Criss
|
Joined: 1/20/2004
Msg: 1 | |
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/12/2005 12:32:37 PM | "Okay everyone's mouth drops when they see FOUR kids..I usually get that...WEll Some people you can please and some you cant'....What really gets to me many times ...is that men dont really take the time to get to know a lady with child (ren). I can't say I blame them if the shoe was on the other foot I'd be cautious...Kids are money..Unless you make enough of it...But thats an absolute dream guy ....good looks, money, romantic, considerate, unselfish and understanding....(deep breath) Boy thats hard to swallow. I often think to myself and encourage myself by thinking...well I need to meet someone who will love me...after all I'm funny as hell. I can be one of the guys one minute and I couod be a real lady the next...carrying tons of sex appeal.. I can be the shoulder you cry on, your backbone when you cant do it, the good women that stands behind her man, and I can be that special geek that does something and doesnt care what anybody thinks....But do you think for the life of me...A good man...not out for sex...or financial stability....would give me the time of day....No way....Or the dude compares you to his friends 5'5 skinny blonde gorgeous girlfriend..lol...And it's not long after his friends have him sold on "it's not worth it man", So the beat goes on...And the search continues..
I am by no means utterly depressed or completely lonely..but it's hard..
Everone on here can attest to that...
So what advice or success story would someone care to share....on this topic of single mom's or dad's and the insecurity of not finding someone...or picking the leftovers...
Criss | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/12/2005 3:16:32 PM | Never pick the leftovers because it will turn out badly for the kids I feel...
I have no success story to give... I only have one and it is hard enough with just him...
As for Advice, just take each day as a new day and face it with your head up and eyes open... | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/12/2005 3:42:04 PM | i have 3 kids right now we want another one; when i had my first i was 14 and after that i didn't get any guys for a long time, it was like they found out i had a kid and ran. but i eventually found my prince charming.
best of luck on finding yours | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/12/2005 5:17:18 PM | Hey,keep yer chin up......Bob and Carol did it with tha Brady Bunch...........and 8 is enough........c'mon...........TV is based on reality........kinda....sometimes You'll find someone who is willing to take on that load sooner er later.Just realistically later,after a couple have left tha nest.............hopefully you didnt have quadrouplets! | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/13/2005 2:14:19 AM | I'd say if you want this dream guy, you should work for him. It means, if you have the handicap of 4 children (they're a handicap in your dating life, no purpose in denying it), try to overcompensate it in other aspects of your life.
First of all, drop all that extra weight and get into shape. Improve your appearance. Improve your dating skills.
You can find a guy, but you won't find it while sitting on your ass feeling sorry by yourself. | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/13/2005 7:52:56 AM | OuCH.....tha truth DOES hurt..................and some people think I'M an a$$hole.....lmao
Don't worry Bro..........we need new members! | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/13/2005 7:56:40 AM | 
8 is enough, brady bunch.
What about the woman from the partridge family. Was she and Ruben doing the dirty? | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/13/2005 1:11:50 PM |
OuCH.....tha truth DOES hurt..................and some people think I'M an a$$hole.....lmao
My former drill sargent told me I had two choices: stay put crying while waiting to be killed, or put my ass in gear and charge. I'm alive, so it was a good advice, right? | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/13/2005 1:27:03 PM | | I'd say so friend..............thats how I live my life.....and it's been workin great so far.......... | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/13/2005 4:40:43 PM | We're all 'leftovers' over here - pretty much. Least those of us with kids or past relationships. My ex and I got together when she had 3 kids - by 2 or 3 men. I had none. We made one, she left me! Got married to the next sucker. Word is she's pregnant now with the new guy! Imagine that! And she picks decent guys. No previous kids. Little previous relationship experience. She could teach you plenty on gettin men!
First: Lose some poundage, and go on the hunt.
Lose the insecurity, you'll need your confidence to snag & shag an insecure guy.
Wise up and go for one with some ground under his feet. Don't go for an up & comer. He should have some accomplishments (read: money/house/etc) otherwise, you don't need him.
