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| | What do women over 40 want?Page 1 of 43 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41) | | Would appreciate any woman over 40 who would provide some insight here. I am involved in a singles group through my Church. It is a pretty good group of people with the age range from mid-30s to mid-50s. We are lucky as it has not become a "pick-up" group. We have potlucks, go to restaurants, etc. Tonight we had a potluck and as usual several women stayed for an hour or two and then left. Some of the men wouldn't mind getting to know some of them, but it appears there is a lack of interest on their parts as they leave so fast. The rest of us stay another couple of hours chatting, playing cards or whatever. Does this show a lack of interest on their part in wanting to get to know the men better? Any insight would be helpful. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 1:49:33 AM | You know, I've been on this POF site now for about 40 days and I've corresponded with something like twenty-five different women ages 40-60 and I wonder the same thing. I'm still corresponding with about eight of them. I still don't know what they want.
Know what I think? They don't know what they want either. Oh, they say they do, but they really don't.
Women like to shop. We all know this. When they go and buy something, they look here and there, whereas a man generally knows what he wants and buys it at the first store he goes into. Women are looking for bargains. They have an idea what they think they want, but they are never satisfied with what is there: always looking for something that isn't. Looking for the bargain. They want the same thing in the man they are looking for: a bargain.
In the case of men, I believe women are looking for more than they have to give. They want their idea of a perfect male, when they are imperfect themselves and are not equipped to offer enough in return for their image of their ideal. It's the same old thing: wanting something more than you are worth.
I've been around women all my life and one of the things I've always noticed, they have a much harder time making a decision than a man does. Much harder. It's in their psyche, I believe. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 4:25:32 AM | | Hi, well I've done a fair amount of dating in my time. My thoughts are and it's a sad reallity, when you find a lady in that age bracket, who is trully a very nice well rounded person who also has maintained a nice figure, it all comes down to money, very very sad fact, very very few of real good catches will be satisfied with your just being a really great guy..bear | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 5:48:36 AM | To the OP: Maybe it just means they have a life of their own to get to. Maybe they have an elderly parent they can't leave alone for extended periods, maybe the dog needs letting out, maybe they're uncomfortable for some reason in the social setting. Hell, I don't know, ask THEM. Seriously, next outing, ask them if they could stay. What's the worst that could happen - they could say no.
To Ron: Not EVERY female got the shopping gene, it did skip a few of us. And thank you for that insight, it explained something about me to me. I hate shopping and you're right, I hate shopping for men too. But, just like my search for perfect fitting jeans, I realize I'm going to have to torture myself with putting in mega amounts of my time into this 'shopping expedition', since I refuse to settle for the first ill-fitting 'pair' that comes along.
As to the original title question of what do women over 40 want: We're back to the lumping in one basket of all women. The sooner y'all quit that, the better off you'll be. What each womAn wants is as individual to her as it is to you. Oh and the answer is likely to be much like what a woman wanted before she was 40, most are just a little more adamant about it and less willing to settle for less than what she feels she needs and deserves. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 5:56:31 AM | As a woman over 40, I feel qualified to answer this question. I am definitely not after a guy for his money, but would feel more comfortable to be on even footing in that area. I am thankful to be able to support myself, and own my own home. I would like a guy who is interesting and fun to talk to, who is also interested in me. But, I'm a bit on the shy side, so he would need to take the initiative. Perhaps at your singles get-togethers RD, the men are slow to start talking to one of these women, and they get impatient. Impatience is one of the flaws I admit to.
As for knowing what we want; well if we haven't found it yet, it's just not there. I like someone who is "outside of themselves" somewhat, and trying to make a difference in the world. And, it's important that I would find him attractive; looks and personality, with him also finding that in me. Is this an impossible dream? | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 8:40:28 AM | | Some good answers. I guess I am lucky because there are several of these women over 40 and even a couple over 50 who look great for any age. I think our group has some quality men, so it has been puzzling. Truthfully I have wondered if they were holding out for GM executives or something. As I don't know their situations I guess maybe I should consider that they are shy as a possibility. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 9:17:53 AM | | If there is a woman you are interested in, why don't you say something to her if you see her getting ready to make an early departure? It sounds like the whole bunch of you, men and women, are a bit shy. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 9:42:59 AM | | As a woman over 40 I can honestly saw we are not looking for a man for money. Most of us own our own homes and have professions we enjoy and make a nice living at. Maybe the church ladies leave early because they don't see anyone they are interested in and have things they need to do. Or, maybe they are waiting for some one to start up conversation with them because they might be a little shy. My opinion for what it's worth. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 10:09:02 AM | this over 40 still wants the same good things...only difference is ,not being as stupid in our choices
each gal is different regardless of age
the hott over 40 and over 50 are the best!
rock on with your bad self!
