| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:11:52 PM | I'm posting some of my poetry here to get some feedback. If you like or dislike any of it please feel free to comment.
Thanks,
StylElitE | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:13:03 PM | | Vastly divine are those moments when I find a notion that happens to open your closed minds door provoking a genuine light to shine. As if time dissolves along with all aftermath evolved knowledge, lost thoughts of the rise and fall of tides. Tragically agony is defined by this rhapsody guise that vanishes from sight rapidly once realized…that it revived past desires to reignite the “fire of my life”, but my insight descried that in her plans I was no longer comprised. Awhile back, when I finally applied absolute truth, she naturally disapproved, but bruised me when casting that nothing of me could she recognize. Alas I accept this last dismissal to my wish for no hearts full desist, to life consistent dreams I wave good-bye. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:17:48 PM | What use is there in trying to smooth relations with someone who refuses to even hear your point of view? One who uses self-righteousness as a protective shield. Deflecting every suggestion with utter disregard to how you feel. Like a child with finger tips in ears not hearing. As any truth true to you isn’t worth a moment of dealing. I’m done pleading for that one to hear me, done hoping to pry open the minds door for her to see what is now real. theres no love in her left to save. For some reason this time, of this I felt ok. We have our own lives to live our paths finally going different ways. The dreams of our family fade away a little with the end of each day.
There’s only one major thing left to arrange after my hearts departure. That is my right to be a father despite the opinions of me she may harbor. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:43:50 AM | Post War Rationality
In all actuality the main regret I have is my crippled ability to cope with reality. My view is rapidly changing with little to no stability to even begin to know my present locality. So fast are the approaching blows that before I can grasp what’s happening I’m stabbed from aft so emphatically. Coerced to react haphazardly through ballads of my own accord of coarse combative fallacies. Growth is sacked by both after unlatching ropes to one another’s cavalry. It hurts me to practice mere formality when attacked is every cache of my re-hatching personality. Cursed is my gallery I must travel without looking back to what has become of my own family.
Due to new opposing allied faculty I guess it’s left to heartless gravity to weigh the outcome less gradually.
Unfortunately for me, my emotions have taken mass casualties and are forced to host post war rationality. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:54:54 AM | Essense Spent
Spent is my intent to present my present mental sense. Especially when met with discontent despite my honest attempts to fetch the emotions of which were previously unexpressed. Understood is the contempt, but airing my dirty laundry on the front fence of your blissful fortress of ignorant defense. If you must comprehend your groundless conviction incessantness, while not assuming nor even any acknowledgement of your contributed differences to our decade long relationship quest. It’s best for you to just inflict depression, I guess, onto my already over-stressed head. Which at one point felt well would it be dead? Profess to have care for me but understand others when from behind they tear me to shreds. I’m offended by the hateful comments on my recent money dependability descent. Resenting the fact to the defamation you actually assent, instead of lending a little defense in my stead. Failing to remember or even mention, who to this day, hasn’t missed a payment yet. Forgetting who, with less hesitance, went ahead and wrote you checks to “support” Devin while you slept in my bed in the abode of which I solely had paid rent. Your tactless venting of, “…since I’ll have to cover Devin’s expenses…” though only for a minute “…I’ll barely save $100 dollars at month end.” while I’m being buried by debt not even a thought of help you lent. On an empty stomach tense, my mental health I desperately try to mend. All the while, repelling urges of addictive strength. Without a single friend to lend encouraging words of my worth that I feel are meant. Instead I hear repeated rejection feeds without my requesting anything of such ever be seen. So easily circumvented are my sober heart wrenching confessions and apologies that it now seems that all will cease.
The little noticed emotion and lack of any notion of belief that the “me” once known to you was merely beneath the hollow pleads. You, “…regret wasting the time…” on me that was spent? You think, “…better off…” you’d be? “Regret…” for all we’ve met, “…except for Devin…” being conceived? As, “…he’s the only one good thing…” that you’ve received “…from the relationship…” with me? These quotes reveal a sight never before perceived. I think for once, over the many years, my eyes can finally see.
