| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 6:33:39 AM | | So, you've emailed for weeks, talked on the phone and now you're finally meeting. You see the person as they walk in, something's not right. What is the first thing you notice about them that would be a deal breaker for you before they even sat down? | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 6:42:20 AM | Hi Zippy
If they walked in drunk....stoned.....or frothing at the mouth!!
Sue | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 7:07:55 AM | hmmm... a first sight deal breaker eh .. hmmm
ok .. if he's drunk ~ c ya!
if he told me he's a nonsmoker and he smells of the ciggy he just butted .. (Lie)
if he's 14 instead of 19 ( ) .. ok ok .. 19's too young (for me) too .. but legal! j/k!!
if there is something about him that screams HE LIED TO ME .. > No Deal!
a wedding band .. or tan lines where there oughta be a wedding band .. i might call his wife!
body odor ... ewwwwwwwwww
police escort .. hmmm interesting .. but i'd rather watch the news! lol
if the first words are "dang i left my wallet at home .. can you get the coffee?" .. that actually happened!!! i got the coffee .. what the heck! .. then i listened while he told me about this new book thats out for men .. tells them not to spend money on their dates cuz it sets a bad precident!!!! lmao .. like i said .. we had ONE coffee! of course there was more to it .. he had lots to say .. "educating me!!!" .. lol .. but i knew at the coffee 
oh .. and if he shows up wearing his momma's heels > you wouldn't believe how fast i can run in my barefeet!!! lol
wanda | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 7:59:14 AM | | His profile states body weight average when he's definitly not. Or is wearing a hat to hide his bald head. So a mans bald big deal. Or if he can not take the time to shower and put clean clothes on before meeting. Worse yet shows up with his kids. Not that has ever happened to me, but I know some that it did happen to. | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 8:23:15 AM | I notice if he is well groomed and clean. Doesn't have to be wearing anything expensive but cleanliness is a must in my world.
Of course if he wears cologne that takes me to heaven......even better! | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 8:26:49 AM | First and foremost, missing front teeth...second, are they dressed appropriately for the date. And the shoes ... it's always the shoes guys..... | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 8:54:17 AM | I will have figured out who this person is by some emails and phone calls before 'the date'.
I would not go into a relationship as though I was negotiating a deal that might break or set myself up with someone that's too parinoid of loosing out on 'the deal'. | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 9:38:01 AM | OP was very specific .. she said After the emailing and online stuff:
"So, you've emailed for weeks, talked on the phone and now you're finally meeting. You see the person as they walk in, something's not right. What is the first thing you notice about them that would be a deal breaker for you before they even sat down?"
ya can't tell by chatting online or on the phone how a person is going to present themselves in that first meeting / date scenario .. its nice when they are who they say they are .. and its nice when they're clean .. but what the hecks wrong with wearing yer bare toes? .. lol .. ok ok .. i go barefoot most everywhere .. but then .. anyone who meets me .. knows all that before they see me ..
I think OP was talking about those unexpected surprises .. like people who claim to be accepting and tolerant of others .. people who say they "love" everyone .. When in fact they are big time intolerant/ control freaks who have nothing better to do than criticize and judge others ... like those who say they are one thing (online) and they are another .. who have pics of themselves from 20 years ago .. or pics of some relative who's better looking! lol .. don't show me a pic of long hair and a pony tail when you went bald years ago! .. i don't care if yer bald .. just be honest! .. Now there's a thought .. honesty! ..
i suppose i could have made this much shorter by just saying: "if he shows up and for what ever reason it is obvious he has lied to me > The Deal is Broken!"
thanks
wanda | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 9:54:36 AM | | For me? Cleanliness is a deal breaker! If he comes in wearing his supper on his shirt, smellin like something that could knock a buzzard off a poop wagon? That pretty much sums up my cutting the date short! Does not have to be dressed to the nines, but being clean shows he cared enough about meeting me and also that he cared enough about himself! | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 10:07:44 AM | Well yeah ... showing up drunk, broken teeth, twice the size (or half the size) that they had led me to believe, dirty, uncouth, wearing perfume that stands the hair up on the back of my neck ... of course, I can’t see anyone that would be too impressed with these things. But the main thing that would ‘kill it’ for me that I don’t see mentioned here is “attitude”. And, at my age, I’ve learned to spot this immediately. If the first few words are about the lousy drivers on the way here, how many idiots cut her off, her rotten boss at work making her late, or anything along those lines ... I’d know at that point that trying to form a relationship of any type with this person would be futile. No, I wouldn’t walk out on the date or not still try to be sure that we enjoyed ourselves while we were in each others company -- I feel that would be the courteous thing to do -- but I also wouldn’t say anything during the time that we were together that would make her think that anything more would become of it.
