| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:00:45 PM | I'm hoping some of the ladies here can provide me with some insight on something that happened to me recently.
A lady here on POF contacted me. We emailed back and forth for a while. Moved on to talking on the phone. Arranged to meet. We had a great first date. I had a good time and she said she did too. We had a second date which also went very well. Again, she said she had a really good time and was looking forward to getting together again. We made plans to meet again last weekend but she was a no-show. She stood me up without so much as a phone call or anything. I tried calling her, several times. Left messages. Nothing. It's like she's vanished off the face of the Earth. I was hoping some of you ladies out there might have some possible explanations for her behavior because frankly, I'm at a loss.
Thanks in advance,
knopper3 | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:07:26 PM | Maybe she got called out of town suddenly? If you've left messages, then you've done all you can do, my friend. But give her the benefit of the doubt.
I'd say that it's mighty rude of her to not even call, but we all have our moments. If she had an emergency, she may not have had time to turn on her computer and look for your number.
You've left her several messages. Now the ball is in her court. Chalk it up to experience...you had a good couple of outings. Now, if she calls with a reasonable explanation (EXPLANATION--not an excuse!) then it's up to you to decide what you want to do. But otherwise? I'd say move on.
Good luck! | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:11:46 PM | It really is aweful when that happens. Unfortunately, we cannot help the actions of others. There might be a logical reason for her being absent from your meeting. If she's not responding to you, though, that sends a pretty strong message. You've left her messages, you've done your bit. My advice? Move on. The ball is in her court. If she choses to ignore you, at least you know you've done what you had to do. There will always be those people who just lead you on. It's aweful, and painful, but, such is life!
Good luck!
amY | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:15:20 PM | Maybe she's dead. That would be the only acceptable reason for disappearing like that.
Anything other than death says "She's just not that into you." In this techno age, there's really no excuse not to at least call.
Good luck. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:15:55 PM | She is too much of a coward to tell you that she is no more interested in you. Yes, I know how that feels. I wonder why some people make the first contact and persue you like a mad man and then when you get interested in them, they vanish without a word. Has happened to me, you are not the only one. Get over it and move on, that's what I did. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/22/2006 10:32:17 PM | | Something better came along and she didn't feel she owed you an explanation. Sorry. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 1:14:56 AM |
Something better came along and she didn't feel she owed you an explanation. Sorry.
This is exactly what I would believe in your situation. I would think somebody that's interested in continuing something like you two started would contact the other person if they couldn't make it. I guess you can know without actually having to know. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 3:10:08 AM | Do a thread search.
There must be a squillion threads on this very same topic.  | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 9:54:43 AM | | The vanishing act is so low. People could atleast tell the other that they have found someone better suited to them or what ever the reason as long as it's the truth. The truth works much better with me. Most people are just to cowardice to tell the truth. It says a lot about their character. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 10:04:02 AM | I wish i knew the answer to give you but just don't know what it is. I don't understand how people do it just like that after meeting a few dates, and arranging to have another one. just rude. I just had a man do it to me last month. really hurt cause he left telling me he'd see me again and i really believed him.
So, can't explain the reasoning to you. all i can say is let it go, move on and let's hope the next woman is really amazing.
good luck | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 10:21:49 AM | What this woman did was rude, cowardly and very immature.
You went on two dates, you were owed an explanation. Even if she was going away, so what? She should have at least mentioned it then put you throught wondering what the hell is going on stage.
I went out on a date with a guy from here. It was definately awkward. He seemed nice enough though but we were both extremely shy. I didn't get the vibe this would lead to a second date but sent him a nice and polite message the next day thanking him for taking me out and the drinks.
Not replying to someone after you've taken the time to actually date them is very rude. He did eventually reply over a week later. I don't know if he changed his mind or what but you know what?....you snooze you loose. It was my turn not to respond to him because I've already moved on and arranged to meet someone else. I value my time too much to let someone d1ck me around. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 11:48:51 AM | Yeah, a lot of people don't consider the feelings of others. They're creeps, and care only about themselves.
She most likely found someone else she was interested in (maybe one of the other 10 guys she was probably seeing at the same time) and didn't bother to think of simple courtesy. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 12:02:30 PM | She's probably someone who doesn't like confrontation, don't you hate people who can't say no?
Its most likely she did find someone else, but I suppsose she should've told you. I wouldn't want someone to ignore me like that.
Don't worry, that's what Karma is for! | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 12:37:58 PM | | The moral of the story is don't get your hopes up after the first couple of awesome dates! There is lots of getting to know each other left to do still. As far as vanishing act not calling missing a date, that is very disrespectful thing to do, should be no excuses for it. Give some consideration for the date you are thinking of not showing up for! I would feel terrible if i stood someone up for a date. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 1:10:02 PM | Don't worry, that's what Karma is for!
Right on sister! Actually what I told the last guy who kind of screwed with my emotions. No problem, no problem at all....Karma is going to get you in a big way.
Everytime a person behaves that way they burn about 5 bridges. My bridge, and the 5 people I shared what a jerk he was with. People aren't stupid, they know a leapard doesn't change its spots. Those who are that naive will keep getting burned until they eventually realize it.
I talk to a lot of women off this site (online and in person). If one of us gets burned, the others know. Do you really think I'm going to date a guy who I find out took an acquaintenance of mine out, said he had to go to the bathroom and sent a waitress to tell her he left? I thinketh not.
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 1:19:24 PM |
The vanishing act is so low. People could atleast tell the other that they have found someone better suited to them or what ever the reason as long as it's the truth. The truth works much better with me. Most people are just to cowardice to tell the truth. It says a lot about their character.
I completely agree!!!  | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 1:24:24 PM | Maybe something happened to her? Maybe she had an accident?
I'd never make plans with someone if I planned on blowing them off! I'd just call to cancel......
Ummmm has she been online since that date???? | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 2:31:48 PM | | Exactly. OpheliaBonBon hit the nail on the head. When she does call you back...the better option left her and she is going to her fallback plan. When she calls back...tell her you don't need a woman like her. | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 4:51:55 PM | Thanks for all the replies. In answer to some of your questions:
Yes I did consider that she might have been called out of town suddenly. She told me she had an elderly parent living out of town that she often had to go visit. That wouldn't explain not returning my calls to her cell phone though. Women don't go anywhere without their cell phone.
I did consider that she might be dead or in a serious accident. It was a pretty far-fetched notion though. It was the one excuse that would have made me feel really bad about being mad at her though.
I did consider that maybe she just didn't have as much fun on our dates as I thought she did and was just too polite or too afraid of confrontation to say so. However, she is no shrinking violet. She is very up-front with her likes and dislikes and expectations. It was one of the things I liked about her.
After not doing so for about 5 days, I see she has begun logging in and checking her mail again (I have her on my favorites list, so I can tell when she last logged in). Still no attempt to contact me though.
After much thought, and review of our email, phone and in-person conversations, my own theory is that her ex bf is back in the picture. I suspect I was just someone to kill time with until he came back and made up with her.
Thanks to everyone who responded.
knopper3 | |
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| Why the vanishing act?
Posted: 8/23/2006 5:25:46 PM | yeah there is that book I love...called "He's just not that into you" works for women who do vanishing acts
yeah it's a cowardly way out....and i would never do that...it's too easy just to tell someone...hey sorry but i didn't feel a connection with you, but good luck....it's the decent thing to do...
she probably had a few dates lined up and was checking each one out to see who she liked the most...or the ex did come back...
no matter what the reason...u deserve better...and if someone doesn't return calls...that's a pretty clear sign they're not interested | |
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