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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/13/2005 9:16:46 AM | Good grief. I'm reading through some of these testimonials and frankly I'm a bit annoyed. I'm really annoyed at seeing all of the "women suck, they never respond" or "they say they want the good guys but really they just lie" crap. Seriously guys. Let me ask you a question. Do you email EVERY person who's profile you read? I doubt it. There's something about that profile that made you not want to answer it. Regardless of what that is, you made a decision only to read and not to respond. When you email women and they read your profile, they do the exact same thing. It's more personal, yes, because you took the time to email them based on something on their profile, be it their picture or their profile. But is it possible that women actually do potentially know what they want (or perhaps what they don't want) and can look at your profile and see something that doesn't appeal to them (either picture or info). I know that I don't respond back to smokers. Nothing against them and if they want to smoke then more power to them. However, I can't stand it so I wouldn't go for someone to date that smokes. I don't respond to those ads.
Basically what I'm saying is stop being so d*mn pessimistic and give us the benefit of the doubt! Maybe, just maybe, we actually have some idea of what we're doing and rather than attempt something that we know wouldn't work out, we pass on it in the first place. Nothing personally against you. I'm sure you're all great guys. But geez, lay off the drama! :) | |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 10:14:08 AM | | Sounds like i should add Smoking to the messaging restrictions... ie I don't accept messages from smokers. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:53:59 PM | | Well if you won't date people that smoke then go for it. :) Not quite the point of the whole post...it was more that we all have things we go for and things we don't. people need to stop being so devestated when they're rejected and should start thinking "hey, it was probably for the best anyway." | |
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Posted: 3/20/2005 6:12:20 PM | | ^^ I tatally agree with you. All I'm looking for is a little common courtesy. I you e-mail someone and they're not interested how long does it take to e-mail back saying "Thanks for your interest but you're not really the one I've been looking for. Good luck and happy fishing." | |
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Posted: 3/20/2005 8:24:40 PM | I have to agree with Tazz on this one. When I send an email to a girl that catches my eye, I'll often take about 15 to 20 minutes writing it out. A common courtesy would be a 'thanks, but no thanks response'. If the girl is afraid of leading someone on with that type of response, they can block the user after sending the message.
Total time for female = 2 minutes.
Total annoyance on mans side = 0.
Possibly meeting that someone special = priceless. | |
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Posted: 3/20/2005 8:41:30 PM | i have done it before and girls do it to me also whats the big deal.
mdew22 | |
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Posted: 3/20/2005 8:56:52 PM | I really liked hearing your view point, nikki. I often wondered what went through a gals mind when she reads email/profile and you couldn't have said it more succintly. I am guilty of griping about the lack of responses. Lol, after reading your post I feel more educated somehow. How I am going to use that knowledge I don't know yet.
Peace | |
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Posted: 3/22/2005 9:05:10 PM | I'm so glad people finally responded to this :) Okay, so tazz and joel, I'm apologizing for myself and for other women out there that did the same thing that I am guilty of doing. I never responded back because I know what it feels like to actually be rejected (in the form of actual words rather than lack of response) and I didn't want to inflict that on someone. I figured it was easier to simply not get a response. However, now that i have a different idea, I'll make sure and let people know if things just aren't going to work for whatever reason. So, is it good to give a specific reason or just a "thanks, but no thanks" type of thing?
mdew-EXACTLY! what's the big deal? So many people get REALLY upset with being ignored (enough that there's a HUGE thread in this forum about it). I just didn't understand why there was so much pessimism!! Just live and let live, and then move on. :)
And jpl, THANKS!! :) I love compliments! :D And I read your profile and I'm SURE you'll find someone in your area that will be perfect for you...just don't settle. That goes for EVERYONE! NO SETTLING!!! :) He/She is out there..just be patient! :) It'll happen.
Have a good night (or day, I guess, depending on where you are) everyone! | |
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Posted: 3/22/2005 10:56:08 PM | Glad to see that you might change your ways. As far as giving a specific response, the best way that I've been rejected is;
"Your just not my type, but keep looking as I'm sure you'll find that someone out there. No hard feelings"
A bad way of rejecting someone is;
"I don't like overweight men that show signs of balding"
Can you believe someone actually told me that? If I didn't have a good self-esteem that might have hurt. Imagine what would happen if I had just found out my girl cheated on me because of my looks, and I had low self-esteem. A person could be on suicide watch. Luckily I'm not that kind of guy, but who else has that person said that type of thing too?
So, try to give a compliment, but without leading them on. And like I said before, after turning them down, you can block them so the won't start 'message stalking'.
