| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:21:57 PM | So i am relatively new to this site, ive taken some time to look over threads hoping to find answers to my questions and some advice.. so my apologies if i am posting a thread very similar to another. I am fueding with my ex... we have been broken up for about 5 months now and live 3 and a half hours apart so we do not see eachother recently. I am 21 yr old, and am raising our 19month old daughter.. with a lot of help from my mom. But its still difficult, he was paying child support for the first few months of this year and then asked me to stop for a few months to pay off court fines. i agreed with the understanding i would be repayed that money. so he promised to begin paying me again in september. I have called him a few times and he will not answer the phone. He leaves me text msg saying i will get my money when i get it. and to leave him the f**k alone. Then he also said he wants nothing to do with our daughter... as she has something to do with me but still agreed to pay me child support. He told me he only wants to talk about money on the phone.. which i was attempting to do... and hes ignoring me and threatening to not pay me.
My question basically is should i take him to court and have child support ordered(im not worried about visisation being granted.. he has another older child whom the courts basically forbey him to see and he has quite the impressive criminal record.. while i am squeeky clean) i worry that if i threaten he will run away and i wont be able to find him, or he will start threatening my life again. He also owes me close to $1,500 in loans other than child support (that i can only prove a third of what he owes me) and i fear he will deny owing me that money. so i was wondering if i could get some advice on this.. as my friends are sweet but have offered no substantial help.
Thanks, Veronica | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:27:06 PM | Take him to court, and let them deal with him.....
You have to take careof your daughter, you dont need to be worrying about him, and what he is or isnt doing...
Bring him to court, and get everything legally settled.
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:39:57 PM | All you can do about the child support is have it court ordered. The fact the he began paying child support and has since stopped actually works in your favor if you can show, check stubs or whatever from your bank saying he was paying it regularly.
Kiss the loan money good bye if you can't prove you loaned it to him.
As for him running away... that is something you are going to have to suck up. but the positive is that once you have court ordered child support you can get government aid, and in the mean time they will be going after him for the money they are paying out to you because he isnt paying his childsupport. The government can be very diligent when going after someone for money.
Sorry honey, but he is not going to step up to the plate and pay child support of his own free will. Probably proved that with his older child... | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:49:36 PM | thats a problem... he paid cash and has no reciepts.. i wrote up a formal letter stating everything that has been agreed upon, and im hoping he will sign it as agreed while things arent too bad yet(believe it or not, its not too bad yet.) with loans, im takin a commercial law class, the teacher is actually a retired lawyer and he says a contract doesnt have to be written for it to be formal.. so im wondering if the courts will grant me that money i cant prove on paper with witnesses instead?
ive hear of women being out the money while the government is looking for him? i didnt think i would get paid by the government. and his previous childs mother has the court ordered child support.. and I AM the reason he didnt try to skimp out on it or hide or hurt her in revenge or something.. go f**ing figure... | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:49:39 PM | As far as child support goes, the Court will make him pay that money and if you have record of when he did pay it and when he didn't that will help prove that he knew he needed to be paying it.
The fact that he doesn’t want to see his daughter may be a blessing. If he is that much of an angry person that he threatens your life and has criminal tendencies, you don't want that kind of environment for your child, it is sad that she won’t have a relationship with her father, but may be for the best.
Now as for the money he owes you, were you married? Do you have any proof that you loaned him this money and what he used it for? If you were married, the Courts generally won't make him pay this back, it would be considered "marital assets". However, if you weren't married, and you have proof, they could grant you that money, but that would be totally separate from child support, probably small claims court or something.
Just my 2 cents.
Hope it gets better for you, and always take care of your baby girl. Trust me, being a mom is hard, but being a single mom is a very hard. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:53:24 PM | If the child support is court ordered, he has to pay it. They will garnish his checks from work..and if he doesnt have a job, the money will just add up.
if you are on welfare, and you get a court ordered child support agreement, and he has no job, then the money adds up, welfare gives you what he would be giving in support, and he ends up being in debt with the government. And we all know what that means...lol
Take him to court now.
And like someone else said, the fact that he doesnt want to see her, may be a blessing. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:54:19 PM | | What i meant is if you have court ordered child support you qualify for food stamps and TANF sometimes called AFDC... it is financial aid, and the government practically requires you to name a daddy so they can go after him for child support. So they can stop paying TANF and Foodstamps. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 9:02:44 PM | | no thank god we are not married.. ive loaned him: 200$ bail from jail, 529$ rent and 75$ rent which i have those receipts showing his name on the lease and my under paid by, 200$ from a trip we took, 150$ cancellation fee from his phone, and he agreed to pay half of some medical bills from pregnancy. i am living back with my mom and her income usually disqualifies me from a lot of government help. which is hard for me bc i dont want to ask her for money or anything. and when he said he didnt want anything to do with her i was hurt but im glad he wont be around to be influencing her | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 9:25:49 PM | Thankfully you have the receipts, small claims is probably your best, if not only option to getting that money back.