And what's this business of 'good man... NOT out for sex...' HELLO.. This is a normal desire in all humans. What's up? You had a desire for sex (unless you were raped). What's the hang up on a guy wanting sex? Hogwash. Anytime I hear a woman talk crap like that, I know she's whacked in the head. You blather on about what you want, then poop on the idea of a guy wanting a woman for sex. That's your biggest asset, and your denigrating it. Use it wisely and good hunting...
Don't know how you could be lonely with so much to do - with so many kids.
former prey.... | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/13/2005 7:16:08 PM | | Man....my past is RIDDLED with failed relationships.......speak fer yerself...lol and ya wanna know somthin......I'm FRESH ..NO expirery dates..........well untill my stupidity catches up with my anyways..........................................left-overs........bahhhhhhhhhhh | |
|
Criss
|
Joined: 1/20/2004
Msg: 12 | |
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/14/2005 10:43:19 AM | Oh hell no ...I dont sit on my ass. I gradutae college this year and am enrolled in university in the fall. I make my own money...have my own material possessions, this is not a worry for me...I know that when I do meet someone...he will be the man coz anyman that can handle the load I have is awesome...They are excellent well mannered kids..Its not like I sit at home and dont have a social life...hell no I'd go crazy if that happened. I make sure that I have time for myself...If I had to drop weight in order to be with a dude...That is letting others validate who I am...And I'm straight up about who I am..I lost my brother to a drinking and driving accident 2 years ago..Food became a friend...and thats where it orignated. I will drop the weight..Not an issue...So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I dont want a shallow person...
Criss | |
|
Criss
|
Joined: 1/20/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/14/2005 10:51:05 AM | Well lonely for a companion is what I was talking about..as far as lonely in life in genreal..nope..not what I was saying..I go to school full-time and work part time...I make supper everynight and do the kids homework with them....maybe if Im lucky watch ..a sitcom...but usually it's study time...
Wednesday night it's college night and I go out....
I am by no means desperate...Just lonely to have a guy around...
No I dont stick my kids on anyone...I'm not ignorant. that way...They have thier dad and dont need another one...
"Wise Up?"
LOL When you've had the life I had ....you have no other choice but to be wise...
As for your comment on sex...it's awesome....
The guy totally would have to be equipped...
Insucurity...
There is some..but as a lady...We have our moments..
Hey
Bottom line..
If the guy cant accept me for me...
Or dosent have a job..
Or is not on his feet financially...
Has tons of extra baggage from previous relationships...
Wants to eat and **** all day...
Seriously....
Your just not worth it...
So for everyone's Info..
Im not just another chubby girl ...doing nothing all day chatting online...
(takes a deep breath and smiles)
Criss | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/14/2005 11:28:52 AM |
If I had to drop weight in order to be with a dude...
And a dude would have to accept your four children in order to be with you. Some sacrifice in exchange is not too much to ask, I think.
They have thier dad and dont need another one...
So, this awesome guy would have to settle with being the "mom's current husband" if he marries you.
Has tons of extra baggage from previous relationships...
I wouldn't call you "baggage-free" exactly...
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I dont want a shallow person...
I suppose wanting to have an attractive mate is shallow.
Well, looks like you have a really long laundry list, but no intentions of working to improve your chances of not only finding that awesome guy, but to become worthy of him. Good luck anyway. | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/14/2005 5:26:03 PM | ^^^^^^ What they said!^^^^^^^
Get over yourself girl and except the fact with that attitude you will be alone for some time to come. God blessed everyone differently, you won't get everything you want in one package. Oh and you don't want shallow person, well guess what you are shallow and that's what you deserve. Only pitty I have is for your poor kids.
| |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/14/2005 7:45:44 PM | | Man, is everyone cranky!! "lose the weight for him" Bull Sh*t!! If you can't except her for who she is inside and out you are not worth her time!! My God, she is going to school, working, and taking care of four children...she is superwoman and you better treat her that way. You make it sound like having four kids is some thing she has to make up for..like it is a bad thing....I think you guys need to get your heads on straight or you will be the ones left alone a long time!!! I am a big girl and have been single for two years..guess what?..I am asked out every weekend!! I am still single because I am da*n picky!! | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/14/2005 8:48:45 PM | Hey, hold your horses, lady.