Anyway which we should ever disagree, or even to the other should we concede, that former “me” forever now, will be deceased. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:10:49 AM | I like the content, however it is very hard to read. it is raw and real, it's awesome. Just needs some structure. Accent on some, not structure. One example
For Sweet Ambitions Sake
In the beginning
................Common interests
................................read
Words
.....exchanged
Thoughts
........projected
Opinions
.........vollied
................. strewed
Their differences
................. intriguing
So intrigued
........... they meet
At first glance
................A smile
Approach
Eyes peering deeply
.....................Within
Words softly spoken
Nervous tension
He says something silly
She laughs
.......... He smiles
Thoughts and memories shared
Glances exchanged
His hand reaches out
....................And is met
Her hand caressed
The wine gone
.............The evening too
Farewell for now...
...................They plan
They talk again
...............and agian
...................and again
They laugh
..........They learn
...............They feel
....................They love
They find there is new magic
In things they have done a thousand times
They hold in reserve nothing
............................One from the other
Their minds open
................Their spirits freed
...................................Their bodies intertwined
Their passion unbridled by doubt
................................Pure
.....................................Perfect
Soulful
........extasy
The waves erase the impressions of their bodies
...............................................left in the sand
Bit their love
...............as ageless as the ocean
......................................They walk hand in hand
They live the fantasy
.....................So then
It becomes reality
Is much easier to read than
For Sweet Ambitions Sake
In the beginning,Common interests read, Words exchanged Thoughts projected Opinions, vollied, strewed,Their differences intriguing, So intrigued they meet, At first glance, A smile, Approach,Eyes peering deeply Within, Words softly spoken, Nervous tension, He says something silly, She laughs, He smiles, Thoughts and memories shared,Glances exchanged, His hand reaches out And is met, Her hand caressed, The wine goneThe evening too, Farewell for now, They plan, They talk again, and agian, and again, They laugh, They learn, They feel, They love, They find there is new magic, In things they have done a thousand times, They hold in reserve nothing, One from the other, Their minds open, Their spirits freed, Their bodies intertwined, Their passion unbridled by doubt, Pure, Perfect, Soulful extasy, The waves erase the impressions of their bodies left in the sand,But their love as ageless as the ocean They walk hand in hand, They live the fantasy So then, It becomes reality | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/4/2006 10:03:57 PM | Thanks fellas! I do appreciate you guys investing a sec to digest and reflect. Especially suggestions that may better get the attention of others that could never perceive the depths from which I express.
I've been told plenty of times before, that it a little more structure would make it easier to follow. I fully understand and agree with this assessment. The problem is, like you said, it's "raw". That's how it comes out, at the moments those feelings and emotions are in full affect. I always find it difficult to return to a piece afterwards and attempt to install any kind of structure. For a few reasons mainly, I think, firstly because when I read whats just been written I am reminded exactly of those elements that caused it's emanation. Therefore, it appears to me as the only form possible. Whether my views remain the same or not, if yes then it's still raw in me. If not, then I feel as if to change anything would be sabotaging what I original was feeling. Then I realize, in essense, how un-structured those emotions were/are to begin with. Lastly, when I do try to mold and shape it, I tend to try and adhere to the structure in mind too close, and eventually end up bored with the attempt or frustrated. I'm sure if I had more "structure" in my foundation through educational instruction, it would be much less a chore. Any more suggestions or examples? Anyhow, I really do appreciate your insight.
Thanks,
StylElitE | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/4/2006 10:08:08 PM | Time Served
How the mind can become so blind to all the signs
at times when reality resigns.
Now unperturbed by actions that I once referred to as irrational nerves,
I’m found shrouded in clouds cast to self preserve.
Into my own shadow, have I myself incurred
to discern past occurrences observing the lessons learned.
Reverse rewinding obscured time served in mind.
Forward turn towards better, less worse
life ahead where heard are my words worth
while the curing sun on me will surely
be shining. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/4/2006 10:11:36 PM | Dissmissed
Decisions made through hazy vision bade mental submission into emotional imprisonment. Then invisible, the now exquisite stakes have risen beyond any sake for revision. Late instances of great significance suddenly emanate to explain the piteous existence. Instincts of resistance to admittance soon break to be misplaced with self hate as you fade into the distance. Once disposition is regained I enlisted to disseminate…this is when I ascertained that no one will now listen. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/4/2006 10:13:16 PM | My Rising Son
These days of late my mental state has become something of which I can only explain as uncomfortably numb. Constantly under the gun, I must hasten my hustle just to maintain my aim in this forsaken life game. Try to raise the sum at the end of each day so that I may slay this mustering hunger in my stomach without a taste of shame on my tongue. Try to save every crumb from making their way under the thumbs of the faceless, shady snakes that cover these slums. That someday I'll have obtained enough funds to stake claim to an estate upon which to lay a foundation tough enough to elevate the mind state of My Rising Son. As his bright radiant rays could someday enlighten the gazes of otherwise laid to waste lives and awaken them from slumber and force fed conformity. Then show them the way to a life full of sun. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/4/2006 10:18:48 PM | Would this be considered as "more structure"? Please let me know if this makes it easier.