That's all I got to say about that. (Forrest Gump) | |
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Posted: 3/22/2005 11:30:40 PM | | I didn't mean to sound like a whiner. I agree we all select who we like by their photos and profile. I also realize there is like a 50 to 1 ratio of men to women on here, so the one you decide to e-mail is probably bombarded with messages. They also have their own criteria of likes etc. Thanks for this post as it gives a woman's view point. | |
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Posted: 3/23/2005 5:08:07 AM | I remember a statement from someone earlier on this subject where they said they did not reply because some guys will take even a rejection reply as enough encouragement to keep bugging you. A lot of folks who complain about not gettng awnsers are new. I was a littel taken aback origionally when I first got here as well. Maybe a men's faq is in order warning new fish of the situation. I dunno.
There do seem to be a number of repetitive thread subjects and the ones mentioned are definitely among them. | |
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Posted: 3/23/2005 4:21:22 PM | | I think you're prolly about right with that statistic. What is up with that anyway? As long as that ratio exists on sites like this, the girl's mentality is going to be like "Let Them Eat Cake" to the hungry masses. | |
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Posted: 3/23/2005 4:44:10 PM | well nikki, I've been on this site for a while now. I just recently had to change my user name because the only girl that I attracted was a psycho chick that wouldn't leave me alone, and because of that I hadn't been on the site for a while. So if that's what you mean by everyone finds someone then I guess that your right, but don't criticize guys for voicing their opinions about the fact that no respectable girls will respond, because since I changed my name and started searching again, I found that out of the 5 letters that I've written (mostly because I won't waste my time on anyone that hasn't checked in over a month), take a guess how many responded......that's right none of them. I usually don't post messages on boards of this nature, but I had to say something when I read you thread, it's just not right. I guess maybe one day I too might find someone that finds me attractive in some way, shape, or form. But until then, all I can do is keep trying. But if you are one of the many girls that won't respond to someone unless they could be on the cover of a magazine, then don't be a hypocrite by telling men to stop complaining about it.
A wise man once said, if your not part of the solution, your part of the problem.
Eric | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/23/2005 7:54:53 PM | Eric,
I am absolutely not one of those that won't respond to non-model types. Especially considering I'm not a model-girl! I have no problems with people complaining because I know it's disheartening. TRUST ME, I KNOW!!! And I'm sorry that the only chick that responded was psycho. You're right. All you can do is keep trying and sooner or later you will get a response that means something. And it may not be on here, or on whatever other sites you may have tried, but someone will be what you're looking for and vice versa.
I'm a little hurt actually (probably because I'm a girl and we get hurt easily) because it seems like you lashed out at me for what some other girls did. I didn't reject you or not write back. And you don't know the types of people I talk to or dont so you have no reason to think that I'm part of the "problem." I know that there are a lot of crappy people (people, not just women) out there and yeah, it sucks. But don't automatically assume that because a girl doesn't respond to you that she's one of them. Like I said before, we know what we want (just like you know what you want) and there may have been one thing on your profile that we saw and we knew it wouldn't work. Based on other comments here, I will start emailing back to let the guy know that it just won't work...but I think that may come back and slap me in the face too. Kinda seems like a no-win situation eh?
Anyway, sorry if that sounded ****y. It wasn't meant to. I wish you all the luck in the world, just as I do everyone else on here. It'll happen. Gotta be optimistic!!! | |
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Posted: 3/23/2005 10:26:30 PM | I got some news for the guys on this site. About 2 days ago, I opened a second account (to administration: Its just an experiment and I will close the account out soon), and used a similar picture. The only difference is that I filled it up with lies. I sent out 5 messages to girls that I had sent from my honest account. In my honest account, I received no responses. In this ficticious account I received 3 responses. And have also been added to 2 favorite list that have not yet contacted me. So here's my question, and its not directed at anyone person inparticular, but at the general public. Is it possible that we may set our initial standards too high, which may eliminate people that might be the Mr/Mrs right? I've heard and read of stories where people that hated eachother at first, but then later fell in love. So maybe those people that you just ignore could have been that right person. My purpose of writing this message is not to convince people to respond to every message they get, but to possibly consider expanding their horizons a little bit and maybe taking a chance sometimes.