get good with god by being who u r regardless of sterio types | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 10:09:44 AM | cards and all that stuff is as boring as it gets
get out
and live
like you dont have another day left! | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 10:20:43 AM | | Actually, I think playing cards is the last resort. I refuse to participate in a card game at a party. Of course my suggestion to play "Twister" was looked on with disbelief. At any rate, playing cards at a party is not just something done by over 40s. I have been to parties with people in their 20s who started playing cards. I guess my expectations are way too high, but when I think party, singing, dancing, etc come to mind. I usually go home disappointed. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 12:08:58 PM | Hi all! I've never posted on this forum but felt compelled to do so after reading some of the responses. I've been single for several years and have used, off and on, the online singles sites for the past 4.I have chatted with numerous guys during that time and have met several of them. Out of all of them there has been only one that I dated for more than a couple of dates. Window shopping? That's probably a good analogy. We are ALL shopping for someone, men as well as women. The only difference is how we go about and what's on our "shopping lists". Before men pick out which "tomato" they will buy they (being more visual than a female) look at the color, texture of the skin, maybe smell it, checking for the right degree of ripeness. A female will pick it up, turn it about in her hand, give it a squeeze to see how it feels checking for the right degree of ripeness. We want the same thing in our tomatos: ripe but not overly so. One that will leave a pleasing taste after we've bit into it. So.....in the end, even tho men and women shop differently and their lists may not be the same - we're still looking for the same result: All of us want VALUE (only the foolish few search for the "bargain" in something so important). So does it really matter HOW we shop?
As far as what women over 40 want.....I can only speak for myself: I'm not the same gal I was 10-20 years ago - time is even more precious to me now. Time has given me clearer vision. I've seen inside myself and I know what I want and what I don't want.
1. Gentleman....contrary to what you may believe - I don't need nor want your money (in fact I tend to go for the blue collar guy myself). I've been earning my own money and paying my bills since I was 16. Time has taught me that I can make it on my own. (And if you come across, or are with, a person that is only interested in how much money you have/make - RUN, don't walk, as fast and far away as you can. If you settle for someone like that then you are selling yourself short). Giving me your time is more precious, worth far more than your money.
2. If you're still caught up in the past and have issues with it - please work them out BEFORE throwing your hat in the dating pool. I don't want to hear what a *B* the ex is. I've got one too - so what? We all do. My eyes are looking forward and I want to start a new and UNIQUE journey with YOU. I don't want it cluttered with old baggage. Time has taught me that carrying old baggage can weigh you down. It's also taught me that I can't carry it for you, only you can, so that means I'll be ahead of you and I want you by my side.
3. Communication. I know - this one is about worn out it's been repeated so many times but I'm talking the simple everyday stuff (that's what makes or breaks the relationship - the day to day things). If you love me please tell me sometimes - nothing makes me feel better than a hug and hearing those 3 words from my loved ones. If I'm looking particularly good then feel free to say so (And if I look up and see you coming in from working on the car, all sweaty with that grin on your face you can bet I'll be letting you know how sexy you are too!). If I do or say something that hurt or bothered you THEN TELL ME SO. I'm not a mindreader so ask me about it - it may be a case of that Mars/Venus thing (you have to realize that sometimes what you MEAN and what I HEAR are 2 entirely different things. Guess what - it can be vice versa too!). Day to day communication - time has taught me that it's always the things I DIDN'T say or do that I've regretted.
4. SEX - Yes....it's very important to me. So please throw society's BS out the window. It'll be a very big part of the relationship. I want it and love it as much as you. I want to please you and it makes me feel SUPER when I've done so - the same as you. Time has taught me that disatisfaction with the sexual part of a relationship can destry it, no matter how good the rest of it is.
The rest is aimed at the "online" part. Please READ my profile. I've tried to give the basics in it. If you like to spend your time catching all the new movie releases or watching tv and I like to spend my time hiking or traveling - how on earth do you ever think we'd "click"???? Be honest - I can't tell you the number of times I've been sent photos that had to be 5 years old or read profile "stats" only to meet up with someone to find that they have gained 50 lbs or are 4 inches shorter than stated, etc, etc. When this happens I can tell you the first question that pops into my mind is "If he lied about something like this what bigger more important things will he lie about?". This is a total turn off. One of the biggest things is to have a sense of humor. I'm not talking a stand up comic here either. I want to spend the rest of my life with a man that I can share laughter with. Nothing's more attractive than confidence - confidence in yourself as a MAN. One who values and respects himself, knows his own worth, because if YOU don't then how can I?
Well that's my long-winded version (and it's condensed....hehehe...but then I'm female so I'm sure you guys will bear with me!). Is what I want too much to ask? I don't think so. I'm 48 and I've "been there, done that". I know what I want and don't want. Am I being picky? You bet I am! Time has taught me that you are always stronger than you think. That I can live on my own and take care of myself. And it's taught me not to "settle". If that means I spend the rest of my life alone then so be it. I hope not - I still like to believe that there is an attractive (to me - it's all in the beholder ya know), confident man out there that will love and cherish me just as much as I will him.
