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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Why are some men so heartless?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Brenda52
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 1
Why are some men so heartless?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I met a guy here online.... We've talked, dated, spent plenty of time together.... He and I had been seeing each other for 18 months. Finally, I invited him to move in with me. He quit his job, moved all his belongings to my home..... (2 hours from his hometown)... after being here for 2 weeks.... I found out that he was seeing someone from his hometown and had been seeing her all along. I did let her know about me..... so he was busted from both sides.
Now I am hurting so badly....
I know it's not my fault that he was the one who did wrong but I can't help feeling like it's my fault somehow.
I love him and that really makes no sense..... but I can't help that either.
All he wanted to do at my home is lay around, smoke pot, and watch tv.... I learned that after he moved in.
How do I ever trust a man again. And how do I start feeling better and realize that I'm better off without him...
Help....
I just want someone to love me for me and to make me the most important person in their life.... except for family of course.
 cynderalla
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 2
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:24:14 PM
He is no good! Love yourself, trust yourself.
We learn to love again to trust again to hurt again.
Good luck
~lil Cyn~
 witchoneiswhich
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 3
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:32:55 PM
Brenda.. unfortunately it is something we have to deal with in our lives.. not every one is straight up about their motives...... ya gotta kiss a lot frogs.. and unfortunately there seem to be way more frogs than princes out there. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.. even if you do not quite understand the lesson yet.
Hugs Witchy
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 4
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:47:01 PM

All he wanted to do at my home is lay around, smoke pot, and watch tv.... I learned that after he moved in.
Didn't you have a time for 18 mo to ask him what he likes in life, what his goals are? I don't blame you in pursuing your happiness but we shouldn't be just totally blind, especially when it concerns to let someone in your house, your life, your heart.
Didn't you notice before that he smokes pot? Or you considered it irrelevant? Didn't you notice that he was lazy or he just got lazy when he moved with you?

I think we can see all these red flags very soon if WE WANT TO. So, next time try to notice all these signals - there must be a lot of them.

And be happy - you are just lucky that you don't have to be with this ******* again.
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 5
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:54:41 PM
They can be sometime insensitive too when it comes to feelings that after sleeping with someone they have to realize..... there is a reason why u end up sleeping with someone bec u are attracted to them or else u wouldnt have bother even kissing them or touching them for that matter.....

I am heart broken with both the men I dated in pof so i can relate to u a whole lot--- it took the chances for other men to have a chance with me bec I have no plans to be with men & dating for awhile....
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 6
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:54:47 PM
They can be sometime insensitive too when it comes to feelings that after sleeping with someone they have to realize..... there is a reason why u end up sleeping with someone bec u are attracted to them or else u wouldnt have bother even kissing them or touching them for that matter.....

I am heart broken with both the men I dated in pof so i can relate to u a whole lot--- it took the chances for other men to have a chance with me bec I have no plans to be with men & dating for awhile....
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 7
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:57:25 PM
I cared a lot for the recent date ,that i was with 4 days ago & I was looking forward to a 2nd date with him, bec i was feeling that we have a great chemistry together that we got along great. I enjoyed his sense of humor & the date was at ease & he was rather affectionate towards me then when he realize that i dont drive & that i live miles away that changed everything & that we slept together unexpectedly bec of the attraction we have between us esp with him towards me with all the kissing & touching that he did in the movie theater while the projector was down....

Despite, after that date -- I realize that I have fallen inlove with the first guy that I dated ----- now both men know this for a fact that I am done with men and dating for awhile bec I cant..... everytime i get my heart involved I get run over and get hurt even worst than I was before... I dont like it one bit...
 texashuney
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 8
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 7:03:45 PM
well honey, tell you what,,,move on.....and just be friends with them......first.......then if you like them.......maybe you will love them too........I guess you have to kiss a few toads till you meet your prince.........I am still waiting too...I am in Texas.......all the men here love themselves so much.......they don't have much room in their hearts for anybody else..
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 7:21:45 PM
Brenda that's why we take chances...to see if it IS the ONE for us...I'm really sorry this happened to you...I know heartache also, I wouldn't wish it on my arost enemy, I wish it would never happen to anyone...and it's hard to hear someone tell you to go on because it will get better eventually...they is someone out here for each of us...just remember that...it might take a little more work to find them...but in the long run they are SOOOO worth it Brenda...you will find someone...just be honest, don't compromise yourself for anyone...and always give your love the best that you have...no one can ever say you didn't that way, and you'll always have that part in your heart...so yes, go out there and keep trying...for out here IS that someone who will think YOU are the most important person in their world!!!!
~Micheline~
 trueatheart
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 10
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:15:56 PM
Well Brenda,when you find a guy to date,you will know by his actions if he's really after you or not.When you go out,you see him looking at other women and if he say's"I could look as long as I don't touch"then just tell him to hit the road because chances are he's looking for someone else.When two people are in love,it shouldn't matter if the worlds top model will say hello to your man,he'll only have eyes for you.
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 11
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:29:56 PM
Normally I laugh my ar$e off at these threads because this whole scenario runs out in about 10-12 days which is beyond ridiculous.