"People always say they can't because of what might happen, but how about saying they have to because because of what might happen" - Tony Robbins (paraphrased)
Ciao | |
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Posted: 3/24/2005 3:04:05 AM | [QOUTE]I got some news for the guys on this site. About 2 days ago, I opened a second account (to administration: Its just an experiment and I will close the account out soon), and used a similar picture. The only difference is that I filled it up with lies. I sent out 5 messages to girls that I had sent from my honest account. In my honest account, I received no responses. In this ficticious account I received 3 responses. And have also been added to 2 favorite list that have not yet contacted me. So here's my question, and its not directed at anyone person inparticular, but at the general public. Is it possible that we may set our initial standards too high, which may eliminate people that might be the Mr/Mrs right? I've heard and read of stories where people that hated eachother at first, but then later fell in love. So maybe those people that you just ignore could have been that right person. My purpose of writing this message is not to convince people to respond to every message they get, but to possibly consider expanding their horizons a little bit and maybe taking a chance sometimes.
"People always say they can't because of what might happen, but how about saying they have to because because of what might happen" - Tony Robbins (paraphrased)
Ciao[/QOUTE]
just started following this thread, i'm curious what lies you told in your profile that would suddenly illicit reponses, i've had several responses and been ignored also, i think one of the other major problems is there are 9 million dating sties out there and almost all of them charge except this one (espeically charge men) so teh pool is spread thin, particularly for backwards states like Indiana (in my case) | |
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Posted: 3/24/2005 3:10:54 AM |
Glad to see that you might change your ways. As far as giving a specific response, the best way that I've been rejected is;
"Your just not my type, but keep looking as I'm sure you'll find that someone out there. No hard feelings"
A bad way of rejecting someone is;
"I don't like overweight men that show signs of balding"
Can you believe someone actually told me that? If I didn't have a good self-esteem that might have hurt. Imagine what would happen if I had just found out my girl cheated on me because of my looks, and I had low self-esteem. A person could be on suicide watch. Luckily I'm not that kind of guy, but who else has that person said that type of thing too?
So, try to give a compliment, but without leading them on. And like I said before, after turning them down, you can block them so the won't start 'message stalking'.
That's all I got to say about that. (Forrest Gump)
uhm.. ouch, but hey, most of the women are only interested in the attention anyway in my opinion/extensive online experience (10+ years)
also i'll get up on my soap box now, women make it nearly impossible to write a decent letter when they have virtually NO INFORMATION AT ALL in their profiles, it'll say somethign like "i like guys huhuhuhuh" and "hmm" for the date line what in the **** good is that?? i spent time on my propfile and like you i take my time writing emails (since i'm at work getting paid for it anyway right?) | |
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Posted: 3/24/2005 12:16:51 PM | Sorry nikki I didn't mean to make it sound like I was just simply lashing out at you, I was truly just a little cranky from a loooooong day at school and was simply lashing out at girls that really don't know what they want. I glad to hear that you didn't seem to take it too personally. And an update, I have recieved a few responses lately and one that I would like to get serious with(like any of you people are really interested in my sh*t). No not all are like how I described in my earlier post, but if you read my profile it doesn't say much, wich is how i like. I don't want someone writing me a letter simply saying "I like music too". That just sounds ignorant. Once again, thanks for not taking what I said to heart.
Until next time,
Eric | |
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Posted: 3/24/2005 5:48:26 PM | "Member for 29 days, Appears on 7 members favorite lists"
Sorry Nikki...youre obviously not the authority on the the subject of being rejected....maybe doing the rejecting, but you dont seem to be lacking any attention and obviously you can afford to be as picky as you want. | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/24/2005 10:51:10 PM | Not the authority on rejection? First of all, never claimed to be. Second, if you think I base my rejection opinions off of this site, you're quite mistaken. So I take a good picture. What you don't see, however, is that once I start talking to (almost) all of those people and clue them in that I'm a plus size girl (yes, that's right...LOTS of curves and NOT all in the right places), it's amazing how many of them suddenly log off or stop talking. I'm on those lists because they think my picture is cute or because I have an interesting profile. That's it. Please don't assume that you know whether or not I've been rejected in life based on how many favorite's lists I show up on. Being chubby does NOT lend itself to being popular. The ability to take a good picture makes me show up on some lists of people that haven't even talked to me. Big deal. I've been at this internet game for quite some time and have been rejected more times than I EVER want to think about, not to mention real life let downs.
