| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:25:22 AM | Given how common STDs are these days, if you found someone you really liked and were compatable with and they told you they had an STD that was never going away would you turn and walk away?
Given that I never plan on dating again, I really don't care who knows this, but I have herpes simplex 2. Have had it since I was 15 because an abusive man I dated gave it to me on purpose. His reason for doing this was "this way you'll never leave me and if you do, no man will ever be with you again". I'm in a "dormant" category, which means I am not afflicted with the symptoms like most people so the risk to others is slim to none, but rather than lie and feign surprise should it ever come up, I tell people and let them choose what to do.
Never had anyone have a problem with it and more often than not, they have it too. Now I have lost someone I really like, who likes me as much, because me having this is just unacceptable to him and this is the way it has to be.
What would you do if you were ever in this situation? Or have any of you ever been in this already with someone?
*puts on her social outcast hat and waits for the insults and ridicule to begin* | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:30:53 AM | "Never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes"
I've never been in this situation, so I don't really know, but I think it would depend on the seriousness of the disease. I don't think I would turn around and walk away forever, but I do know I'd never have sex with them without a condom. HIV would end the exclusive/intimate sided of the realtionship, 100% guaranteed. I would like to think that I could still be there as a friend if needed, though. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:31:11 AM | I don't see any reason you should be rediculed.
As for the question, it's a tough call. I sure wouldn't be having sex with them until I knew all the facts and risks involved. That doesn't mean I wouldn't date them though. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:33:28 AM | | If I was in a relationship with someone with an STD, I would certainly hope they would tell me before we became intimate. And if they did tell, and I was serious about this person, it would not matter to me. That is the person I would work towards spending the rest of my life and beyond with. Of course, while dating our sexual encounters would be limited until I knew her to be the one I wanted to be with, but you certainly can be creative in that sense. LOL | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:38:00 AM | Oh Tera, that's horrible what he did! What a monster!
My answer is - no, I probably would not date them. If I got an STD, I would try to date exclusively people with the same STD. And if someone gave it to me deliberately...I'd probably do a Lorena Bobbitt on them. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 7:51:36 AM | I've date two women with STDs. One was upfront about it, and there was no problem with that. The other 'forgot' to tell me she had herpes until she was pregnant with our son. That pretty much destroyed trust. Fortunately neither my son nor I caught it. Please be honest with anyone you date. At the very least, you will have a good insight into his character with the reaction you get. I admire your honesty and courage.
I don't think that there is a word to describe what I think of the man that gave you herpes. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 8:21:26 AM | | Brian you are a good man for being able to see the person behind the stigma of an STD. I'm sorry your wife was dishonest, that's something I have never done nor ever will do. I always ask myself in any situation "if the situation was reversed, what would i want them to do" and that always gives me the right answer. Not telling someone about it is never an option for me. | |
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gilgo
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Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 8 | |
| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 8:25:26 AM | | personally i would not care if they had an STD or not, my presumption is that if you love someone enough to stick by them then thats good. sex isnt everything, i would take care of my partner untill forever, its about personality to me not if they have an std or what.. so thats my view | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 8:40:39 AM | Tera
Outcast, my ass...
You did nothing to deserve what that jerk did....period.
You are a fun, funny, sweet, smartassed woman. You deserve someone special......ifn I can refrain from giving up, so can you. What was that dude's name and where does he live? 
I know I have chatted with someone who told me he had herpes (not in POF) ....then he stopped chatting with me.
BB
Squeak | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 8:53:09 AM | | thanks my fellow goddess. I wish i could be mad at him, but I can't. It's something that some people just can't handle and I accept that. He's a good guy and this isn't what either of us wanted, but there's no way around it in his mind. | |
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gilgo
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Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 9:13:39 AM | | ohh well you may say stuff like that but in the long run who is holding there breasts and presenting them online, lol i wonder if there are any internet viruses like that, j/k | |
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Ainsel
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Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 9:18:05 AM | No, it wouldn't make me walk away, it would make me get educated and then figure out how to deal with it.
It is only as much of a barrier to a relationship as you allow it to be.
I worry more about your attitude that you will never date again, etc. than anything else.
The right person for you will be able to accept this and anything else that comes you way.
