| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:14:20 PM | | Please tell me, I've always been in actual relationships, and have never dated more than one guy at a time, so, how does one get past the "guilty feelings" when they do date more than one person at a time? Should I tell them about each other, or keep that to myself? Need your input gals/guys!! | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:24:25 PM | | Define "guilty feeling". If you are just dating and haven't had the talk about being exclusive...you shouldn't have guilty feelings. You don't owe the guys an explaination. It's really none of their business, unless you decide to become exclusive. That's what dating is. Unless of course you are being intimate with more than one guy. In which case, you should level with them. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 8/26/2006 6:38:35 PM | It sounds like you are uncomfortable with this... I would suggest you don't...
Meeting people is different however so you can meet more than one guy... but if it is actually dating, is it really fair to compare them?... because that is basically what you would be doing...
JMO | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/9/2006 10:22:01 AM | I have struggled with that too! I feel terrible if I am talking to more than one guy at a time! I just am not the type to be the "player" like image. So I feel that might be my guilt issue, but the truth of the matter is, it isn't doing anything wrong unless you are official! You are a woman who doesn't have time to be wasting thinking that this guy is going to be serious when he has no intention,Obviously if you haven't dropped one, then you really haven't gotten to know them well enough to find out which one works for you....
so keep your options open! YOU KNOW THEY ARE FOR SURE!
Definitely don't tell them! There is no need! I can bet you that both/all of the men are going out on other dates as well, or at least keeping their options open, as are you, until it is official! So no sweat! I do know how you feel though! It is a guilt thing that will be there because you are a caring person....if you didn't care, there would be no guilt, but just know you are protecting yourself first! And in a way,by multi-dating(ooo i like that) you are keeping yourself from being too attached to something that isn't there yet! Which we, as human beings, all tend to do!
Good luck, OP!!
WH717 | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/9/2006 12:38:14 PM | Whenever I was dating more then one Lady at a time, I had a simple solution. On the second date, not the first, many times it never went past the first date. I would, inform them that I saw other ladies. However, I was sure that when I was with them on Saturday, they didn’t want hear what I did on Friday with someone else. Therefore, unless they were told otherwise, I see other people, and I wouldn’t tell you who or what I did, unless they asked. Then I would tell them anything they would like to know. I only had one lady every ask, and she changed her mind before I started to tell her.
It was open, honest, and straightforward. Never had a complaint and there were times when I was able to tell the lady I was seeing, that I wasn’t seeing anyone else anymore. It also made it easy to bring up being exclusive. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/9/2006 5:06:49 PM | | I have had friend that I went out with...just friends. They both knew that I had other friends...but later down the line..they had friends too and decided to date exclusively with women they have met..so ...I am here ..... | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/9/2006 7:52:20 PM | Dear cherryfizz100
I agree with you in that there should be know guilty feelings until two people had had 'The talk'. But I think it's unfair to deny someone who is interested in you a fair explanation of where you are in your heart and mind at that moment. If your in a state where you just want to get out, meet new people and see what happens, then that is what you should tell him. To just tell someone 'It's none of your business' is just as well to saying 'I don't care about your enough to explain myself'.
Dating is where people should be their most honest... and when their together, they should learn to be even more honest and not hide behind omitted truths or white lies to make themselves look better. We are who we are and people should be accept us for that or walk away from it in pursuit of what they themselves are looking for.
James | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/9/2006 8:06:51 PM | I feel exactly as you do!!! I have always just dated one guy, made him the exclusive one....Recently I started dating someone that I really like. We sat down and discussed the dating other people thing, only to give each other a fair chance on seeing whats out there. He, like me, is also used to dating only one person at a time, so its a new experience for both of us! I know that we really like each other and get along great, but I also know that the new experience of dating others is NEW...LOL We agreed to be honest w/each other and let each other know if we choose to date someone else....for me, I feel it will give me an opportunity to "compare" this man w/others and see if he really is the one for me. As long as I am not "intimate" w/ all of them, I think it will be a wonderful learning experience. When I do choose to be intimate, then I know that man will be the lucky winner!!! Either way, you are like me and are a very caring person which is a good thing. I wish you luck on this new found freedom of dating...Wish me luck as well!!! | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/9/2006 9:18:48 PM | | I used to have no problems dating several men at a time. Dating, not having sex with them. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with dating several people at one time. It's dating, trying to find the right one. Once sex enters the pic I would not date anyone else. | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 3:21:37 AM |
Definitely don't tell them! There is no need! I can bet you that both/all of the men are going out on other dates as well, or at least keeping their options open, as are you, until it is official!
THIS is NOT the way to handle this--not if you value your own integrity and the concept of being honest! If anyone is keeping their options open by dating more than one at a time that needs to be known. Not all men do this just as not all women do---but it is something that needs to be shared at some point.
I myself have never been able to do the multiple dating thing since I like to concentrate on just one at a time. This is just my way and it has nothing to do with guilt, more so with my lack of desire to keep women straight in my mind. Some can deal with this very easily and there's no guilt with them---I'll bet they're open about it to whomever they date though.
It's a matter of personal preference and your own abililty to juggle people. Since in the beginning it's not considered serious it's not that big a problem but still needs to be shared with those in your life. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:41:44 AM | The real question was posted before ... but what is the purpose or desire to be gained from you dating.
Dating is what you make of it ... If you take it is the time to get to know the other and not have to worry about the messiness that can come from committing to a serious relationship then you can date lots of people.
If youa retkaing it as I am serious looking to find someone to commit to then you might not be up to dating multiple people.
