| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:13:28 PM | I went out with a girl a handful of times and realized I don't want to be in relationhip with her. I told her NO. She won't take 'no' for an answer as if she thinks she can change my mind. Calls and emails are escalating. She may start showing up soon. I'm ignoring her mail and calls now. Do they hate to be ignored or is this the best way to make it clear?
Thanks | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:16:09 PM | Well sometimes you just have to be a prick - Tell her if she doesn't stop harassing you that you're going to get a restraining order... psychos can't be allowed to get away with that kind of thing.
Jenn | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:17:51 PM | Ignoring is the best. Be careful of people on here who will tell you to "talk her out of it". There are some crazy ones on here who will advice you to do that.
If ignoring does not work, call the cops, get a restraining order.
Otherwise, it won't be long before she goes crazy, commits suicide and you get blamed for it.
Don't think they don't/can't do this. There have been many incidents where female stalkers do this.
Don't ever take a stalker lightly.  | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:23:15 PM | "Not to defend her, but why did you go out with her "a handful of times"? Couldn't you tell after 1-2 dates that she wasn't your type? Do you think by dating her several times you were leading her on?"
I've read a couple of books on this behaviour(not saying I'm an expert). And sorry to say, The real deal, but this is the exact kind of attitude from outsiders that makes the victim feel guilty and not report to the police.
They feel its their fault. And your blaming him won't help him. Who knows why or why not he went on those dates or not. Its his business. But, sane people do not stalk. And she is not sane, if she can't move on and accept his decision. How can you question the sanity of the victim and not the insanity of the stalker????????
That's like telling a rape victim, "its your fault because you wore that short skirt".
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
EDIT: Ha ..........a typical response from someone who thinks she is an old horse. What does me being a "young pup of mere 19 years" have to do with any of this????????????? I maybe have zero to no relationship experience. But, you are the 39 year old divorcee here. I can go on if you like. But I don't let emotions rule my head.
Since you are the one bringing the age issue and attacking me personally, let me ask you this.
You are TWICE my age, should you not be the one aware that STALKER IS THE CRIMINAL, NOT THE VICTIM? Or have you been guilty of stalking and that's why you are so hell bent upon giving the stalker the benefit of the doubt???????
You need to do the growing up, woman, not me. Quit calling me a pup, or I'll have to call you an old donkey and I've got no intention of stooping to your low condescending levels.
AWWWWW you go 907! Thanks! You are the sweetest! | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:29:20 PM | | Send her an email and make it very clear that you do not wish to communicate with her anymore. Tell her that this is the last of your correspondence, your decision is not debatable and that any further contact from her will leave you with no choice but to contact the police. DON'T TALK TO HER ON THE PHONE! Phone calls=no paper trail and no proof of the conversation. FOLLOW THROUGH! If she contacts you again you will need to stick to your guns or she will try again. Write down every phone call, keep a log of her contact with you so you have something to show to the police if it comes to that. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:29:21 PM |
That's like telling a rape victim, "its your fault because you wore that short skirt".
you pretty much summed up what went through my mind reading this. Guys can be victims of stalkers to, and it may be even harder for them to admit it then women. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:30:25 PM | Isn't internet dating site grand?? One can turn the machine on and off and keep things at an arm length. Use fake name, wrong age.. etc....almost like living in an imaginery world ...almost like no reality to meeting someone real or sane.
OP, you misled her by giving her hope of dating her a handful of time. One should know within one or 2 dates if things are not going to work. I think you do owe her a good and clear explanation and perhaps an apology as well....Only a gentlemanly thing to do, I think.
Block her email, block her phone numbers or change your phone number.
She must be psychotic, desperate or crazy!!!! | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:31:28 PM | | A 95 year old man has a stalker...here's an idea TELL her that you are not interested in her in no uncertain terms! I bet you a dollar you haven't told her squat... very old guys like you are chicken like that! | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:32:23 PM | Deal: It sounds like you're trying to find holes in the OP's story, and trying to give this woman every benefit of the doubt.
Dating more than 1-2 times is not leading anyone on... that's highschool mentality to think otherwise. Plus, do you think everyone shows their undesirable side in the first or second date? Whatever his deal breaker was with her, it obviously took longer than 1-2 dates to show itself.
However he told her no, whether in person, on the phone or by email, a rational person will understand what that means. They may not like it, or readily accept it as being final, but it's not up to him to make sure it's only done in such a manner that she deems acceptable. When someone says no, it should be a stop sign to the other person.
The nature of her emails and calls (although he's not taking the calls) are immaterial. Unwanted attention by someone who refuses to stop is unacceptable behavior on their part. He should be getting a restraining order on her. Would that make it any clearer to her?
Bluez | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:32:57 PM | i don't need any more info; if OP has made it clear further contact isn't welcome, then he has every reason to be left alone. stalking is serious, illegal and it might help to explain to the offender if the calls and emails don't stop a restraining order will be necessary. if she still persists, get one! then if she still continues at least you will have the legal documentation in place and can take dated pictures or recordings of whatever she continues to do.
stalking is illegal and freaky, no matter which gender is the recipient! going out on a few dates is hardly a relationship. best OP realised he didn't want to continue sooner rather than later, eh? | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:38:42 PM | | I have learned to ignore real deal, as her opinions are rarely based in reality. Here's an idea, listen to what everyone has to contribute instead of assuming you know everything. If he feels that he is being harassed or stalked he has the right to put an end to it. Even if he hurts someones feelings in doing so. There is not a single person alive who is able or obligated to fulfill every persons emotional well-being. And quit picking on people for their age you old bag! | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:43:36 PM | I would rather knock that chip off your shoulder just kidding!