It's not a death sentence and depending on where you get your statistics from, it's a much more common virus than a lot of people realize. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 9:31:53 AM | | I also would choose not to stay. I have my son to think about, and I need to be as healthy as I can for him. My very good friends daughter was also given herpes while she was 16 yrs old. I could kill the guy. she was honest about it w/her next boyfriend, and he accepted her and wants to spend forever with her. Good for you for having the courage to be so honest. Anyone who would hold that against you does not deserve the privelage of knowing you. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 9:35:22 AM | yup, c-section if a woman is broken out at birthing time is what they do to prevent the spread of it to the baby.
i need to find the statistics for canada, if anyone has them feel free to share. my computer is being really slow right now so searching is tedious. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 10:09:35 AM | What's at issue here is, we can't change our pasts, but we can steer our futures.
You have more class than most of the women on these fora, and just as much as the few that are your equal, a very few indeed.
You have more to offer a man (were I a younger man we wouldn't be seeing this thread now, would we) then most men and certainly any "boys" could handle, you know it and I know it, ....and we're not alone.
My dear Tera, your problem isn't potential partners running away, only those that lack the capacity to understand the situation in the BIG PICTURE are going to make that a deal breaker .....those bunch aren't even fit to kiss dogsh!t.
......You need to aim higher, raise the bar and seek out those that are up to your standards.
(Trust me, I know about this, ......and you do too)
You are one righteous babe, and deserve ONLY the best, ......
I'll kick ANYONE'S äss who says different...........just try me.
It may take a while to find him darlin', ......not many around that have the cred to be your match.
Don't settle for less, aim high ............. that's where you'll find him, .....don't you EVER give up,
.....you'll be leaving some righteous dude without the only hope in hell he has of happiness.
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And for those that don't understand the context of the OP?
You have a far worse disease. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 10:43:08 AM | late, love ya and the score is almost even. pass the tissues.
dragonN thanks for posting the stats and the kind comments.
i'm off to bed, i'm pretty emotionally drained right now. be back tonight to post from work, as always.
something i wrote this morning
Acceptance Is A Long 4 Letter Word
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Will you love me in the morning when I fart and stink you out?
Will you accept my crazy views on what life is all about?
Will you look the other way when I am up to no good?
Will you hold me when I cry like a lover always should?
Will you laugh in the right spots when I make a crappy joke?
Will you ignore my stupid ramblings and pretend I never spoke?
Will you take me as I am with the good and all the bad?
Will you show me all the things that I never knew I had?
Will you stay by my side through the worst of it all?
Will you walk away for eternity and leave me here to fall?
Will you take my love for what it is and give me yours in return?
Will you still be my friend in life if we crash and burn?
Will you appreciate my honesty and do the same for me?
Will you tell me when you've had enough and finally set me free?
Will you agree that acceptance is just a long 4 letter word?
Will you turn your back on me now after everything you've heard? | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 10:51:12 AM | tera, is this the same guy who might or might not be having a baby with a one night stand? and if it is, do you think that he's just using the herpies thing as an excuse to get out of your relationship with him?? i'm just brainstorming tho...
also, my ex-wife has herpies (cold sores) it didn't bother me one bit, and she would frequently get them, she could feel it tingling when it was in the beginning stages (when it's most contagious)..i just wouldn't kiss her on the lips for the few days until the worst part was over..(well I wouldn't kiss her on the lips until the cold sore was completely gone, just to be on the safe side) and I've never caught it.. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 10:54:35 AM | same guy. she had an abortion, if she was ever really pregnant, and no, i don't think he was using it as an excuse. it tore him up to end it. i gave him ample opportunity to walk away over the pregnancy issue as well as this now. he took me up on this and i respect him for being honest and talking out his whole thought process and feelings on it.
he's not the bad guy at all. just something he couldn't handle. at least he figured it out now, instead of months into the relationship. we'll remain friends at least. he hates that i have to go through any of this.
for people to know...if someone has a cold sore (type 1) and goes down on you, you now have genital type 1. | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 11:04:02 AM |
if someone has a cold sore (type 1) and goes down on you, you now have genital type 1.
I've never had that problem with my ex-wife!!  | |
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| Would an STD make you walk away?
Posted: 3/11/2005 11:18:53 AM | | i would stay if i really was in love......but if i had doubts about the relationship i would leave........ | |
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