Drowning
Once again found drowning in own surroundings.
Compounding depression and dumbfounding distress,
having reached the bottom of the downward spiral
to find no sign of ground upon which to rebound.
Doubting the amount of worth you weigh,
now ounces being made of your every pound.
Easy it seems to denounce self-esteem and hound any means
to end the countless images of you frowning at yourself,
self reflection deep down.
Long before even seeing those scowls
on the faces of the others you know you have let down.
No matter how profound,
everyone is bound to fold every then and now.
Always to be followed by the sound
of some close one’s woeful tears touching ground.
Found in this pool,
some poor fool
is always left to drown. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/11/2006 2:50:07 PM | Qs & As
Questions and Answers are like intentional banter for attention to persons with transient understanding. Expressions to matters of scant mental retention serve the ambience of numb social standings. Random surveys of branded absurd relays portray lack of nerve to assert one’s own inner worth of expanding. Memorandums to purvey their bland words and display what they can’t discern so they must further their ranting. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/17/2006 8:00:49 AM | Get Out
I'm about to crash out in a minute, cause I've been spinnin' in and around about the last passing cloud of doubt as I'd given my last ticket out of this prison, to this whacked chick without a hint of forgiveness or selfless acts within her new found gimmicks. Am I trippin' or just glad that I no longer have to listen to the nags filled with contemptuous questions about my past decisions? Or that I no longer have to prove love though without a remembrance of when passion had any presence? Or perhaps the fact that I now know the truth on how our past is viewed and used to excuse the cards that’s been given. After countless years and a child then…”Looking towards a life without him”, are you kiddin’? I do know I’ve interviewed my shadow, how ‘bout you? Would you even listen? I’d much rather puff on your clouds, but instead I’ll begin to start livin’. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/19/2006 5:52:16 AM | Hi Stylite
I do not write with the intention of posting negative comments, there is some great content in your writing................
There is a perception (valid, I think) that all that is not poetry is prose, and all that is not prose is poetry.
I personally have no truck with the so-called "Free verse brigade" who would have us believe that poetry requires neither rhyme or metre - in fact, I would go as far as to suggest that those who advocate "Free verse" are guilty of perpetuating a literary 'con', and it's time that poets and would-be poets started to get real about this.
As to your posts: There is some great writing, but (in my view) it is not poetry.......... as I said earlier, I don't wish to sound negative. However, I believe that your excursion into the world of poetry writing would benefit from your writing being broken up into manageable stanzas (verses) whether you write in rhyme or free/blank verse.
Should you wish to write rhyme, there is no reason for this to be an obstacle, there are plenty of rhyming dictionaries available, and also online rhyming sites.
I believe that you are more than capable of producing a good standard of poetry if you cared to make the effort - ultimately, effort is what it's all about. Lazy writing is seldom good writing and if you have a REAL interest in poetry, you will ENJOY making the effort to write what most people would recognise as poetry.
Advice is free, and so is your right to tell me to go to Hell if you disagree with my post.
Best wishes GADFLY | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/28/2006 7:13:44 AM | | Thank you for your reply. I understand what you're saying. I haven't been instructed in any way by means of education. I just write how I feel. The reason I am posting is to seek whether or not my scribbles are worth developing. My search continues. | |
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| Random Words of Mental Tangents
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:33:03 PM | "The reason I am posting is to seek whether or not my scribbles are worth developing."
- IMO - absolutely. Whether it be in the form of prose or poetry, free verse or structured.... write on, right on. You certainly have a distinctive voice and means of conveying your thoughts in an articulate manner. I look forward to reading more, and feel free to visit "Ghosts of Past" or "Rainbow Crowned Maelstrom" anytime. Again, delightful reads you have shared with all here, Stylelite.  | |
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