We all assume and form conclusions based on the limited info he's provided (it's what we do!)
I still say he didn't tell her to get lost he just ignored her and wants her to get a hint! | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:43:59 PM | | I told her I didn't want to be in a relationship, but we could be friends w/o benefits. She got pissed and said she didn't want to see me ever again. Two days later she started pushing again. I said NO again, but she keeps pushing/trying to convince me it can work. I just recieved an email asking me to come over her place tonight (and suggested if I don't come over, she is coming over here). Dang. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:44:01 PM | I merely asked him HOW he told her "NO" (as in, he wasn't interested). Did I not?
No. Actually, you questioned everything about his circumstances.
Some people think that by falling off the face of the earth and ignoring someone, that that's synonymous with CLEARLY telling them they're no longer interested. It happens here all the time.
He said he told her no. Pretty CLEAR to me.
Bluez
EDIT: viaisback, this is where you get to use those "extra points".. LOL | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:45:24 PM | OP, you misled her by giving her hope of dating her a handful of time. One should know within one or 2 dates if things are not going to work. I think you do owe her a good and clear explanation and perhaps an apology as well
Agreed. I feel the same way about all those whiney women complaining about being stalked. Obviously they lead them on by being in a relationship or dating them a few times and therefore deserve everything that happens to them.[<- I'm being sarcastic in case you were idiotic enough to think I agreed with your post]
For the real deal:
I told her NO. She won't take 'no' for an answer as if she thinks she can change my mind.
No means no. She's obviously has issues...perhaps dangerous ones. There are no excuses for deviant behaviour from either gender.
Otherwise, it won't be long before she goes crazy, commits suicide and you get blamed for it.
Sometimes you kinda hope it happens. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:53:02 PM | ^ does anyone else think of "Fatal Attraction" when they think of thereal deal?
edit: Just received this little email from thereal deal:
Excuse me but what was that comment all about? I don't know you, you don't know me - was it really necessary to write something so stupid? - just so the little bubbleheads can jump on the bandwagon with you? grow up, dude. tsk! tsk! I see years of therapy awaiting you, my lil angry acorn
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 5:00:15 PM | | Holy, do I know someone like this. My friend met a chick off the net. He lives here, she lived in Florida. They talked for about a year on-line, and had 2 longish visits. She was perfect. She did everything well, treated him like he was God, got along with his children. Developed a good relationship with his mother. She sold herself very well. So being a single dad and her talking like she'd be the perfect wife for him, he decided to move her up here. Once she was here, everything changed. She wouldn't cook or clean. She hated the kids. Very clingy, high maintenance, major drama queen. He put up with this for 3 years, hoping she'd turn out to be what she said she would be. Finally, he had enough. Told her to go home. She lost it. Completely. She made a scene involving the kids and the police. She landed up in the looney bin for a week on really good meds. When she was cleared from the doc's to fly home, he sent her. She called him up to 10 times a day, every day. Phoned his mother daily. She couldn't live without him. She lasted 3 weeks before she used the excuse to come back to get her things. She's here now and he's worried. He can't leave her alone because she is border-line psycho. Can't trust her not to burn down his house. Can't let the kids anywhere near her. This stress is unbearable to him. He's having heart problems now. His hair is turning grey fast. She just won't leave. He can't force her or she'll break down. She's not covered here so he's stuck with her last hospital bill, and can't afford more. There's more I can tell you but I'd need 3 pages. She is the worst case psycho/stalker I have ever seen. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 5:08:05 PM | | good one real deal...for the record that comment was meant for everyone but you. It seems I'm not alone in my opinion of you...weird. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 5:15:23 PM | ignore delete BLOCK
document everything
depending on where you live you can file a report/make a complaint
the police do take "stalking" seriously whether cyber-stalking or in your face
I know
it is called criminal harassment
they want you to continue "the dance"
you are under no "obligation" to anyone
HER or ANYONE here
it is
YOUR LIFE
YOUR SAFETY
YOUR SANITY
and PEACE OF MIND
NO means NO | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 5:21:03 PM | The first two responses, the one's from Jenn and Via is enough answers for this question. There really is not much more to add.
The question was answered and very well I might add. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 5:35:55 PM | Seems like Supernatural laid it all out for this person quite clearly. For the sake of conversation, even if he HAD blown her off, that's still no excuse to begin stalking someone.
As mentioned in other posts, ignore her at all costs, as any sort of response on your part will only encourage her to keep trying to get at you. If it persists, don't be afraid to cue the police in to her activities, and depending on what the laws are like in your neck of the woods, I'd suggest looking into a piece for personal protection... Just in case. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 8/18/2006 5:42:16 PM | i'm still wondering how anyone can ignore delete block AND document?
never delete, you may need it for police records.
a better option is
ignore, document and print out everything, keep records, as detailed as possible.
and speaking form personal experience, restraining orders DO work. | |
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