DEFINATELY take him to court for the child support, back dated to the time he quit paying it.
Also, listen to your legal prof, a verbal contract can still be just as binding as a written.... | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 10:05:09 PM | | well just to help...i would say taking him to court is a good idea, the fact that he has a criminal record is something in your favor, and he cant see his other child....i warn you that this situation will be handled completely different.....also ask your self do you him to pay you or do you just want him out of your life...if your alreaady supporting your child and really dont need him, try and get him to give up his rights ...you may not get no money for he will no longer be obligated to pay, but you will not have to worry about him ruining your childs life....besides if you have no real child support order, the courts are only obligated to force him to pay as of the date of the child support order, the money he started to give you will be looked as a gift, so it does not automaticly mean it shows child support, TRUST ME I DO THIS EVERY DAY!!!!I WILL NOT TELL YOU HOW...BUT I DO!.......ALSO what does he do for a living ...does he make good money or not...thats a HUGE factor in all this!......and in a bad situation getting worse,,,,,,,,he may not want to be around your child now...but when the court stuff comes up,,,he may now want to fake like he wants to be...and any visitation he wins if he gets any over nights....Deductions..now come in!!!!!! so you many things to think about....and to be honest, if you get himto give up his rights the state aid the others on this site are telling you to get ...will come even easier......only you know what this guy is like...should he be around the child ..if you say NO!..then i would be looking for a way to protect my child from him,,,,not for some child support...notto say you dont need or deserve it..because you are entitled.......but if he is a good father ..which if he does not pay child support..its hard to say he is.....but if he is..then go for the court ordered child support....also consider hwat you make in income.....if any???????well i hope this helps...feel free to ask ?'s if you need more info.....by the way what i am saying is based on what i KNOW ..not what i think..hope the best for you...i have a 4yr old,,,,,and life is tough ,,,,but i had some similar issues | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/2/2006 10:52:14 PM | ok i haven`t looked at ur profile 2 c where ur living.. but do u have his SIN # (greencard # if ur in the states)?..
and if ur worried that he`ll come after u after seeking child support.. then my advice would be 2 get a restraining order asap!.. seek a lawyer & stop ALL communication w/him on child support.. it really isn`t getting anywhere right now right?!.. u`ll need 2 gather up ALL proof that he hasn`t pd support in whatever length since the last time he did..
and ur ex can run away allll he wants.. child maintenance WILL eventually find him!.. may be yrs down the rd.. but they will find him.. has ur ex mentioned running away before?.. if so.. u`ll need 2 jot that down & gather any & all other material 4 ur lawyer.. in the meantime.. if he calls or u call him.. make sure u write EVERYTHING he says (date & time) about the child & the lack of child support he hasn`t pd 2 date.. gl w/this..  | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/3/2006 5:04:34 AM | If you don't and he doesn't pay...... you have no recourse. The $1500 write it off...your never going to see it and is pennies to 18-21 years of child support.
If you don't have a court approve custody and child support order he may not have to pay back support if you decide a year or two down the road you've had enough of him paying when he wants. Once it's court ordered If he doesn't pay long enough he'll go back to prison.
But you'll have toreport him
If you file and he threatens you... get a PFA (Protection Order).......and call the police if he violates it
Dont take chances with this kind of man........Keep your side right with the law. If he does ask for visitation...... sounds like he would qualify for supervised only
Don't Run......Then you give him the right to take your daughter from you because you put your self on the wrong side of the law
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/3/2006 8:19:38 AM | Go and get a court order and register with the FRO.....but....don't expect anything to happen right away! The government will keep track of the money owed but if he decides to run....he'll be running forever! As for the money he owes you...may as well kiss it goodbye! You should concentrate on getting your own life in order...forget about depending on him to help you financially. Look at any money that you recieve from him as a bonus...and that's it! It's been almost 10 years since my ex decided that child support is not his responsibility. I worked hard to make it on my own and never have depended on my ex for support....won't happen! BUT...at some point down the road all of the running will catch up with him! You're still young...so is he. If he ever wants to buy a house or anything for that matter...if child support is owing...he will have a hard time without the government taking what they can from him. Do yourself a HUGE favor and just raise your child without making yourself crazy over money and a looser who chooses not to help his own child! I'm sorry you have to go through this crap...but do all you can on your own because in the long run....you will ultimatley be a winner...and he will be the looser! I'm serious about doing it on your own...you can waste a lot of years of upset....which is not worth it!