And everything I've just said? I'm not sure it really matters....because in the end it all comes down to whether you have that "connection" with someone or not. And who can ever predict that? I sure can't!
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Ainsel
| | Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 17 | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 1:09:08 PM | | Dame, I can appreciate your views, but it really went way beyond the scope of this thread. Taking what you said in light of my original post, how are you going to examine the tomato if you leave the supermarket way too fast? | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/13/2005 4:05:18 PM | I've read the threads following mine. I'll stick to the premise I alluded to: 1. Women don't know what they want in a guy and 2. If what they want actually came in contact with them, they wouldn't know, because they're too busy deciding.
Flame away ladies.
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/14/2005 2:52:04 AM | Well I'd say the following:
1. When you're over 40 you're much more comfortable voting with your feet. If an event isn't scratching where you itch then you don't hang around. Ergo, these events aren't scratching where the church-pot-luck women are itching.
2. Want to know what a woman over 40 wants? Ask her; she's old enough, sensible enough and comfortable enough with herself to give you a response.
3. Don't see these events as opportunities to hook up. Once you get to a certain age you know a meatmarket when you see it.
4. Supercilious, patronising attitudes such as "Women don't know what they want in a guy and; If what they want actually came in contact with them, they wouldn't know, because they're too busy deciding." get you the results you deserve. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/14/2005 6:25:15 AM | To comment on Ron's opinion....
In the case of men, I believe women are looking for more than they have to give. They want their idea of a perfect male, when they are imperfect themselves and are not equipped to offer enough in return for their image of their ideal. It's the same old thing: wanting something more than you are worth.
I have a whole lot to give to the right person, but I am mature enough and experienced enough to not settle for someone who is not "right" for me. I believe by the time a woman gets to 40, she knows exactly what she wants and it is NOT Mr. Perfect or Mr. Moneybags. I know that I am not perfect, and therefore a perfect man would make me feel very very uncomfortable....but then, I don't know any perfect men! As far as wanting more than I am worth...I know my worth, and to the right man, I will be priceless! You are only worth what you feel you are, and women my age don't need a man in their lives to make them have worth. We know that, so we are not in a hurry and we can afford to be picky (if waiting to find someone you can really relate to and enjoy their company is being picky). The majority of us are able to take of ourselves financially, and don't need a man to "take care" of us in that manner. I can afford to buy my own dinner and my own movie ticket. Of course, I want to be cherished and protected..I want a companion, but it certainly will not be someone that I just settle for!
Now RD -- I went to a singles cookout on Saturday night and after eating and sitting around a fire and singing, me and a couple of my friends left without one man having spoken to us individually. I asked some of the women there if that was usually the case and they assured me that it was (so I didn't think it was just me!). Granted, I didn't really know these people since it wasn't my church group, but still, if a man doesn't at least speak to a woman or make eye contact, then she feels that no one is interested and she moves on. I am not shy or bashful, but I also am not generally going to make the first move in a setting such as this.
I believe most women want the same thing in a man...someone that will put them first in their lives. I don't care how much money you make, as long as you are responsible and hold down a job. I don't care how tall you are as long as you are taller than me...I like to not have to bend down to give you that kiss! I don't care how much you weigh, as long as your "inner-tube" doesn't keep you from giving me that big hug! It doesn't matter what your baggage is as long as it hasn't made you bitter and you have gotten past the hurt. I don't care if you have hair on your head, as long as you don't do the comb-over thing! Looks are not that important....it's what is inside that counts. Attitude and sense of humor are so important.
OK...that's my two cents! Ron- In the spirit of being helpful -- if you don't change your attitude you won't be right for any woman!
Oh, and by the way, at our age, cards is definitely better than Twister.....some of those positions would be very hard to get out of!! | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/14/2005 7:07:14 AM | Bombmom, I think you nailed it. This is a good group of quality people and steps have been taken so that it will not be a pick-up group. Maybe it has worked too well. As you said, the women and the men seemed to go off into their seperate groups. I did not see the men try to engage any of these women in conversation. So they do not have the right to complain.
I love what you wrote about what women, or the woman writing wants. I have a plaque on one of my walls. It was one of those things that were popular back in the 70s with semi-philosophical sayings. I found it at a garage sale and really liked it. This one says "A true friend is someone who knows all about you but loves you just the same". Very true.
By the way, I was just being an instigator with the Twister comment. I am glad that nobody took me up on the idea. Ouch. | |
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| What do women over 40 want?
Posted: 3/14/2005 9:09:56 AM | RD -- I love garage sales! You know, other people's trash is my treasure!
Indigo -- I beg to differ....I would prefer a man in his late 40's or early 50's...of course I am 53! But to each his own! I'm afriad a man in his 30's would want to play Twister like RD and really mean it....my back hurts just thinking about it! LOL! | |
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