| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 7:12:35 AM | One can respect and understand other's points of views in the threads.
It's a little disconserting when there are individual's who make it their mission to put down single parents.. mainly single mother's. In essence that they have nothing to offer in a relationship let alone society as a whole.
No matter whether you have children or not or how you came to be a single parent.. LIFE IS HARD. The negativity and "bashing" has gotten a bit out of control... and is quite a bit to handle.
Yes everyone and anyone is welcome to post thier opinions and what not in any and all of the threads and forums. It would be more helpful to all if the posts were not of such a negative nature... especially here in the single parent forum as most individual's are here seeking advice on various issues, and to be constantly belittled and scorned... is highly inappropriate.
Anyways.. have a wonderful day all!!! | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 8:01:29 AM | Everyone has something to bring to a relationship......
Don't let the negative Nellies and Neds get you down!!! Just ignore them!!!!!!
They are bitter anyway!!! You just keep on keepen on!!!! | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 8:48:37 AM |
Yes everyone and anyone is welcome to post thier opinions and what not in any and all of the threads and forums. It would be more helpful to all if the posts were not of such a negative nature... especially here in the single parent forum as most individual's are here seeking advice on various issues, and to be constantly belittled and scorned... is highly inappropriate.
i agree, the negativity and put downs is insane. And not just from the peopel wo post tothe thread, but also from the thread starter herself or himself.
It's hard to form neutral opinions of people, when we are only reading a few words on the topic....We read a few words that we dont agree with, and we automatically form our own opinions on that persons character.
I personally try to give comments and opinions with an open mind, and accept the poster at face value. Sometimes I get negative with people, when they deserve it. ( ex. bashing me, being mean to my friends, saying things that are obviously uncalled for, etc..)
All in all, what the saying....innocent until proven guilty?
Peace All,
Your friendly big boobed neighbour.
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 8:59:35 AM | Oh I try to be objective too but it isn't easy.
I thank you for your responses and you are both right.
Thank you. | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 1:15:37 PM | a story on why i am a single parent,, writen ( unedited) for a cancer care magazine,,, its quite long so skip it if you like,,,,
As a father I was always the typical dad, providing for the little woman and kids, not unlike a lot of dads I wasn’t really up to date on who the girls best friend was or even there teachers name, I would wrestle with the kids for a half hour before bed every night cuddle up on the couch to watch TV with the wife, thinking that I was doing everything I could and that I was a good provider, wow was I ever in the dark,
It never once occurred to me that at 42 years old I would be raising 2 girls 8 and 7 by myself, it’s not what I would have wanted for myself at this age but breast cancer made sure that this was my destiny. My young wife Candace (31) passed away Nov. 2001 from that dreadful disease leaving me to carry on with our two children, however that being said what does one do in this situation, well I’ll tell you, you just have to make due
The first thing I thought was I need help doing this, the girls were young and considering all they had been through they were a lot to handle, I remember thinking how can I replace there mom , so after months of being alone and feeling sorry for myself, I knew I had to make the transition to become a happier and better parent, it wasn’t until one day I realized my friends were introducing me as “ Colin the guy who lost his wife to breast cancer, and now raises two little girls , by himself” talk about a introduction, I waited until I was alone with my friend when I told him I would really like it if he never introduced me as the lonely widower again, if I was going to move on and change my outlook I thought that was a good place to start. Now it was time to help the girls move along with me so I started telling them funny stories about there mom and when we would visit her grave I made it an outing, we would get hot chocolate and donuts on the way, we also made a plan that every year we would take turns picking out the flowers for her “garden” this combined with a positive attitude from me, seemed to be working just fine (for all of us) I would tell them all the good things about there mom, after all she did so much more than just pass away. The girls took to my new attitude right away and sat smiling and asking questions about there mom. They loved to talk about her and we do it often, replacing the “I miss mommy” with “look dad I got mustard on my shirt, just like mommy” (Candace was always dripping something on herself).
Change is a funny thing, they say it moves slowly but to be honest I didn’t even notice it I was much too involved in being part of it, but change we did, and life has a shiny new feel to it , but that didn’t help me with my original problem, can I replace there mother? The only difference was that instead of just longing to replace her with a suitable replacement, now I found myself thinking that it would be one lucky woman that got the chance to share what I have, coming to this realization was the epiphany I needed.
There are real people inside your kids, unique little people with each having there own favorite likes and dislikes, they’re moody and they’re kind of nutty on some days, Emily likes to run and be aggressive while still needing encouragement and loving support. Alison is more the casual one who has a biting sense of humor and lightning wit, she is actually quite a funny little character, giving me hours of entertainment as they perform little plays or just dance and lip sink to there favorite music. but the nagging question still haunts me can I compensate for they’re not having a mom anymore should I run out and find them a new step mom, get a nanny, wow that sounds expensive, I‘ll think about my options in a while after all I have a huge pile of laundry to fold, then I have to cook up something for supper, even I think we go to MacDonald’s to much
A typical day for us,
Its 815 and we have to leave in 15 minutes,” so eat while you dress and stop pulling your sisters hair “ we rush out to the car and already the fight over who gets to ride shotgun, they both make a really good case for themselves but to be honest I cant remember who sat in the front yesterday, I settle it with both in the back problem solved, right, now they are mad at each other for messing up the shotgun privilege and I have to crank the radio to get some peace, but “dad change the station” is all I can make out I guess this will calm them down, so I drive like a fool singing along with Britney spears , this should calm them down ,,wrong,, they fight all the way to school “I hate you Alison” “ I hate you more Emily” at last the school is in sight the fighting suddenly stops and there little tears are all dried up and I cant believe how fresh they look skipping into the school yard , are these somebody else’s kids no there mine I can tell by there odd socks,, that reminds me I have to fold that huge pile of laundry.