However...wow...18 months, you gave it a good shot, and it seems you could know a lot about a person in that time period. Truly though we never really know another person and con -artists are expert at taking advantage of that. Anyway my suggestion would be not to let anyone move in with you for even longer than 18 mos...you can have a great relationship in separate abodes.

But if you do it and he lays around smoking weed and watching tv then you unceremoniously throw his lazy ass and his shit out ASAP no drama, no discussion, no explanation.....jsut shit flying through the air and landing in the middle of the street and... changed door locks.
 backoftheque
Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 12
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:35:30 PM
Brenda....not all guys suck...just ask my girlfriend,lol....just kidding....hey, life throws curveballs at us all the f'ing time, the trick is seeing them coming a long way off and ducking (eh...someone tell Bigfish we need a duck icon!), hang in with us here in the pond and you'll heal....don't sweat this guy, he's not even worth hurting over.

Peace n hugs

Next
 Louis B
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 13
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:46:24 PM
How often did you see this guy? Come on I don't care how good an actor a person is. If they pull a 180 like that then your guilty of wearing the blinders all because you wanted to find love. Too many people are so ready to play the victim role when the poop hits the fan and it's hard for me to feel sorry for them. I'm sorry you feel bad but how could you not know about his 'recreational' habits? Did he always have febreeze in the house? Did he wear a tuxedo everytime you saw him? I'm not here to bash you I'm here to knock some sense into people like you so that I don't have to read about stuff like this over and over again. seriously i want you to tell me how you didn't know!
 max1283
Joined: 5/22/2004
Msg: 14
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:52:25 PM
well i would have to say not all men are this way -- and i'm sure just as many women can be just as cruel -- dated a lady for quite a while -- we had loads of fun - did a lot of things -- became very intimate -- everything seemed to be going just great -- then i got no response nor return calls for about two weeks -- finally i was out riding and stopped by on a whim -- lol guess who was home ?? she says well since you don't " own your home " i'm not going to see you any more like she had any clue -- lmao sure would have been nice to have gotten a sign maybe ?? or was that expecting too much -- everybody has a story soooo ya just hitch up ya boots and keep on goin' -- don't quit till ya fall down -- now get busy -- :-)
 max1283
Joined: 5/22/2004
Msg: 15
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:55:39 PM
and i must say -- mr. brown -- you make the best point of all -- where was her head at ?? or in the case -- eyes wide shut maybe ??? -- whats that story about leading a horse to water ??
 Hippos_are_nifty
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 16
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/29/2006 9:34:37 PM
Are you serious?

Get a real man who isn't a **** up...why would you want a man that sits on his ass all day, probably eats all your food, and does illegal drugs? Wow! Sounds like a freaking winner to me! Haha.

Before you can love someone else you need to love yourself first.