cdn guy | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 11:19:48 AM | ^^ hmm "the main thing that wasn't mentionned? .. like attitude???" >>>
geez I mentionned attitude .. didn't I? .. ok .. at the risk of Repeating myself!
Quote:
"like people who claim to be accepting and tolerant of others .. people who say they "love" everyone .. When in fact they are big time intolerant/ control freaks who have nothing better to do than criticize and judge .. "
^^ .. sounds to me like thats attitude! .. .. i guess we're all up for interpretation!
wanda
my ex use ta pretend he didn't hear me .. then he'd **** when i repeated myself!!! lmao .. now thats the kinda comment i DONT wanna hear on the first date! | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 11:53:17 AM | .
Yeah, of course attitude. For instance, whiners bore me quickly. So too with those who like to instruct on what they don’t like about men.
Then comes looks: Too much skin showing in public is a turnoff (albeit, it never is in private). If I can smell perfume, I’ll probably start sneezing (can’t help it). Painted up faces are hard for me to look at, too. Overdressed for the meeting we planned might also raise an eyebrow of concern, but not as quickly, depending.
Generally, though, I’ll get a rather good indication of attitude while talking on the phone and so stop things there. A couple times that only took about two minutes.
Generally speaking, though, if we got that far along, I’m staying, simply because I have already learned that there are attractive things about her I would like to know more about. Besides, some people tend to get nervous about a first meeting and so I would tend to overlook many things that I may not want to see on a daily basis.
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 1:56:50 PM | | They walk in with their fly unzipped!!! | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 2:40:22 PM | ^^ Aged Wonder yer a frikkin hoot!!!
and .. hmmm .. this one happened Once .. longggggggggggg ago!! .. he showed up with toothpaste seaping out the corners of his mouth .. looked like he was frothing!! he had just finished downing a few (dozen) beers and a pint .. and it was 10a.m.!!! of course the fact that he stopped on the yellow line in front of my house .. fell out of his truck AND when he got to my door his fly WAS unzipped!!! .. i don't think his toothpaste trick helped!!!
What did i do? .. i put my hand out and said "keys!" .. which he did hand over .. grinning like he was a funny little boy (NOT) .. then i drove his truck (with him in it) to his place ... made him give me cab fair .. and i delivered his keys to the local police! .. he got them the next day ..  ..
by the way .. i did not meet him online .. he fooled me in person!!! up until that morning that is! .. poor sob!
lmao when i read what you said there wonder! lmao .. just brought the whole thing back .. it was about 5 or 6 years ago ..
nasty, negative, angry, whining, unaccountable, irresponsible, and married >> I RUN! .. ok .. i walk away really fast! ...
phew .. and all that inspired by a down zipper!!! lmao .. TY Aged Wonder!!
wanda | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 5:23:40 PM | Well I have this thing about touching people, who I am comfortable with, on the arm when I am talking to them - did it on a first date to a nice man that I had been having coffee with for about 1 hr - he jumped so high of the stool - I thought he'd spilt his hot coffee in his lap.
If he is that nervous about a light touch on the arm - god forbid if you 2 ever ended up in the bedroom | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 5:40:45 PM | | If he's not a true representation of his photol I.E. older or younger (Too that is). Weighs a lot more than indicated on his profile. | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/23/2006 7:36:32 PM | | When I was in college I went out on a date with a guy who came to pick me up with a tooth pick sticking out of his mouth which he proceeded to suck on. It was a major turn off and I couldnt wait to escape as quickly as possible. | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 8/25/2006 9:56:48 AM | The deal breaker for me is:
- bad hygiene and that includes bad teeth.
-if his picture on the site was obviously not who he is today.
-if he hadn't made the effort to wear clean clothes or dress appropriately.
-if he touches me inappropriately or makes a lewd remark before we've even sat down!
-smelling of alcohol.
-stares at and looks 'up and down' at other women as he walks by them.