First of all: Yes, she's superwoman. She's supermom. BUT she's not supergirlfriend. If she were so, where are the legions of men who are accepting (with acc, not with exc) her? Sorry, I don't see them. And guess what? She doesn't, either. Have you thought that perhaps right now (and I emphasize, "right now") she is not worth the time of those guys?
You list things like going to school, working, etc. as desirable traits. You are deluded into thinking that we men care about a woman's career, social standing or income. Well dear: We don't. We care about her appearance, her sense of humor, her sexiness, her caregiving qualities. Career and income are not high in our desired qualities list. She asked for advice. Well, my advice is: Cultivate those qualities that are high in a man's list. Appearance is one of them. So sue me.
You think that I don't like her because she's fat (Not BBW, not big, that's PC bullshit. The correct word is FAT). Well, you're wrong. I don't like her because she has a long list of qualities she wants in a guy, but she's not eager to work in order to improve her chances of meeting that guy. And if she were to find him, she won't work into improving her chances of keeping him. And she has the gall to call guys who are not up to her standards "leftovers".
If you care to read her post, she's NOT being asked out every weekend. What does it mean? It means that her "accept me as I am" approach is not working. Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". Well, perhaps a change in tactics is in order for her.
Finally: Is having children bad? Not at all. Is having children a handicap in the dating world? If it weren't so, why does this forum "Single Parents" exist in the first place? "Bad" and "handicap" are not sinonymous at all. | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/15/2005 9:30:28 PM | | tangoperu, what was said was unacceptable to me. Woman are not made of plastic; they are real with real lives. She is not going to school for anyone but for herself and her children just as I am. You are mistaken about men not caring about her career, at least men in America and Canada because it is impossible to live on one income in these two countries. I see that you are in Peru. The days where a woman could stay home and care for her children, husband, and home are long gone here. Sensuality is a state of mind more then a body and the cloths on it. Yes, having children is a handicap in the dating arena but like all that live with real handicaps it is still possible to live a normal life and thrive. I responded as I did because I felt that she was being attacked, not advised. What she needed was lifted up not put down. It is possible to give constructive criticism without hurting someone feelings tangoperu. Next time try telling a woman what you would like to see in her not what she needs to do to get you, same thing but said in a way that does not come across as a personal attack. Compromise!! | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/16/2005 7:11:29 AM | Wrong, lady. To suggest (SUGGEST!) that a person would be luckier in the dating scene if she cultivates those qualities that will make her attractive to the opposite sex is not attacking her.
Anyway, you're partially right about career, because a guy probably won't choose a pretty homeless over an equally pretty middle-class woman (but will choose a beautiful McD waitress over an ugly CEO, always). The truth is that it's not so high in our priorities list (I'd say it's one of the lowest). Beauty and humor are a lot higher in it.
Yes, it's possible to live normally when you have handicaps. What you left out is that people with handicaps normally has to work MORE, has to strive MORE, than a person without handicaps, just to have the same life. Yes, she's a dedicated student, and a dedicated mom. It means her professional and family lives will be successful. Is it strange that her love life needs the same kind of dedication and effort to be successful?
Look, I don't want to be cruel, nor am a jerk. It's simply that I'm tired of seeing people complaining instead of working to earn those things they believe they deserve (And the truth is that if they are not willing to work for them, they simply don't deserve these things) and I've found (unfortunately) that the "touchy-feely" approach simply doesn't work. Ok, I won't hurt her feelings. So, what is the result? A lonely woman with intact feelings. Sorry, that's not good enough. I think she would be better being a woman with a mate, and perhaps she needs a hard shove in the right direction.
That thing about sensuality... sorry, I find it just mental masturbation. In this life, if you want to get something, you work to MAXIMIZE your chances of getting it. Yes, there are men who want fat women, but there are a lot more men who want not-so-fat women. (and NO, men who want skinny women are not jerks, nor shallow). By remaining fat, she's knowingly shrinking her pool of possible mates (already shrinked by her other circumstances), so reducing even more her chances of finding a mate. Note that I'm not saying "killing", I'm saying "reducing". Ok, you are asked out every weekend. So you are one of the lucky ones. Is she?