Plus, next time maybe you should get to know the person for a loooonger period of time before you let them move into your house. 3 years maybe? Make sure that they aren't complete idiots.
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 17
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/30/2006 4:54:39 PM
u should meet a friend of mine, his from Texas too he is single his name is Gary... he is a good guy.... what u think!!!
 malkit41
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 18
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/31/2006 1:02:16 AM
Why are some women heartless??? I'm afraid it works both ways.My wife and I recently parted after she decided to return to her boyfriend of over 22 years ago.Although we had both been married before,we had been together for 22years.She was manipulated and influenced by her daughter.My wife and this boyfriend had lived together for some time when the daughter was younger and the daughter had seen him as a father figure.He has always been in contact with the daughter and I met him on several occasions.He never posed a threat to me.The daughter caused problems for the whole of my marriage to her mother and eventually won the day when my wife decided to go back to him.
I am now on my own after all those years,but the hurt is healing.They had 22 years of my life,and I must now try to retrieve what I have missed.
Another relationship? Scary is'nt it?
All the best Brenda.
 pisces83
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 19
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/31/2006 4:48:06 PM
god that's awful, i'm so sorry he did that to you. not everyone is like that, i think after what he did there'l always be that doubt in the back of your mind, no matter how small, until the next guy proves it to be wrong. there's nothing you can really do to make yourself get over him, it just takes time but it will happen. you're bound to think it's something you've done, i think even though we know better we all think that from time to time. to be honest, the fact that you're already asking "how do i feel better and realise that i'm better off without him", tells me that you have realised that. it's his loss not yours, i know it's easy for others to say but i bet at some point you have felt like this before, and you're still here aren't you? remember how much pain you felt then and that you probably thought you'd never want anyone else, but you did, you're heart's been broken which is awful but you're still here. show him what you're made of and get out there with your mates and have some girly fun! no matter how unhappy you feel, you can always count on your friends.
 notredametrace1
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 20
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/31/2006 4:56:27 PM
Believe me I've been there too. I met someone off of here and he moved in with me for like a week. He lived like 4 hrs away and I asked him if he wanted to move in so he did. That lasted like a week and he said he was missing his daughter which I totally understand since I have a son myself. But that wasn't it. He moved back home and all of a sudden he stopped calling me so I called him and he said it was just hard talking to me cause we couldn't see each other that often. He would tell me how much he missed me and all this bullshit. Then he finally had the nerve to tell me that he found someone closer to him. That hurt. After what my husband did to me that brought back too many memories. Your better off without him!! We all have the special one out there somewhere and who knows where he is cause I'm still looking myself. Don't give up girl. He's out there!!!
 Soleil24
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 21
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/31/2006 5:04:53 PM
I'm sorry you are hurting.

You have a heart and it is broken, but you know you CAN love. When you find the special one to share your love with, he will be deserving of your love. The love between you will be amazing. Hang in there.
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 22
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/31/2006 5:32:12 PM
I love him and that really makes no sense.


Why do you love him if he did this to you?? I would move on and find someone who has integrity and not be with someone who lies.

Best of luck to you and i am sorry to hear that!!
 danasfriend
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 23
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/31/2006 5:32:12 PM
Hi Brenda,

I'm sorry to hear this sad story. I looked at your profile and your on 6 fav. lists - you go girl!

You have the personality to move on and maybe look at the other 5 you haven't met up with?

Just don't move in with them.

J.
 SweetieGuy_81
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 8/31/2006 11:06:13 PM
Well, i have met my fair share of heartless women, that think the world revolves around them and thye think they are god's gift to men, which is pretty stupid to think.

But i have also met alot of nice women and i am sure there are nice men and bad men, its just you gotta take a chance cause once you find that Mr Right, it will make you feel soooo good that it would be worth the heartache and pain inbetween Mr right and all the Mr Wrongs. lol
 JustMeJulie
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 25
Why are some men so heartless?
Posted: 9/1/2006 12:18:40 AM
As a sufferer of a huge heartache, I have this on my office wall...

Let the blood flow to your heart.
When you feel broken you never been
Stronger. React to the emptiness in your
Soul. Let your heart heal. Breathe the angst
Into your soul. Time will not let you feel like
This forever. How can you be broken
When you've never been whole? These chains won't
Always hold you back from love. Let your heart
Beat again. Live for the moments of pain that
Define you. The ice will melt away to your
Heart. Frozen in the heat of love. Break through
The anger and sadness you feel to find
Life again. Do you not see that you've won?
You set your heart free from the unhappiness
That heartache of a love unrequited. Quiet the screaming
In your soul to whisper softly to your heart. Let
Yourself love again. Let your heart mend.
You can't always run away. Love is not afraid.
Don't let your life decay in front of you. Look
Deep in your heart, love is a burning candle. Scorching you.
The tears aren't for your lost love, but for your
Heart. Let yourself live again. Take your heart down
Off the cross and shield it. Let the blood flow to it.
You aren't immortalized by pain. You chose your destiny.
Be strong for your soul. You're not alone. Find
The pieces of your broken heart and fit them together
Again. Hell is only a teardrop away. Heaven's
Not always a lie. Take control and let the numbness
Go. You'll love again in your heart. Deep in your heart.
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