I have dated more than one person at a time before. And it is important to be honest and say that you are seeing other people as well. And that you need the other person to be extremely honest about whether that is okay for them or not. If they agree to that sort of a situation then they are willing to find out what can happen with you in a casual sense of things. If no then you have your answer as well. The other important thing is that if you find that you want to spend more time with one person versues the other you have to say that immediately. There is no room to ****foot around with antoher persons emotions.
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:49:50 AM | Going on a date with one person or eight of them on a Saturday does not commit you to them for eternity. When and if that person asks you to become your bf or gf after a few dates then you commit yourself, other then that dates are pretty much an eye opener into that persons world. With that information you then decide how far you want to go with that individual. Remember women with class and true gentlemen never talk about other women or men when they’re on a date with a specific person.
Jlazzz advice.
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:52:29 AM | I am mexican, and I still dont understand what dating someone means.
for me, I just go out with one guy at the time, if I dont like him, I just let him know and move on, but if i like him and we kiss and all that stuff I like just being with him. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:58:12 AM | as a man that has dated more then one woman at a time before i am here to tell you that,you can do this two ways, one dont tell anyof the others you are dating more then one, or when you meet the first woman, you tell her that you see other people,if she wants to continue, then youre cool, but generally speaking if you dont tell then right from the start, they will eventually find out, and then it gets ugly,look for a woman with the right personality that is comfprtable with you dating more then one woman | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 12:37:57 PM | I guess its a meeting of the minds that which ever way you choose to go - you are both in agreement.
However, have the decency to be fair. If you are asked if you are seeing/talking with others, be honest in your answer.
I have had this happen to me a number of times. One person was honest that he was seeing others - and I chose to not let the relationsihp ever get beyond the friendship stage - but that was MY choice to make knowing where his mind was at, despite his efforts to take the relationship further.
One told me he wasn't seeing others - was just always busy - it turned out he lied - that relationship also when no where.
But after you are in a relationship - and then find out you were lied to - I think it is the most devastating. All of a sudden what you believed in during all that time becomes a sham, and the seeds of doubt continue to grow no matter how much you try to mow them down. I can't be angry with the first guy - I knew the score and knew not to let myself get involved. I find it harder to get past the last because the question was asked straight out and the option to walk away wasn't given when it would have been easy to do so. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 5:21:14 PM | I have, and it sucks. I am always upfront with women, but sometimes it turns them off. Occasionally, I will tell someone I am attracted to that I am seeing more than her, and usually that is a turn off....however, when the tables are turned, ie, when I really want to be exclusive with that person, she says to me the same thing I have told others, I want to see other people besides you..dont want to get into a relationship yet, Ive been burned and dont want to get hurt...that hurts me.
In other words, dating more than one person at a time is a dangerous thing. It can cause some bad situations and some real emotional pain, if you are really interested in that person. Same in reverse.
I think the best way to handle it is to be very cautious, just start out as friends, and make sure they know it also. You are then free to date around if you want to, but if your really interested in one person, make it clear that you want to be exclusive with them, and make sure they want the same thing. Otherwise, your asking for trouble. Right now, Im really hooked on someone who wants to date around, and she wants me to do the same thing....that being said, I would feel that I was betraying that person if i did date around, and perhaps find someone else. Relationships need nurture if they are to grow...if one doesnt feel the same, it wont work...I am thinking about moving on...dont want the drama, but she is so what Im looking for in a person. Eventually, a time is going to come when the nurture part isnt there, and then it ends. Bad feelings...but life goes on. Dating others as friends first is a good policy,. just make sure the other one is on the same level as you if you want to get more serious...Still, i think of myself as a one woman man....and dont like to get into playing games....if you choose to date more than one person, be very careful neither of you get hurt....it is not a good feeling. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 6:25:26 PM | hppy2bme,
I think you should tell all of your datees, then let them decide whether that's what they want.
Based on my experience, the guy I was seeing / dating (whatever the correct terminology is) told me that he was seeing two women, so I stopped seeing him because to me, it just seemed that he wasn't serious about a "see what happens" relationship, but that's how I feel.
If nothing else, it gets rid of your "guilty feelings".
My 2 cents. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 10:51:39 PM | how does one get past the "guilty feelings" when they do date more than one person at a time? Should I tell them about each other, or keep that to myself? I guess this depends on what people's differing opinions of "dating" mean.
To some people "dating" may mean: just meeting with, or hanging-out with, a friend of the opposite sex.
Too others it may mean: having uncommitted sex with the person(s) of the opposite sex.
Too me "dating means: a romantic relationship with some level of commitment.
If "dating" to you means: hanging out with different male friends with no real romance, possibly hoping for romance with one of them in the future; then I see no reason to feel guilty.
However, under my definition of "dating" (seeing a person romantically): I expect that this woman's seeing only me.
If she's interested in "dating" other guys (either romantically, or for casual sex, or whatever), then I expect her to tell me that's what she wishes to do. She will then be free to do that...... with whatever guys will let her, not with me.
She's certainly free to have male friends, as I have several female friends. But I don't expect her to be fvcking them, or be interested in them romantically, if she's dating me. | |
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| Dating more than one at a time..... never done it before!!
Posted: 11/10/2006 10:55:12 PM | ~OP~ If you are feeling guilty, you shouldn't be multi-dating. I multi-dated for a long time and never once felt guilt. There was no sex, it was dating, nothing more. Everyone knew, everyone was on the same page and there were no emotions flying around to create a guilty feeling. Maybe you aren't one who is comfortable with such arrangements or maybe you haven't yet come to the point where you are honest with the ones you date. If it doesn't feel good, you shouldn't do it. JMO  | |
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