Again, just because you're upset that no one has put you on a list, don't assume that i have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm not just some stupid chick that gets pissed because people complain. I've been through a lot and will go through much more. | |
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Posted: 3/24/2005 11:49:03 PM | | 1st of all, Ive given yall (women) the benefit of the doubt for the past 6-7 years of my life and have gotten nothing but disappointment and heartache. If thats not the recipe for a little pessimism then what the hell is? Secondly, It DOES help being on a fav. list or two. Dont tell me that knowing at least 7 people MIGHT be in the LEAST bit interested in you doesent do a little something for your confidence. But when you send out 40-50 emails and get 1 or 2 responsesId say you have a bit of a right to complain about it. And Id say that also would qualify a "vast majority" statement speaking of the way women treat the guys that approach them whether it be online or at a bar. So, until you send out 30 emails without a response dont tell me or any of the rest of us that its OUR fault. | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/25/2005 6:47:53 AM | 6-7 years. So in 6-7 years of your life, you've expected the woman of your dreams to come along, sweep you off your feet (or vice versa) and live happily ever after? Are you serious? Unfortunately, life does not run on your timeline. I know it's tough to hear, but really, you have no choice in how long it takes. I guess technically speaking, I can say that I've been at this game for the past, oh, 25 years of my life. I've had 2...that's right 2...actual "boyfriends" in my life, and neither relationship lasted longer than 2 months. How's that for longivity? Disappointment and heartache are a part of life. It's the whole "live and learn" thing. You'll get through it. Honestly, no woman in her right mind would enter into a relationship with a guy that shows nothing but pessimism. Why would I do that to myself (hypothetically speaking). Maybe this particular medium isn't the way for you go to to find that special person. If you still want to go with it, I'd suggest a more positive outlook, even if it's forced at first. It's hard for any woman to think "hmmm...how about this guy? He seems pissed off! Let's look there!"
And yeah, it may give me a little confidence to know that 7 people put me on their favorites list. I looked at that last night after I'd talked to you. 2 of those 7 actually talked to me and BOTH of them ended up giving me truly horrible comments about my body and making really rude jokes...and we haven't talked since. So yeah, great for the ego there.
Seriously, I'm sorry that you haven't gotten any responses. I'm sure you're a great person with lots to give but when every word that comes out of your mouth is some sweeping generalization about all women and how horrible we are, what are you putting forth that would make us WANT to come to you? I've sent out plenty of emails and not gotten back a response. And I didn't say that ANY of it was ANYONE's fault. Just the way it works. | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/25/2005 9:09:48 AM | I smell love blooming in the air between you two. Maybe it's time to take a break before this turns ugly guys. We have an open forum here to discuss anything we want. Instead of trying to bash people or cry out for attention, lets figure out a way that we can all maybe help eachother out with this online dating stuff. So let me start and put in my two cents, even though I am pessimistic about meeting anyone on here, I never show that pessimism to anyone. I stay as possitive as possible and am generally always happy.
First we need to ask ourselves what were looking for. Write it down. When you're reading it back, imagine that those were somebody elses guildelines. Do they seem a little unrealistic? Probably so. Why don't you try to negotiate with yourself a little to expand what you maybe looking for. Example 1: I prefer brunettes, but sometimes a redhead or a blonde can really catch my eye. Example 2: I enjoy an adventourous type woman, but maybe somebody who is carreer oriented and not very adventurous can add some new twists in my life. There are plenty of more examples, btu they all depend on what you're looking for. Some people may think of this as 'settling', but I think of it as compromising. And in every good relationship, each partner needs to compromise at some point. So if you can't compromise before meeting someone a bit, how do you think you will do later in the relationship.
Here are a few dating tips that I would give women to lure me. Be confident, but not****. This means, let me know what you're looking for. Let me know that you know that you are attractive, but don't rub it in my face how hot you are. This has a tendancy to make guys feel inferior, and thus ruining their confidence. And we all know a guy with no confidence is unattractive. Second, don't be afraid of being stupid sometimes. This doesn't mean you have to have the IQ of Barbie. It means pretend you don't know how to do something. Guys have it built into them that they are smarter than women. Although this generally isnt true. For example, you pretend not to know someting about your PC, he shows you. It not only gives him a chance to feel like he is a hero, but it will also just give you two a chance to spend time interacting with eachother. When you're meeting someone blindly, we all know that looks do matter, but instead of noticing the major details try to notice those slight details that maybe do make them attractive. I once dated a woman, that many seemed to be unattractive for about 6 months, and we had some great times together.
Well, thats my two cents. Since this is an open forum that was started by Nikki, why doesn't Nikki give us men an idea of what women in general might be looking for when looking for a man. Not so much physical, but what kind of opening might grab their attention. What personality traits do women notice first. Maybe you could even write a first message that we might be able to use to attract someone. Of course we would edit it to match with our own personalities.
Let's use this forum to help eachother, instead of finger-pointing. I really want to meet that special someone as I'm sure many of you are.
Ciao for now,
Joel | |
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