-has 'attitude' (and sometimes you can see this from the way they 'walk', it's easy to see right away!)
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| THE Date!
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:31:55 AM | So, you've emailed for weeks, talked on the phone and now you're finally meeting. You see the person as they walk in, something's not right. What is the first thing you notice about them that would be a deal breaker for you before they even sat down?
I don't know....If I email someone for weeks, we exchange pictures, and I feel I know a lot about him because I ask a lot of questions: I share a lot as well. So I guess a deal breaker would be that he had obviously been deceptive in some way....the obvious thing is, if we're going by when someone has just walked in, his appearance. If he has been very deceptive about his appearance: size, height, weight, hair, age, whatever...obviously sent pictures that were not at all up-to-date, I'd be very concerned about his honesty in other areas and very turned off by the dishonesty. | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:46:44 AM |
So, you've emailed for weeks, talked on the phone and now you're finally meeting. You see the person as they walk in, something's not right. What is the first thing you notice about them that would be a deal breaker for you before they even sat down?
Oh it's happened, but it's been nothing "tangible"......
The connection online and on the phone is real and unmistakable...
The time arrives to meet, he turns the corner and *BAM!*
Nothing.
Chemistry?
Must be.
Pheromones not melding?
Maybe.
Worth at least a cup of joe?
Sure, you never know what might develop in life, as long as you're honest about there being nothing to make you want more than than initial latte.
The other stuff, bad teeth, drunk, sloppy dresser, etc... those are a given.... I would HOPE. | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:59:58 AM | Experiences I have actually had:
A man told me he was 55 and I found out he was really 72. No Daddy, no!
A man who had no front teeth, yet he did in his picture online.
Men who have posted pictures 10 or more years old.
More than one man who added 4 or more inches to his height. I showed up to the date in 4" heels, and they stared at my breasts all night.
Men who claim they are serious about finding a relationship, but pin me up against something and stick their tongue down my throat and cop a feel.
This exemplifies everything that is wrong with online dating.
So, you've emailed for weeks, talked on the phone and now you're finally meeting. This forum subject is exactly why I arrange to meet ASAP and do not bother exchanging mail for weeks and garnering an emotional involvement before I meet them in person. It is easier to get to know someone in person, when you actually see them, how they act, or who they are.
I think getting to know someone who may have deceived you, not been completely open with you, or has a totally unrealistic idea of who they are, is just a bad idea. It is putting the cart so far in front of the horse, that the horse does not even know where the cart is. When you have time to think about what you are going to say to someone, and they cannot see you squirm, it's a whole lot easier for some people who have no sense of shame, to lie. I know people who e-mail for and call for months, before they meet, and end up disappointed time after time.
This actually will prevent you from experiencing a deep rejection, as well. If there is no chemistry when you meet... The less personal involvement you have with a person is easier to accept and/or bear and you can move on, unscathed and avoid getting bitter.
There is careful and then there is paranoid. Do not invite a man to your home or go to his for a first meeting. Do not allow him to walk you to your car. As long as a first meeting is in a well lit, public place, at an hour when there are a lot of people around, it's generally safe to meet a stranger. | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:04:26 AM | if they advertised themselves one way and were another (looks or personality) if they were not clean ( i am not so picky about dressing up, dont like it myself so dont expect it) those are the two immediate deal breakers. basically any sort of dishonesty is going to stop me from getting involved | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:06:06 AM |
So, you've emailed for weeks, talked on the phone and now you're finally meeting. You see the person as they walk in, something's not right. What is the first thing you notice about them that would be a deal breaker for you before they even sat down?
...He doesn't look "anything" like his pictures.....this happened to a friend....she swears that this guy she met was NOT the same guy in his pictures, she checked back to his profile afterwards and maintains the same thing...it's not him.
Anyhow, a deal breaker for me would be his appearance I guess, like he never made any effort to clean up for the meet ( personal hygiene).
...maeflowers | |
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| THE Date!
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:46:40 AM | He's armed! We agreed NOT to bring any weapons to the first date!
He brought his mom with him! She's holding a wedding cake!
I can smell him before I see him. Perfume cloud trailing behind him.
I thought you said AVERAGE!!!!
This is not him, it's his father!!!!
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| THE Date!
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:50:19 AM | | He is a she !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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