pop Culture - it is why I put three boxes of shells through the tv two years ago.
why am I no longer single ? I left American Pop Culture.
easy peasy - hate the game; change the field. | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 1/5/2012 2:28:03 PM | I raised 2 sons w/ autism over the years, so that kept me single...not my inner child, or im ok your ok, or he's just not that into you, bla bla bla
now that i am free of my parental obligations, i've seen it all & am a bit wiser from MY EXPERIENCES, so i don't waste time w/ BS. i size things up & do things more efficiently...
in the past i may have dated someone 6 weeks to find out they were an a$$hole, now i can do it in 10 mins, LOL
in the past i may have dated a nice guy for 3 mos only to realize there would NEVER be any chemistry...now i can do it in 10 mins...
and so on & so on-cheap, unfaithful, all the things i would not want in a partner...my picker is very fine tuned | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 1/6/2012 6:43:23 AM |
Why do people feel a need to resurrect 7 year old threads?
Because other people feel a need to always hammer original posters about 'use the search function!' | |
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| Using Pop Psychology to Stay Single
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:13:48 AM | | I'm not that deep of a person. Always cracks me up when people talk about your inner self...live for today...you may not be here tomorrow! | |
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