Is it politically incorrect? yes, it is. It is the truth? yes, it is. | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/16/2005 7:35:21 AM |
Is it politically incorrect? yes, it is. It is the truth? yes, it is.
Maybe where you live it is. *rolling eyes* | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/16/2005 7:43:08 AM |
*rolling eyes*
Do you have some kind of tic in the eye? I was wondering when this kind of thing would appear. Instead of proving my arguments false, trying to shame me into silence. Sorry girl, it doesn't work with me. | |
|
mudbug
|
Joined: 2/15/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/16/2005 8:31:22 AM | this ***hole was obviously abused by a woman when he was a child, and is now trying to take it out on chicks in internet forums. (rolling my eyes, too, and i defi. don't have a tic)
by continuing conversation with him, you are just just giving him more anger to feed off of. he's like a tumor with an increasing blood supply.
compare him to little six year old jonny in middle school. he's got self esteem issues, so he's gonna poke you with a stick to see you cry and make himself feel better.
pat him on the head, ignore him..... he'll go away eventually.
his kind are predictible. in response to this..he'll take a stab at a witty, scathing remark, probably find something to poke fun at me about, and whine/cry about how "stupid" he thinks i(we) am/are........or he'll use the "who asked you?" front....and when i ignore him after he responds, he'll get a feeling of satisfaction, because he'll feel like he got the last word in. (jokes on him)
(i can picture him jsut trembling in anticipation, waiting to jump back on the thread after someone else has made a response.......ready to cut them down some more...)
i think you are doing a fine job, with your kids, and the right man will come along.
dont give up hope. | |
|
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/16/2005 9:24:55 AM | ***rolling eyes*** (but only because I have a scratched cornea and I can't help it)
I do think that people shouldn't have to compromise WHO they are to find that special someone. You can't change who you are. But sometimes, if you are looking for certain qualities (like physical ones) in someone, it may be a good suggestion to work those similar qualities in yourself to increase your chances of finding the same.
Sometimes, it is a matter of compromise, or "tweaking" to get what you want. Kinda like selling your home. A fresh coat of paint, cleaning up the yard, planting some flowers... and people are more apt to want to check out "the inside." Once they do, they may fall in love with it and want to live there. Otherwise, you may find a buyer, it just may take a little longer.
(sigh) I love speaking in parables. | |
|
Criss
|
Joined: 1/20/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:05:58 PM | And that's fine you feel that way..and thanks for letting me know what it is you think...
The fact that several women out there what a dad for their children right off the hop is scarey for a man....But in time ..there is nothing wrong with my spouce to accept that title...That is not my soel purpose...Yes I have baggage ..BUT it's baggage that I'm AWARE of...I wouldnt want to hurt someone ..with what it was I was like before...
Your last statement just dosent make sense...Or you crazy who wouldn't want an attractive male...lol
And ps honey
You have no idea how far I've come believe me....
We all have laundry...It'll never completely go away....LOL
Sounds to me like you havent been in touch with a women lately who knows what she wants... I won't ever mess around ...with needless...men who do nothing ...but sit on thier asses all day, drink beer and sleep...
Till next ...again thanks for your imput
 | |
|
Criss
|
Joined: 1/20/2004
Msg: 25 | |
| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 3/16/2005 5:11:06 PM | Really ....hmmm well in talking about my kids....
You've crossed the line right there pal...
NO decent person will bring up the kids on here...
But since you mentioned them...
My kids are all straight A kids...Hockey, Soccor, Music and singing and my daughter does a theatre all summer..
(Deep Breath)
My attitude is what women need to grab on to these days...There is so much co-dependency out there that it totally disables a lady ot feel like she's worth something...Dont get me wrong ...there are awesome guys out there...
And obvisously if you've come on here to just bash me....skip this section and move onto the next because your opinion doesnt validate who I am.. In fact if you were a gentleman you'd offered up some nice encouraging advice....
So you've proved your character already...
And me well I'm just someone who is looking for a package and I will find it...and yes I might be alone for awhile but when I do find him
Wow...
He's in for a treat....
K
Till then
Criss | |
|
Home
login 