When I get home its so nice and peaceful, I can enjoy a cup of coffee without having to settle an argument or cook up a snack, I put on some of my music and relax before I start my house work, man it was clean last night before I went to bed how does it get so messy in just a few minutes they were sleeping for all but a half hour, how on earth did my wife ever keep our house so clean its a lot of work. they can sure make a mess, ahh the coffee is so good, I spend some time on the phone while I do some light housekeeping, as I do try to keep it in order somewhat, but the man inside starts flicking through the channels, now I fold laundry while I watch television, I must admit I do get sidetracked some days and I just don’t feel like doing all these chores, plus it is my option to call the 10 minute clean-up, that is when the three of us turn up the stereo and each take a chore and try to have it down before the music stops, ok I sometimes put on 15 minutes of music but only on those really bad days when the house needs it.
Now I have to rush to pick them up I spent all day watching Oscar delahoyia fight sugar Shane Mosley then a rerun of UFC, man I will just let them eat some snacks and maybe the hamburger will be thawed by the time they are really hungry, I know we have some peaches and Emily loves to eat fruit and there are plenty of noodles for Alison to make, and of course I made sure to save some cookies for them to have after their snack, and I know there is some 5 alive and Pepsi, they can have it all , maybe I’ll make a chili instead , who knows?
The girls are home now and I suggest they change there clothes and put on play clothes, I find myself smiling with a weird feeling of approval as I watch them eat their snacks, they have such beautiful hair, I putter around them trying to pick up tid bits of information as they chat about kids at school, they are so big now, and I can see there mom in them in so many ways, and I feel fortunate that she had a influence on them.
WE eat supper and then I help Emily with her reading , Alison is on the phone with her friends who I know all of them personally and most of the parents, I watch a little sponge bob square pants or one of many shows they like to watch, then its bath time and off to bed.
Once they are all tucked in and given the appropriate amount of good night kisses and hugs with three trips to the bathroom each and a glass of water they finally go to sleep giving me the time to relax a little before I go to bed. It’s not until I make sure all the doors are locked and I tip-toe into there room to have one last glance at them to make sure they have there blankets pulled up so they are warm, as I stand over them watching them sleep it hits me, I am there mom, I am not Candace by any means but the suitable replacement I was searching so hard for was inside of me all along. | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 3:36:22 PM | WG:
That was fantastic. I'm not even too sure what to say, but the fact that you found the strength that was inside doesn't surprise me in the least. That's just the kind of person you are.
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 3:50:06 PM | | i think negitive people only get to people who let them u know what im saying... dont let people bring you down esp on here half are retards ne ways and its not like they know you, your children or ne thing else in your life.......so who caresssssssssssssssssssssssss | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 3:57:53 PM | I have a new outlook on you WG. It was nice to see this side of you, rather than the pride of smoking pot posts. This defines the makeup of who you are, the real you and your struggles.
It was a touching story. | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 4:15:37 PM | that was an absolutely fantastic read write guy....my hats off to you..
im sure you count your blessings every day...but some ppl are blind to see thier blessings are right in front of them...i thank god every day for my joy of being a MOM to my 2 kidlings...even though some days are harder than others.  | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 5:18:39 PM | | I have never felt that society was looking down on me, although I make an effort not to fit into the "single mom" mold. | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 5:57:10 PM | I m crying too...............
I d like to write something here but honestly after reading that i can t think of anything to say,
Other than you ve captured something that all single parents should embrace and realize............................
my daughters at an age where due to friends at school and friends at home she asks and about her dad, which occassionaly makes me feel like obiviously I m not doing a good enough job, but after reading that I realize its not just me that has those thoughts | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/25/2006 8:43:01 PM | beautiful WG..... so nice you know who you are
That's gonna put you back on a few more favorites lists!
It saddens me though that so many men don't know what you now know
or/and that it takes a tragedy for them to "get it".
I wish my girl's Dad did................sigh | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/26/2006 2:15:44 AM | | write guy, thank you. Some um, guy things are hard to capture; your story captured them. You're the first guy I've put on my favorites list. But it's not like I wanna smootch ya; just consider this a manhug from afar. | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:17:47 AM | | man hug accepted,,er how about those Pittsburgh Steelers? | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:25:02 AM | ^^^^ ...ahw ..they are so cute...male bonding
makes them sexy!
they should start a Daddy play date | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/26/2006 2:03:44 PM | [quote I have a new outlook on you WG. It was nice to see this side of you, rather than the pride of smoking pot posts. This defines the makeup of who you are, the real you and your struggles.
It was a touching story]
if that changes your opinion of me then i should send you a copy of the song this pot head wrote for her,,, that might even make ya like me ,,, thanks all for your kind response | |
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| Too much to handle
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:31:35 PM | | May I suggest one of the easiest ways to get out of a bad mood, or feeling sorry for yourself being a single parent, just think of the other options. You may not be a parent at all(could'nt even imagine that at this time of my life) or your children/child could be growing up somewhere else/with someone else. My daughter has been my rock since the first day I saw her in the delivery room, and just thoughts of her have pulled me thru some very bumpy times in my life.Usually the bad or rude comments towards single parents come from people that have never experinced the "gift" of being a parent. Too bad, so sad, for THEM. | |
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