Good luck and get on with your life :) | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/8/2006 2:52:06 PM | | I agree with Lizzy, my ex still hasn't started paying his support. Thankfully I can take care of my kids and myself without him and we are all better off. When and if he does start paying, because you are making it on your own, think about putting that money in a seperate account for your daughters college.... or emergency money that she may require. Just a thought, and my plans for when he starts paying... | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/8/2006 3:28:31 PM | Please remember that these laws differ from state to state. What is true in Ohio cannot be counted on in Illinois, and will certainly differ from Canada. Most attorneys will give you a free consultation to see what kind of case you have. That is where you should get your legal advice. Just pick one out of the phone book that does family law.
As for whether it's a good idea or not, it depends on whether you want child support to be a regular and dependabe source of income. Sounds like he will not participate willingly, so you will always be fighting him if it is "voluntary" on his part. Fight it out once in court and then get it enforced through garnishing and then you don't have to fight about it any more. You'll never have to ask for money again.
But predicting what will happen? I'd wait for a lawyer in your state. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 9/8/2006 4:49:20 PM | | You have to take care of your daughter. That includes going to the courts to get help in enforcing support. Even if he does run, he will have a balance that will keep running. This you will always be able to prove. The court will help you keep track. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/5/2006 10:28:26 AM | i have totally been there and done that ... my x has not payed a cent and i took him to court ... but if he wants to run let him it will catch up with him in the long run.. if you do take him to court and he doesnt pay .. the government will find him i dont know how the system works where you live but i know in canada if you dont pay child support the government will ruin your life.. the will put a garnihee on wages, take your drivers licence away, any personal property, you cant leave the country, buy any property, or regester any cars trucks and so on.... and if he still refuses to pay what do you have to lose? hes not paying now... i say do it take him to court  | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/5/2006 10:39:00 AM | This is a no brainer.
Children need financial support. If he cannot seem to help out in anyway financially then ...tada...court.
You are so called squeeky clean and he has an apparent impressive criminal background.... Needless to say its a lil late to wonder what you were thinking in the first place.
This whole ordeal really isnt too difficult to figure out on your own without needed advice from a dating forum.
What do you think is best for you and your child? Go with that. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/5/2006 10:47:28 AM |
My question basically is should i take him to court and have child support ordered
Of course.
He obviously has a problem with consistent child support. Let the courts handle it instead of listening to his reasons. Let him tell his reasons to the court. It wont fly in a court of law.
However, just because there would be an order, doesnt mean he will pay. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/5/2006 2:49:20 PM | | I know this may sound unbelievable to some but I went to child support and told them I didn't want it from my daughter's father because I know Im not going to get it anyway and I struggle enough as it is to be putting out $500 or more nowadays taking him to court. If he isn't in your childs life then i say raise and support your child on your own and do the best you can at it. My daughters father doesn't keep a job long enough to rely on any money for her but if he has a stable job/career like the father of my oldest 3 has then yes take it to court and have it deducted from his pay. I had to do that when he stopped sending our children any support that we agreed on ourselves and after going to jail for 3 weeks and getting out his support came every week from his employer. Good luck to you! | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/5/2006 3:33:27 PM | know this may sound unbelievable to some but I went to child support and told them I didn't want it from my daughter's father because I know Im not going to get it anyway
It isnt for YOU, it is for your daughter.
Tell your daughter that you willfully took that right away from her. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/5/2006 3:46:06 PM | I honestly have no knowledge of specifics in the ILL area. But would suggest retainning a lawyer to represent you and seeking single parent support groups etc, whatever is available in your area, so that you can understand your rights and responsibilities as the law there applies to your situation. Knowing what you have ahead of you is the best way to be able to choose the route that is best for you.
Good luck. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/5/2006 4:48:51 PM | Hey there , I know the feeling I am also a 21 year old mom the only differance is that my son is 4 and I have never gotten a penny in child support. I am going to take his father to court now that I found him again . Do not wait till he can dissapeir take him to court well you know where he is.
Cheers all
Tera | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 10/7/2006 2:55:35 PM | | RIVER GIRL......The judge heard my reasons for not wanting child support from my daughter's father and he granted it and yes when my 2 yr old daughter is old enough to understand my reasons I am sure she will give me a big hug and say "You did the right thing mom". | |
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